Wife Remarried Jokes
37 wife remarried jokes and hilarious wife remarried puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wife remarried that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wife Remarried Short Jokes
Short wife remarried jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wife remarried humour may include short wife divorced jokes also.
- I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife… But I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.
- My wife asked me if she died would I re-marry? I said no, I'd just go and live with my brother.
I asked her if she'd re-marry if I died.
She said no, she would just go and live with my brother too - I'm seriously considering asking my ex-wife to remarry me... But I'm worried she will think I'm just after her for my money...
- My wife always asks me: if she dies, will I remarry? And I say don't be silly honey... I never make the same mistake twice.
- Islamist advantage: When you divorce your wife and remarry, you can still keep the same photo on your desk
- I was close to tears when my ex-wife told me she was getting remarried… I really do feel sorry for him…
- I did everything possible to try and convince my ex-wife to remarry me. But she figured out that I was only after my own money.
- Mad Man Wife: How would you feel if I die?
Husband: I will go mad with grief.
Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you?
Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything! - Would you remarry? Husband : Babe, if i die, would you remarry?
Wife : No, i would stay with my sister. If i die, would you remarry?
Husband : No, I would also stay with your sister. - A wife asks her husband, "what would he do if she died"? Husband: "I would go insane!"
Wife: "Would you remarry?"
Husband: "I don't know. You can't predict what an insane person would do."
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Wife Remarried One Liners
Which wife remarried one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wife remarried? I can suggest the ones about second marriage and remarry.
- I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.
- You know what they say about re-marrying It's a wife changing experience
- Would you mind if your wife remarried if you died? Over my dead body.
- Did you hear about the widowed frog that got remarried? His first wife croaked!
Fun-Filled Wife Remarried Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about wife remarried you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean married divorced jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wife remarried pranks.
My wife asked me, If I die, will you re-marry?
I replied, I don't know love, I don't think about those sorts of things.
Well If you did, would she live in our house? she asked
I said, I don't know, I haven't thought about it!
Then she asked Would you let her wear my clothes?
I replied Nah she's not your size
Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.
Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.
Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.
Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.
Wife: Will you let her use my car?
Husband: Of course not
Wife: Will you give my jewellery to her
Husband: Not at all, I have some of my memories attached to it. I will keep it as your memory.
Wife: Will you give my shoes to her
Husband: No way... Her size is '5' and yours is '7'.
If I die...
If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.
"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"
"Would she live in my house?"
"It's all paid up, so yes."
"Would she drive my car?"
"It's new, so yes."
"Would she use my golf clubs?"
"No. She's left-handed."
A jewel
Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.
But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things.
True enough, said Mrs. Whembleton. If I should predecease my dear husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry!
My wife wanted me to get a Vasectomy
Since we were both on our late 30 and we were not planning on having more children
I told her: but what if 10-15 years from now something happens to you And I remarry with a much younger woman? She would want children wouldn't she ?
Now I don't need a Vasectomy, the kick was hard enough to prevent further offspring
I asked my wife, "when I die, will you remarry?"
She said, "not at all, I'm going to live with my sister." Then she asked me when she dies, would I remarry. I replied, "of course not, I'm going to live with your sister."
A very wealthy man on his deathbed
Called his lawyer. He told him to give all he had, down to the last dollar to his wife. But he had one condition, that his wife must remarry within 30 days. "Why? ", asked the lawyer. The man told him, "There should be atleast one person that regrets I died".
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor...
"Doc, I got a big problem."
"I understand you were recently remarried, is that right?"
"Yes. My new wife is 23 years old, and that's exactly the problem. She just told me she's pregnant! I haven't been a father in sixty years, and I don't know what to do."
"Hmm. Let me tell you a story that I think will help explain what's going on here: A near sighted man decides to go bear hunting. On his way out the door, he accidentally picks up his umbrella instead of his rifle. Once he gets to the woods, he is instantly attacked by a ferocious 1,200 pound bear. He picks up his umbrella and shoots it dead. Does that story make sense to you?"
"No! Somebody else must have shot that bear."
"My point exactly."
Remarriage
Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "If I die, will you remarry?"
"Of course not darling" she replies, "I'll live with my sister. And if I die, will you remarry?"
And the husband replies "Of course not honey, I will also stay with your sister."
Santa and his wife had a messy divorce after they both got colostomies.
After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.
Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.
A husband asks his wife: If I died, would you marry again?
A husband asks his wife:
-
If I died, would you marry again?
-
Oh darling, of course I wouldn't. I'd go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
-
No, I think I'd go and live with your sister too.
A man is on his death bed. He asks his wife...
"Will you re-marry after I die?"
"Oh, I don't know..." she says. "Maybe."
"Will you let another man move into our house with you?"
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."
"Will you let another man drive my car?"
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."
"Well, will you have s**... with another man at some point?"
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe."
"Will you let another man use my golf clubs!?"
"Nah. He's left-handed."
If I die first, will you remarry, asks the wife.
I'm in good health so why not, says the husband.
Will she live in this house
Its all paid for so yes.
Will she drive my car.
Its new so yes.
Will she use my golf clubs.
No, she's left handed.
Getting a portrait painted.
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told
the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,
emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.
But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist.
I know, she said. It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.
Twist in the story.
Man to Wife :- what will you do after I die ?
Wife to man :- I won't remarry . I'll just go and stay with my sister till the end.
Wife to man :- what will you do if I die before you ?
Man to wife :- I also won't marry again. Instead I shall also go and stay with your sister.
Wife asks husband, if she dies will he remarry?
I don't know... yeah I probably would i guess.
What about the house? would you sell it?
No he says, I like our house.
What about our bed, would you buy a new one?
No I like our bed and would keep it.
Ok, the wife now asks, what about my golf clubs?
Would you let your new wife use them?
No way he says, she's left handed.
"What will happen to you if I die, dear?" asked a wife to her husband out of curiosity
"I will go crazy, dear." replied her husband.
Then the wife said,"Promise me that you will not remarry."
Husband replied, "Dear, a crazy man can do anything."
My ex wife is getting remarried and they invited me to be in the wedding ceremony...
They want me to be the worst man.
My wife says if anything ever happens to her I should move on and remarry.
Today I found out, apparently "anything" does not include getting stuck in a traffic jam.
After 13 years of marriage, I finally came out of the closet to my wife...
Turns out that she remarried and moved out of the house years ago.