Winstons Jokes
44 winstons jokes and hilarious winstons puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about winstons that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Winstons Short Jokes
Short winstons jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The winstons humour may include short jokes also.
- Not to insult any history purists but... Why did Winston Churchill trade his manual for an automatic?
He hated stall'in. - My friend came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition He was close, but no cigar
- Original & Classic Winston Churchill (not my retort) Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
- "As long as you append my name to a quote,... people would buy into it and take it seriously."
- Winston Churchill - What would Winston Churchhill be doing if he were alive today? Clawing and screaming in his coffin:)
- A woman says to Winston Churchill... "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!" Churchill replied "If you were my wife, I would drink it."
- Winston Churchill said, "History will be kind me, for I intend to write it." Nowadays, history will be kind to me because I intend to delete it.
- Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it!
- Winston and a Cat What is the difference between J. Winston and a cat?
One ruins girls clothes and steals crab legs, the other one is also losing the Rose Bowl. - A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk."
Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
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Winstons One Liners
Which winstons one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with winstons? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What did Jameis Winston say to Big Ben? "We're two P's in a Bod."
- Why don't fantasy football players use the Buccaneers QB? Because I'm already Winston.
- Funny quote "Don't believe everything you see on the internet." - Winston Churchill
- The man chilled in front of a church smoking cigarettes, who was he? Winston Churchill
- Who smoked cigarettes while chilling in church? Winston Churchill
- What do you call a Winston using his Jetpack?? A Boosted Animal
- What do you call a sick s**... attending the catholic mass ? Winston™ Church-ill
- A: DoublePlusGoo Q: What did Winston call the b**... scene in 1984
- What flavor of soda did Jameis Winston steal from the Burger King? G-r**... soda
Winstons Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about winstons you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make winstons pranks.
Can you call the British PM a fool?
During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.
The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?
Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".
Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."
The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."
A man decides to open up a business...
Sadly, he is located right between two other shops in the same line of business he wishes to enter. To his left, a large sign reads "Smith and Co.", to his right theres "Winstons Finest". So, after a bit of pondering, he decides to name his shop "Main Entrance"
Winston goes to church
Winston goes to church and the vicar says "What's wrong my son?"
Winston says "I want you to pray for my hearing".
The vicar puts his hands on Winston's ears and prays hard for ten minutes.
"So how is your hearing?" asks the vicar.
"I don't know", says Winston, "it isn't until next Wednesday".
Paraprosdokians
*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....
"Never, never, never give up."
Thanks Winston Churchill. I now have 8 counts of r**... and battery.
Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for £1 million?
Woman: Why Winston, yes I would.
Churchill: What about £10?
Woman: What sort of woman do you think I am?
Churchill: We have already established what sort of woman you are, now we are just negotiating the price.
Jameis Winston and the Ducks
When Florida State got down early, my brother, who was rooting for FSU, said Jameis Winston had the Ducks right where he wanted them.
Considering the Ducks were sober and on top, I respectfully disagreed.
Side note:
I can't take credit for this. Was found on Deadspin.
Did you hear Mei got caught doing an i**... activity with Winston?
They were pirating movies.
TIL that Britain was merciless in World War 2
It seemed pretty obvious afterwards. After all, their leader was already Winston.
Why is Jameis Winston a better reciever than quarterback?
Because he always catches assault charges
If I Were Your Husband
"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
"Nancy," replied Winston,
"If I were your husband, I'd drink that coffee."
'God didn't create Adam and Winston', Says Tenn. Republican
Does that mean Adam and Steve have broken up?!
NFL No More Spokesman - 1st Round Draft Pick, Winston!
So is Winston going to star in next year's NFL No More campaign? I hear he likes speaking out about s**... assault.
Nick Saban and Jameis Winston walk into a bar...
To watch the National Championship game.
After five minutes Winston is caught in the kitchen stuffing his shirt with crab legs.
Upon hearing of their potential ban from the bar, Saban hides out and waits until the middle of the night to sneak quietly to another bar in a different city.
Stalin, Churchill, and Roosevelt are at the Yalta Conference.
Stalin sees that Churchill is constantly writing something in his notebook. Curious, he asks:
"Winston, what are you writing in that notebook?"
"Oh, that's where I write jokes about me. Whenever I hear a joke where I'm mentioned by my name, I write it down. I'm on my second notebook."
"You know, I collect jokes about myself too" says Stalin.
"And how many jokes do you have about yourself?" asks Churchill.
"About three prison camps' worth" replies Stalin.