His wife was waiting for him. " you've been kissing someone, haven't you?" She shouted at him.
"No" he answered back.
"Then explain the lipstick on your shirt."
"That's easy," he said. "I used my shirt to wipe my dick."
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The man says, "I can't do this any longer. It stinks down here!"
"Sorry," The woman says. "It's my arthritis."
"Arthritis in your vagina?" He exclaims.
"No, in my shoulder. I can't wipe my ass."
Wipe his butt.
In fact, she'd wipe the floor with them...
"Judging by your palms," he said, "I can tell that you masturbate frequently."
"Sorry," I apologised, "I should probably wipe that off."
Every night he would step through the portal and leave his chatty wife, screaming kids and dirty dog behind. He would be completely alone and calm.
But then his feet would cramp up and he had to wipe his ass and get back to reality.
He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.
A kid asks his teacher to go to the bathroom.. The teacher says okay and he goes the the bathroom takes a crap but realizes there is no toilet paper. He is forced to wipe with his hand and goes back to class with his hand close.
The teacher tells him to open his hand and he responds, "no there is a leprechaun in there and your going to scare it away"
The teacher fed up sends him to the nurse who tells him to open his hand. He says "no there is a leprechaun in there and your going to scare it away"
The nurse calls his mom to pick him and where she yells at him to open his hand he responds again "no there is a leprechaun in there and your going to scare it away"
She tells him to go to see his father downstairs.His dad says " open your hand" he starts to repeat again that he has a leprechaun in his hand but the father takes his hand and opens it and sees his hand covered in poop.
He says, "see dad you scared the shit out of it"
Wipe it off and apologise.
Well I, for one, won't stand for this shit.
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
Two women had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. As they walked home incredibly drunk, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them, and threw them away. However, her friend was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave, and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn 'girls night out' have to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'
Two wives go out for a girls' night out. Both got drunk, started walking home, and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One wife used her panties and the other wife grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning, one husband called the other and said, "No more girls' night out! My wife came home with no panties!"
The other husband replied, "You think that's bad? Mine came home with a card in her crack that said 'From all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you.'"
The bear says to the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to you fur?"
"Uh... no?" Says the rabbit
The bear then took the rabbit, and used him to wipe his ass.
Wipe your dick on the curtain.
and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can't be too bad.
After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.
Oh shit, I have an important package coming, I have to get the door. I can't wipe this blood off my face fast enough! said the guy.
The gf tells him, it's ok, just tell the guy you were eating a jelly sandwich and didn't have time to wipe your face.
So the guy goes and opens the door to sign the package from the mailman but notices the mailman staring at him awkwardly.
Oh this red stuff around my mouth is from my jelly sandwich, sorry about that. says the guy.
The mailman, slightly confused, says Ohhhh... so is that peanut butter on your forehead?
don't stop until I see red.
"We've divided the population as you requested, Mr. President" announced the assistant "we just need your approval for the memory wipe".
"Wipe the memories from the groups 1 to 8" replied the president, "leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too"
"Sir, you want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"
The president looked out at the world from the window.
"Only 90's kids will remember this"
On their way home from a great ladies night out, two married women have the sudden urge to tinkle. There are no restaurants or shops nearby, so the women run into a nearby cemetery and pee behind some headstones. One of the women uses her panties to wipe while the other grabs a nearby flower wreath.
The next morning, the first husband says to the second husband, "I don't know about you but no more ladies' nights! My wife came home last night without any panties on!"
The second husband replies, "No panties... you think that is bad? My wife came home with a card stuck in her butt crack from the local fire department that said 'We'll really miss you!' ".
Both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed -- hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"
That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....
"From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you"
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties."
The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!
Two women go out one night without their husbands. They go to a bar, have a chat along with a couple of drinks and then head back home. On the way home one of them turns to the other and says:
"Sorry, but I need to go to a toilet. Can we stop for a minute?"
The other looks at her and replies "I also have to go there, but where can we go in the middle of the street?"
"Oh, look, there is a cemetery over there we can go there."
"Yes, but how are we going to wipe?"
"Well I have my underwear, so I will use that."
"I am not wearing underwear now, but I will think of something."
The next day their husbands meet and discuss.
"Do you know where our wives went last night? Because mine came back home with no underwear."
"Well you are luckier than me, my wife came home with a ribbon in her ass and on the ribbon it was written: 'We will never forget you, -Johnson brothers' ."
Two women are walking home from the bar, they have to piss so they slip into a cemetary. One uses her panties to wipe herself, the other uses a wreath off a head stone. Next night, their husbands are at the bar, one looks at the other and says "I'm gonna have to watch my wife. She came home with no panties on last night." The other one says "Oh, well, mine came home with a card wedged in her ass saying you were loved and will be missed by the entire fire department."
Wipe it off and apologize.
My wife was complaining about her small boobs one day. "Why can't they just be one or two cup sizes bigger" she wined as she got ready for work.
"I know how to make them bigger" I bragged as I hugged her from behind. "Do tell" she said with a slight grin as her eyes squinted slightly, as if she was trying to figure it out before I answered.
"Wipe toilet paper between your boobs every time you go to the bathroom" I explained as I slowly backed away. "How will that help" she asked as she squinted a little more. "Well," I said, "it seems to be working for you ass."
I should regain vision over the next few days.
Two wives go out for girls' night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning, one husband calls the other and says
"No more girls' night out. My wife came back with no panties."
"You think you have it bad?" says the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her crack that read 'from all of us at the fire station... we will never forget you."
Two young married women were having a girls night out on the town. Walking home from the bar they both realized they needed to pee. They saw a cemetary across the street and decided to go behind the headstones. Having nothing to wipe with, the first girl takes off her panties, wipes, then tosses them. The second girl doesn't want to toss her expensive panties so she grabs a card out of some flowers and uses that. Giggling, they continue home.
The next morning the husband of the first girl calls the husband of the second and says "these girls nights out have to stop! My wife came home without her underwear last night!" The second husband says "you think that's bad, my wife came home with a card between her butcheeks that said We'll all miss you! Lots of love, the guys at firestation #19!"
I went to India and you have to eat with one hand and wipe your bum with your other, and I always got quite nervous that I'd forget which hand was
which so I just used cutlery. But after a while it started to really hurt my bottom.
after a lot of drinks they decide to head home but on the way realise they have to use a bathroom but as its late there is no one to be found.
So both decided to head for the local cementary...as they had nothing to wipe, the first woman decides to sacrifice her panties.
The second one had really expensive panties so she just grabbed a ribbon from a nearby grave and both head home.
The next morning both husbands meet:
"This has to stop, my wife came home without panties!"
"You think THAT is bad? Mine had a pice of ribbon in hers that reads "from all of us at the police station - we will never forget you.""
A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.
While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.
When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"
Wipe the memory of groups 1-8, replied the president, leave group 9 alone but wipe group 10 too.
Sir? You want us to wipe groups 1 through 8 and then 10, but not 9? Group 9 refers to... children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?
The president stood from his chair and looked out at the world from his window.
Only 90s kids will remember this.
Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, 'These girl nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst... My wife came home with no panties!!' 'That's nothing,' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Wipe? Well, here are the best Wipe dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Wipe pick up lines to share with friends.