Wind Jokes

What are some Wind jokes?

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They're huge metal fans

After getting the windows on my car tinted black, I showed it to my wife.

She said, "I wouldn't be seen dead in that thing!"

I said, "That's the point."

Two wind turbines are talking to each other...

One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?"

The other turbine replies, "Well...I'm a big metal fan."

Two wind turbines...

Two wind turbines are in a field when one turns to the other:

He says: "What's your favourite type of music"
The second one says: "Actually I'm a huge metal fan"

Two windmills are sitting on a hill. One turns to the other and asks "What kind of music do you like?"

The other windmill replies "I'm a big metal fan."

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.

After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!

A solar panel is talking to a wind turbine...

The solar panel says, "So what do you think about this whole renewable energy thing?"
The turbine replies, "I'm a big fan."

Two Wind turbines are in a field.

One turns to the other and asks: " what is your type of music ?"

"i'm a huge metal fan"

Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.

They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.

The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"

A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

What is the colour of the Wind?

Blew.

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

My window cleaner caught me masturbating today. It was awkward.

Maybe I shouldn't have been standing in his garden.

It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterwards.

Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.

Two windmills were hanging out in a field. One windmill asked the other, what type of music do you like?

The other responded, I'm a huge metal fan.

What did the Mexican say when a gust of wind blew his homework out the window?

Come back essay!

One windmill asked another what kind of music it likes

The other windmill responded "I'm a big metal fan"

Grandpa's Rocking Chair

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

Why are there windows on the back of French tanks?

So they can watch the battle

The perfect shot.

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."

I really like windmills

big fan

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They seem to be big heavy metal fans.

Two windmills are in a field.

One turns to the other and asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

"I'm a big metal fan" the other one replies.

Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.

They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.

So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.

Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.

Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."

A nice clean jewish joke

The young rabbi was an avid golfer. Even on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year, he snuck out by himself for a quick nine holes.

On the last hole he teed off, and a gust of wind carried his ball directly over the hole and dropped it in for a hole in one.

An angel who witnessed this miracle complained to God, This guy is playing golf on Yom Kippur, and you cause him to get a hole in one? This is a punishment?

Of course it is, said the Lord, smiling. Who can he tell?

Protesting dirty jokes

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

The police vs the senior citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

"Who was the Windows programmer's favorite hip-hop group?"

"Run-CMD"


(I came up with this one at work after repeatedly opening the command prompt. Not sure if it's been said before, but I hope you enjoy!)

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?

Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

The dirty professor

The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke. After a real objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in India?"

Now all the female students stood up and headed toward the exit.

The professor continued: "Oh, ladies, please wait, the boat to India doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

A windy day

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.

The first says to her friends "gosh, it's windy today".

The second says "no, it's Thursday".

The third says "so am I. Let's get a drink".

Roger Waters nearly joined Earth, Wind & Fire.

Earth & Wind were pleased but Fire was a bit put out.

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf...

Jesus, Moses, and an old man are playing a friendly game of golf.

First Moses goes. He licks his finger to check the wind. He does some simple trigonometry and then hits the golf ball. The golf ball lands in the middle of the lake. He grumbles and growls and sticks his club into the ground to part the seas. He walks into the middle of the now waterless lake and hits it onto the green. He sinks the ball with a birdie.

Next goes Jesus. Jesus puts his hands in prayer and then sets up to hit the ball. He makes contact and hits it onto the green. He puts it in for an eagle.

The old man grumbles and growls. He approaches the tee with his club in his off-hand. He takes a mighty swing and smacks the ball. The ball flies and lands on a lily-pad. It is then picked up by a frog. The frog in turn finds itself in the clutches of a falcon. The frog drops the ball and it bounces in for a hole-in-one.

At this point Moses leans towards Jesus and whisper, "I really hate playing with your old man."

On the back of u/baldillin

A young Rabbi is a very avid golfer. He even goes out on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year to play some holes. On his last hole the wind carries the ball and he sinks an amazing hole in one.

In Heaven an angel complains to God, this Rabbi is playing golf on Yom Kippur and you give him a hole in one as punishment!?

Of course, God says, who can he tell?

Whenever the wind gets bad...

I think to myself, "It may be windy but at least its not sandy."

What do you call a sweater that was blown away by the wind?

A cardi-gone.

(yes, I made this one up this morning)

What is the color of the wind?

Blew.

A wind turbine and an A/C unit walk into a bar

The wind turbine asks: "Hey man! How's your job going?"

A/C unit: "ehh, it's cool but I'm not a huge fan."

Dirty professor

A professor at a local community college is known for telling a dirty joke to start every class. Of course, the ladies in his classes don't appreciate it and a lot of them get together one weekend and decide to stage a walkout next time it happens. The professor catches wind of this plan.

Monday morning rolls around and the professor stands up in front of the class. He starts "Have you heard there's a shortage of whores in India?" The ladies stand up to walk out. "Hold on, girls" he says, "the boat's not leaving yet!"

What's the difference between origami and a grandpa passing wind?

One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.

A great storm is brewing....

I was at my neice's pool party last Saturday. She got an inflatable dolphin for her birthday. We were all having a great time, when the wind started blowing a bit harder and some clouds rolled in. Over the next 10 minutes it just started getting windier and windier and the skies turned dark. In the distance we saw a flash of lightning and decided to get the kids inside.
As we were running towards the house, my niece dropped the dolphin toy and the wind got ahold of it and blew it across the yard. Fearing it would blow away and be lost forever, i frantically chased after it, but to no avail, it jumped the fence but came to rest in the neighbors rosebush. Some of the thorns had punctured the thin plastic and, upon examination, i saw air escaping through 3 small holes in the side.
"Well, I guess that deflates the porpoise."

A woman gets on a double decker bus.

She steps onto the bus and begins her ascent to the upper deck and a hefty gust of wind comes in and blows her dress up.

The bus driver, looking up the steps at her says but airy up there ma'am

To which she replies, what'd you expect, feathers?

What did the window washer say to the window?

I feel your pane

What's a wind turbine's favourite kind of music?

Well I don't know much but I'd say they're a big metal fan

What do you call ill-mannered burst of strong wind in the desert?

Darude Sandstorm.

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,

"Sir anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Let's hear your best Helen Keller jokes.

Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!

Two wind turbines are standing in a wind farm. One of them turns to ask the other, "What kind of music are you into?"

The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan."

So a man is sitting at a swanky bar on the penthouse of a luxurious skyscraper...

When he turns to the guy next to him and says "You know, way up this high, the air pressure is such that you could jump off the balcony and the wind would push you back up!"
The other man is incredulous, and asks the man to jump and prove it. To this the man says sure, and without hesitation heads over to the balcony and jumps off. Sure enough, a few feet down, he suddenly changes direction and swoops back up on to the balcony.
The man is impressed. "I gotta try this!" he says and leaps off the balcony. He goes straight down, and splats on the pavement below.
The bartender turns to the first man and says "Superman, you sure are a mean drunk."

What did the maxi-pad say to the fart?

"You are the wind beneath my wings."

What's the main cause of emigration in Ethiopia?

The wind

Today, I got up early...

...put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made coffee, grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage, loaded my clubs into the car, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

She sleepily replied, 'I know, can you believe my husband is out golfing in that stuff?'

How do you go from Windows 9 to windows 10

You have to get enough Windows XP.

What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

Northeast Weather

I just got off the phone with my friend in Boston. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just staring. He said, if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Windows 10 users won't get this.

Privacy.

An old rich Corsican is about to die

According to the tradition, the most lazy son inherits all wealth
"Come here, Paul", morigan says
The eldest one comes to him
"Yes, father"
"Imagine you see 500 francs and the wind blows it away. What will you do?"
"I won't do nothing. Why should I tire if there's no need?"
"Good boy. Good boy"
"Come here, Michelle", tycoon tells the second one to come
"Yes,father"
"Imagine that a naked passionate woman want to embrace you. What will you do?
"I won't make a movement. I don't want to get exhausted if there's no need"
"Good boy, good boy"
Finally, dying corsican addresses the third son
"Come here, Fransisco"
"No, you come to me"
Sorry for grammar, English isn't my native language

This guy goes to the zoo one day...

While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.

When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "F**k you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.

The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage.

Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.

Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat.

The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.

The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.

The night's winding down, and all the customers have left except for this one drunk.

Bartender: Hey man, you should get going, go back home and get some sleep.

The drunk leaves through the back door of the establishment and, as the bartender is cleaning up, comes back in through the front 10 minutes later.

Bartender: Hey man, I just kicked you out, we're closing for the night!

The drunk leaves through the back, and not five minutes after the bartender locks the front door, the drunk comes and knocks.

Bartender:Dammit, didn't I just tell you-

Drunk:Hey, barkeep! How many bars do you work at anyway?

How do windmills feel about renewable energy?

They're pretty big fans

Dating in the old days

Back when my Grandpa was courtin' (dating) my Grandma in the rural mountains of North Carolina he picked her up for their first date in his horse-drawn buggy. As they were traveling down the bumpy dirt roads his bowels began to rumble and he was struggling to keep from breaking wind. About halfway to his parent's house a storm started to blow in so he decided the next time he saw lightning he would time it and let it rip during the thunder. This worked perfectly and Grandma never knew. Soon he felt the urge again and he waited for the lightning and timed it perfectly. Wanting to make casual conversation he said to Grandma, We had better hurry, that one sounded close . Grandma said Yes, it smells like it struck a shithouse .

"the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon"

There was a college professor who liked to tell "dirty" stories during lectures. A group of annoyed female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he thought of a plan.

Halfway through the next lecture, he began his dirty story;
"They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France."
The girls looked at one another, got up and started for the door.
"Slow down ladies," said the professor with a smirk, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

New Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Hellloooo,............just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so
I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Two wind turbines in a field and one says to the other, "Do you like music?"

He replies, "I'm a big metal fan."

2 windmills next to each other in a field, one goes "what kind of music do you like?" ...

The other goes "I'm a big metal fan"

A preacher feigns illness one Sunday morning.

His weekly sermon goes untold as the preacher slips out the back door of his house and makes his way to the golf course, all alone, as everyone else is in church.

The preacher's first shot from tee sails beautifully, curves gently in the wind, as if by divine intervention, hits the green and rolls into the cup. It's the preacher's first ever hole-in-one. He's absolutely ecstatic about it.

St. Peter watched the whole thing from Heaven's gate. He turns to God. "I saw that," Peter tells God. "That wind wasn't natural. Why would you help him like that? He should be preaching your word right now, not hitting holes-in-ones."

God shrugs. "Who's he going to tell?"

How to make Wind jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Wind to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Wind? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Wind pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes