Whorehouse Jokes

Following is our collection of nunnery humor and saloon one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Whorehouse puns for adults, dirty burlesque jokes or clean madame gags for kids.

There is an abundance of speakeasy jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 48 funniest jokes on whorehouse. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any whore witze you can hear about whorehouse.

The Best jokes about Whorehouse

"A Marine and his commanding officer.....!!!"

A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

What's the difference between a circus and a whorehouse?

One is a display of cunning stunts.

A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.

The shelter told her the bird lived in a whorehouse for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."

What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

Beat it, we're closed.

A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.

Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."


The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.


Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"


I went to a whorehouse the other day...

The sign outside said "We're closed so beat it"

A guy walks into a whorehouse...

A guy walks into a whorehouse with $2 in his pocket. The man in charge says well for two dollars there's a dead hooker upstairs, you can have your way with her for ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, the patron comes back downstairs and the man in charge asks him how it was.

"It was okay, but the only thing is her nose kept running."

"Ahhh," said the man in charge, "she must be full."

Aftershave's aftereffects.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.

As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.

Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.

Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

A whorehouse got burned down today...

Some came out running, and some ran out cummimg.

Three Woodcutters & The Whorehouse

Three woodcutters were finishing up a hard, four-month stint in the forest. They had not seen or heard anything other than the trees and the sound of their axes that entire time. They packed up, and headed to the nearest town.

After getting sufficiently drunk, they decided to visit the town brothel. Upon entering, the madam became nervous at the sight of the three men because she had only two girls working that night. She thought on her feet, and decided to bed the drunkest looking woodcutter with a blow-up doll.

After all was done they met downstairs to compare notes. The drunkest woodcutter said: "She was okay at first, but a little too quiet. So I bit her nipple, then she let out a huge fart and flew out the window."


A guy walks into a whorehouse...

A guy walks into a whorehouse and says he wants to get laid. He sees a pretty girl and asks the owner how much for 30 minutes with her. The owner tells him the price and unfortunately it's way out of his price range. So he asks if there are any cheaper girls available and the owner says that she thinks she can help him. She tells him to head up to room number 11 and the girl will be in bed waiting for him. The man happily agrees, pays his money, and heads up to the room to meet his lady. He enters the room and sure enough there is a girl in bed waiting for him. He quickly does the deed, and as he is leaving he notices some white fluid coming out of her eye and ear. Not wanting to be rude, he just gets dressed and leaves the room. As he is leaving he mentions to the owner that he noticed the girl had something coming out of her eye and ear. The owner, not looking surprised or concerned, then yells into the back "Hey, the dead one's full again!"

In a classroom

The teacher is talking to little girls about Johnny's awful language 'Remember girls, when Johnny starts swearing just go out of our classroom.' Johnny came in and sat down. The teacher asked what are the buildings under construction in town. Kids say many things but then Little Johnny says 'They are building a whorehouse nearby'. And so every girl got up and started heading for the door. Then Johnny shouted 'Wait up whores, it will be done in a month, what's the rush'

Labor union joke

A labor union organizer goes to a whorehouse and asks the madam if the girls are in a union. "Sorry," she replies, so he leaves.
He goes to a second whorehouse, and again asks the madam if the girls are in a union. When told they are not, he asks, "How can I spend my money here when you do not share your profits with your labor?" and leaves.
He goes to a third whorehouse and again asks the madam if the girls are in a union. "They are," the madam proudly replies. "Great," he says. "I'll go with that cute little blonde over there." "You can't," the madam says. "You have to go with the old grey-haired lady over there. She has seniority."

What's the resemblance between a bungeejump and a african whorehouse?

If the rubber blows, you're dead

A madame is managing a whorehouse . . .

. . . when she sees a new john come in. She sends over her newest girl. The madame sees her sit on his lap and flirt a bit. Then he wispers something in her ear. She looks horrified and yells, "Oh God no!" and runs away.

The madame thinks, O.K., this guy is a little kinky. So she sends over one of her more experienced gals. She sits on his lap, he whispers in her ear, and she shouts "Are you kidding me!" and storms off.

At this point, the madame thinks alright, this guy is a freak. She sends in her skankiest gal who has seen and done every sex act known to man. She sits on his lap, he whispers in his ear, and she stands up and slaps him in the face and hurries away.

The madame can't stand it anymore. She goes up to the john and demands, "What have you been whispering in my girls' ears?!"

He replies sheepishly, "Sorry, eh? I just wanted to know if I could pay in Canadian dollars."

Did you hear about the whorehouse where all the hookers quit?

The owner had to run everything by hand

A guy goes to a whorehouse, only to see it's closed.

The sign on the front door said "Beat it! We're closed!"

A man brought home a lie detector.

He told his family: "This robot will slap anyone that tells a lie."

 

During dinner,

Dad: "How was school, son?"

Son: "It was nice, we had to write an essay."

The robot slapped the son.

 

Son: "Ok, I skipped school to go to a friend's house."

The robot slapped the son again.

 

Son: "Fine! I went to a whorehouse!"

The robot did not do anything, but the dad was shocked.

Dad: "How could you? When I was your age I didn't even know what was a whorehouse!"

The robot slapped the dad.

 

The mum, who was angry at first, couldn't help but laugh and said, "Well, he is your son after all!"

Then the robot slapped the mum.

 


A Scottish Sargent knocks on a whore-house door.

When the madam answers he says "Excuse me madam. But could you tell me how much you would charge for the pleasure of my company?"
The madam gives her price and they negotiate back and forth until they come to a bargain. Once the reach agreement the Sargent says "That sounds like a fair price."

Then he turns, gestures behind himself and yells "OK lads. We have a deal. Company Ho!"

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did
for a living.

"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.

Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Billy's father replied, "Well, I'm really an attorney. But how do you explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old child?"

Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.

One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a whorehouse nearby so all the roads were blocked."

Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his vulgar rhetoric. "Simmer down, you skanks", Ben replied "they are not taking applications yet."

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

A guy walks into a whorehouse in Amsterdam . . .

A guy walks into a whorehouse in Amsterdam. He sits down and a young girl sits on his lap. He whispers something in her ear. She jumps off his lap and yells, "Oh God no!" and scurries off.

The madam notices this and thinks, "Okay, this guy is a little weird." So she sends one of her more experienced girls over. He whispers in her ear and she jumps up and yells, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" and hightails it.

The madam thinks, "Okay, this guy is a freak." So she sends over her most experienced gal, I mean she's done things that 99.9999999999999% of the world has never even heard of. That gal sits on his lap, he whispers in her ear, and she jumps up and yells something nasty in German, Thai, and Brazilian Portuguese and runs away.

So the madam goes over and demands, "What have you been whispering in my girls' ears?!"

"I was just asking aboot paying in Canadian dollars."

THE BLACK CONDOM

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little action and he goes up to the house owner and asks, Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies you've got here? Sorry sir, the owner responds, but, we're all full. Aw, please I really need some poon tang! And the owner answers, Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black condom. Whatever, the man answers quickly and races upstairs.

A few hours later the man comes down and says ''Wow, that was great. She didn't even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black condom? And the owner answers, Respect for the dead.

Two very hot girls try to tease an old man saying ..

" Hey grandpa, what would you do with hot and kinky girls like us ?"

He says :

" Well with only 2 nothing much, but if i had at least 5 i would open a whorehouse. "

NSFW - What is the difference between a warehouse and a whorehouse?

One is stuffed with boxes, the other is where boxes get stuffed.

What do they have in common?

They both happily take your money so you can drop a load.

What do you call a male whorehouse?

Bro-thel

I spend more time at the whorehouse than I do at home.

Don't judge me, it pays the bills.

What do you call a whorehouse that sells unlikeable vegetables?

A brothel sprout.

This man was suspicious his wife was cheating on him...

... as she was leaving home at night, telling him she was going to visit some friends, he followed her. She left driving the family car and he took a cab.

Upon destination, the woman enters a whorehouse and the man is now sure - she is cheating and working as a prostitute behind his back, it was time to settle things right.

This man asks the taxi driver: "hey, wanna make 100$ more? go inside that whorehouse and retreive my wife - tell her you are paying for sex and deliver her to me, I'll wait here, at the cab"

A few minutes later the taxi driver comes out of the whorehouse carring a very upset woman over his shoulders and tucks her inside the cab, when the husband looks at this woman he says: "hey, that`s not my wife!"

so the cab driver responds: "I know! that's MY wife. I'm coming back there to get yours, keep an eye on her for me yea?"

How does Bran Stark get into a whorehouse?

Hodor.

What do you call someone born in a Mexican whorehouse?

Whorge

What do you call an entrance to a whorehouse ?

HODOR

Whorehouse party

My friend had a party at the local whorehouse and everyone came.

WHAT YOU CALL KIDS BORN IN A WHOREHOUSE?

Brothelsprouts

What do you call a Nun in a whorehouse?

Blessed.

What is the most commonly heard four-letter word in a whorehouse?

"Next!"

Have you heard about the new drive-thru whorehouse?

There's always someone coming.

What's the difference between a whorehouse and a circus?

A circus displays **'cunning stunts'**, and a whorehouse displays, **'stunning .......'**

Working here is like working in a whorehouse.

The better you perform, the more often you get screwed.

A dyslexic messed up the sign to a whorehouse. It sounded like a furniture store...

The sign read, "Oriental Rugs and Tubs".

Oriental Rugs and Tubs...

could be a furniture store or a dyslexic whorehouse.

What is another difference between a circus and a whorehouse?

My husband doesn't go to the circus

Going to McDonald's for a salad

is like going to a whorehouse for a hug.

What do you call a child that grew up in a whorehouse?

A brothel sprout

What do you call children born in a whorehouse?

Siblings.

What does a half-naked Ben Franklin say after stumbling out of a French whorehouse?

"Where my britches at?"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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