Winter Jokes

155 winter jokes and hilarious winter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about winter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Put a smile on your face on those cold winter days with these funny winter jokes for kids and adults alike. From puns about the Winter Olympics, winter weather and even the winter solstice, these jokes will surely help you make it through the season with a chuckle. Perfect to share with family or friends, these winter jokes will bring some warmth to the cold winter months!

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Funniest Winter Short Jokes

Short winter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The winter humour may include short snow jokes also.

  1. Give a man a jacket He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.
  2. My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered... "Swarm."
  3. Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for
  4. My daughter painted her toenails black for winter formal tonight... I told her "I hope you don't run into anyone who's black-toes intolerant."
  5. My landlord told me that he would like to have a chat with me soon... about the house's sky high heating bills this winter.
    I told him: "Sure thing, whenever you want. My door is always open".
  6. Told my boss he needs winter tires Got fired. Apparently that's something offensive to say to people in wheelchairs.
  7. We've had a horrible winter this year. It was so cold, lawyers were walking around with their hand is their *own* pockets.
  8. Give a man a jacket Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during Winter.
    Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house.
  9. I'm from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.
  10. How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter? They're both flying information.

Share These Winter Jokes With Friends

Winter One Liners

Which winter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with winter? I can suggest the ones about summer and spring.

  1. Why do bees stay in the hive in the winter? Swarm
  2. Finally my winter fat is gone Now I have spring rolls
  3. Why don't women wear skirts in the winter? chapped lips
  4. There are only two seasons in Russia: Winter and nuclear winter.
  5. Animals: Winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
  6. Why does the NSA hate the winter? They got snowed in.
  7. How did the trees feel when winter was finally over Releafed
  8. Why do programmers love winter? Because there are no bugs...
  9. The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
  10. Last winter, I went bobsleighing with my family Killed 37 Bobs
  11. What do you call a snowman's favorite winter solstice activity? Melting the night away!
  12. What did the snowflake say to the falling snow? "Catch ya later!"
  13. How do snowmen keep their heads warm during the winter solstice? They wear "ice" caps!
  14. Why did the winter solstice visit the gym? It wanted to stay in "peak" condition.
  15. Why did the winter solstice start a fashion blog? It had a "bright" sense of style.

Winter Solstice Jokes

Here is a list of funny winter solstice jokes and even better winter solstice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do winter solstice and a candle have in common? They both bring light to the darkness.
  • What did one snowman say to the other on the winter solstice? "Do you carrot all about the cold?"
  • Why do snowmen love reading mystery novels? They're always on the hunt for the chilling clues!
  • How do winter solstice celebrants turn ordinary ice into special ice? By adding a little bit of sol-stice.
  • How does the winter solstice keep warm at night? It curls up with a cozy cloud blanket and a cup of hot cocoa.
  • Why did the snowman bring a shovel to the winter solstice party? Just in case he had to "dig" the music.
  • Why do snowflakes avoid the winter solstice? They don't want to melt under its powerful night time gaze.
  • Why did the snowman enroll in a dance class on the winter solstice? It wanted to "break the ice" on the dance floor.
  • What did the sun say to the earth on the winter solstice? "Time for a little winter shadow play!"
  • Why did the winter solstice want to become a singer? It always wanted to hit those high notes in the night sky!

Winter Cold Jokes

Here is a list of funny winter cold jokes and even better winter cold puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you make a winter solstice stew? Carefully add just the right amount of darkness, cold, and a pinch of holiday cheer.
  • Why did the winter solstice prefer to stay inside? It was too cold for him to "bear" outside!
  • A Latvian Haiku Where is potatoes?
    This winter is very cold.
    Family is starve.
  • Why did the sun break up with the winter and start dating the spring equinox? Because it was tired of its cold attitude and wanted someone who could really 'light' up its life!
  • Why didn't The Black Pearl get cold and drafty on cold winter nights at sea? Because pirate ships have a very high Arrrrrr value.
  • If Russia is so good at defeating it's enemies in the Winter Then how come they lost the Cold War?
  • I bought a crystal ball but only ever predicted very cold winters. Turns out they sold me a snow globe.
  • I used to be a fortune teller but all I could predict was really cold winters. Then I found out the crystal ball shop had sold me a snow globe..
  • Yo mama is so fat She stays really warm in the cold. So she usually lends me her jackets in the winter.
    What a nice person :)
  • What's spicy but cold in the winter? Chilly peppers
Winter joke, What's spicy but cold in the winter?

Winter Is Coming Jokes

Here is a list of funny winter is coming jokes and even better winter is coming puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The new Ford F-150 comes with a heated tailgate. That way you can keep your hands warm when you're pushing it home in the winter.
  • Winter is like your boyfriend... you know it's coming soon but you want it to hold off for as long as possible
  • Why doesn't Napoleon watch Game of Thrones? Because Winter is Coming
  • What stopped winter from coming? Winterfell and it can't get up
  • Spring Winter can be pretty dreary with all the bare trees,
    so when spring comes it's such a re-leaf.
  • It's just coming in to winter where I live, so I pitched a tent and put a disco ball inside. Because now is the winter of my disco tent.
  • Is your name winter ? Cause you'll be coming soon....
  • Winter is finally coming to an end It's putting a little spring in my step
  • Winter is coming The snow is just one mighty fat nut
  • What gets off the more than anything else in game of thrones Winter, it's always coming

Summer Winter Jokes

Here is a list of funny summer winter jokes and even better summer winter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man turns to his wife and says: "Honey, pack your bags because I won the lottery." She asks: "Do I take summer clothes or winter clothes?"
    He replies: "Take it all, go away."
  • What did the winter solstice say to the summer solstice? "I'll be back before you know it!"
  • Minnesota has 4 seasons Almost winter, winter, almost summer, and road construction.
  • "Suzy, I won the lottery! 4 million dollars! Pack your suitcase!" \-"Do I need to pack winter or summer clothes?"
    "I don't care. Just leave."
  • 2 fortune tellers are talking about the weather. The first one says it's going to be a hot winter. The second one replies "Yes, reminds me of the summer of 2093."
  • Everyone had fun at the new nudist retreat this summer! Now they're clothed for the winter.
  • Everyone seems to think my jokes about spring, summer, and fall are awful. Oh well. I guess they can't all be winters.
  • After dealing with dad-jokes all winter... I'm hoping to get him back this summer with some son-burns.
  • Did you hear about the Netflix series Summer to Winter? It never got a 5th season.
  • Why don't squirrels mate in the summer? Because they're storing their nuts for the winter.

Winter Olympic Jokes

Here is a list of funny winter olympic jokes and even better winter olympic puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My favorite winter Olympic sport is women's curling... Because it's the one time every four years I can yell, sweep harder at a woman, and no one thinks it's because I'm a sexist pig.
  • Which country brought the most competitors to the 2018 Winter Olympics? Brazil. They brought 8 Brazilian athletes.
  • Why do Canadians do well in the Winter Olympics? Because they always bring their eh Game.
  • So I heard that they are going to stop handing out medals at the Winter Olympics.. Because they're snow winners.
  • Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics? He was caught taking Polaroids.
  • Just saw a guy from Helsinki dominate the cross-country skiing event at the Winter Olympics He led the race from start to Finnish.
  • I'm looking forward to taking part in the sun tanning event in the PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games... I'm going for the Bronze...
  • Why will Islamic State sweep all the winning Gold medals in 2018 Winter Olympics? They will introduce Border Cross as an olympic sport.
    Drum Fill!
  • What do you call a winter Olympic athlete that is being picked on? A Luge-er
  • Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics...
    In the summer.
Winter joke

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Winter Jokes

What funny jokes about winter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean season jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make winter pranks.

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

The chief of a tribe in Mexico dies.

His son is now the chief. Since he never learned the ways of his forefathers to predict winters, when he gets asked what should the tribe do, he just tells them to collect firewood. He then goes to the National Weather Station in Mexico and asks them how bad winter is going to be. They tell him; "It looks like it will be pretty bad". Shocked, he goes back to his tribe and tells them to gather more firewood. He goes back to the weather station and asks them again if winter will be bad. They answer, "It is going to be one of the worst winters in a decade." The Chief goes back to the village and tells them to gather more firewood. Then he goes for a third time to the weather station and asks them again, "will the winter be bad?" They respond, "It will be the worst winter in a century." The chief asks them, "How do you know winter will be bad?" They answer, "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

Wrong Email

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Snow wife.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

she can't open windows.

On a cold winter morning, while her husband is away on business, a wife has a problem at home and sends a text message to her husband:
Windows frozen, it won't open
Husband texts back:
Pour boiling water over it inside and outside
Five minutes later, wife texts back.
Computer's really s**... up now...

What's white, cold, falling in winter and ending with "bass" ?

The snow, d**....

A Russian man lives all alone in a cabin

One day, someone from the government shows up and tells him that due to a map surveyor's error in the 1940s, the cabin he lives in was mistakenly marked as part of Russia, but in fact, it's actually a part of Belarus.
"Oh thank God!" the man exclaims. "I don't think I would have been able to stand another Russian winter here."

Lazy vultures

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Winter is like the justin bieber of seasons...

It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.

Why does it s**... to work for the NSA during the winter?

Because if it snows, you can't call and say you're snowed in.

Give a man a jacket, and he'll be warm for all winter

Teach a man to jack it, and he won't need to go outside!

A man's last meal

So a prisoner is about to be executed and the guards ask him,
What do you want your last meal to be?
Strawberries he responds.
But it's winter. We can't get strawberries until spring
Eh. I'll wait

Christmas c**... joke: Why do birds fly south in the winter?

Because they can't afford the train!
Sorry, but I'm eating alone this Christmas and have no one here to tell it to.

Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter

Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees?
Scientist two: it's -40°
Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit?
Scientist two: Yes.

My dad owns 4 tents which he uses for camping

He uses all 4 at different times of the year, and each one is based on 1 of 4 different musical genres.
In spring he uses the jazz tent, in summer he uses the pop tent, in autumn he uses the classical tent….
But now is the winter of our disco tent.

Why did the winter solstice go to therapy? It had a case of seasonal dis-order.

Why did the winter solstice cancel its gym membership? It thought staying up all night was enough exercise for one day!

What do you call a snowman's favorite snack on the winter solstice? A brrr-ito!

What did the winter solstice say to the shortest day of the year? "Hey, cheer up! Tomorrow will be a little longer."

Why did the snowflake bring a gift to the winter solstice party? It wanted to give a little something back for all the magical snowy nights.

Why was the winter solstice always invited to the snowman's parties? It brought the longest nights and the coolest vibes!

Why did the snowman bring a map to the winter solstice party? He didn't want to get lost in the chill of the night!

What did one snowflake say to the other during the winter solstice? "We must stick together!"

Why did the winter solstice turn down the heat? Because it couldn't handle the sizzling holiday cheer!

How do you organize a fantastic winter solstice celebration? Just chill and let it snow!

How do snowmen stay in shape during the winter solstice? They do "snowga" and "snowbics"!

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots in the fridge? He was trying to find his nose!

Why do winter solstice celebrations always have great music? Because they're snow-tastic!

What do you call a snowman that can play the piano? Frosty the Snowpianist!

How does Jack Frost get around during the winter solstice? On "icicles"!

Why did the snowman invite the sun to the winter solstice party? To melt the ice and break the ice!

Why did the winter solstice start a comedy show? To bring light to the darkest day.

Why did the snowflake refuse to go to the winter solstice party? It didn't want to "flake" out on fun.

What do winter solstice and a frozen computer have in common? Both make you wait for a "reboot."

Why did the winter solstice attend the art class? It wanted to "draw" attention to itself.

Why did the winter solstice bring a ladder to the party? To "reach" new heights of fun.

Why did the snowflake refuse to dance at the winter solstice ball? It didn't want to "flake" out on the floor.

What's the winter solstice's favorite type of joke? "Chill" humor.

Why did the winter solstice audition for a singing competition? It wanted to show off its "illuminating" voice.

What's a snowman's favorite winter solstice dessert? "Frost"-ed cupcakes!

Why did the winter solstice get an award? For being the "brightest" day of the year.

Why did the snowflake start a band on the winter solstice? It wanted to make some "cool" music.

Why did the snowman refuse to play cards on the winter solstice? It didn't want to "melt" under pressure.

What's a snowflake's favorite winter solstice movie genre? "Snow"cial dramas.

Winter joke

jokes about winter