The Best 91 Window Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Window jokes. There are some window manhole jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these window window licker puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Window Jokes and Puns

Handjobs



A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.

"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

I got pulled over by a female cop...

When I rolled down my window to ask what was wrong, she said
"NOTHING"

I got pulled over by the police ...

He came to the window and said papers ...

I said - scissors, I win - and drove off

He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!

A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

jokes about window

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."


Eyes

Two men are sitting in a bar, talking to eachother. One asks the other if he ever looks his wife in the eyes while making love. "I did once" the other responds, "But I saw a lot of anger in her eyes". The first, looking confused: "Why was that?"

"Because she was looking from outside through the window!"

A police officer pulls a guy over.....

and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?

Window joke, A police officer pulls a guy over.....

A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.

He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.

"What are you up to here, son?"

"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."

"And what's she doing back there?"

"I think she's playing a game on her phone."

"Have you been drinking tonight?"

"No, sir. I'm only twenty."

"And how old is she?"

The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."

What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window?

The restraining order

it's raining and my gf has been staring at the window for about an hour..

i should probably let her in.

The two old-timers...

...were having a chat over the back fence.

"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."

"Why's that, Clem?"

"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love to your wife."

"Pfft! That shows how bad your eyesight is. I wasn't even home last night!"

You can explore window pavement reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean window immediately dad jokes. There are also window puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...

...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.

"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.

Stalin lit his pipe and replied:

"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."

School joke

Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I'm going home now.

Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad.

Maybe I should let her in.

A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:

and says my wife wants to commit suicide by jumping out of the window.

The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.

Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.

I saw a lady texting and driving today

I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her.

Window joke, I saw a lady texting and driving today

A bloke bumped in to me on the tube the other day and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."

I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."

I told the officer I was being stalked and he asked if I could tell him anything about the man.

I said, "Yes, he reminds me of Leonardo Di Caprio."

The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"

No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".


Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.

He gets furious and turns red.

"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.

"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."

A man calls up his hotel's reception

He says, "Please send someone over, I'm having an argument with my wife and she's threatening to jump out the window."

The manager replies, "I'm sorry sir, but we cannot intervene, this seems to be a personal issue."

"Dammit man, this is a maintenance issue; I can't get the window open!"

Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window.

If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in.

When one door closes...

An incognito window opens.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...

I love a girl with a trimmed bush....

Only because its makes it easier to see her through the window at night.

I can't get over how cruel some people are.

I had some Nickelback tickets on the passenger seat of my car, and I popped into the shop for just five minutes.

When I came back, someone had smashed the window and left two more.

Window joke, I can't get over how cruel some people are.

A woman walks by a clothes shop, and spots a nice red dress in the window.

She goes inside to inquire:

Woman: Hi. I want to try on that red dress in the window.

Employee: Well, as you wish, but we have changing rooms too.

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

There were two friends drinking and one says to the other

I have a trumpet that tells the hour.
"The hour?" the friend asks.
Yes, yes look.... he grabs the trumpet and opens the window and starts to play it like crazy when all of a sudden you can hear...
"You $#@% it's 3 in the morning"


I was told by a female friend that I was being sexist and should look at things from a woman's perspective more often

But I can't see very much from my kitchen window

I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full"

Couldn't turn it down.

Every time it rains I find my wife standing at the window, looking kind of sad.

Maybe I should let her inside.

On my way home from work saw a man texting while driving..

Knowing how dangerous this can be I pulled up next to him, rolled down my window and threw my beer at him.

A man auditioned for a talent show

A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.


A man called the hotel manager...

He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".

A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night....

When he gets pulled over. The cop comes up to his window and asks him:

"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"

The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."

The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"

The professor responds: "My wife."

Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's fingering herself again

Don't be frightened if you see a Pokemon Go player outside your bathroom window.

He's just trying to catch a pikachu.

After getting the windows on my car tinted black, I showed it to my wife.

She said, "I wouldn't be seen dead in that thing!"

I said, "That's the point."

Do you look at your wife's face when you are having sex?

I did once and she looked really angry.

Why angry?

Because she was watching from the window!

Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie?

Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!

A teacher says to her class "whoever answers my next question can go home."

One boy at the back of the class throws his bag out the window.

"Who just threw that? Demands the teacher.

"Me" replied the boy. "And I'm going home."

Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.

A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning

He looked out the window and announced, _"It's raining."_

His wife said, _"No dear, it's sleeting."_

He replied, _"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."_

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

I hate it when women turn off the light before having sex...

It makes it really difficult for me to see them through the window...

Another blonde joke

Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."

A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.

One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"

Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall

The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, papers?

I said, Scissors, I win and drove off.

I think he wants a re-match he's been chasing me for 45 minutes.

The wife has done nothing but stare through the f**king window since it started snowing.

If it gets any worse i might have to let her in.

I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it turns out it was a seabird.

I took a tern for the wurst.

A blonde walked into a gas station...

A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."

"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."

A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.

It's rainy outside, gf is looking through the window totally depressed... I don't know what to do

Should I let her come in ?

A man calls the hotel front desk

"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"

"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."

"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"

"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."

"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."

"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"

A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"

I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.

Plot Twist

A hotel receptionist gets a call*

Man: Hello, I'm in room 210, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.

Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.

A cop pulls over a car with two priests.

The cop makes his way up to the window and says, We're looking for two child molesters.

The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.

We'll do it.

My dad wanted me to let you know he's cleaning a window.

He just wanted to make it clear.

A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.

She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.

At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."

He ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.

After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

`"Try it now,'' said the bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''

"BP,'' answered the bee.

It's a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin...Sorry if it is not funny enough for you

him: Knock knock

me: Who's there?

him: A snail

me: a snail who?

him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why

Just watched Captain America: Civil War for the first time

Couldn't get enough, so I looked out of the window to watch America: Civil War.

A man and his wife checked into a hotel.

An hour after checking in, the man calls the front desk.

Man- "My wife and I had a fight and she is going to jump out the window."

Help desk- " It's your personal matter and we cant help in this situation. "

Man- " Personal matter my ass the window doesn't open."

I was in a long McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.

Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.

Don't honk your horn at old people.

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."

"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"

"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."

I caught two teenagers smoking pot outside my office window.

Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two teenagers smoking pot outside my office window.

Should've been more specific

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Bob was in trouble

He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

It's just started raining really hard and all my wife is doing is standing at the window looking sad...

If it gets any stronger I'll have to let her in

Teacher:

Whoever answers my next question can go home.

Little Johnny throws his bag out of the window.

Teacher: Who just threw that?

Little Johnny: Me, and I'm going home now!

2 nuns are in a car at a stop light in Transylvania when a vampire blocks their car...

One nun says to the other Quick sister, show him your cross!

The other nun rolls down the window and yells Get the bloody hell out of middle of the road asshole!

Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass.

A POLICEMAN pulls over a speeding car and takes out his little book.

The driver lowers her window.

Policeman: Name, please?

Woman: Freda.

Policeman: Surname?

Woman: Gonow.

Policeman: So you are Freda Gonow.

Woman: Thanks very much , and she takes off!

A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she's pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver's license.

Driver's license? the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.

You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse, the blonde cop explains patiently.

Oh, that! the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectangular mirror, which she hands to the blonde cop.

The blonde cop looks at the mirror and exclaims, Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, you're free to go…I didn't realize you were a cop!

I went for an audition at a talent agency today.

They asked "so what's your special talent?"

I said "I do bird impressions!"

They said "sorry, that's not original we have had loads of them!"

I said "fair enough!!"...
and flew out the window.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

My wife and kids are leaving me because they say I'm obsessed with Horse Racing.

I'm looking out the window at them now........... and they're off.....

Putin is held hostage by a terrorist.

A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:

Driver: What's going on?

Policeman: A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 mill rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations.

Driver: Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average.

Policeman: About a gallon.

Uvalde citizen gets pulled over

A very cute blonde was pulled over for speeding by an Uvalde motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the policeman's Ball."

The cop replied, "No, ma'am. You're thinking of the Border Patrol , the Uvalde Police don't have balls."

My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"

The traffic jam in Russia.

There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.

Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!

Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"

The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."

The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"

The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."

I stood in line at a Vietnamese food truck for an hour.

When I finally got to the window, they were sold out and closing for the day.

What a big Pho queue.

Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem .

Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.

Paddy and Mick are heading down to the pub...

...when they see a sign in a shop window
> TREE FELLERS WANTED

> Great Pay
> Flexible Hours
> No Experience Necessary

Paddy turns to Mick and says "What do you reckon?"

Mick replies "It's a shame there's only two of us"

A man is pulled over for drunk driving

The cop walks up to his window,

Sir, have you been drunk driving?

No sir! Says the man

What's in that bottle? Says the cop

Just water sir! Says the man

The cop says, Hand it to me and let me see

The man hands him the bottle and the cop says sir this is wine

The man says praise the lord and all his miracles!

I'm pissed. The window on my house FELL OFF onto my front lawn!

It's a pane in the grass.

We do do windows.

A young woman had the windows in her house replaced with new double-insulated energy efficient windows. Twelve months later, she got a call from the contractor, complaining that the work has been done for a year and she had yet to make the first payment.

The woman replied, "Now don't try to pull a fast one on me. The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves!"

Judge

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. Isn't it true, he bellowed, that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

The prosecutor again blared, Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, Sir, please answer the question.

Oh, the startled witness said, I thought he was talking to you.

So I arrived at the restaurant……………..

So I arrived at the restaurant a bit early for a family meal.
-"Would you mind waiting for a while?" asked the manager.
"Not at all," I replied.
-"Good," he said.
And then added,
-"Take these 2 Coq au Vins over to the couple by the window, then start clearing tables 4 and 7"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the window out the window puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working window car piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes