The Best 86 William Jokes
Following is our collection of funny William jokes. There are some william charles jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these william william shatner puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest William Jokes and Puns
Why did they execute William Wallace?
They couldn't let him go Scot free.
Dance till you feel hurt. Sing till your lungs hurt. Act till you're William Hurt. - Phil Dunphy
From Phil's Osophies (Modern Family). I have to get that book.
What is WILL.I.AM going to be called after he dies?
WILL.I.WAS
Why was William Henry Harrison's inaugural address so memorable?
He had a killer final draft.
A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little shit's name is Kevin."
William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.
They're going to be called Shatner Pants.
Pop superstar, Will.i.am, has just bought a new car.
It's a Jag.u.r.
Why did lieutenant Uhura smell bad?
...because William Shatner
Why did Spock dump his wife?
....because William Shatner
I know it's old, but I love it so
I knew William and his girlfriend were into some kinky stuff, but I can't believe...
William Shatner!
Why did the trekkie spit out her latte at the Star Trek Convention?
Cause William Shatner Coffee.
hahahha
You can explore william edward reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean william eliza dad jokes. There are also william puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?
"2p or not 2p, that is the question."
William Howard Taft was so fat...
...he sat in TWO branches of the federal government.
What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?
William Shat-on-her
My friend William joined the army
He is uncomfortable with the phrase "Fire at Will"
What is William Shakespeare's favorite kind of meat?
Poultry
Why did Prince William lose his cool?
He wasn't properly heir conditioned.
Why are there no guys named William serving in the army?
Because they dislike the phrase "Fire at Will"
Why was William killed when he entered the army?
The commander said, "fire at will"...
Why wouldn't Dolores let William eat the corn?
Because the maize isn't meant for him.
William joined the army...
He rather disliked the phrase "fire at will."
It must be very confusing to have sex with William Shatner. You never know if he loves it or hates it.
No, don't, stop.
What do you call a starship captain who empties space septic tanks?
William Shartner.
Hear about the two gay Irishmen?
William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam.
So Harold said to William,
I used to be a King like you, but then I took an arrow to the eye.
Will: Will.I.Am
Yoda: Will, you are
Remember, William is never a friend...
...he's always Dafoe
On the anniversary of William Shakespeare's death . . .
I leave to you my second best joke.
What's the past tense of William Shakespeare?
Wouldiwas Shookspeared
Please use William Shatner in a sentence...
"Becky took Williams toy, so William Shatner lunch pail."
Duchess Kate Middleton asks Queen Elizabeth whats the secret for a long life?
Elizabeth : Whatever you do,Kate, just dont leave William for a Paki
What happens when William Shatner goes to the bathroom
He drops a captain's log
I walked into a bookshop and said to the girl behind the counter "I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare".
"Which one?" She replied. "William, you moron".
Prince Harry and William must feel so awkward in a strip club
Imagine having to put pictures of your gran into a stripper's bra
Where is William Shatner's career?
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNE!!!!!
What do you call William the Conqueror's armorer?
Norman Mailer.
Why did Lieutenant Uhura tone down on the use of extreme fetishes in the bedroom?
Because William Shatner.
William Hated His Time in the Army
He was always worried for his life when they yelled Fire at Will!
William left his hair-piece at my house.
I decide I'll give it to him when I see him next time. However, my friend Larry came over to borrow some money.
I told him I cant.
"Why?" he asked.
"I got Bill's toupee."
William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...
In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.
Where does William Tell take his garbage?
To the dump to the dump to the dump^dump^dump
Did you hear about the perfect Irish gay couple?
Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick
what did will.i.am say when he got turned into a bee
imma bee imma bee
William Shatner decides to discontinue womenswear and lingerie line.
Apparently Shatner Panties wasn't that big of a hit.
(Credit to KS95)
In one year we lost two great experts in black holes
Stephen William Hawking and Hugh Marston Hefner
Got my friend William to petal a bike connected to my TV.
You could say it runs on Will power.
William Shakespeare walks into a gay bar.
*Exit pursued by a bear.*
If Will.I.Am dies...
does he become Will.I.Was?
Prince Harry goes up to William at the wedding and says Have you seen Dad ?
William replies He wasn't invited mate, but mines over there dancing with Camilla .
It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....
With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!
Why did William quit the army?
Because he disliked the phrase "Fire at Will"
At the bookstore, I asked Do you have a book by Shakespeare? Of course, Sir. Which one?
Me: William
Why isn't there ever anyone named William working at a querry?
It takes more than Will-power to move a boulder
A kid goes to the kitchen in the morning
- What do we have for breakfast, mom?
- Look kid, just because I sleep with your father, doesn't mean you get to call me "mom".
- What do you want me to call you then?
- Just call me William
William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"
My wife disagrees.
It's really put a strain on our sex life.
My nude studies class
has a new male model called William Wallace. He is really well endowed. While sketching him I was just in awe of it ! So, I invited him to come home with me last night.
Basically just like his historical namesake, William Wallace was hung, drawn and quartered.
Did you know that William Shakespeare died on the same day he was born?
He must have been a fast writer!
Two gay Irishmen decided to change their names.
They became William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam
I'm not trying to sound political and all but
Hillbilly is short for Hilliam William
Celebrities are now being hired to endorse laxatives.
Someone call William Shatner.
Just read that actor Maria Mercedes broke off her engagement to William Shatner.
She realized she'd be known as Maria Shatner Mercedes.
I got kicked out of a graveyard the last time I went to Scotland.
They didn't appreciate me writing "Graveheart" on William Wallace's tombstone.
Yoda has a brother called Will...
But he keeps introducing himself as William, and nobody knows why.
William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much...
...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.
What do you call a committee made up entirely of people named William?
A Billboard.
It was just announced that William Shatner's womens' lingerie company has been discontinued.
Apparently "Shatner Panties" isn't a great name for an underwear brand.
Everyone's making a big deal about how the second person to receive the Covid 19 vaccine was named William Shakespeare
But I think it's much ado about nothing.
A village idiot walks into a library
He goes to the librarian and says, "Ma'am, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."
The librarian says, "Sure, hon. Which one?"
The idiot says, "William".
William Shatner just discontinued his line of ladies lingerie
Apparently Shatner Panties was not a good choice of name!
A teacher asked Jamaal what his father did...
Jamaal: My father is a doctor.
Teacher: Susie what about your father?
Susie: He is a lawyer.
Teacher: William?
William: My father...he's passed.
Teacher: I'm sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died?
William: He clutched his chest and collapsed.
Adapted from a George Burns joke he credited to Walter Matthau.
I walked into the book store and asked the guy, Do you have any books by Shakespeare?
Bookseller: Of course. Which one?
Me: William.
Q: What do you call a talkative Trekkie?
A: William Chatner!
Apparently, they once sat William Shakespeare in front of an infinite number of typewriters.
After a week, he had written "ooh aahh ooh ooh"
What do call a Scottish walrus?
William Walrus.
William Shakespeare died before completing the final act of his last play.
It was a real tragedy.
Why does Captain Kirk's wife smell?
Because, William Shatner.
Two other guys pulled out from going on space flight tomorrow with William Shatner
Right after they were issued red shirts for the mission.
Captan Kirk & Today's Shuttle Launch
If William Shatner really wanted to go where no man had gone before , He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.
William Shakespear walks into a bar...
..the bouncer sees him and throws him out of the door.
"You can't come in here", the bouncer tells Will, "you're Bard!"
Prince William is visiting Kelmscott, Western Australia
The local media can't help but notice the prince's unusual head wear. It's a Davy Crocket style hat made entirely from fox fur, complete with a tail. A reporter speaks up. "Welcome to Kelmscott Your Royal Highness. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chosen to wear that particular hat today"? The Prince responded "Well, I told Daddy over the telephone this morning that I was visiting a small town called Kelmscott and he immediately replied, Kelmscott? Wear the fox hat"
Q. Why does this Star Trek uniform stink?
A. William Shatner
My friend William recently broke his legs and is now in a wheelchair
We call him Wheeliam now
I named my first child after William Shakespeare.
About 500 years after.
Last year, my friend William moved to China and spent 6 months teaching ESL. He ended up falling in love and getting married. And now?
Where there's a Will, there's a Wei.
You can't just....
... abbreviate phrases William Nilliam
What do you call when you have three William Shatners?
A Shattrick
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the william john jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
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