Wife Headache Jokes

There’s an elderly couple who has reached that point in life, where s**.

.. isn’t part of the itinerary anymore. One night, the wife turns to her husband and says, “Everytime one of us wants to have a bit of a slap and tickle, we just have to say, "Washing machine.’” A night passes, and the husband leans over and whispers, “Washing machine.” The wife gives him a shove and informs him that she has a headache. A few nights go by and the same thing happens, but the husband is determined and he reckons he’ll just give it one more try. He leans over and whispers seductively, “Washing machine.” Yet again, the wife turns him away. However, a few moments pass and the wife’s needs arises so she rolls over and recites the word, but the husband turns over and says, “Sorry love, it was only a small wash so I did it by hand.”

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well, why are you all dressed up like a Fireman?"

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.

When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have s**... with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
"Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house

Man & wife go to the Zoo.

In front of Gorilla cage
Man says :Excite him like u do to me!
Wife removes her top,Gorilla goes crazy.
Man:Tease him more,like u tease me
wife removed her jeans and gorilla goes wilder..
man opened d cage and pushed his wife in and says: NOW EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT U HAVE A HEADACHE AND U R NOT IN THE MOOD.

Lady teasing Gorilla at the Zoo...

A man and his wife are at the zoo. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large, hairy gorilla. Noticing her, the gorilla starts bouncing around his cage. He jumps up on the bars and, holding on with one hand, grunts and pounds his chest.
The husband, finding this funny, suggests that his wife tease the poor primate. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making extremely loud noises. Then, the husband suggests that she let one of the straps to her dress fall to show a bit more skin.
She does and the Gorilla nearly tears the bars down. Now, lift your dress up to your thighs and sort of fan it at him, says the husband. She does, driving the gorilla absolutely crazy to the point at which he starts doing flips.
Then, the husband grabs his wife, throws open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.
Now tell HIM you have a headache.

Tough choice

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better j**.... I've got a headache."

Guy can tell how any animal was killed

Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**

Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation...

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "Well, you'd better j**.... I've got a headache."

Chronic headaches treatment

A man visits a doctor about chronic headaches. The doctor prescribes some medication, and says to the man: "Stress is the source of your headaches. Myself, I do have a lot of stress, and there's nothing better than s**... with my wife. [laughing]". Finally, the doc schedules the man for a checkup visit the following month, and the man leaves.
Next month, the man returns, and the doctors inquires if his condition has changed. The man says: "The treatment you prescribed really made a difference. I feel like a new person. Thank you." The man, gets up and is about to exit. On the way out he says: "By the way doc, you have a beautiful home."

So there's this married couple...

They've been married for many years, and like a lot of married folk, they have a few inside jokes that they've come up with while married. A special one of these was calling s**..., "doing the laundry."
So, one night, the husband, Fred, says to his wife Joanne, "Hey, lets do some laundry," while giving her a sly look. She says oh, my back hurts, I have a headache, etc. And Fred just shrugs and continues. Joanne calls back to Fred a few minutes later, "You know what, I'm feeling better. Let's do some laundry." Fred replies, "It was a small load, I did it myself."
I'll be here all night

Migraine headaches

There was this guy who constantly get migraine headaches, he tried all different type of drugs and it didn't work for him. So he decided to go to the specialist. He told the doctor about his migraine and also let him know he tried all the drugs that are available in market but they still didn't help him. Doctor said "I know what you mean, I had the same problem, but I did something out of ordinary and it worked. Whenever I get headaches I go down on my wife and give her best o**... s**.... When she about to c**... she squeezes my head with her thighs and its been helping me with my headaches. And you should try it out."
After couple of months doctor meets that guy on street and asks him I haven't seen you for long time after your visit, how's your headaches?
The guy said your technique really worked, but I just have one question who made that portrait of you and your wife top of your bed?

Laundry

A shy young couple invent a name for making love "doing the laundry." One night the husband wakes up and asks his wife if she wants to "do the laundry."She complains that she's got a headache so the husband goes back to sleep. In the morning he asks if she'd like to "do the laundry," but his wife complains she's too tired, after having a restless night. That afternoon he asks if she's ready to "do the laundry," but she's too busy with her chores. The same evening his wife snuggles up to him and asks if he still wants to "do the laundry." "No, it's okay," he replies. "It was a small load, so i did it by hand!"

A guy goes to see his doctor about his headaches

They have tried several treatments, and none have worked.
The doctor says, "This sounds crazy, but I used to have headaches like yours. One night I was with my wife, and I went down on her. She squeezed my head really hard with her thighs, and my headache went away. It works every time."
The guy says, "At this point, I'll try anything."
A couple of weeks later, the guy stops by the doctor's office, "Doc, I don't know how to thank you. I took your advice, and you were right, as soon as she squeezed my head with her thighs, my headache was gone. The headache has come back a few times, but I do the thing, get squeezed, and it's gone. It's a miracle."
The doctor says, "Well, I'm glad I could help."
The guy says, "Well, thanks again, Oh, and by the way, you have a beautiful home."

A deaf couple are on a road trip

My deaf professor told me this joke (in sign language) in college:
A deaf couple are on a road trip. The wife signs to the husband that she is tired, and they should look for a motel for the night. The husband pulls over into the next motel, and they reserve a room.
In the middle of the night, the husband wakes up with a splitting headache. He signs to his wife his wife if they have any ibuprofen. The wife groggily replies to check the glove compartment in the car.
The man, half asleep, gets out of bed, walks out to the car, and finds the pills in the glove compartment.
He gets out of the car to make his way back to the room, but immediately forgets which room is his. So he gets back into the car and SLAMS on the horn and holds it.
Little by little, every room in the motel turns on their light. All but one. That's his room!

A man who has been having terrible headaches goes to the doctor with his wife...

...the doctor examines him and afterwards takes his wife aside. The doctor confides in the wife that the man has a terrible strain on his body and will die if undergoes any undue stress. "That means," the doctor says, " you can not let him do any chores around the house. You must let him watch what he wants on television. He needs to be kept in a state of relaxation at all times. If he needs something you bring it to him, if he asks for something, he gets it. He should be kept in his favorite chair, with his favorite food and favorite things all around. s**... is right out, except for you giving him o**... s**... when he wants it. Do you understand what all this means?"
The woman, shaken replies, "Yes, doctor, yes I do." She thanks him and collects her husband.
Once in the car, her husband asks, "So, what did the doctor tell you?"
The wife looks at her husband and says, "Honey, you're going to die."

I handed my wife some paracetamol.

I handed my wife some paracetamol (i.e Tylenol), to which she gave me an odd look. She asked me "why would I want these?"
"Do you not have a headache?"
"No" she responded.
"Not feeling unwell at all?"
"No, I am feeling perfectly fine".
"That's great, we can have s**... this evening then".

Whom to fire?

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off.
Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire.
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive.
Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or j**... and I don't know what to do?
Barbara replied, You'd better j**.... I've got a headache.

Wanna do some laundry?

So a married couple, trying to keep their s**... private from their kids, use the phrase "wanna do some laundry?" when they want to have s**....
One day the husband comes home and asks his wife, "hey, wanna do some laundry?" To which she replies, "no laundry is getting done today. I have a headache."
The husband comes home the next day and asks again, but his wife responds, "I already told you no laundry is getting done in this house."
Five days later the wife asks the husband, "hey wanna do some laundry?" And he replies, "no thanks. I had a small load so I did it by hand."

Headache

Guy gets home from the bar and he wants some s**... time but he finds his wife asleep. So he proceeds to go to the bathroom and makes a lot of noise rummaging the medicine cabinet. The wife wakes up.
Wife: What's with the noise?
Husband: just open up your mouth.
She opens up jet mouth and he proceeds to shoot two pills into her mouth.
Wife: what was that?
Husband: two ibuprofen for your headache.
Wife: but I don't have a headache.
Husband: that's what I wanted to hear

"Doctor, I've listened to your advice, about getting my family involved in trying to help me recover."

He said, "Well, I've told you what the cures are. There are three. Two of them your children should have been able to aid you with, the third is s**...."
"Yes," I said, "of that I am aware."
"So..." he began. "What does your son give you?"
"Ibuprofen."
"What does your daughter give you?"
"Paracetamol."
"Then what does your wife give you?"
"A headache."