Wife Remarried Jokes
37 wife remarried jokes and hilarious wife remarried puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wife remarried that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wife Remarried Short Jokes
Short wife remarried jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wife remarried humour may include short wife divorced jokes also.
- I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife… But I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.
- My wife asked me if she died would I re-marry? I said no, I'd just go and live with my brother.
I asked her if she'd re-marry if I died.
She said no, she would just go and live with my brother too - I was close to tears when my ex-wife told me she was getting remarried… I really do feel sorry for him…
- I did everything possible to try and convince my ex-wife to remarry me. But she figured out that I was only after my own money.
- Mad Man Wife: How would you feel if I die?
Husband: I will go mad with grief.
Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you?
Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything! - A wife asks her husband, "what would he do if she died"? Husband: "I would go insane!"
Wife: "Would you remarry?"
Husband: "I don't know. You can't predict what an insane person would do." - My ex wife is getting remarried and they invited me to be in the wedding ceremony... They want me to be the worst man.
- After 13 years of marriage, I finally came out of the closet to my wife... Turns out that she remarried and moved out of the house years ago.
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Wife Remarried One Liners
Which wife remarried one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wife remarried? I can suggest the ones about second marriage and remarry.
- I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.
- You know what they say about re-marrying It's a wife changing experience
- Would you mind if your wife remarried if you died? Over my dead body.
- Did you hear about the widowed frog that got remarried? His first wife croaked!
Fun-Filled Wife Remarried Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about wife remarried you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean married divorced jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wife remarried pranks.
My wife asked me, If I die, will you re-marry?
I replied, I don't know love, I don't think about those sorts of things.
Well If you did, would she live in our house? she asked
I said, I don't know, I haven't thought about it!
Then she asked Would you let her wear my clothes?
I replied Nah she's not your size
Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.
Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.
Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.
Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.
Wife: Will you let her use my car?
Husband: Of course not
Wife: Will you give my jewellery to her
Husband: Not at all, I have some of my memories attached to it. I will keep it as your memory.
Wife: Will you give my shoes to her
Husband: No way... Her size is '5' and yours is '7'.
If I die...
If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.
"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"
"Would she live in my house?"
"It's all paid up, so yes."
"Would she drive my car?"
"It's new, so yes."
"Would she use my golf clubs?"
"No. She's left-handed."
A jewel
Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.
But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things.
True enough, said Mrs. Whembleton. If I should predecease my dear husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry!
My wife wanted me to get a Vasectomy
Since we were both on our late 30 and we were not planning on having more children
I told her: but what if 10-15 years from now something happens to you And I remarry with a much younger woman? She would want children wouldn't she ?
Now I don't need a Vasectomy, the kick was hard enough to prevent further offspring
A very wealthy man on his deathbed
Called his lawyer. He told him to give all he had, down to the last dollar to his wife. But he had one condition, that his wife must remarry within 30 days. "Why? ", asked the lawyer. The man told him, "There should be atleast one person that regrets I died".
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Islamist advantage:
When you divorce your wife and remarry, you can still keep the same photo on your desk
Santa and his wife had a messy divorce after they both got colostomies.
After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.
Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.
A husband asks his wife: If I died, would you marry again?
A husband asks his wife:
-
If I died, would you marry again?
-
Oh darling, of course I wouldn't. I'd go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
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No, I think I'd go and live with your sister too.
Getting a portrait painted.
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told
the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,
emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.
But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist.
I know, she said. It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.
Twist in the story.
Man to Wife :- what will you do after I die ?
Wife to man :- I won't remarry . I'll just go and stay with my sister till the end.
Wife to man :- what will you do if I die before you ?
Man to wife :- I also won't marry again. Instead I shall also go and stay with your sister.
Wife asks husband, if she dies will he remarry?
I don't know... yeah I probably would i guess.
What about the house? would you sell it?
No he says, I like our house.
What about our bed, would you buy a new one?
No I like our bed and would keep it.
Ok, the wife now asks, what about my golf clubs?
Would you let your new wife use them?
No way he says, she's left handed.
"What will happen to you if I die, dear?" asked a wife to her husband out of curiosity
"I will go crazy, dear." replied her husband.
Then the wife said,"Promise me that you will not remarry."
Husband replied, "Dear, a crazy man can do anything."
An old married couple is laying in bed one night
And the woman turns to the man and says, "we're both old so one of us is going to die soon, but if I die first are you going to remarry?"
The man says, "No no, I will never remarry you're the only one for me."
But the wife insists and she says, "no I want you to remarry if I die, but the next question is will you take down my pictures after you remarry."
The husband says, "How could I? I would want to keep your memory on until my dying days.
But the wife isn't satisfied and she asks one more question,
"Would you give her my golf clubs?"
And the husband says, "Of course not she's left handed."
A man dying of cancer asks his wife if she will re-marry...
Wife: I suppose I will
Husband: Do you think your next husband will drive my truck when I'm gone
Wife: Well, the truck is an asset to the family and helps get chores done so I think so yes.
Husband: That makes sense... what about my clothes? What will you do with them?
Wife: Well, I'd probably donate them to a church or goodwill I think. Maybe I'll keep a shirt or two for their sentimental value.
Husband: Yeah, of course donating them is probably best... what about my golf clubs? Do you think your next husband will use those?
Wife: Of course not, he's left handed.
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, why not?"
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
A wife asks her husband if she were to die, would he remarry?...
...and her husband says "yes I would remarry I like living a married life and spending time with someone else. The wife gets uncomfortable and proceeds to ask " well would you let her live in our house?" And the husband says "yes I'd let her live here there's nothing wrong with this house." That worried the wife more, so then she asks "well would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the husband says "yes I like my bed and I don't want to get rid of it I'd let her sleep in it." This only makes the wife more worried so she feels compelled to say "well at least promise me you will never let her use my golf clubs." The husband say "don't worry she will never use your clubs, she's left handed."
Joke my 95 year old grandpa told me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Maria is a devoted wife.
She gets married and has 17 children.Soon after the last child is born,her husband dies.A few weeks later she remarried and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband.After the last child is born her second husband also dies.Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time.Unfortunately,she becomes very ill and dies.At her f**... the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in coffin.He looks up to heaven and says"At last they are finally together".A man standing next to the priest asks,"excuse me Father,but do you mean Maria and her first husband or Maria and her second husband?The priest replied"I MEANS HER LEGS" Sorry for the grammar mistakes.
Why husbands avoid questions!!
Why husbands avoid questions.......!
WIFE : What would you do if i died ? Would you get married
again ?
Husband : No....
Wife : Why not ? Don't you like being married ?
Husband : Of course i do.
Wife : Then why wouldn't you remarry ?
Husband : Ok, ok, i'd get married again....
Wife : Would you live in our house with your new Wife....?
Husband : Yes, it's a great house.
Wife : Would you let her drive my car ?
Husband: Yes, its almost new, dear.
Wife : Would you give her my jewelry ?
Husband : No.. I am sure she would want her own..
Wife : Would she wear my shoes..?
Husband : No, her size is '6'
Wife : --silence--
Husband : 'shiiit'...!!
My grandpa told me this one.
So an older couple is discussing the inevitable matter of death. The wife asks her husband, "If I die before you do, will you remarry?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, so yes." The wife then asks, "What about the house? Will you live in the same house?" And the husband says, "Well, I suppose, I mean, it's already paid for." The wife, getting a little protective, asks, "And what about my car? Will she drive my car?" The husband says again, "Well, it's already paid for..."
The wife, annoyed at this point, shoots, "What about my golf clubs?!?" And the husband says, "Oh, no. She's left handed."