The Best 72 Wipe Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wipe jokes. There are some wipe dispenser jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wipe clean puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Wipe Jokes and Puns

What should you do if you're in the jungle and come upon a tiger?

Say you're sorry, wipe him off, and run.

Two wives go out for girls night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.

They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.

One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.

The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties."

The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!

There are 2 kinds in nude models...

...those who wipe properly, and those who don't.

Wipe joke, There are 2 kinds in nude models...

What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve?

You wipe it off and apologize.

I don't know what you do when you come across a bear,

But I just wipe it off and apologize.


What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They're both en route to uranus to wipe out the klingons

What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle?

Wipe it off and say you're sorry.

Wipe joke, What do you do if you come across a lion in the jungle?

This joke is offensive to feminists.

What do you do when you come across a feminist in the back hallway of a club?

Whatever you do, definitely do not wipe it off for her.

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

Wipe it off and apologise.

What do you do when you come across an elephant?

Wipe it off and apologize.

A nun joke.

A young nun has a man sneak into her room and rape her. When the man leaves the young nun runs to the mother superior and tells her what happened.

"Quick, suck on this lemon" The mother superior tells her, handing her half a lemon.

"Will that stop me getting pregnant?" Says the young nun.

"No" says the mother superior "but it will wipe that smile off your face."

You can explore wipe wiper reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wipe toilette dad jokes. There are also wipe puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How does a bear wipe in the woods?

With his bear hands.

How do you clean a seat for a girl

How do you clean a seat for a girl?

Wipe your face

How do you clean a seat for a woman?

Wipe your face

Two neighbors get into a heated argument.

It culminates into one of them yelling: "You know what I'll do? I'll get up really early and write 'IDIOT' on your door!".

To which the other replies: "Go ahead, I'll get up even earlier and wipe it off!".

If I had a dollar for every time I stepped on the cat when I arrived home...

I could afford to wipe my shoes on a proper door mat

Wipe joke, If I had a dollar for every time I stepped on the cat when I arrived home...

What do you call using Tinder while you are in the bathroom?

A swipe and wipe.

They should make Star Trek toilet paper...

...so you can help wipe Klingons off Uranus.

(been a while since this one's been around. Just heard it again today from my 5 year old niece)

I told my mom I was going to go work the polls.

She replied, "don't forget to wipe it down before you start your set."


What did Van Gogh's mother say to him when he was sad?

Wipe away those ears.

So, my wife installed Windows 10 on my desktop.

That's it. That's the joke. Now I have to wipe the hard drive and reload everything.

!&Γ·$#*choice_wordsβ™‘*!@#

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

thbjgctr[HUV93tqwbhj4yui89 4ruq9-tyq3t9qp36crioedfh qweoyq9f7ewr y9p7q8tr q37902t 4047yq3rqwrqorgq rp8oqgrqo8g8owg fp8ewfg o8wegf ofhu prhq439pyr q4t83q[i09[fi0a[fdshv payuhieyu463wsur58ry r927ct9y1y9f38qepw0t7f8qeje278ee0

I came across an old photo of my mother today...

but she caught me doing it and screamed at me to wipe it off.

Why do Italians wear hats?

So they know which end to wipe.

I ran out of toilet paper at Hartsfield/ATL. Then I remembered my mom had told me I could use pages from a book in a pinch.

I gotta say...it's really hard to wipe with an e-book.

I came, I saw,

I wiped it off and I apologised.

What do you do when you're...

...walking in The Congo and you come across a 500lb Silverback Gorrilla?

wipe it off. Very, very, carefully.

NSFW I came across your mother today.

I don't know why she was so upset, I offered to wipe it off!

It's stupid when people say God hates homosexuals

If he did, wouldn't he devise some plague to wipe them out?

You can't put a load of rockstars up on a stage and expect to wipe out global poverty.

Thats ludicrous

How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?

qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv

Seals

A penguin is driving along in his car when it breaks down. Fortunately, there's a mechanic nearby and the car can be repaired.

While the car is in the garage, the penguin decides to waddle to the town to get a vanilla ice-cream. He eats it but forgets to wipe his mouth.

When he returns to the garage, the mechanic says "I think you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Nope, that's just ice-cream!"

I came across an old family photo this morning.

Then I had to wipe it up before anyone got home.

Don't you hate it when there's no toilet paper in your stall . .

and you have to ask the person in the next stall to come over and wipe you.

Technology...

Two guys... Hey do you think that someday technology will replace paper?... Well I think it will be quite hard to wipe with a tablet...

I am attracted to houses.

When I came into my friends' house, she looked at me, absolutely disgusted and gave me an acidic wet wipe to clean up with.

I used to be a stand up guy

Now I just stay seated when I wipe.

What do you do when you're on Safari and all of a sudden come across an Elephant?

Very gently,

Wipe it off

Do you ever go to wipe and your fingers rip through the toilet paper?

Sometimes I hate my job in the nursing home.

Funny Comeback

I go into McDonald's and there is this fat girl making fun of this mentally disabled kid*

Me: you know, that could happen to any of us. You don't belong making fun of someone like that, what's wrong with you?

Girl: god gave me a mouth to speak and I'm going to use it

Me: well god also gave you a mouth to eat, you abused that privilege.

Girl: -speechless-

Me: oh and you might want to wipe that ketchup off your chin

Girl: *goes to wipe chin*

Me: no, your other chin

What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?

They both wipe away Klingons from Uranus

Thanos once tried to wipe out half of the DC universe.

Access denied.

My friend is in jail for something he didn't do.

He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.

How is Thanos and a feminist similar?

They both wanna wipe out half the world

When going to the toilet, would you rather use the left or right hand to wipe your buthole

I would personally rather use the toilet paper.

I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day,

luckily my boss said I could wipe the slate clean.

"We divided the population as you requested Mr. President", announced the assistant at the door,"so we're just waiting for your approval on the memory wipe"

"Wipe the memories of groups 1-8, leave 9 and wipe 10 too." "Why leave 9 sir? 9 refers to children born between 1990 and 1999, why should they be left with their memories?"
The president looked out of the window
"Only 90s kids will remember this."

call me old fashioned but in my day gender fluid was something you could wipe off your girlfriends chest

Somebody want to tell me who I stole this off?

I came across my friend who was working as a mall santa

I had to help him wipe it off before his shift started.

We must wipe out all of the homeless people

By giving them homes :)

Chuck Norris once passed 6 kidney stones.

They were then subsequently collected by Thanos to wipe out half of all life in the universe.

What do you do when you come across a bear in the woods?

Wipe him off and say you're sorry.

Ran out of TP today and had to wipe with the newspaper

Yep, The Times are rough indeed

IDK

What should you do if you come across an elephant?

Apologize and wipe it off

Take that look off your face

A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.
"Bless me father, for I have sinned," he says. "I've spent the week with seven beautiful women."
"Do not fret, my son," says the priest. "All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice."
"Will that cleanse my sin from me?"
"No, but it'll wipe that stupid smile off your face."

I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day...

But luckily, my boss told me that I could wipe the slate clean.

An avalanche has started on Mount Everest that threatens to wipe out 20% of its surrounding area.

This is snow joke.

My mom told me to wipe all surfaces in the bathroom.

When it came to the windows, I was a surface pro.

Whoever said technology will replace paper

..has obviously never tried to wipe their ass with an iPad!

What's the difference between a clock face and a females face

On a clock face it takes 6 hours to go from 9 to 3, on a females face it takes 1 wet wipe for them to from a 9 to a 3

What do you do when you come across a blue elephant?

Wipe it off and tell it you're sorry.

What do you do if you come across a camel?

Wipe it off and apologise

What do you do if come across a camel?

Wipe it off and say sorry

My friend sadly went to jail for something he didn't do.

He didn't wipe the fingerprints off of his gun.

What's the same about the Star Ship Enterprise and Toilet Paper?

They both fly to Uranus and wipe out the cling-ons

What happens when you come across a lion in the jungle?

Wipe it off and politely apologise

Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"

"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.

Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!"

"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

What do you call a donkey cleaning your windows

An ass wipe

Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.

Once done, one uses her panties to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.


The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any panties!"


"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

I try to learn from my mistakes,

but it's hard when they can't even wipe their own ass.

What would a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

He might wipe his butt.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wipe mop jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wipe wiped piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes