Wife Dishwasher Jokes
44 wife dishwasher jokes and hilarious wife dishwasher puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wife dishwasher that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wife Dishwasher Short Jokes
Short wife dishwasher jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wife dishwasher humour may include short dishwasher jokes also.
- My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!
- Prank Caller- Hello! is your refrigerator running?? Me- No, but the dishwasher is..
Prank Caller- Huh???
Me- Yeah my wife's out on a jog... - Last September my wife asked me to put a load in the dishwasher. So long story short, happy fathers day to me.
- My wife told me that before I come to bed, she'd like me to start the dishwasher, set the coffee maker, and bring her some water. I said, "Ok, but I'm bound to forget one of those two things."
- I don't understand... My wife keeps telling me to load the dishwasher... Then she gets mad when I pour her a double...
- My wife called me this morning to say the dishwasher was leaking... ...so I came home with tampons.
- Husband: We should get a dishwasher. Wife: We already have one.
Husband: I meant one that doesn't talk back. - Its been really hot in Seattle lately, so I converted my dishwasher into an air conditioner the other day. How? I handed my wife a hand fan to keep me cool.
- Keeping the dishwasher clean... Today someone told me that keeping your dishwasher clean makes it last longer
So I went back home and gave a good bath to my wife - My wife was wondering if we should wash dishes by hand, in order to save a little money. I figure that using the dishwasher uses more electricity, but less water. So overall it's a wash.
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Wife Dishwasher One Liners
Which wife dishwasher one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wife dishwasher? I can suggest the ones about wife kitchen and washing dishes.
- I finally got a smart dishwasher.... My wife finished college.
- My wife was happy to hear I'd put a load in the dishwasher. until 9 months later.
- I turned my dishwasher into a snowblower... ...gave my wife a shovel
- "Turning on the dishwasher..." Is what I call foreplay with my wife.
- My dishwasher died the other day.... Does anyone have an extra wife i can borrow/have?
- When I told you the dishwasher is loaded what I meant was... My wife is drunk.
- What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? Get a new wife
Wife Dishwasher Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about wife dishwasher you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wife cooking jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wife dishwasher pranks.
Signs you might be a r**...: You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think taking out the trash means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The people on j**... Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know.
When you marry it is important to patience to see the results....
Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....
The first man married a nice girl from Timbucktu. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Ireland . He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
The elbow
A man is complaining to his friend: "My elbow really hurts. I think I need to see a doctor." His friend answers: "Dude, this is 2012, in the supermarket they have a new computer that can diagnose much faster and cheaper. Just place a u**... sample in the machine and it says what's wrong, and that only for $1!"
The man decides to take a shot, fills a glass with u**..., goes to the supermarket, finds the computer and pours his u**... into the computer. Immediately a small paper is printed and comes out of the computer: "TENNIS ELBOW. Keep your arm warm for a few days and avoid heavy lifting. In two weeks you'll be better."
The former scriptkiddie is impressed and decides to see if he can confuse the computer. He mixes dishwashing water with diarrhea from his dog, together with some u**... from his wife and daughter. To finish it he masturbates and drops his s**... into the cup and mixes everything again.
when he arrives in the supermarked he drops his mixture into the computer. The computer spits out a little less small paper: "Your tap water contains too much calcium, buy softener. Your dog has parasites, give him medicines. Your daughter smokes marihuana, speak with her. Your wife is pregnant and you're not the father, get yourself a good lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better!
The difference if you marry a Canadian girl...
Three friends married women from different parts of the world...
The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Canada. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
Wife's Duties
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home.
The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was cleaned and the dishes were done, and food was on the table.
The third man had married a girl from Texas. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.
A middle aged couple had gotten their tax return . . .
and they were arguing over how to spend it. The husband wanted to spend it on a new set of golf clubs, while the wife insisted they use it to buy a new dishwasher. Seeing they were getting nowhere, the husband suggested, "All right, let's make a bet. Whoever has the hairiest chest gets the money. Deal?"
"Deal!" said the wife. She then promptly lifted her skirt, removed her p**... and said smugly, "I win!"
"That's not a chest!" insisted the husband.
"Oh no?" said the wife. "Before we got married it was your hope chest. Since we've been married you've used is for your tool chest. And if I don't get that dishwasher, it's going to be a community chest!"
IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL
The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees......;)
"What do I look like?"
A man comes home from work and is greeted by his wife.
"Honey, my car got a flat, can you fix it for me?"
"What do I look like", He asks "The michelin tire guy? Get me a beer." And goes and watches TV/
The next day his wife greets him again after work.
"Honey, the dishwasher is on the fritz. Can you take a look at it?" She asks.
"What do I look like? The Maytag repair guy?" He asks roughly. "Get me a beer." And goes to watch TV.
The third day the man comes home and his wife greets him.
"Honey, it's the greatest thing. John from next door came over and fixed the dishwasher AND my flat tire. All I had to do was bake him a cake or sleep with him." She tells him.
"Oh, what kind of cake did you bake?" The husband asks.
The wife replies, "What do I look like, Betty Crocker?"
Marital Problems (possible oc?)
Dave got in a fight with his wife and took off for the night. He calls up his friend Steve who offers Dave his couch. While they're watching the gave and having a beer Steve asks Dave what happened.
Dave: I've got no idea. One minute we're talking about the dishwasher, the next she's calling me an arrogant, inconsiderate, chauvinistic pig!
Steve: Well what exactly happened?
Dave: Well, she handed me $1200 to go get a new dishwasher, so I gave it back and told her she was hired.
A company hire an efficiency expert as a consultant.
To everyone's surprise, the presentation was very interesting. For once many felt like this was a valuable use of time! as the presenter finished up, he said, "I hope you have found use in my presentation today, but I would warn you, be careful about using these techniques at home. The other night I was watching as my wife did the dinner dishes, and noticed some inefficiency in her technique. Wanting to be helpful, I advised her of several small improvements that could add up to maximum efficiency."
One of the attendees raised their hand,"Did it work? Did the dishwashing become more efficient?"
"Oh yes," the consultant replied,"before my advice, my wife took 18 minutes to finish the dishes, now I do it in 12."
So a sexist man is having s**... with another mans wife...
The husband comes home from work and sees this man drilling his wife on the kitchen counter.
The man says, "Oh hey Paul, I'm just loading the dishwasher!"
I told my wife, "no man should spend more time washing dishes than he does having s**...!"
Our new dishwashing service is great.
As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs.
Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifle—which no longer works—and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit.
I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.
What are you doing? she asked.
I thought I heard an intruder.
I came down to scare him.
Scanning the contours of my doughy, n**... body, she mumbled, You didn't need the gun.
What do a dishwasher, a washing machine and a vacuum cleaner have in common?
Only my wife knows how they work.
Husband comes home to his wife putting a load into the dishwasher
Husband: "Hey Honey, what are you doing?"
Wife: "Just putting a load into the dishwasher, how about you?"
Husband: "Trying to put a load into the dishwasher."
I make my chubby wife go jogging every night
...or as I like to call it running the dishwasher
While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device.
...
I bought my wife a snow shovel.
Husband: Do you love me?
Wife: Of course i love you, light of my life.
Husband: Would you love me even if i wronged you?
Wife: I will always love you, my darling.
Husband: But would you love me if i gambled away all our savings?
Wife: i would still love you, my precious husband.
Husband: what if i cheated on you, would you still love me?
Wife: of course. I will always love you, apple of my eye.
Husband: Ok. I forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night.
Wife: I HATE YOU, YOU LAZY, SELFISH IRRESPONSIBLE m**...!!