Winston Churchill Jokes

18 winston churchill jokes and hilarious winston churchill puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about winston churchill that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Winston Churchill Short Jokes

Short winston churchill jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The winston churchill humour may include short margaret thatcher jokes also.

  1. Not to insult any history purists but... Why did Winston Churchill trade his manual for an automatic?
    He hated stall'in.
  2. My friend came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition He was close, but no cigar
  3. Original & Classic Winston Churchill (not my retort) Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
  4. "As long as you append my name to a quote,... people would buy into it and take it seriously."
    - Winston Churchill
  5. A woman says to Winston Churchill... "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!" Churchill replied "If you were my wife, I would drink it."
  6. Winston Churchill said, "History will be kind me, for I intend to write it." Nowadays, history will be kind to me because I intend to delete it.
  7. Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea. Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it!
  8. A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk."
    Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
  9. "Never, never, never give up." Thanks Winston Churchill. I now have 8 counts of r**... and battery.

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Winston Churchill One Liners

Which winston churchill one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with winston churchill? I can suggest the ones about joseph stalin and world war two.

  1. The man chilled in front of a church smoking cigarettes, who was he? Winston Churchill
  2. Who smoked cigarettes while chilling in church? Winston Churchill
  3. What do you call a sick s**... attending the catholic mass ? Winston™ Church-ill

Entertaining Winston Churchill Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about winston churchill you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nelson mandela jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make winston churchill pranks.

Can you call the British PM a fool?

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.
The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?
Churchill's reply was truly disarming - "The man was not arrested for calling the Prime Minister a fool", he said, "but for letting out a state secret at a time of war".

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."


*A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.*
Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.
I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.
If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)
You're never too old to learn ...something s**....

Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for £1 million?
Woman: Why Winston, yes I would.

Churchill: What about £10?
Woman: What sort of woman do you think I am?
Churchill: We have already established what sort of woman you are, now we are just negotiating the price.