The Best 47 Whorehouse Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Whorehouse jokes. There are some whorehouse saloon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these whorehouse madame puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Whorehouse Jokes and Puns

Aftershave's aftereffects.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

In a classroom

The teacher is talking to little girls about Johnny's awful language 'Remember girls, when Johnny starts swearing just go out of our classroom.' Johnny came in and sat down. The teacher asked what are the buildings under construction in town. Kids say many things but then Little Johnny says 'They are building a whorehouse nearby'. And so every girl got up and started heading for the door. Then Johnny shouted 'Wait up whores, it will be done in a month, what's the rush'

The Jewish way

As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.

A Jewish man walks into a whorehouse. The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have sex "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having sex the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a prostitute who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have sex the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have sex the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".

The man accepts the offer, and they have sex. She's surprised to find that it's just regular sex! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had sex with me, the most expensive hooker in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".

Whorehouse joke, The Jewish way

A Scottish Sargent knocks on a whore-house door.

When the madam answers he says "Excuse me madam. But could you tell me how much you would charge for the pleasure of my company?"
The madam gives her price and they negotiate back and forth until they come to a bargain. Once the reach agreement the Sargent says "That sounds like a fair price."

Then he turns, gestures behind himself and yells "OK lads. We have a deal. Company Ho!"

What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?

Beat it, we're closed.


How does Bran Stark get into a whorehouse?

Hodor.

A dyslexic messed up the sign to a whorehouse. It sounded like a furniture store...

The sign read, "Oriental Rugs and Tubs".

Whorehouse joke, A dyslexic messed up the sign to a whorehouse. It sounded like a furniture store...

Oriental Rugs and Tubs...

could be a furniture store or a dyslexic whorehouse.

Going to McDonald's for a salad

is like going to a whorehouse for a hug.

What do you call an entrance to a whorehouse ?

HODOR

Whorehouse party

My friend had a party at the local whorehouse and everyone came.

You can explore whorehouse nunnery reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean whorehouse burlesque dad jokes. There are also whorehouse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is the most commonly heard four-letter word in a whorehouse?

"Next!"

"A Marine and his commanding officer.....!!!"

A Marine and his commanding officer were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The marine shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The commanding officer turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

What's the resemblance between a bungeejump and a african whorehouse?

If the rubber blows, you're dead

Working here is like working in a whorehouse.

The better you perform, the more often you get screwed.

A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.

As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.

Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.

Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"

Whorehouse joke, A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..

A whorehouse got burned down today...

Some came out running, and some ran out cummimg.

A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.

The shelter told her the bird lived in a whorehouse for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."

I went to a whorehouse the other day...

The sign outside said "We're closed so beat it"


Two very hot girls try to tease an old man saying ..

" Hey grandpa, what would you do with hot and kinky girls like us ?"

He says :

" Well with only 2 nothing much, but if i had at least 5 i would open a whorehouse. "

What did Caesar say when he went to the whorehouse?

Veni Vidi Veni

What is another difference between a circus and a whorehouse?

My husband doesn't go to the circus

A guy walks into a whorehouse...

A guy walks into a whorehouse with $2 in his pocket. The man in charge says well for two dollars there's a dead hooker upstairs, you can have your way with her for ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, the patron comes back downstairs and the man in charge asks him how it was.

"It was okay, but the only thing is her nose kept running."

"Ahhh," said the man in charge, "she must be full."

A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.

Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.

Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

NSFW - What is the difference between a warehouse and a whorehouse?

One is stuffed with boxes, the other is where boxes get stuffed.

What do they have in common?

They both happily take your money so you can drop a load.

What do you call a cheap whorehouse?

Assda

What do you call someone born in a Mexican whorehouse?

Whorge

A guy goes to a whorehouse, only to see it's closed.

The sign on the front door said "Beat it! We're closed!"

I spend more time at the whorehouse than I do at home.

Don't judge me, it pays the bills.

WHAT YOU CALL KIDS BORN IN A WHOREHOUSE?

Brothelsprouts

What's the difference between a circus and a whorehouse?

One is a display of cunning stunts.

What do you call a male whorehouse?

Bro-thel

Did you hear about the whorehouse where all the hookers quit?

The owner had to run everything by hand

What happens if you can't pay your bill at the whorehouse?

You have to wash the douches

What do you call a whorehouse that sells unlikeable vegetables?

A brothel sprout.

If you are Russian when you go to the whorehouse and you are Finnish when you leave, what are you when you are inside?

Himalayan

Guy breaks out of the psych ward, goes straight to a whorehouse and pays for the oldest, worn-out, flabbiest woman.

They say he had a loose screw.

Have you heard about the new drive-thru whorehouse?

There's always someone coming.

Ben was a fifth grader notorious for his lack of filter.

One day, he walked into class 10 minutes late. "What took you so long, Ben?" asked the teacher. "Sorry miss, there was construction happening in a whorehouse nearby so all the roads were blocked."

Suddenly, all the girls in the class, disgusted at Ben, rose up to protest against his vulgar rhetoric. "Simmer down, you skanks", Ben replied "they are not taking applications yet."

What do you call a Nun in a whorehouse?

Blessed.

What do you call children born in a whorehouse?

Siblings.

What do you call a child that grew up in a whorehouse?

A brothel sprout

What does a half-naked Ben Franklin say after stumbling out of a French whorehouse?

"Where my britches at?"

What's the difference between a whorehouse and a circus?

A circus displays **'cunning stunts'**, and a whorehouse displays, **'stunning .......'**

What vegetable grows best in a whorehouse?

Brothelsprouts.

What's the difference between a warehouse and a whorehouse?

Ones wholesale and the others a hole sale.

A guy at the whorehouse

So a guys going down on this hooker in a whorehouse. He's eating and eating and all of a sudden gets some corn in his mouth. Well, he thinks thats kind of gross but chalks it up to a fluke and keeps on eating. A few minutes later he gets some carrots in his mouth. Again he thinks thats kind of gross and odd but again chalks it up to a fluke. Well he goes back to eating and eating and this time gets some beans in his mouth. He looks up from eating and says to the hooker, Damn lady, are you sick or something ..... she responds

No but the guy before you was

LOL

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the whorehouse speakeasy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working whorehouse whore piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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