willis Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious willis puns

Bruce Willis went shopping...

...and he overheard a fellow customer say, "Yipee-ki-yay!" Without thinking he yelled out, "Motherfucker!"

Customers gasped and stared at him, shocked.

He looked at the crowd of people and said, "Oh sorry, old habits...Die Hard."

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Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on...

because you know what they say about old habits...

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Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".

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Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same roles.

You know what they say about old habits.

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Bruce Willis dead at age 63 of viagra overdose.

He died hard.

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A caring son

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!! " the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up. "

"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to. "

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't like it. "

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset. "

"Don't be foolish! " the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he? "

"Under the wagon. "

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"So did you hear Bruce Willis passed away?"

"Really? How?"

"Suicide. Overdosed on Viagra and Cialis."

"That's terrible!"

"Well, he always wanted to Die Hard."

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Bruce Willis was offered a role in the new Star Wars film, but turned it down to concentrate on action films

Because you know what they say about old habits...

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A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

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I just love this Amazon echo's capability

I set it up today and said Make my day and got a list of Clint Eastwood movies

Then I said yippie Kay yay and got a list of Bruce Willis movies

Just then my neighborhood kids were running and screaming outside the house

I muttered Fucking kids

And a bunch of Asia Argento movies appeared..

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They found Bruce Willis dead next to a bottle of Viagra...

...I guess he *Died Hard*

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BREAKING NEWS: Bruce Willis found dead surrounded by 70 empty Viagra bottles.

Looks like he...died hard.

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Did you hear about the guy who watched that new Bruce Willis film five times in a row?

He was a Die Hard fan.

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This new amazon echo is really amazing

I set it up today and said Make my day and got a list of Clint Eastwood movies

Then I said yippie Kay yay and got a list of Bruce Willis movies

Just then my neighborhood kids were running and screaming outside the house

I muttered Fucking kids

And a bunch of Kevin spacey movies appeared

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A New Movie - Stephen Spielberg

Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...

Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'

Liam Neeson then pipes up saying 'Im going to be Mozart, i find his music very relaxing and very baroque'

Lastly Arnold Schwarzenegger says 'Ill be Bach'

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My wife got mad at me for my long-term addiction to watching Bruce Willis movies.

I told her old habits die hard

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My friend told me this joke

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in and eat dinner with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon back up." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Nonsense, come on!" the farmer insisted. "Well, okay," the boy finally agreed, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is your Pa?"

"Under the wagon."

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What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies?

Spruce Willis.

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How did Bruce Willis die?

He overdosed viagra.

Why?

He wanted to die hard.

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Why doesn't Bruce Willis take viagra?

He doesn't want to diehard

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Bruce Willis, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all auditioning for a film about composers...

Bruce Willis says "I'll be Mozart", Chuck Norris says "I'll be Beethoven" and Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".

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Why does Bruce Willis live in America and watch porn?

Because he wants to live free and die hard

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I once met Bruce Willis

I once met Bruce Willis at a fancy dress party. He was wearing a really shabby looking nun outfit. I was told that he'd worn the same costume to every fancy dress party he'd attended for years. I suppose old habits die hard.

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Did you hear that Bruce Willis is going to star in a movie where he goes undercover as an elderly nun?

It's called Old Habits Die Hard

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Who should have played Bilbo?

Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings? Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.

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How much tax does Bruce Willis pay on a dollar?

Six cents.

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Bruce Willis and Liam Neeson have signed up to do a movie together

It's called 'Taken Hard'

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I really love Bruce Willis. I have all of his movies, hundreds of posters, and multiple autographs

You might say that I'm a die-hard fan

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Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise, and Bruce Willis said they wanted to star in a movie about classical musicians.

Bruce Willis said I'll play Mozart!

Tom Cruise said I'll play Beethoven!

Arnold said I'll be Bach

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Hollywood Halloween

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'

Arnold Schwarzenegger overhears their discussion, walks over and replies 'I'll be Bach.'

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Why does Bruce Willis keep making action movies?

Because his old habits, die hard.

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What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue? [OC]

Icy dead people!

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I'm a die hard Bruce Willis fan.

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I used to watch lots of Bruce Willis movies, but now I don't.

I guess old habits Die Hard.

^Someone ^please ^slap ^me.

^

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What title would a hurricane movie with Bruce Willis have?

Irmageddon.

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What are the most funny Willis jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Willis? Well, here are the best Willis dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Willis pick up lines to share with friends.

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