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Wide Jokes

182 wide jokes and hilarious wide puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wide that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This hilarious article highlights the wide range of jokes around the word "wide" -- from "double wide" to "widely" -- that will make you laugh until they are wide open. Learn how to make your own jokes with "wide neck," "wide receiver," "wide nose," "widest," and more! Get ready to experience a vast world of wide jokes!

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Popular Wide Short Jokes

Short wide jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wide humour may include short wise jokes also.

  1. My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.
  2. Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide.
  3. A woman ran screaming into the pro shop at the golf course... "I just got stung by a bee between the first and second hole!"
    The guy at the counter said "Your stance is too wide".
  4. What's four inches long, two inches wide, and drives women crazy? An empty toilet paper roll.
  5. Shark Tank *on shark Tank*
    Sharks: what's your idea?
    Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
    Shark 1: I'm out
    Shark 2: I'm out as well
    Hammerhead shark: tell me more
  6. Schrodinger's cat was meant to prove how dumb quantum states are, yet it's widely used to advocate and explain it. I bet he's rolling in his grave... and not
  7. I love the way pitbull says "Mr.World Wide" at the start of a song. Because it gives me time to change the station.
  8. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and women love to get it? A hundred dollar bill.
  9. This will blow your mind! If you take the pin out of a grenade and put your ear to the hole you can hear the faint sound of the world wide I.Q average increasing.
  10. I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake. I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"

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Wide One Liners

Which wide one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wide? I can suggest the ones about width and broad.

  1. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild? A $100 bill.
  2. Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women crazy? A $100 dollar bill.
  3. Did you hear about the gay football coach? He turns tight ends into wide receivers
  4. Yo momma so fat she doesn't need the web.
    She's world-wide.
  5. Did you hear about the tight end who went to prison? He came out a wide receiver
  6. A tight end went to jail He came back a wide receiver
  7. I wrote a dieting book. I think it will appeal to a wide audience.
  8. What's 6 in long, 2 in wide and drives women wild? $100
  9. Your mum's so fat she doesn't need the internet... she's already world wide.
  10. What do you call a couple of nuns and a blonde? Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
  11. I like my women like I like my mason jars Wide mouthed and full of alcohol!
  12. I set up a restaurant for overweight people I'm trying to cater for a wide audience
  13. An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh
  14. What would they call the Witcher if he got fat? Geralt the Wide Wolf.
  15. What's a 2 by 2 A double wide

Wide Open Jokes

Here is a list of funny wide open jokes and even better wide open puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone... What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?
  • A blonde walked into the dentist office... ...and sat down in a chair.
    The dentist said: "Open Wide"
    "I can't" - The blonde said. - "This chair has arms"
  • I spent the afternoon walking around with my fly wide open I finally realised it after I caught a girl dressing me with her eyes
  • What did the dentist say to the pirate? Open wide and say "ARRRRRR".
  • What do dentists and gynecologists have in common? They both start by saying "open wide!"
  • I was browsing Netflix the other day, and Happened upon the Amy Schumer special "Inside Amy Schumer." Looks like they couldn't use the original title idea due to copyright issues: 'Wide Open Spaces'
  • When we got married I could pull her lips apart... Let 'em go, they would slam shut.
    17 years later I can hold 'em shut, let 'em go and they flap wide-open!
  • Open wide ye heavenly gates! Open wide ye heavenly gates!
    For Father suffered in passing through,
    and Mother weighs much more.
    -Gravestone
  • Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
  • Julie Julie Julie Julie?
    Yes Oni-Chan?
    Stole my condoms?
    No Oni-Chan!
    Telling Lies?
    No Oni-Chan!!
    Open Wide!
    AHH AHH AHH

Open Wide Jokes

Here is a list of funny open wide jokes and even better open wide puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • It takes me a long time to open up to people Even at the doctors. He's like "open wide and say ahhhhhh" and I'm like "can you give me a few?"
  • My doctor is such a bro The other day he told me to "open wide and say brahhhhhh"
  • Doctor Doctor I feel really dirty Open wide
  • Woah! Brian Williams' fly is wide open! Newsflash.
  • What do you call a short and wide open-mouthed container made out of stone and clay? Terrible
  • If a female dentist tells a male patient to open nice and wide it's fine but if it's vice versa...
  • Which bible verse does a priest say often to the altar boy? **Psalm 81:10.**

    **....** open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
  • Two old nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man runs up to them in a trench coat, opens it wide and flashes them. One of the nuns immediately had a s**.... The other couldn't quite reach.
Wide joke, Two old nuns are sitting on a park bench.

Wide Receiver Jokes

Here is a list of funny wide receiver jokes and even better wide receiver puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the Football player that went to Prison? He went in as a tight end, but left a wide receiver.
  • Did you hear about the football player who went to jail? He went in a tight end and came out a wide receiver.
  • Before his conviction, Aaron Hernandez was a tight end in the NFL. But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver.
  • You know what they say about prison... You go in a tight end and come out a wide receiver
  • What do the NFL and Jail have in common? You go in as a Tight End and leave as a Wide Receiver.
  • A football player... A football player was convicted of a crime and sent to prison for several years.
    He went in as a tight end and left as a wide receiver.
  • What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife? The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit
  • I can't believe there are not more anti vaxxer wide receivers. They will catch everything you throw at them.
  • Did you hear about the gay high school football player? Freshman year he was a tight end.
    By senior year, he was a wide receiver.
  • You go to prison as a tight end and leave as a wide receiver

World Wide Jokes

Here is a list of funny world wide jokes and even better world wide puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do the World Wide Web and the Prime Minister of Israel have in common? They are both Net and Yahoo.
  • Prisoners often think about the whole wide world out here... Meanwhile, I often think about the wide hole world in there.
  • With all the negativity world-wide lately, it's nice to see Charlie Sheen has announced something positive
  • Where's Spiderman's home page? On the world wide web
  • Do you know why your Momma cant wear fishnets? It's because, the World Wide Web is already being used.
  • When he told his friends he wanted to make the World Wide Web, they all said he was one crazy spider.
  • Who created the world wide web? The galaxy wide spider!
  • What do you call the world wide web in China? The internet of Qings.
  • How do spiders communicate? The world wide web
  • Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter.

Double Wide Jokes

Here is a list of funny double wide jokes and even better double wide puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the mobile home ductwork? They say it was double-wide
  • Whats the difference between an Arkansas devorice and a tornado? I'm not sure but someone is losing a double-wide.
  • What is a double-wide salad? It's a salad for people who can't afford a house salad
  • What kind of house does someone with obesity sell? A double wide
Wide joke, What kind of house does someone with obesity sell?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about wide can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of wide puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Howlingly Hilarious Wide Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about wide you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean extended jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make wide prank.

Berry good

Two guys were arguing over the best way to grow strawberries. One asserted that Miracle-Gro was the best method, the other insisted that cow manure would yield the largest and sweetest berries. They finally decided to ask Mrs. Thompson, who was known far and wide for her succulent, large strawberries. So one farmer says Mrs. Thompson, do you put cow manure on your strawberries. She replied, No, I either eat them plain or add sugar and cream.

j**... Sandusky was actually a pretty successful coach...

... he turned many tight ends into wide receivers.

Jewish ad campaign

Old man Moskowitz was getting along in years. He decided to retire and let his 3 sons run the company (which manufactured a wide variety of nails). The sons thought they could increase market-share with some judicious billboard advertising.
Only a week later the old man was taking his usual Sunday drive in the country when he saw the first billboard ad. There it was - a picture of Christ on the Cross, with the caption: "Nails for Every Purpose. Use Moskowitz Nails."
The old man immediately met with his 3 sons to voice his concern. He explained that the backlash could be horrendous. The company could be ruined. The sons agreed to discontinue that ad.
A week later the old man was again taking his usual Sunday drive when he saw the second billboard ad. There it was - - a picture of the same cross, empty, with Christ crumpled on the ground below... and the caption: "Next Time Use Moskowitz Nails."

Daddy, what's s**...?

A man was in his backyard when his 8 year old daughter comes out and asks him, "Daddy, what's s**...?"
The man things for a minute and tell himself if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know, so he goes on and tells his daughter all about the birds and the bees.
Once he was done, his daughter was sitting there, wide eyed, while his wife yells from inside, "Honey, did you tell dad dinner will be ready in a couple of secs yet?"

A sad looking man walks into a bar

And orders three shots. He knocks them back one after the other and orders another three.
The bartender says "I've never seen anyone drink like that"
The man replies "you'd drink like this if you had what I've got"
This continues twice more, shots, never seen it, you would if you had what I've got.
After the fifteenth shot the bartender asks "I've got to know, what have you got?"
The man grins wide and shouts "twenty cents!" he slaps the coins on the bar and bolts out the door.

Best friends wife.

Two midle aged men who were the best of frinds since several years are talking over a beer. Suddenly one of them says in a thoughtful voice: "If I have s**... with your wife, does that men we become related?" The other one looks at him with wide eys and says: "Nooo, but we become even..."

A blonde is walking on the bank of a wide river when

she sees another blonde on the opposing bank. The first blonde yells: "Hey! How do you get to the other side?" To which the second blonde yells back: "What are you, s**...? You are on the other side."

An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.

The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.
The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."
The instructor feinted.

A man goes to the doctor ...

... and says "Doctor, I'm having a really strange problem. I can't get the song *What's New, p**...* out of my head.
Doctor says, "Well, it sounds like you may have Tom Jones' Disease."
The man opens his eyes wide. "I never heard of that before," he said. "Is it rare?"
Doctor shakes his head. "It's not unusual."

A woman is playing golf...

... when she gets stung by a bee. She goes into the clubhouse and tells an employee what has happened:
Woman: "Hello, I was stung by a bee."
Man: "Where were you stung?"
Woman: "Between the first hole and the second hole."
Man: "Your stance is too wide."

I used to play football for j**... Sandusky.

I started out as a tight end but finished the season as a wide receiver.

A lady runs up to a golf pro giving a lesson ...

... and says "Help! I've just been stung by a bee!". The golf pro asks where. The lady says "Between the first and second holes." The pro says, "Well, I can tell you right now your stance is way too wide."

How do you catch a polar bear?

First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

A woman returned home from a round of golf.

Her husband asked how it went. She replied, "Well, OK, but I got stung by a bee." He responded, "Where did it sting you?" She said, "Between the first and second hole," whereupon he exclaimed, "I told you your stance was too wide!"

Wedding Night

A guy has never had s**..., and gets into bed on his wedding night.
His new wife gets n**..., sits on the bed, and says, "Do you know what I want?"
He says, "No."
She gets in bed, spreads her legs wide, and says, "Now do you know what I want?"
He says, "Yeah, you want the whole bed to yourself!"

It's a Miracle, I tell yeah!

A police officer notices a car swerving on the freeway, so he pulls it over. As he walks up to the car he notices the driver is a priest.
"Anything to drink today, father?", the officer asks.
"No, just water", replies the priest.
"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?, rebutted the officer.
The father looks at the officer with wide open eyes and replies in astonishment," SWEET JESUS! I can't believe it! He's done it again!! IT'S A MIRACLE! "

A blonde woman locks her keys inside her car...

And so she calls a locksmith to open it. When the locksmith (who is also blonde) gets there she pulls out her Slim Jim tool to open the door when she notices a problem, the driver side window to the car is wide open.
The locksmith looks to the driver and says, "Ma'am I can't use this tool on a door when the window is open, you're going to have to close it first."

What do you do if you step on a landmine?

Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area.

A woman is out playing golf...

...and she gets stung by a bee. It's annoying, but she finishes her game. Afterwards, she's having a drink in the clubhouse and mentions to one of the golf pros hanging out there what happened.
"Oh that's too bad," he says. "Where did you get stung?"
"Right between the first and second hole," she tells him.
"Hmmm," he says, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."

My buddy's first b**...

My buddy Matt walks into a bar goes up to the bartender and asks for 5 shots of whiskey.
Bartender looks wide eyed and says, "5 shots?! whats the occasion young fella?"
Matt says, "My first b**..."
Bartender replies, "First b**... eh? you know what? Ill give you a sixth shot, on the house. Congrats!"
Matt, disgusted, looks at the barkeep and says, "6?!?! Are you kidding? If 5 shots wont get the taste out of my mouth, I don't know what will!"

A Belgian pilot...

A Belgian pilot is landing his plane,
Pilot: wow, what a short runway!
Copilot: yea, but it's sooo wide though!

One day I teased my crush in class...

and told her, "s**... for you girls, you don't know what your last name will be ten years from now because it changes when you get married. I know my last name will be Smith my whole life." She replied, "Oh, but I do know. It will be Smith." She then turned pink and looked down. I gave her a wide smile.
Ten years later, she became my stepmother.
(This joke was translated from Chinese so sorry if parts don't make sense.)

The English and the Scots.

A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."

A woman gets a golf lesson.

A woman goes to her local golf course and gets a lesson from the course pro. After the lesson she decides to play a round to reinforce what she learned. But after only 20 minutes the golf pro sees her back at clubhouse. "What happened" asks the pro. She replies "I was stung by a bee while playing and didn't feel like continuing". "Oh no, where at" replies the golf pro. She says "between the first and second hole".
"Oh, I see" says the pro, "your stance is too wide".

How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?

I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.

The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."

A man got lost on a camping trip

A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.
Charlie Smith, someone shouted, is that you?
Yes, it is, came the reply. Who are you?
We're from the Red Cross.
I gave at the office! Charlie shouted back.

A woman was out at the golf course...

...with her friends for a day and came home. Her husband asks, "So, how did it go?" "Terrible!" she replied. "I got stung by bees!" "Oh no! Where?" he asks. "Between the first and second holes!" The husband shakes his head and says "I've been telling you that your stance was too wide."

Murphy and Seamus

Two Irish pilots, Murphy and Seamus, are flying a Ryanair Ltd. jet on its final approach at Cork Airport.
Murphy says: BuayJesus! Maury an' Josefff! Look how short this runway is.
Seamus replies: Yes, but look how fookin' wide it is!

A p**... goes to the doctor

p**...: "it's too wide, the guys don't like it anymore, I wanna make it tighter"
Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first"
She undresses and shows him.
Doctor: "What's this?" "What's this?" "What's this?"
p**...: "Why'd you say it 3 times?"
Doctor: "I said it once but the rest echoed"

A woman walks into the clubhouse after nine holes...

"Whats the problem ma'am?"
"I got stung by a bee"
"Where at?"
"Between the first and second hole"
"Well I'd say your stance is too wide"

Lady golfer

A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming
She says
"A bee stung me"
The man at the desk replies
"where did the bee sting you
The lady replies
"Between hole 1 and 2"
The man at the desk says
"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"

I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks.

Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper..

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper and says, "I just got stung by a bee!" "Where at??" Asks the grounds keeper. "Between the first and second hole." Replied the woman. The grounds keeper looks her up and down and says, "Well, It sounds like your stance is too wide."
Cr

California hasn't fallen into the sea, so apparently it worked.

Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep cracks in the Earth's crust. Of course, skeptics accused the cult of being merely generous to a fault.

A soldier's wife sends him.......

....a n**... photograph of herself with both legs wide open.
She adds the message, Love, I'll wait for you like this till you return.
Soldier: Oh, that's nice but who took that photo?

Counting sheep

Bill: Gosh, you look really tired today.
Phill :I am. I didn't sleep at all last night.
Bill: I'm sorry. Too much caffeine?
Phill I don't know what it was. I just kept tossing and turning.
Bill : Did you try counting sheep? 
Phill: I did. But you know how it is. By the time you get up, drive all the way to the farm and then drive back, you're wide awake again

With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"

Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"

I went to the clinic today and nervously said, "Doc, this is a little embarrassing, but I've got a problem." Rolling his eyes, chuckling softly, he retorted, "Trust me, I'm a doctor. Nothing you can show me would be startling."

Hesitating just a bit, I stammered, "Well...I...I...I seem to have 5 p**...."
Stunned, eyes wide, he rasped, "Wait, what?! How did you get your pants on!?"
I whispered, "Actually, they fit like a glove."

Some sea mammals sleep with half their brain in deep sleep and the other half wide awake

This was developed as an evolutionary mechanism for survival, but biologists have documented a similar mechanism in workers at the DMV

[OC]A man walks into a hardware store

Man: Hello, I'm doing some work on my house exterior and need to get to the siding and onto the roof.
Employee: Well, we have a wide range of ladders that will do the trick. There's a 3-step ladder that will be perfect for the siding, and an extending ladder that will get you up on the roof. Do you want them both?
Man: I'll take the former now and the latter ladder later.

One day a sailor gets on his boat named the SS s**... whale

He notices several people looking at him wondering about the name of his boat. He decides to dispel their confusion and spreads his arms wide then says,
Hey guys! Whalecum!

A guy walks into a bar and sees a horse behind the bar serving drinks

The man takes a seat at the bar, mouth wide open, stunned. The horse is interacting with customers, mixing drinks, taking meal orders, and giving change.
Finally the horse sees the man, and says What's the matter, buddy? Never seen a talking horse before?
The man says, No, it's not that. I just never thought the cow would sell the place.

Lady goes to her doctor...

Lady goes to her doctor and says I got stung by a bee while golfing!
Doc says were did it sting you?
Lady says between the 1st and 2nd holes.
Docs says wow you must have wide stance..

Women playing golf goes to doctor

She tells the doctor while playing golf a bee stung her between the first hole and the second hole, the doctor replies your stance is to wide

A woman who is playing golf gets stung by a bee.

She rushes into the pro shop and says "I've been stung by a bee! I've been stung by a bee!
The pro say "Where?"
The woman says "Between the first and second hole."
The pro says "Your stance is too wide."

A woman is out playing golf, when she is stung by a bee.

Started to not feel well, she heads to the emergency room. A doctor comes in to examine her.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Woman: I was, playing golf when I was stung by a bee.
Doctor: Where exactly did it sting you?
Woman: In between the 1st and 2nd hole.
Doctor: My god lady, you must have an extremely wide stance.

Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet then rub up and down...

Then rinse it one last time and that's
how you clean a cup.

God gave a wish to a man

God gave a wish to a man.
The man asked, " I want the whole world to be connected by a road".
"Sorry son, it's technically impossible to engineer such a road. Ask something else" , he replied.
"Well then, I want Trump to think before he speaks something", he asked.
"You want that road 8 lanes wide or 10 lanes?
Let's discuss details", god replied.

Wide joke, God gave a wish to a man

jokes about wide

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these wide jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.