winning Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious winning puns

Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.

They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

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Got asked by two Thai girls if I wanted a threesome. They said it would be like winning the lottery...

...to my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

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Bruce Jenner winning woman of the year just proves that men are better than women at everything, including being a woman

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After winning the game, I threw the ball into the crowd just like they do on TV.

Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.

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A couple of Thai girls asked if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the lottery.

They were right, we had six matching balls.

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Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

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After winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on TV...

Apparently, that's unacceptable in bowling...

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I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out.

It felt good being on the winning side for once.

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I think winning the war on drugs is impossible.

I struggle just to tie my shoelaces on drugs.

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God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery.

The answer is no.

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Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...."

Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"

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Two Thai girls...

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

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After winning the game, I threw the ball into the crowd as they do on TV.

Evidently, that's unacceptable in bowling.

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Two Thai girls.

Two Thai girls asked me if wanted a threesome claiming it would be like winning the lottery, I agreed and they were right, to my horror we had 6 matching balls!

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What's better than winning a gold medal in the Paralympics?

Walking.

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Winning the lottery

A man gets home, screeches his car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of his lungs, Honey,pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!
The wife says, Ohmigod! No shit?! What should I pack,beach stuff or mountain stuff?
The husband yells back, It doesn't matter… just get the fuck out!

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What does Lebron James do after winning the NBA
Championship?

He turns off his Xbox.

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A man runs home after winning the lottery

"Honey honey! We won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

"Oh my god that's amazing! Where are we going?!"

"I don't care, just get out!"

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My father always taught me that in adultery there are no winners

but participation is more important than winning

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So a newlywed couple is in bed after their wedding day when...

The husband lets out a massive fart and the wife says " What was that?"
The husband responds "A game. Im winning 7-0" later the wife lets out a fart and says "7-7!"
The wife follows up with another poot and claims the score 14-7. Finally the the husband fart so explosively that he shits the bed. The wife says "What does that mean?"
The husband replies "halftime switch sides."

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So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf Hitler... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"

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BLONDE LUCK

A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball. She said, "Shut up! I'm winning."

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Two Thai girls offered me a threesome. It was like winning the lottery.

When we stripped off we had six matching balls.

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A man comes home to his wife after winning the lottery

The man says to his wife, "Honey, if I were to win the lottery, what would you do?"

The wife becomes started by her husband's inquiry but replies, "Well I would take half of it and then leave you."

With a huge grin on his face, her husband says, "Perfect! I won ten dollars!"

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Congratulations to Ukraine to winning the Eurovision Song Contest.

Can't wait for Russia to host it next year.

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New to Baseball

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."

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What's better than winning Gold at the Paralympics?

Having both your legs.

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Trump called Putin to congratulate him on winning the election.

Putin said, 'Thanks, but why have you waited for over a year?

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Winning the lottery

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'
'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

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Why aren't porno movies included in the Oscars?

I mean winning an Oscar pretending to be the Queen of England is one thing, but looking like you're enjoying two dicks in your ass, now THAT'S acting.

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Winning the lottery 2.

A man says to his wife. "Honey I won money in the lottery". The wife quickly says. "I want 50% of it and I want to divorce you". The man looks at her surprised and says. "Good, here is your $7.50 and get the fuck out of here".

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Creative Writing

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex, mystery.

The prize winning essay read: "My God!" said the Queen. "I am pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

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What's better than winning the lottery?

Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.

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What is a misogynist?

A misogynist is anyone winning an argument with a feminist.

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Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong. Especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike

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What are the most funny Winning jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Winning? Well, here are the best Winning dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Winning pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes