Whoa Jokes

67 whoa jokes and hilarious whoa puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about whoa that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Whoa Short Jokes

Short whoa jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The whoa humour may include short whoops jokes also.

  1. I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
  2. I said to my friend: "I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad..." My friend said "Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?"
    I said "no, he also wished he was..."
  3. Black eye Tom: "Hey buddy, howya do...whoa! who gave you that black eye?
    Sam: "My wife"
    Tom: "I thought she was out of town for the weekend."
    Sam: "So did I."
  4. Did you know a man gets run over by a car in New York City every five minutes? Whoa, he should really get out of the road!
  5. Son, you're adopted Son: Whoa, I wonder who my real parents are.
    Parent: We are your real parents, your NEW parents are on the way.
  6. I got my girlfriend an optical illusion for her birthday Her: "Whoa what's this?"
    Me: "It's not what it looks like!"
  7. Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers? Whoa! China is fudging their coronavirus numbers? WHO knew!
  8. „Whoa your circumcision looks horrible … „Yeah my parents went for the cheap was a rip off
  9. Heard a Beach Boys song that sang, We could be married…And then we'd be happy… And I was like Whoa, fellas - you can't have it both ways.
  10. *dinosaur at zoo roars at me* "ROAR"
    whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this
    oh its a thesaurus"

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Whoa One Liners

Which whoa one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with whoa? I can suggest the ones about jeez and holey.

  1. I saw a Russian eating a potato.. I said "Whoa! too soon".
    RIP M. Hedberg
  2. Canadian Whoas My SO is sooo Canadian! When they doing get enough D, they get S.A.D.
  3. If Keanu Reeves was born with two X chromosomes, what would he be? A whoa-man.
  4. Person 1: "Whoa check your privilege man!"
  5. Alderaan whoa this blew up
  6. What rhymes with "whoa"? I don't know.
  7. What's Italian Alzheimer's sound like? "Whoa! fuggodaboutit!"
  8. What is Big Sean's favorite drink? Whoa-dere! (water)
    get it?!?! you gotta laugh!

Whoa joke, What is Big Sean's favorite drink?

Silly & Ridiculous Whoa Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about whoa you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean phew jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make whoa pranks.

A tray of muffins is in the oven.

One muffin says "Woo; it's hot in here." An adjacent muffin exclaims, "Whoa! A talking muffin!"

the newlyweds go to the hotel swimming pool...

The guy goes to the diving board and performs a 2 1/2 sommersaults with 2 twists backwards.
-"Whoa, that was impressive," says the wife when the man comes back.
-"I was a double medallist in London olympics, dear".
So the woman dives in and does 90 lenghts of the pool in 2 1/2 minutes.
-"Baby, that WAS impressive", says the husband.
-"I was a p**... in Venice, dear"

What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer?

Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute.

Two little kids are in a hospital...

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...

A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'
I'll see myself out

Buddhist Monk

So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?". The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".

Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of p**... in 2013 (real news)

As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to "Whoa Dude."

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds.

I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, "Whoa! I'm way too high!"
-Bruce Baum

I accidentally ordered a "Robert Palmer" instead of an "Arnold Palmer" and now there is a sullen waitress dancing behind me.

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

What did the bat say to the other bat when he almost flew into a tree?

Whoa did you hear that?

A blonde woman's first day at live software support..

She was giving help to customers through live chats.
She eventually got sick and busted right into the boss's office.
Woman: This is infuriating! Every time I try to help someone resolve their problems, they just hang up on me!
Boss: Whoa, whoa.... Relax. Okay, tell me what exactly happened? Did you say something to them?
Woman: Well, all I did was ask them to try restarting their computer!

A guy walks into a bar wearing plastic wrap pants...

The bartender says "Whoa there buddy, just turn around and leave - I can clearly see you're nuts!"

My girlfriend confronted me the other day, berating me for being too obtuse...

...I replied "whoa, whoa, whoa..what's with the 103rd degree!"

Doctor: You're obese. Patient:

***Doctor: You're obese. Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.***

The Voice Coach

Voice Coach: "Let's start with a scale."
Student: "Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, t**..., doooh!"
Voice Coach: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"

A man with only one ear interviews candidates for a job

He is kinda' sensitive about his missing ear, so he asks to the first candidate "do you notice anything different about me?"
The guy hesitates and says "yes, sir, you have only one ear". He is dismissed on point.
The man asks the same question to the second candidate, which replies "yes, one of your ears is missing". Dismissed as well.
The third candidate walks in and the man asks "do you notice anything different about me?". The guy looks closely and says "Yes, of course. You wear contact lenses".
Surprised, the man asks "whoa, how did you know that?"
The guy replies: "well, how could you wear glasses with only one ear?"

A buddhist goes to a hot dog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."
When the guy hands him his hot dog, the monk pays and asks for his change.
The vendor replies, "Change comes from within."
Then the monk gets angry and pulls out his gun.
The vendor clamors "Whoa, whoa! What about inner peace?"
And the monk replies "this IS my inner piece."
Suddenly a bystander calls out. "I've called the cops! They'll be here any minute!"
The vendor, expecting the monk to flee the scene, is quite surprised to see that the monk makes no motion to leave, even as the sounds of police sirens fill the street.
"Aren't you going to run away?" he asks.
The monk shakes his head and replies, "Namaste."

A black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bar man asks, "Whoa, cool. Where did you get him?"
The parrot says, "Africa! There are loads of them running around!"

Walrus l**... pepper.

(Just made this up a little inebriated so be kind.)
Person 1: Whoa! Is that a walrus l**... salt?
Person 2: Na,Cl

There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God

and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."

h**... walked in to a bar...

The bartenders says "whoa, h**... I thought you were dead"
h**... says "no, just hiding. I'm planning to kill the rest of the Jews and 5 clowns"
The bartender asks "why the clowns?"
h**... says "see no one cares about Jews"

Hey v**... Mary! Stop having s**... for money !

Whoa Whoa Whoa...I'm just trying to make a little prophet

A woman walks onto a bus

A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.
She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"
"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.
"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."

Two cannibals who haven't had a decent meal in some time catch a neighboring tribesman in the jungle.

After discussing how to keep things fair, they decide that one should start at the feet and the other at the head to make sure they get an equal amount.
A few minutes into the meal, the cannibal who started at the head asks, "How's it going down there?"
"I'm having a ball!" says the other one.
"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down!" says the first. "You're eating too fast!"

A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French.

Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".

A man walks into a bar...

As he steps in the tender noticed a big gorilla on his shoulder. Clearly taken aback he asks, Whoa man! Where'd you get that thing? To which the ape says, oh I just brought him in from outside for a drink.

Kids in a hospital

Two little kids are in the hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, You've got nothing to worry about.  I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream.  It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you in for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born.  Couldn't walk for a year!"

A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Whoa! We don't serve your kind in here".
The horse asks, "You mean because I'm a horse?"
"No, because you're black"

A man walks into a bar

and says to the bartender, "Give me ten times the number of drinks everyone has in this bar"
The bartender replies, "Whoa! That's an order of magnitude."

I was buying a large Christmas tree...

... and the cashier said, "Whoa, are you going to put that up yourself?"
I said, "No, you sicko, I'm putting it in my living room!"

Whoa, the party last night was like from a movie!

Yeah, my face looked weird. people had difficulties communicating with me and I was desperately trying to call home.

What did the black couple say when Noah rejected them at his ark?

"Whoa oh ah hah ah ah ah huh."

A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.

He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make any sweeping generalizations here"

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .

Two kids are chasing a lizard

And one of the kids manages to step on it, but the tail breaks off and the lizard gets away.
Whoa! Did you see what happened to that lizard?! Exclaims the first kid. Yeah, replies the second kid I just caught the tail end of it

3 men go to a hotel late at night

Only one room is left and there is only one large bed to sleep on, the men decide to go and share it.
The morning after...
Man on the left: Guys, I had an awesome dream last night. I hooked up with this smoking hot blonde and got a h**...!
Man on the right: whoa, what a coincidence... I had a similar dream but with a red head!
Man in the middle: That doesn't even touch the dream that I had! I was a professional skier!

A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing eye dog...

He then grabs the dog by the tail and starts swinging it around his head.
Bartender: Whoa, Whoa man! What the h**... are you doing?!!
Blind guy: Relax, I'm just taking a look around.

The goat

Two hunters are walking through the woods and one of them says " whoa whoa! Watch out for that hole!"
So the other guy says " I wonder how deep it is" and picks up a rusty anvil laying on the ground and throws it down the hole.
They don't hear a sound and three seconds later, they see a goat running really fast at them and jump down the hole.
So then they see a farmer calling out "Becky! Becky" and approaches the hunters and ask " Have you seen a goat around here?"
The hunters reply " yeah it was running real fast and jumped down that hole "
The farmer replies " that's impossible! I had it tied to an anvil"

Ian had a swollen nose

One day Joe went to see his friend Ian, and noticed he had a big swollen nose.
Whoa, what happened, lan? he asked.
I sniffed a brose, Ian replied.
What? Joe said. There's no 'b' in rose!
Ian replied, There was in this one!

My best friends wife told us that one.

Her: take off my bra
Me: Ok
Her: take off my p**...
Me: Whoa Ok
Her: stop wearing my clothes.

A man puts a tray of muffins in the oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says, Whoa, it's really hot in here.
The other muffin jumps and yells, Aah! A talking muffin!

What did the chameleon say when he walked across a tie-dye shirt?

Whoa, that last bug must have been laced with something!

I have many stories about my unfortunate attempts to bring horses to a halt.

They're my tales of whoa.

2 kids in a hospital outside the operating room.

1st kid asks "What are you in here for?"
2nd kid says "Getting my tonsils out, I'm a little nervous."
1st kid says "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep, when you wake up they give you Jelly & ice cream. It's a breeze."
2nd kid asks "What are you here for?"
1st kid says "Circumcision."
"Whoa!" the 2nd kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!!!"

A preacher trained his horse to go when he said "Thank God" and to stop when he said "Amen"

The preacher mounted the horse and said "Thank God" and went for a ride. When he wanted to stop for lunch , he said " "Amen." He took off again saying "Thank God"
The horse started going toward the edge of a cliff. The preacher got exited and said "whoa! whoa!" Then he remembered and said "Amen" and the horse stopped at the edge of the cliff. The preacher was so relieved and grateful that he looked up to heaven and said "Thank God!"

A drunk was walking down the street and bumped into a cop.

The drunk says to the cop, "Man, somebody stole my car."
Cop says, "Well, where was it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here on the end of this key."
Cop replies, "I dunno man, you better go down to the precinct and report it down there and they'll fill out all the proper paperwork."
The drunk turns around to leave but the cop stops him and says, "Whoa there, before you head downtown you better zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."

Me to my therapist: Help, I have a crippling fear of the Grease soundtrack!

Therapist: Tell me more, tell me more.
Me: Aaaaaaaaaaa-
Therapist: Keep talking, whoa keep talking!

Little Timmy is called by his parents.

Father: "There's no easy way to tell you this: you have been adopted."
Timmy: "Whoa! Am I going to meet my real parents now?"
Father: "We ARE your real parents. And now go pack your bags. You're going to be picked up in 30 minutes."

Whoa joke, Heard a Beach Boys song that sang,  We could be married…And then we'd be happy…