windows Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious windows puns

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition he gets to install windows.


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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

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Why didn't the terminator upgrade to windows 10?

I asked him and he said, "I still love vista, baby!"

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On a cold winter's morning

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."



Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."



Wife texts back 5 minutes later:



"Computer is really screwed up now.

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I once farted in the Apple Store and everybody got pissed

It's not my fault they don't have Windows

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Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:

Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning:
"Windows frozen."
Husband texts back:
"Pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back 5 mins later:
"Computer completely fucked now."

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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open.

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

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If you play a Windows Vista disc backwards, you can hear satanic chanting...

...what's worse, if you play it forwards, it installs Vista.

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My dad told me this is why different branches of the military have so much trouble communicating.

They all have different vocabulary. For instance; "Secure that building."

Tell a marine that and he'll go kill everyone inside.

Tell a soldier and he'll put up razor wire, sandbags, and machine gun nests.

Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors.

Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy.

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After getting the windows on my car tinted black, I showed it to my wife.

She said, "I wouldn't be seen dead in that thing!"

I said, "That's the point."

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What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7?

I still love vista, baby

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Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7..

His response was "I still love Vista, baby!"

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A snail walks into a car dealership...

And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:

"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"

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Stewardess

Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

Captain, shut up and land the plane.

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A wife texts her husband

"Windows frozen"

"Pour some hot water over it" he replies.

"Computer completely fucked now"

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Why do French tanks have rear windows?

So they can see the battlefield!

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she can't open windows.

On a cold winter morning, while her husband is away on business, a wife has a problem at home and sends a text message to her husband:

Windows frozen, it won't open


Husband texts back:
Pour boiling water over it inside and outside


Five minutes later, wife texts back.


Computer's really screwed up now...

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A blind guy rang my door bell...

When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

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My wife texted me while I was at work this cold winter morning, "Windows frozen."

I texted back, "Pour some lukewarm water over it."

She replied, "Computer completely fucked now."

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Wife texts husband, "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband replies, "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it
and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife sends back 5 minutes later, "Computer is really messed up now."

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A Linux Joke

In computing, what's the only way to generate a truly random string?

Put a Windows user in front of VI and tell him to quit.

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The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day.

Wife: Windows frozen.
Husband: Pour some warm water over them.
Wife: Computer completely screwed up now.

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Why do Macs run hotter than PCs?

Because they don't have Windows.

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I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10..

He said "I still love Vista baby!"

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I heard Apple is trying to develop a new car.

But they're having trouble installing windows.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger's computer

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 8, he replied: "I still love Vista, baby"

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Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?

So they can watch the battle

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Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

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Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?

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Why did we skip windows 9?

Because 7 8 9












I'm so sorry

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Two Nuns Painting

One day at a convent two nuns are instructed by Mother Superior to paint their room. The sisters prepare to paint, and realize they are going to get paint on the habits. They eventually decide that since the windows in the room are fairly high up and no one is likely to see in, they can just keep the door shut and paint in the nude. After a few hours of nude painting, the sisters hear a knock on the door. "Who is it?" the sisters ask. "Blind Man," the man replies. The sister's look at each other and figure, if he's blind, then he won't even know they are nude. So they go and open up the door for the blind man. He steps in, takes a good look at each of the sisters and says "Nice tits, sisters. Where do you want the blinds?"

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Why did the man who fell asleep in front of his PC got sick?

Because the Windows were open.

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If you ever feel unimportant...

Just remember Windows 9

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Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars.

Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows.

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Please enter your new password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIf

YouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

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What are the most funny Windows jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Windows? Well, here are the best Windows dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Windows pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes