The Best 80 Windshield Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Windshield jokes. There are some windshield windscreen jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these windshield pedestrians puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Windshield Jokes and Puns

Did you hear the one about Princess Diana on the radio?

Yeah, she was also on the dashboard, the steering wheel and the windshield....

How do make a woman blind?

Stick a car windshield in front of her face.

How do you blindfold an Asian woman?

Put a windshield in front of her.

Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...

The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.

The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

jokes about windshield

Did you hear about Princess Dianas car crash?

She was all over the radio.
And the dash.
And the windshield...

I bought a used Mercedes last week...

... and I'm really happy with everything about it, except that the windshield wipers always seem to leave streaks on the driver's side while the passenger side is spotless. I tried replacing the blades, but that didn't work. So I called the guy I bought it from to see if he had any advice, and all he said was "I noticed that too. I guess the glass is always cleaner on the other side of the Benz."

Car Accident

Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car crash. The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.

"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.

The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"

Windshield joke, Car Accident

My wife and I weren't really expecting a baby, and then BAM!...

One smacks right into the windshield.

A drunk white guy swerves and hits 2 black teens walking down the sidewalk

One went through the windshield, the other was flung 50 yards away.

When the police show up, they charge the first kid with breaking and entering and the other with fleeing the scene of a crime.

Accidentally locked my baby inside my hot Tesla Cybertruck and I can’t break the glass.

Fastening a breaching charge to the windshield. Cover your eyes sweetie ..

Driving through a blizzard with my dad

At the peak of the snow and ice he got out of the car and put two frozen snakes on the windshield. I asked him what he supposed that would do to help and he said "what's wrong son, Never heard of wind chilled vipers?"

You can explore windshield pothole reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean windshield blinker dad jokes. There are also windshield puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why was the snake pressed againt the glass at the zoo?

He wanted to be a windshield viper.

Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio?

And the dashboard, and the windshield...

A blonde said to her friend while driving

I got a compliment on my driving today, said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said parking fine .

I love being complimented on my parking skills!

Someone even left a note on my windshield saying "parking fine".

Did you know princess diana was on the radio during her car accident?

She was also on the dash, windshield and the hood

Windshield joke, Did you know princess diana was on the radio during her car accident?

I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield.

Somebody complimented me in my driving today...

They left a little note on the windshield, it said "Parking Fine."

What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield?

It's rear end!

I'm so glad they released a patch for my car

The windshield was starting to get buggy.

A bug hit the windshield and my Grandma said:

"I bet he won't have the guts to do that again!"

My coworker broke his second windshield today. I offered him my apple...

...because windows keep crashing on him.

Somebody finally complimented me on my parking today!

I got a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine".

I left three Cleveland Browns tickets on my windshield before yesterday's game.

I came back and there were nine.

Why can't cars fly kites?

Because of the windshield.

Duck Jokes

What do you call a duck addicted to crack?
A quack head.

What is a ducks favorite snack?

Why couldn't the duck drive his car?
His windshield was quacked.

Windshield joke, Duck Jokes


A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma''re sitting in the backseat..."

Me and my girlfriend always wanted a baby. We tried really hard, but nothing worked. We finally got one when we expected it the least!

BAM, over the whole windshield.

I cleaned the inside of my car windshield and I can finally see

Why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch

What was the last thing to cross Paul Walker's mind?

The windshield

Any bug can hit a windshield..

But it takes some guts to stick.

An elderly lady dials 911.

"Help! Someone's stolen everything in my car," the lady says. "My radio, my windshield, my GPS, even my steering wheel!"

Shortly after, an officer walks up to the car and talks to his radio. "Disregard that last call," the officer said. "She just got in the back seat."

How do you make a Chinese person blind?

Put a windshield in front of them.

Princess Dianna was on the radio the night she died.

And the steering wheel, and the dashboard, and the windshield...

A guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the clerk, "I would like a pair of new windshield wipers for my Yugo."

The clerk responds, "Sounds like a fair trade."

A fly hit my windshield...

...and now there is this big black spot in the center of it. It's starting to bug me.

A bug hit the windshield.

He will never have the guts to do that again.

A blonde gets in her car...

and notices that her dashboard windshield and steering wheel were missing she called the cops and reported a theft when the cops arrived she was crying in her car and the cops went up to her and said "Ma'am you are sitting in the backseat".

Adam gets into a terrible car accident.

He wakes up in the hospital, and the doctor explains, "You went straight through the windshield, but you are going to make a full recovery. Part of your ribcage was broken and started putting pressure on your heart, so we carefully removed it while you were under." Adam thinks on this, then asks the Doctor, "So does this mean I get another wife?"

On my way home, an acorn fell on my car and cracked my windshield.

It was the least satisfying nut busting I've ever experienced.

Why did Jay-Z turn his windshield wipers on?

For drizzle, my nizzle.

I used a store discount card to scrape the ice off my windshield.

I only managed to get 20% off.

People need to stop putting flyers on my car windshield,

I have no interest in seeing some band called Parking Violation at the City Courthouse venue.

I told a co-worker I got a new set of windshield wipers for my 11 year old Sonata.

He said "Good trade, man".

I was told to scrape the ice off my windshield with my supermarket discount card..

..I tried but it only took off 10%.

A fresh yo mama joke

What does my windshield and your mother have in common?

The crack just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

There wasn't a dry eye during the funeral of Robert William Kearns, the inventor of the intermittent windshield wiper...

Then there was. Then there wasn't.

What was the last thing that went through the bug's mind before he splatted against the car's windshield?

"Did I turn off the coffee maker?"

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?

She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.

And the windshield, and the dashboard...

^^^I ^^^feel ^^^dirty

A group of scientists and engineers teamed up to create the best and more responsive set of Breaks and Tires. That's like 120 km/h to 0 km/s in 2 seconds...

... now they need to create the strongest windshield.

How does the moon clean the ice off its windshield?

With a sky-scraper!

I went to a restaurant to dine last week.

When I returned to my car, there was a parking ticket stuck on the windshield.

Well, that was fine dining!

Two pilots are taking off when a bird nearly hits the windshield.

The captain says "Looks like a close encounter of the bird kind."

What's the last thing that goes through a bug's head when he hits a windshield?

"I hope somebody takes care of my wife and kids."

Did you know Princess Diana was all over the radio after her accident?

And the steering wheel, and the windshield, and the floor mats.

I just had a really bad day today

I got into a car accident and my girlfriend left me... I didn't forget a comma with the "and" conjunction, she left through the front windshield of my car.

I went to my car one day to find a spear sticking out of the windshield!

That's the last time I ask Joss Whedon to wash it for me.

Did you know? Even after she passed away Lady Diana was on the radio...

and on the windshield and in the footwell.

What sound does a wasp make when it hits your windshield?

A bee flat.

Please stop putting flyers on my trucks windshield.

I'm not interested in seeing a band called Parking Violation.

Humans are just like snowflakes. Each one is unique in its own way

And a large amount of them on my windshield makes it harder to drive.

What's the last thing to pass through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a speeding car?

It's ass.

So I'm at a protest right now

And in front of the crowd there's a lifted truck revving it's engine and on the windshield there's a banner that says All Lives Splatter . Should I be worried?

A man in a Trabi (old eastern german car) went to a gas station.

He said: "I'd like to have two windshield wipers for my Trabi, please."

The man in charge looked at the car and responded: "That sounds about fair."

What's the first thing that goes through your head, when you find yourself in a car accident without a seat belt?

The windshield

What was the last thing to go through the fly's mind as it smashed into the windshield?

Its butt.

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield

The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.

"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.

The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:

"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"

What noise does a bug make when it hits your windshield in Moscow?


My mom said my Pawpaw would say this joke all the time in the car. They'd be driving along and a bug would splat against the windshield and he'd say...

"I bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again."

What was the last thing to enter the bugs mind after hitting the windshield?

his back legs

Any tips on removing ice from my windshield?

I tried an old discount card, only got 20% off.

Rough part of the hood.

I once parked my car with my accordion in the back seat in a rough part of town. I was only gone a few minutes, but when I came back, somebody had smashed my rear windshield and thrown in two more accordions.

Whats the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits a windshield?

Its ass

Help, how do I get the frost off my windshield?

I used my discount card but could only get 20% off.

Courts still use the term "vehicular manslaughter". It's 2021; shouldn't we call it "vehicular human-slaughter"?

It's time for women to finally break through the glass windshield.

What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the windshield?

Its ass.

A traffic cop went through the trouble of putting a note on my windshield to let me know I positioned my car correctly.

It said **'parking fine'** so that was nice.

My 5yo continues to supply the gold: what snakes do you find on cars?

Windshield vipers!

A bug hit my windshield, I know the last thing that went trough its mind.

His guts

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the windshield car jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working windshield automobile piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes