Windshield Jokes
85 windshield jokes and hilarious windshield puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about windshield that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious windshield jokes! See how a broken windshield, windshield wiper, halt, tyres, and even a pothole can provide endless comedic material. Read on and get ready for a chuckle!
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Funniest Windshield Short Jokes
Short windshield jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The windshield humour may include short windscreen jokes also.
- Why was the snake pressed againt the glass at the zoo? He wanted to be a windshield viper.
- Any tips on removing ice from my windshield? I tried an old discount card, only got 20% off.
- You should never remove ice from your windshield with a discount card It only takes off 20%
- A guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the clerk, "I would like a pair of new windshield wipers for my Yugo." The clerk responds, "Sounds like a fair trade."
- Princess Dianna was on the radio the night she died. And the steering wheel, and the dashboard, and the windshield...
- A bug hit the windshield and my Grandma said: "I bet he won't have the guts to do that again!"
- I left three Cleveland Browns tickets on my windshield before yesterday's game. I came back and there were nine.
- A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her. And the windshield, and the dashboard...
^^^I ^^^feel ^^^dirty - On my way home, an acorn fell on my car and cracked my windshield. It was the least satisfying nut busting I've ever experienced.
- My wife and I weren't really expecting a baby, and then BAM!... One smacks right into the windshield.
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Windshield One Liners
Which windshield one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with windshield? I can suggest the ones about window screen and steering wheel.
- Any bug can hit a windshield.. But it takes some guts to stick.
- My 5yo continues to supply the gold: what snakes do you find on cars? Windshield vipers!
- What noise does a bug make when it hits your windshield in Moscow? Splyat.
- I'm so glad they released a patch for my car The windshield was starting to get buggy.
- What sound does a wasp make when it hits your windshield? A bee flat.
- What was the last thing to cross Paul Walker's mind? The windshield
- Why did Jay-Z turn his windshield wipers on? For drizzle, my nizzle.
- Why can't cars fly kites? Because of the windshield.
- How does the moon clean the ice off its windshield? With a sky-scraper!
- A fly smashed into my windshield today I'm heading to the carwash to debug.
- What do you call the piece of plastic behind the windshield in an Iraqi car? A Daeshboard
- A bug hit my windshield, I know the last thing that went trough its mind. His guts
- How do make a woman blind? Stick a car windshield in front of her face.
- so true how do you blind a c**...?-put a windshield in front of him
- How do you get an Asian to c**... their car? Make the windshield full screen
Windshield Wiper Jokes
Here is a list of funny windshield wiper jokes and even better windshield wiper puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told a co-worker I got a new set of windshield wipers for my 11 year old Sonata. He said "Good trade, man".
Share Hilarious Windshield Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about windshield you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vehicle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make windshield pranks.
A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:
"I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."
Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:
"I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick and throw it into the windshield.
the fowled experiment
scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
british engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. arrangements were made. but when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab.
horrified the britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
NASA's response was just three words, "thaw the chicken".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the fastest way to exit a car on the highway?
Through the windshield
Sentry
A new soldier was posted guard at the gate to the American Base in Afghanistan. His orders were clear: All vehicles had to stop to show ID unless it had a special placard on the dashboard inside the windshield.
A black SUV came up with a general seated in the back. The car did not immediately stop, intending to drive through the gate area.
The sentry yelled at the drive to stop, almost getting run over as he jumped in front of the car.
The driver, a corporal, said, "I've got General Wheeler in the back."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. Since you don't have a sign on your dashboard, I have to see some ID."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without showing ID."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...
The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.
The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
I bought a used Mercedes last week...
... and I'm really happy with everything about it, except that the windshield wipers always seem to leave streaks on the driver's side while the passenger side is spotless. I tried replacing the blades, but that didn't work. So I called the guy I bought it from to see if he had any advice, and all he said was "I noticed that too. I guess the glass is always cleaner on the other side of the Benz."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Car Accident
Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car c**.... The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.
"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.
The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"
Accidentally locked my baby inside my hot Tesla Cybertruck and I can’t break the glass.
Fastening a breaching charge to the windshield. Cover your eyes sweetie ..
Driving through a blizzard with my dad
At the peak of the snow and ice he got out of the car and put two frozen snakes on the windshield. I asked him what he supposed that would do to help and he said "what's wrong son, Never heard of wind chilled vipers?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First day as SOLDIER!
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear.
>**"No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield"**
A big army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur says, "General William."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. *Do i shoot you or the driver?*"
NASA CHICKEN CANON
NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver, extremely furious, made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield.
Somebody complimented me in my driving today...
They left a little note on the windshield, it said "Parking Fine."
What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield?
It's rear end!
My coworker broke his second windshield today. I offered him my apple...
...because windows keep crashing on him.
Duck Jokes
What do you call a duck addicted to crack?
A quack head.
What is a ducks favorite snack?
Quackers.
Why couldn't the duck drive his car?
His windshield was quacked.
GRAND THEFT AUTO
A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Me and my girlfriend always wanted a baby. We tried really hard, but nothing worked. We finally got one when we expected it the least!
BAM, over the whole windshield.
I cleaned the inside of my car windshield and I can finally see
Why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
An elderly lady dials 911.
"Help! Someone's stolen everything in my car," the lady says. "My radio, my windshield, my GPS, even my steering wheel!"
Shortly after, an officer walks up to the car and talks to his radio. "Disregard that last call," the officer said. "She just got in the back seat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A fly hit my windshield...
...and now there is this b**... spot in the center of it. It's starting to bug me.
Adam gets into a terrible car accident.
He wakes up in the hospital, and the doctor explains, "You went straight through the windshield, but you are going to make a full recovery. Part of your ribcage was broken and started putting pressure on your heart, so we carefully removed it while you were under." Adam thinks on this, then asks the Doctor, "So does this mean I get another wife?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Half as mad
A teacher from primary school asks Peter a question,
Teacher: "Peter; suppose that a car is moving at a speed of 100 mph suddenly brakes and the driver flies out through the windshield at a certain force and lands on the road. What would be my age?"
Peter thought for a moment and replied,
Peter: " Sir, you would be 40 years old."
The teacher; perplexed looked at Peter and asked how could he guess his exact age.
Peter: "Sir, I have an older sister aged 20 and she is half as mad as you."
A fresh yo mama joke
What does my windshield and your mother have in common?
The crack just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There wasn't a dry eye during the f**... of Robert William Kearns, the inventor of the intermittent windshield wiper...
Then there was. Then there wasn't.
What was the last thing that went through the bug's mind before he splatted against the car's windshield?
"Did I turn off the coffee maker?"
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
A group of scientists and engineers teamed up to create the best and more responsive set of Breaks and Tires. That's like 120 km/h to 0 km/s in 2 seconds...
... now they need to create the strongest windshield.
I went to a restaurant to dine last week.
When I returned to my car, there was a parking ticket stuck on the windshield.
Well, that was fine dining!
Two pilots are taking off when a bird nearly hits the windshield.
The captain says "Looks like a close encounter of the bird kind."
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's head when he hits a windshield?
"I hope somebody takes care of my wife and kids."
I just had a really bad day today
I got into a car accident and my girlfriend left me... I didn't forget a comma with the "and" conjunction, she left through the front windshield of my car.
I went to my car one day to find a spear sticking out of the windshield!
That's the last time I ask Joss Whedon to wash it for me.
Humans are just like snowflakes. Each one is unique in its own way
And a large amount of them on my windshield makes it harder to drive.
So I'm at a protest right now
And in front of the crowd there's a lifted truck revving it's engine and on the windshield there's a banner that says All Lives Splatter . Should I be worried?
A man in a Trabi (old eastern german car) went to a gas station.
He said: "I'd like to have two windshield wipers for my Trabi, please."
The man in charge looked at the car and responded: "That sounds about fair."
What's the first thing that goes through your head, when you find yourself in a car accident without a seat belt?
The windshield
Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield
The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.
"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.
The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:
"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"
My mom said my Pawpaw would say this joke all the time in the car. They'd be driving along and a bug would splat against the windshield and he'd say...
"I bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again."
What was the last thing to enter the bugs mind after hitting the windshield?
his back legs
Rough part of the hood.
I once parked my car with my accordion in the back seat in a rough part of town. I was only gone a few minutes, but when I came back, somebody had smashed my rear windshield and thrown in two more accordions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Courts still use the term "vehicular manslaughter". It's 2021; shouldn't we call it "vehicular human-s**..."?
It's time for women to finally break through the glass windshield.
