Wine Grape Jokes

78 wine grape jokes and hilarious wine grape puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wine grape that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Wine Grape Short Jokes

Short wine grape jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wine grape humour may include short grape jokes also.

  1. During dinner, I told my wife, I used to be grapes. Her: Huh?
    Me: Sorry. It must be the wine talking.
  2. What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing. It just gave a little wine.
  3. I'm a responsible adult Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine
  4. Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it? Q: What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?A: None. It just lets out a little wine.
  5. I'm opening a wine bar Unlike other wine bars we will only sell wine that is not very old. The name of the place? Statutory Grape.
  6. My grandfather picked up a box of Grape-Nuts cereal... "I didn't know grapes have nuts. No wonder they wine when you crush them!"
  7. What do you call a jew that loves fermented grapes and also rapes? Harvey Wine-stein
  8. What sound do grapes make when you crush them? The let out a little wine.
  9. What do you call it when you brew a batch of wine too early? Statutory Grape.
  10. Women are like grapes. Some age like fine wine.
    Some age like raisins.

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Wine Grape One Liners

Which wine grape one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wine grape? I can suggest the ones about purple grape and wine tasting.

  1. grape don't cry when they're crushed But they do wine
  2. What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
  3. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  4. What happens when you step on a grape? It let's out a little wine
  5. What did the grape do when the elephant sat on it? Let out a little wine.
  6. What sound does a grape make when you step on it? Just a little wine
  7. How did the Tomato know the Grape was Sad? He Let out a little Wine
  8. What did the grape say when you stepped on him? Nothing he just let out a little wine.
  9. What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine!
  10. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
  11. What did the grape say when it was pinched nothing, it gave a little wine
  12. What happens when you sit on a grape? It gives out a little wine!
  13. Why does grape juice smell like pig? Because it's wine
  14. What does a Tiger say after drinking two bottles of wine? Theeyyyrree grape!
  15. What did the bottle of wine say to the grape? It was great raisin you.

Wine Grape Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about wine grape you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grape juice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wine grape pranks.

Chuck Noris can make grapes from wine.

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.

short jokes

I have gotten some good jokes from yall... I hope yall enjoy these
Sorry no Easter jokes if you celebrate Easter or anything like that... have a good one
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!
Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!

Location Location Location!

A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud. "This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.
Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
"My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine."
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928. "I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes"

WalMart's own brand of wine

WalMart announced that sometime in 2013 it will begin offering customers a new discount item: WalMart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the wines at affordable prices in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the WalMart brand into their shopping carts but, 'There is a market for inexpensive wine,' said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. 'However, branding will be very important.'

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the WalMart wine brands and varieties.

The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

10. Chateau Traileur Parc

9. White Trashfindel

8. Big Red Gulp

7. World Championship Riesling

6. NASCARbernet

5. Chef Boyardeaux

4. Peanut Noir

3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar

2. Grape Expectations

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Walmart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

P.S. Don't bother writing back to tell me that this is a hoax. I know possum is not white meat.

The other day my friend threw up grapes....

And wouldn't stop wine-ing about it

My dad punished me for complaining by making me crush grapes all day..

All I did was wine.

Charles Dickens' book on wine making,

Grape Expectations.

Where does bitter wine come from?

From the grapes of wrath.

What do you cal a wine hangover?

The grape depression.

Wife tells about a great investment opportunity. Says she found a giant field where we can grow grapes. So I says...

Wine not?

Would you like to make me wine?

Join everyone stomping my grapes.

What happened why the grape was squished?

It let out a little wine

I hate wine.

It promotes grape culture.

Why do black people hate wine?

Because it's a waste of perfectly good grape juice.
(Also, anyone care to explain me where the "Black people like grape juice" came from?)

I'd love to be a wine drinker

But I can only drink it when I have...sour grapes.

Why do feminists find wine-making offensive?

Because it contributes to *grape culture*

What does a grape yell when you step on it?

WINE ME?!?!?!?!?

Student asks Teacher a question

Teacher: And that's the first alcohol was like
Student: Teacher, what was it like before wine?
Teacher: it wasn't grape

What did the green grape say to the paranoid red grape?

Don't worry. You're going to be wine.

A new law will require all wine to be aged 18 months before commercial sale

Failure to follow new legislation will be referred to as Statutory Grape

Why do they call it wine?

Oh no! Someone left the grape juice out, and now it's spooooooooiled!

A man and his best friend, a preacher, are traveling together.

They stop at a vineyard and after the taste testing the preacher comments that one of the wines is the best he's ever tasted. The man, knowing his friend's congregation is particularly conservative, grins and tells the preacher, I'll buy you a case of this wine IF you thank me for it in front of your congregation next Sunday.
The preacher gives it some thought and finally accepts. On Sunday morning before his sermon he stands at the pulpit and says, I'd like to thank my good friend Jeff for the gift of the fine grapes and the excellent spirit in which they were given.

I recently got some advice from a wine maker...

...he says that smashed grapes are a must.

A young woman goes grocery shopping...

She wanders through the store more or less aimlessly, finally arriving at the checkout, where she places her items on the conveyor belt: Ramen noodles, a two-pack of toilet paper, a bottle of cheap wine, some grapes, a frozen pizza and a chocolate bar.
The cashier looks at her items, looks at her, looks back at her items and says, "Let me guess, you're single".
"Yeah, you're right", the woman admits, "but how did you know that?"
"Well...", she responds, "you're ugly"

Who is hockey's "The Grape One"?

Wine Gretzky

I like my wine like I like my women.

I prefer grape juice.

A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner.

'Much obliged', said he, pushing the plate aside, 'I am not accustomed to taking my wine in pills'.
Quote by Brillat-Savarin

My friend got turned into wine recently...

He was a grape friend.

What did the grape say when they did surgery on it?

Nothing - it just gave out a little wine.

What did the grape do when it got ran over by a car?

It let out a little wine

The "They did surgery on a grape" meme is just like wine.

It takes months to become its best.

If someone could just reverse the process of making wine...

That would be grape.

Why are grapes the most annoying fruit?

They're always wine-ing, and without good raisin!

I swear Grandma didn't send this to me on Facebook...

Doctor - so, what did you have for dinner last night?
Patient - I had a fruit salad.
D - only fruit salad? Well, that should help with your cholesterol. And strawberries are very high in...
P - well, it was mostly grapes.
D - mostly?
P - well, all grapes.
D - still, fresh grapes are...
P - they weren't overly fresh. Well, a little older, maybe. Fermented?
D - ...
P - Okay, wine. I had wine for dinner.

What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.

I'm sorry.
Found in a Christmas c**.... Is my sense of humour rapidly deteriorating or is this as funny as I've been finding it since Christmas Day?


A gal walks into a bar and orders a bottle of wine. After she downs most of the bottle she tries to get the bartender's attention. "I used to be grapes!" she announces loudly. "What?" the confused bartender asks. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. "That must have been the wine talking."

Doc and Marty mcfly find a mysterious bottle of purple liquor.

Marty opens it and takes a whiff. "Smells kinda like wine, Doc"
Doc grabs the bottle, exclaiming "I don't think it's wine, Marty". Doc takes a sip and spits it into Marty's face. "Grape Scotch!?"