Whoops, wrong sub
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says could you pass the honey, honey? The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says could you pass the sugar, sugar? The Irish man - not wanting to be out witted by the other two men - looks over at his wife and says Could you pass me the milk ye fucking cow?
No wait, she's back.
She just went to make a cup of tea.
When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"
Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him."
I'll return.
I responded, "How about now?"
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.
Wife: Never
H: Pistol, 3 letters.
W: Gun
H: Disgust, 3 letters.
W: Ugh
H: Charity, 4 letters.
W: Give
H: Female sheep, 3 letters
W: Ewe
H: Pixar movie, 2 letters
W: Up
Me: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad.
Wife: No you're not.
Please don't. She's out of town on business until Tuesday.
I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,
"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"
No wait, she's back.
She just went to get coffee.
Husband: I have cheated once
Wife: me too.
husband: 1st of Apriii....
Wife: 18th of June
The blow job. You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a blow job.
You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you.
Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.
He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.
I bet it's the snooty bitch at number twenty three, she replied.
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Wife: "How could you do this to me?!"
Husband : "what did I do?"
Wife: " You slept with my sister, you bastard!"
Husband : "Well, when I went to work she was lying naked on my table and you know she's an attractive woman, what did you expect me to do?"
Wife: "The fucking autopsy."
I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."
I just really love dick.
Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in
Me: yeah he is really milking it
Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made
She said she just can't take it any longer.
Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no? - Sure I was, Moshe.
When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again, no? - I was, Moshe.
And now you're at my death bed, aren't you? - I am, darling.
I'm starting to think you're bad luck, Sarah.
I've told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. After all, I said, The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.
What are you talking about? she asked.
I said, It's your thirty-second birthday.
asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
I bet your butt is as big as my grill.
His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they're about the same size.
That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. Not tonight, says his wife.
He asks her why not, to which she responds, Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weiner?
Confused, he approaches his daughter for an explanation of last night when he arrived home.
"You kicked in the door when you couldn't get your key in the lock, fell through the table and broke it, and pissed your pants."
"Jesus! So then why the hell is she in such a good mood?"
"When she tried to take your pants off to wash them, you slapped her hand away and said, 'Get your hands off me! I'm married!'"
She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.
I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
Me: I fucked your sister
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