Wine Tasting Jokes
30 wine tasting jokes and hilarious wine tasting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wine tasting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wine Tasting Short Jokes
Short wine tasting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wine tasting humour may include short beer tasting jokes also.
- My taste in women is much like my taste in wine Right now i like them younger, sweeter, and prettier. As i age, i start to like them older, more bitter, and contributing to my alcoholism.
- Secret to wine tasting is to open the bottle and allowing it to breathe If it doesn't look like it is breathing, then give it a mouth-to-mouth
- I just got slapped by a girl for asking her, "Do you spit or s**...?" I thought this was a very reasonable question to ask her, considering we were at a wine tasting session.
- Yall watch out. My lady said there is some w**... running around the neighborhood. She said he is offering a bottle of wine if the woman shows him her b**....
She also says the wine taste terrible. - I asked her, "Do you spit or s**...?" # She slapped me and stormed off!
### Anyway, I don't recommend wine tastings as a first date, it really seems to bother some girls for some reason.
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Wine Tasting One Liners
Which wine tasting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wine tasting? I can suggest the ones about drinking wine and wine.
- Well aged, full body, great taste. Hey girl, the wine's not bad either!
- I wouldn't say wine tasting is a hobby of mine. It's a lifestyle.
- I tried turning water into wine yesterday After tasting it was still water.
- Which cast member of The Fast and the Furious has the worst taste in wine? Vin Diesel
- I like my women just like how I like my wine The older the get , the better they taste :p
- Does French wine really taste like u**...? Oui.
Wine Tasting Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about wine tasting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wine grape jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wine tasting pranks.
Do It Yourself COVID Test
1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus
Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat them today, as I woke up with a headache and a bit disoriented this morning.
It was at the end of the school year,
and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday.
Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner.
Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."
On the first day of school,
.. the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit… She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked,
"Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy...........
"It's a puppy!"
A man and his best friend, a preacher, are traveling together.
They stop at a vineyard and after the taste testing the preacher comments that one of the wines is the best he's ever tasted. The man, knowing his friend's congregation is particularly conservative, grins and tells the preacher, I'll buy you a case of this wine IF you thank me for it in front of your congregation next Sunday.
The preacher gives it some thought and finally accepts. On Sunday morning before his sermon he stands at the pulpit and says, I'd like to thank my good friend Jeff for the gift of the fine grapes and the excellent spirit in which they were given.
SCOTCH ??
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked,
"Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy...
"It's a puppy!"
A well dressed gentlemen walks into a bar...
"I would like a 12 year old brandy, please" The barkeep pours him a drink, he takes a sip, and immediately spits it out. "This brandy is only 10 years old! How dare you insult a man of my stature with an inferior brandy!"
The barman apologizes and offers another drink, on the house of course. "I'll have a 15 year old Scotch." He takes a sip, spits out, and proclaims "This Scotch is only 12 years old! How dare you insult a man of my stature with an inferior Scotch! I'll give you one more chance: I would like a 30 year old port wine."
Before the barman can react, a man at the end of the bar asks him to give a drink he has to the well-dressed man. The man takes a sip, spits it out, and proclaims "my lord, this tastes like u**...!" The man at the end says, "It is, now tell me how old I am."
Italian guy meets a rabbi on a train...
They chat for a while, and soon the Italian pulls some sausage out of his pack and offers some to the rabbi.
"Is it made of pork?", he asks.
"Yes", replies the Italian.
"Well then I can't eat it. It's not kosher. God's law."
A little while later, the Italian cracks a bottle of wine and offers the rabbi some.
Rabbi looks at the bottle. "Thanks, but it's not kosher. God's law"
Italian says, "Your god is very strict. What would happen if there was nothing kosher to eat or drink?"
"God makes exceptions in cases of life and death", replies the rabbi.
At this, the Italian pulls out a p**..., points it at the rabbi's head and says, "Drink the wine!" The rabbi, with a very annoyed expression, complies, taking a nice long sip.
The Italian apologizes. "I just wanted you to have a taste of the wine."
Rabbi glares at him and replies, "Where was the gun when you had some sausage left?"
Last Supper
Jesus started off the dinner by announcing that he is trying some new natural recipes with some very organic ingredients. Peter approaches him and says, "This bread is fantastic! What's in it?"
"I made that from my flesh," Jesus replied.
A bit surprised and disgusted, Peter and all other apostles who were eating the bread regretfully put their pieces back down onto the table.
"This wine is the best I've ever tasted!" said James.
"That's actually just my blood."
James discretely spat the wine back into his cup.
Absolutely chowing down, Judas exclaimed, "I don't care what you tell me is in these, nothing can keep me from these desserts! The filling in these eclairs is absolutely o**...!"
Maybe it's scotch?
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit…She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?"
"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"
Jacque LaRock...Famous French Fighter Pilot
(This joke is typically done in a French accent)
A famous French fighter pilot walks into a bar and orders a glass red and white wine. He sees a beautiful woman, walks up to her, kisses her on the lips and then takes a sip of his red wine. I am Jacque LaRock, famous French fighter pilot! If I taste ze red meat, I must have ze red wine. Ze woman blushes, Oh Jacque!
He takes her to ze backroom. Things start to progress a little further, he starts to kiss her on ze breast and takes a sip of his white wine, saying I am Jacque LaRock, famous French fighter pilot! If I taste ze white meat, I must have ze white wine. Ze woman blushes again, Oh Jacque!
Things start to progress even further, he lifts up her skirt, goes under white grabbing a bottle of 151 and a lighter... At this point ze woman stops him and says, Oh Jacque, I understand ze red meat with ze red wine, and ze white meat with ze white wine, but I don't understand ze 151 and ze lighter? Jacque stops and looks at her very stern… I am Jacque LaRock… famous French fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!
Location Location Location!
A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud. "This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.
Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
"My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine."
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928. "I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes"
Is it Scotch?
For Christmas, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.
The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked,"Champagne?
"No," said the little boy............."It's a puppy!"