Windshield Jokes
86 windshield jokes and hilarious windshield puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about windshield that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious windshield jokes! See how a broken windshield, windshield wiper, halt, tyres, and even a pothole can provide endless comedic material. Read on and get ready for a chuckle!
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Funniest Windshield Short Jokes
Short windshield jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The windshield humour may include short windscreen jokes also.
- Why was the snake pressed againt the glass at the zoo? He wanted to be a windshield viper.
- Any tips on removing ice from my windshield? I tried an old discount card, only got 20% off.
- You should never remove ice from your windshield with a discount card It only takes off 20%
- A guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the clerk, "I would like a pair of new windshield wipers for my Yugo." The clerk responds, "Sounds like a fair trade."
- I used my discount card to clean ice off my windshield. I could only get about 20% off tho
- "I got a compliment on my driving today," said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield that said "parking fine".
- Somebody finally complimented me on my parking today! I got a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine".
- Princess Dianna was on the radio the night she died. And the steering wheel, and the dashboard, and the windshield...
- A bug hit the windshield and my Grandma said: "I bet he won't have the guts to do that again!"
- Did you know princess diana was on the radio during her car accident? She was also on the dash, windshield and the hood
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Windshield One Liners
Which windshield one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with windshield? I can suggest the ones about window screen and steering wheel.
- How do you blindfold an Asian woman? Put a windshield in front of her.
- Any bug can hit a windshield.. But it takes some guts to stick.
- How do you make a Chinese person blind? Put a windshield in front of them.
- My 5yo continues to supply the gold: what snakes do you find on cars? Windshield vipers!
- What noise does a bug make when it hits your windshield in Moscow? Splyat.
- A bug hit my windshield, I know the last thing that went trough its mind. His guts
- How do make a woman blind? Stick a car windshield in front of her face.
- I'm so glad they released a patch for my car The windshield was starting to get buggy.
- Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio? And the dashboard, and the windshield...
- What sound does a wasp make when it hits your windshield? A bee flat.
- What was the last thing to cross Paul Walker's mind? The windshield
- Why did Jay-Z turn his windshield wipers on? For drizzle, my nizzle.
- A bug hit the windshield. He will never have the guts to do that again.
- Why can't cars fly kites? Because of the windshield.
- How does the moon clean the ice off its windshield? With a sky-scraper!
Windshield Wiper Jokes
Here is a list of funny windshield wiper jokes and even better windshield wiper puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told a co-worker I got a new set of windshield wipers for my 11 year old Sonata. He said "Good trade, man".
- There wasn't a dry eye during the f**... of Robert William Kearns, the inventor of the intermittent windshield wiper... Then there was. Then there wasn't.
Share Hilarious Windshield Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about windshield you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vehicle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make windshield pranks.
Did you hear the one about Princess Diana on the radio?
Yeah, she was also on the dashboard, the steering wheel and the windshield....
Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...
The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.
The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.
Did you hear about Princess Dianas car c**...?
She was all over the radio.
And the dash.
And the windshield...
I bought a used Mercedes last week...
... and I'm really happy with everything about it, except that the windshield wipers always seem to leave streaks on the driver's side while the passenger side is spotless. I tried replacing the blades, but that didn't work. So I called the guy I bought it from to see if he had any advice, and all he said was "I noticed that too. I guess the glass is always cleaner on the other side of the Benz."
Car Accident
Two paramedics arrived at the scene of a car c**.... The driver of the car was still sitting in his seat, screaming his head off. One of the paramedics tried to calm him down.
"Pull yourself together, man" he says. "At least you haven't gone through the windshield like your passenger" He points at a girl lying unconscious on the side of the road.
The driver replied "You haven't seen what's in her mouth"
My wife and I weren't really expecting a baby, and then BAM!...
One smacks right into the windshield.
A drunk white guy swerves and hits 2 black teens walking down the sidewalk
One went through the windshield, the other was flung 50 yards away.
When the police show up, they charge the first kid with breaking and entering and the other with fleeing the scene of a crime.
Driving through a blizzard with my dad
At the peak of the snow and ice he got out of the car and put two frozen snakes on the windshield. I asked him what he supposed that would do to help and he said "what's wrong son, Never heard of wind chilled vipers?"
NASA CHICKEN CANON
NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."
A blonde said to her friend while driving
I got a compliment on my driving today, said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said parking fine .
I love being complimented on my parking skills!
Someone even left a note on my windshield saying "parking fine".
I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind when it hits a windshield?
It's rear end!
I left three Cleveland Browns tickets on my windshield before yesterday's game.
I came back and there were nine.
Duck Jokes
What do you call a duck addicted to crack?
A quack head.
What is a ducks favorite snack?
Quackers.
Why couldn't the duck drive his car?
His windshield was quacked.
GRAND THEFT AUTO
A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Me and my girlfriend always wanted a baby. We tried really hard, but nothing worked. We finally got one when we expected it the least!
BAM, over the whole windshield.
An elderly lady dials 911.
"Help! Someone's stolen everything in my car," the lady says. "My radio, my windshield, my GPS, even my steering wheel!"
Shortly after, an officer walks up to the car and talks to his radio. "Disregard that last call," the officer said. "She just got in the back seat."
A blonde gets in her car...
and notices that her dashboard windshield and steering wheel were missing she called the cops and reported a theft when the cops arrived she was crying in her car and the cops went up to her and said "Ma'am you are sitting in the backseat".
Adam gets into a terrible car accident.
He wakes up in the hospital, and the doctor explains, "You went straight through the windshield, but you are going to make a full recovery. Part of your ribcage was broken and started putting pressure on your heart, so we carefully removed it while you were under." Adam thinks on this, then asks the Doctor, "So does this mean I get another wife?"
On my way home, an acorn fell on my car and cracked my windshield.
It was the least satisfying nut busting I've ever experienced.
I used a store discount card to scrape the ice off my windshield.
I only managed to get 20% off.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car windshield,
I have no interest in seeing some band called Parking Violation at the City Courthouse venue.
I was told to scrape the ice off my windshield with my supermarket discount card..
..I tried but it only took off 10%.
A fresh yo mama joke
What does my windshield and your mother have in common?
The crack just keeps getting bigger and bigger.
What was the last thing that went through the bug's mind before he splatted against the car's windshield?
"Did I turn off the coffee maker?"
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.
And the windshield, and the dashboard...
^^^I ^^^feel ^^^dirty
A group of scientists and engineers teamed up to create the best and more responsive set of Breaks and Tires. That's like 120 km/h to 0 km/s in 2 seconds...
... now they need to create the strongest windshield.
What's the last thing to pass through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a speeding car?
It's a**....
So I'm at a protest right now
And in front of the crowd there's a lifted truck revving it's engine and on the windshield there's a banner that says All Lives Splatter . Should I be worried?
A man in a Trabi (old eastern german car) went to a gas station.
He said: "I'd like to have two windshield wipers for my Trabi, please."
The man in charge looked at the car and responded: "That sounds about fair."
What's the first thing that goes through your head, when you find yourself in a car accident without a seat belt?
The windshield
What was the last thing to go through the fly's mind as it smashed into the windshield?
Its b**....
Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield
The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.
"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.
The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:
"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"
My mom said my Pawpaw would say this joke all the time in the car. They'd be driving along and a bug would splat against the windshield and he'd say...
"I bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again."
What was the last thing to enter the bugs mind after hitting the windshield?
his back legs
Rough part of the hood.
I once parked my car with my accordion in the back seat in a rough part of town. I was only gone a few minutes, but when I came back, somebody had smashed my rear windshield and thrown in two more accordions.
Whats the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits a windshield?
Its a**...
Help, how do I get the frost off my windshield?
I used my discount card but could only get 20% off.
Courts still use the term "vehicular manslaughter". It's 2021; shouldn't we call it "vehicular human-s**..."?
It's time for women to finally break through the glass windshield.
What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the windshield?
Its a**....
A traffic cop went through the trouble of putting a note on my windshield to let me know I positioned my car correctly.
It said **'parking fine'** so that was nice.
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when they hit your windshield?
Their a**....
