The Best 79 Wins Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wins jokes. There are some wins leonardo jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wins compete puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Wins Jokes and Puns

Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

Tom and Larry go to the movies

Tom and Larry go see a movie that features a horse race. Tom turns to Larry and says, "I'll bet you $20 that the white horse wins." Larry responds, "No way. I'll take that bet any day." Unfortunately for Larry, the white horse won. After the movie, Tom says, "you don't have to pay me. I'd already seen this movie, and now I feel bad about making the bet." Larry, looking very confused, replies, "well, so had I, but I didn't think he could do it again."

so a cheetah and a lion decide to have a race

The cheetah wins and the lion says "you're a Cheetah"
the Cheetah says 'nah you're Lion'

Wins joke, so a cheetah and a lion decide to have a race

Winston Churchill was dining in fine company, and when asked what piece of chicken he wanted, he requested a breast. A lady upbraided him, saying, "Mr. Churchill, in polite society we ask for white meat or dark."

The next day Churchill sent her a corsage, instructing the lady to affix it to her "white meat."

What does a Bears fan do when his team wins the Superbowl?

He turns off his Xbox, and goes to bed.


A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.

They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."

A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...

Lost her job and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my job and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my job, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my job, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself...."Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."

Wins joke, A blonde finds herself in serious money trouble...

This husband wins the fight every time.

A newlywed couple are having their first big fight since being married. Things start getting heated when the husband angrily says "You know I'm right, I'm twice as smart as you!" Furious, the wife asks incredulously "What the heck, how could you say that!" The husband responds, "Well, just look at who I married compared to who you married, and tell me who is smarter!"

Use this one with caution in your own marriage :-)

If England wins to Costa Rica, it could face Spain...

...at the airport.

A man wins the lottery...

A man wins a substantial amount of money on the lottery and tells his girlfriend "I've just won the lottery! Quickly, pack your things!"

"Oh my god, oh my god!! Where are we going?!" she exclaims.

The man replies, "Who said I was going anywhere?"

A man enters a golfing tournament...

... but he is terrible at golf. However, an evil leprechaun lives at the golf course. He says to the man,
"I see you are terrible at golf, but I can help you win the tournament, if you agree to never marry."
The man agrees.

After he wins the tournament, the leprechaun asks for his name.
The man says:

"Father Smith" as he adjusts his priest's collar.

(A priest joke with 100% less pedophilia!)

You can explore wins win reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wins contest dad jokes. There are also wins puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An old married couple wins 10 million dollars from the lottery.

"What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?" the woman asks her husband.

"Keep sending them!"

I saw a weird competition yesterday - The first person to successfully have intercourse with them self wins.

So I entered myself.

How about a game? You provide a random set up and we provide the punchline (PTP?). Most upvoted wins imaginary internet points.

Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?

Because if he wins, he'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins?

Society

Wins joke, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground firs

I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but...

I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong.

If A Democrat Wins, I'm Leaving,

If a Republican wins, I'm also leaving.

This has nothing to do with politics.

I just really want to travel.

No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic.

We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.ο»Ώ


Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers fight for nicest person ever. Who wins?

They both share the trophy

I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook

where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.

A man wins the lottery...

A man wins the lottery, jumps in to his car and goes home in a hurry, screeching in to his driveway. He leaps out and runs in to his house and yells to his wife upstairs "I've won the lottery! I've won the lottery! Quick, pack up your suitcase, I've won the lottery!" His wife is yells down "Woohoo! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The husband replies "I don't care, just get out!"

Its not surprising that Republicans lost two presidental races to Obama

In long races usually the guy from Kenya wins.

Big vote today in England. If Leave wins I predict :

Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium

So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf Hitler... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"

If Trump wins Im leaving the country if Clinton wins Im leaving the country

Not a political post, I just love to travel

If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country.

Not a political repost I'm just getting deported

If Hillary wins, I'm moving to...

Benghazi. At least I know there, she'll leave me alone

A couple have a lot of sex

They challenge each other to see who can have the most sex in a month. The woman wins.

Some say she cheated.

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Clinton wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post; I just want to travel.

A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.

She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car crash, or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete sexual exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"

If Trump wins, I'm leaving the country. If Hillary wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political joke, I just really wanna travel.

The Trump Years in a Nutshell

2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"

What Should You Do After Ireland Wins The World Cup

Turn off Fifa and go to bed

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins?

The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.

Greg wins Β£25,000,000.00 in the nationally lottery and runs home

"Margret, I won the lottery, pack your bags", "why Greg, where are we going?". "I don't care, pack your bags and get out" says Greg.

La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture

But Moonlight won the popular vote

2 blind guys were about to fight

I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.

Any Irishman and a Scott have a duel at a bar...

The irishman exclaims, "You Scottish can't drink! We Irish are the best drinkers!"

Scott exclaims, "Ye don no wha ye takin boot! Any scott can drink any irishman under ye table!"

The two drink to the early morning. Who wins?

The bartender.

*A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A Cat-Has-Trophey!

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because

ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

Eurovision must confuse alot of Americans

Because the one with the most votes wins

To settle their differences, Jesus and Muhammed agree to pistols at dawn, Jesus wins...

...because drawing Muhammed is forbidden.

Kanye West, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins?

Society.

Winston goes to church

Winston goes to church and the vicar says "What's wrong my son?"
Winston says "I want you to pray for my hearing".
The vicar puts his hands on Winston's ears and prays hard for ten minutes.
"So how is your hearing?" asks the vicar.
"I don't know", says Winston, "it isn't until next Wednesday".

Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...

They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.

ISIS and Al-Qaeda go to war with each other. Who wins?

Everyone else

I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.

A Man Wins the Lottery

A man wins the lottery and calls his wife.

Honey, I have good news and bad news.

The wife, having no idea of what could be going on says, Combine them.

The man thinks for a second and says, My new wife and I just won the lottery!

I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.

Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery

If a man wins the lotto...

Man- What would you do if I won the lottery?

Woman- Take half and leave!

Man- Well, I won 20 bucks, here's 10, now get out!

If Liverpool wins, somebody warn the Pope!

1981:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies

2005:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool wins the Champions League
3. The Pope dies

2018:
1. A British prince gets married
2. Liverpool is in the Champions League's final
3.

There is a game show where the person who pees the farthest wins. Guess the name of the game show.

" Urine It To Win It "

A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar

she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.

"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."

So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"

"Really? What did you do?"

"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"

A blonde and a brunette

decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"

A man wins the lottery

He bursts into his bedroom and screams to his wife WOW, I won! I finally won the lottery! Pack your bags quick . The woman all excited replied should I pack for cold or hot weather? To which the man said I don't care as long as you are out of my house by noon

A farmer wins the lottery

A reporter asks him: " What are you going to do with the money?"
He says: "I'm just going to keep on farming until it is all gone.

Why are there no wheel chair characters in battle royal games?

Because it's last person standing wins.

A man wins back to back golds in the Olympics for the decathlon.

Ashton was Eaton up the competition

A prisoner called Andrea wants to prove her strength...

So she starts a weightlifting competition and wins! Turns out the powerhouse of the cell is the might of con 'Drea.

A man wins big...

*pardon if this is a repost*

A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.

When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."

"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."

If Trump wins the election, I'm leaving the country.

If Biden wins, I'm leaving the country.

This isn't a political post, I just miss traveling.

If Trump wins a second term he will halt all shredded cheese production.

He is going to make Americans grate again . . .

Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins?

Society

If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States

If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States

This is not a political post, I just want to travel

Told to me by a six year old.

Why was the snow yellow?

Because Elsa let it go!


I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow

Edit. Did not know it was my cake day! I think this is my first joke post. Just wanted to share.

An englishman, frenchmen, and spaniard were racing their cats on a paper boat in the water

They each name their cat the same in each language. The Englishman names his cat "One Two Three". The Frenchman names his "Un deux Trois". The Spaniard names his "Uno dos tres". The race begins, and Uno dos tres wins, with one two three at second place. The Frenchman's cat is nowhere to be found. After searching, the Frenchman comes to a conclusion. He goes to the other men, and says, "The Un deux trois cat sank"

What do you call a chess club bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?

Chessnuts boasting in an open foyer

Heard this ADhD joke a while back. A man walks into a bar with a penguin and a foul-mouthed parrot and somehow wins a bet or something.

Sorry, I guess I wasn't really paying attention.



Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail?

It wins on appeal.

A british person plays chess with an american,

The british person always wins. Why?


Their queen never dies.

An old rabbi wins the lottery

The man wins $3,000,000.00

A reporter from the local TV station comes to interview him at his house

She asks him, "Congratulations on your winning! What do you plan to do with the money?"

The old rabbi answers, "I'm giving $1,000,000 to a Jewish charity, $1,000,000 to my family, and $1,000,000 to the Nazis."

The reporter, stunned beyond belief, asks the old Jewish rabbi, "Why on earth would you give money to the Nazis?"

The old rabbi lifts up his sleeve, exposing his arm and says, "They gave me my lucky numbers."

A man is on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and is at the million dollar question.

The question is "which of these birds doesn't build its own nest? a.the cuckoo b. the sparrow c. the eagle or d. the red-tailed hawk. He only has "phone a friend left", so he calls his friend and repeats the question. His friend immediately says it's the cuckoo. The guy asks if he's sure and he says "yes, positive". The guy answers the cuckoo and wins a million dollars. When he goes to thank his friend the next day, he asks "how did you the cuckoo doesn't built it's own nest?" and the friend replied "Because it lives in a clock, duh!"

What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A cat-has-trophy.

A man wins a horse race

A man won a horse race after the other horse dropped dead before reaching the finish line.

However, the winner had a hard time enjoying his victory, because it's no fun beating a dead horse!

Being Asian at the Olympics

Child: Wins Bronze

Parent: Could have won silver


Child: Wins Silver

Parent: Could have won gold


Child: Wins Gold

Parent: Could have broken the World Record (WR)


Child: Broke WR

Parent: Could have been a Doctor

I got a friend who is a demolition expert. One day, I made a bet with him, a dollar that he couldnt raze the whole neighbourhood

No matter who wins, its still four quarters gone

24 Shots

A bar holds a drinking contest to see who can drink 24 shots of Scotch in an hour? A man walks in, is invited to join in, and promptly leaves. He comes back an hour later, joins the contest and wins.

When asked where he went, he replies, "I had to go across the street to another bar to see if I could do it first."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wins triumph jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wins nomination piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes