Whoa Jokes
66 whoa jokes and hilarious whoa puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about whoa that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Whoa Short Jokes
Short whoa jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The whoa humour may include short whoops jokes also.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- I said to my friend: "I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad..." My friend said "Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?"
I said "no, he also wished he was..." - Black eye Tom: "Hey buddy, howya do...whoa! who gave you that black eye?
Sam: "My wife"
Tom: "I thought she was out of town for the weekend."
Sam: "So did I." - Did you know a man gets run over by a car in New York City every five minutes? Whoa, he should really get out of the road!
- I got my girlfriend an optical illusion for her birthday Her: "Whoa what's this?"
Me: "It's not what it looks like!" - Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers? Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers? WHO knew!
- Heard a Beach Boys song that sang, We could be married…And then we'd be happy… And I was like Whoa, fellas - you can't have it both ways.
- *dinosaur at zoo roars at me* "ROAR"
whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this
"GROWL"
hmm
"SHOUT"
hmmm
"YELL"
hmmmmm
"HOLLER"
oh its a thesaurus" - I have many stories about my unfortunate attempts to bring horses to a halt. They're my tales of whoa.
- What did the chameleon say when he walked across a tie-dye shirt? Whoa, that last bug must have been laced with something!
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Whoa One Liners
Which whoa one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with whoa? I can suggest the ones about jeez and phew.
- I saw a Russian eating a potato.. I said "Whoa! too soon".
RIP M. Hedberg - Canadian Whoas My SO is sooo Canadian! When they doing get enough D, they get S.A.D.
- If Keanu Reeves was born with two X chromosomes, what would he be? A whoa-man.
- Person 1: "Whoa check your privilege man!"
- Alderaan whoa this blew up
- What rhymes with "whoa"? I don't know.
- What is Big Sean's favorite drink? Whoa-dere! (water)
get it?!?! you gotta laugh!
Silly & Ridiculous Whoa Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about whoa you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gosh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make whoa pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
the newlyweds go to the hotel swimming pool...
The guy goes to the diving board and performs a 2 1/2 sommersaults with 2 twists backwards.
-"Whoa, that was impressive," says the wife when the man comes back.
-"I was a double medallist in London olympics, dear".
So the woman dives in and does 90 lenghts of the pool in 2 1/2 minutes.
-"Baby, that WAS impressive", says the husband.
-"I was a p**... in Venice, dear"
I finally came up with a good punchline for the "An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar" joke
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a third of a pint, and the fourth one is about to order when the bartender waves him off and pours two full pints. Whoa whoa, hold on, says the mathematician, How do you know we're all here? The bartender replies, Well, when I saw that guy wearing the brace on his right side I figured you were all set.
What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer?
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three friends are talking at a bar
The first one says, "You know, at this place, when you buy one drink, you get the next one free."
The second one says, "My favorite bar is better. You buy the first drink, and you get the next *two* for free."
"I know that place too, but I know a better bar," says the third friend. "There, you buy the first drink, get the next one free, get another one for free, then they take you upstairs and you have s**... for free!"
They look at the guy and ask, "Whoa are you serious?" He says, "Yeah, of course, why would I lie?"
"Did that happen to you?"
"No, but it happens to my sister all the time."
So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...
A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'
I'll see myself out
Buddhist Monk
So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?". The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of p**... in 2013 (real news)
As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to "Whoa Dude."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two hunters and a hole
Two guys are hunting, o**... says "Whoa, big hole. How deep is that?"
Other guy says "Let's throw something in the hole and see."
They see a rusty old anvil and drag it to the hole, throw it in and hear no sound of it hitting the bottom. Suddenly they hear something galloping and a goat is coming at them at a blistering speed, almost knocking them down as it flies past the two and dives into the hole.
"Becky? Becky!!" Yells a farmer running toward them. He stops near the two hunters and asks them "You guys seen a goat?"
"Yes, we did! A goat ran by us about 80 miles an hour down into that hole!"
"That's impossible," says the farmer. "I had him chained to an anvil."
(Have heard versions in the past, this one is told by Jay Leno on his recent Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee episode, S03E03.)
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds.
I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, "Whoa! I'm way too high!"
-Bruce Baum
A duck walks into a bar.
the bartender says, "what can I get you duck?"
the duck says, "you got any grapes?"
the bartender replies, "no this is a bar, we don't have any grapes."
the duck leaves and then comes back the next day.
the bartender sees the duck and he says, "allright duck, what'll you have?"
the duck says, "you got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "ok duck let's get something straight. we didn't have any grapes yesterday, we don't have any today and we're not gonna
have any grapes tomorrow. if you come in here one more time asking for grapes, I'm going to take your bill and nail it to the bar."
The duck says, "whoa, take it easy!" The duck gets up and leaves.
The next day, the 3rd day in a row, the duck walks into the bar. The bartender sees the duck, rests his hands on bar, leans forward, and says, "ok duck, what'll you have?"
The duck says, "you got any nails?"
Bartender says, "nope."
Duck says, "you got any grapes?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wanna hear about the time I got kicked out of school?
Everyone knows that kindergarteners are very curious. So back in the day I was peeing at a u**..., and Timmy comes up to me and says, "Whoa, your wiener is huge!"
I thought nothing of it at the time. But when we got back to class, Timmy started telling everyone. Within the hour they wanted to see it, so I went to the door to check if any adults were coming, then I whipped it out for everyone to see.
Eventually Susan ratted me out, and that's how I lost my teaching career.
2 guys are playing golf...
John tees off and makes it to the green. George steps up and sets a ball on the tee that looks unlike any ball John has ever seen so he asks, "whoa, what kind of ball is that?" "Oh, this ball is great" George replies, "if you hit it in the water it floats, if you hit it in a sandtrap it blinks, and if u hit it in the rough, it beeps... its great, you can't lose it!" ..."Wow, sounds awesome!" John says, "so where did you get it?"... George, getting ready to tee off says: "I found it".
A farmer has three bulls, One small, one medium, and one large.
The large one looks over the herd of cows and says, "Half these cows are mine!" The medium-sized bull then says, "A third of these cows are mine!" And the small bull, looking crestfallen, says, "Well, the rest of these cows are mine!"
The farmer comes home one day with a simply enormous bull, one that towers over the original three. The largest one says, "Whoa... I guess I'll give him half my cows." The medium-sized one, with fear in his eyes, says, "He can have two-thirds of my cows." But the littlest bull paws at the ground, snorting and stomping, tossing his horns. The other two tell him, "Are you crazy? That new bull will crush you!"
The littlest bull replies, "I just want to make sure he knows I'm a bull."
I accidentally ordered a "Robert Palmer" instead of an "Arnold Palmer" and now there is a sullen waitress dancing behind me.
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love
What did the bat say to the other bat when he almost flew into a tree?
Whoa did you hear that?
A blonde woman's first day at live software support..
She was giving help to customers through live chats.
She eventually got sick and busted right into the boss's office.
Woman: This is infuriating! Every time I try to help someone resolve their problems, they just hang up on me!
Boss: Whoa, whoa.... Relax. Okay, tell me what exactly happened? Did you say something to them?
Woman: Well, all I did was ask them to try restarting their computer!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar wearing plastic wrap pants...
The bartender says "Whoa there buddy, just turn around and leave - I can clearly see you're nuts!"
My girlfriend confronted me the other day, berating me for being too obtuse...
...I replied "whoa, whoa, whoa..what's with the 103rd degree!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Voice Coach
Voice Coach: "Let's start with a scale."
Student: "Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, t**..., doooh!"
Voice Coach: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"
A man with only one ear interviews candidates for a job
He is kinda' sensitive about his missing ear, so he asks to the first candidate "do you notice anything different about me?"
The guy hesitates and says "yes, sir, you have only one ear". He is dismissed on point.
The man asks the same question to the second candidate, which replies "yes, one of your ears is missing". Dismissed as well.
The third candidate walks in and the man asks "do you notice anything different about me?". The guy looks closely and says "Yes, of course. You wear contact lenses".
Surprised, the man asks "whoa, how did you know that?"
The guy replies: "well, how could you wear glasses with only one ear?"
A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...
"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walrus l**... pepper.
(Just made this up a little inebriated so be kind.)
Person 1: Whoa! Is that a walrus l**... salt?
Person 2: Na,Cl
A taxi driver speeds through a red light without even looking
And the passenger says, "whoa, what are you doing?! That was a red!"
The driver replies, "don't worry about it. My cousin, he does it all the time."
The passenger sits back until the driver blows through another red. He practically leaps out of his seat, "what are you doing?! You'll get us killed!"
The driver waves him off, "nonsense. My cousin, he does it all the time."
Then they come to a green light and the driver slams on the brakes and creeps into the intersection before taking off again. Now the passenger is livid.
"What was that?! That light was green!"
The driver nods and then shrugs before replying.
"My cousin. He mighta been coming."
There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God
and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."
A preacher trained his horse...
A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen."
The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"
The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got excited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... walked in to a bar...
The bartenders says "whoa, h**... I thought you were dead"
h**... says "no, just hiding. I'm planning to kill the rest of the Jews and 5 clowns"
The bartender asks "why the clowns?"
h**... says "see no one cares about Jews"
A moth flies into a Pediatrist's office.
He says "Doc, you gotta help me. I got no purpose in my life. My wife left me, I lost my job, my kids won't even speak to me. I'm having a hard time keeping it together... I mean, every day I wake up thinking about just ending it all."
The pediatrist says "whoa, slow down there, little buddy! I'm just a pediatrist... I think you should be talking to a PSYCHIATRIST. Why did you even fly in here?!"
And the moth says "Well I don't know... your light was on!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch walks into a bar
The bartender says:
Whoa, that's quite a get up you got there! Tell me how you got that peg leg.
The pirate explains:
Yarr! Ah lost me leg in a mighty battle with the toyal navy!
The bartender asks:
Wow, how about the hand?
Pirate:
'twas me old nemesis Racham the Red cut it off afore I scewerd 'im like a sow at a buffet!
Bartender:
Wow, that's quite a story! How'd you end up with the eye patch?
Pirate:
Seagull s**... in me eye...
Bartender:
A seagull s**... in your eye? Really? How bad could that be?
Pirate:
Arr... 'twas the first day with me new hook...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey v**... Mary! Stop having s**... for money !
Whoa Whoa Whoa...I'm just trying to make a little prophet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals who haven't had a decent meal in some time catch a neighboring tribesman in the jungle.
After discussing how to keep things fair, they decide that one should start at the feet and the other at the head to make sure they get an equal amount.
A few minutes into the meal, the cannibal who started at the head asks, "How's it going down there?"
"I'm having a ball!" says the other one.
"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down!" says the first. "You're eating too fast!"
A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French.
Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".
A man walks into a bar...
As he steps in the tender noticed a big gorilla on his shoulder. Clearly taken aback he asks, Whoa man! Where'd you get that thing? To which the ape says, oh I just brought him in from outside for a drink.
Kids in a hospital
Two little kids are in the hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you in for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "Whoa! We don't serve your kind in here".
The horse asks, "You mean because I'm a horse?"
"No, because you're black"
A man walks into a bar
and says to the bartender, "Give me ten times the number of drinks everyone has in this bar"
The bartender replies, "Whoa! That's an order of magnitude."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was buying a large Christmas tree...
... and the cashier said, "Whoa, are you going to put that up yourself?"
I said, "No, you sicko, I'm putting it in my living room!"
Whoa, the party last night was like from a movie!
Yeah, my face looked weird. people had difficulties communicating with me and I was desperately trying to call home.
What did the black couple say when Noah rejected them at his ark?
"Whoa oh ah hah ah ah ah huh."
A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.
He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make any sweeping generalizations here"
Two kids are chasing a lizard
And one of the kids manages to step on it, but the tail breaks off and the lizard gets away.
Whoa! Did you see what happened to that lizard?! Exclaims the first kid. Yeah, replies the second kid I just caught the tail end of it
The goat
Two hunters are walking through the woods and one of them says " whoa whoa! Watch out for that hole!"
So the other guy says " I wonder how deep it is" and picks up a rusty anvil laying on the ground and throws it down the hole.
They don't hear a sound and three seconds later, they see a goat running really fast at them and jump down the hole.
So then they see a farmer calling out "Becky! Becky" and approaches the hunters and ask " Have you seen a goat around here?"
The hunters reply " yeah it was running real fast and jumped down that hole "
The farmer replies " that's impossible! I had it tied to an anvil"
Ian had a swollen nose
One day Joe went to see his friend Ian, and noticed he had a big swollen nose.
Whoa, what happened, lan? he asked.
I sniffed a brose, Ian replied.
What? Joe said. There's no 'b' in rose!
Ian replied, There was in this one!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My best friends wife told us that one.
Her: take off my bra
Me: Ok
Her: take off my p**...
Me: Whoa Ok
Her: stop wearing my clothes.
2 kids in a hospital outside the operating room.
1st kid asks "What are you in here for?"
2nd kid says "Getting my tonsils out, I'm a little nervous."
1st kid says "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you Jelly & ice cream. It's a breeze."
2nd kid asks "What are you here for?"
1st kid says "Circumcision."
"Whoa!" the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!!!"
A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen"
The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"
The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got exited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"
A drunk was walking down the street and bumped into a cop.
The drunk says to the cop, "Man, somebody stole my car."
Cop says, "Well, where was it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here on the end of this key."
Cop replies, "I dunno man, you better go down to the precinct and report it down there and they'll fill out all the proper paperwork."
The drunk turns around to leave but the cop stops him and says, "Whoa there, before you head downtown you better zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."
Little Timmy is called by his parents.
Father: "There's no easy way to tell you this: you have been adopted."
Timmy: "Whoa! Am I going to meet my real parents now?"
Father: "We ARE your real parents. And now go pack your bags. You're going to be picked up in 30 minutes."
