The Best 72 White People Jokes

Following is our collection of White People jokes which are very funny. There are some white people whitey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these white people racist puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny White People Jokes and Puns

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools, because we have class.

I hate when black people mistakenly think I'm racist

Today, a black guy was holding hands with his white girlfriend in the airport and got upset because he caught me looking at him suspiciously. I wish I could explain to him that I was only trying to figure out if he was in the NBA or not.

Daddy, is god a Man or a Woman?

Father: God is both.

Boy: Is God Black or White?

Father: God is both.

Boy: Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?

*Note* I know this joke is outdated, but a very close friend told it to me a couple years ago and as she recently passed away, I'm posting it here so people can know she was awesome.

A black knight moves into a new village with only white people...

...after a year, a white girl in the village gives birth to a black child. A shepherd goes up to the knight and says: "I think you had sex with that girl, since you're the only black person in this entire village." The knight responds: "Well, sometimes weird things just happen, like your single white sheep among your heard of black sheep." The shepherd says: "Hey! You say nothing bout the sheep, I say nothing bout the baby."

A Chinese woman storms into a bank and up to the front of the line.

She slams her hand down on the counter and demands the teller's attention.

"My stock," she says, "yesterday was worth one hundred dollar a share! Now is ninety five! Why? You try to rip me off?"

The teller smiles and says "No ma'am. Fluctuations."

The lady's face turns a bright shade of crimson and she screams "We'll fluc you white people too!"


Why do black people have white hands?

There's a little good in everybody.

A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...

They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"

"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."

"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."

"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."

**Poof**

He became a maxi pad.

How many white people can you fit in a can?

Crackers don't come in cans, they come in boxes!

Just after the apartheid ...

A bus company's owner explain to his drivers that if they find it difficult to see people as equal they just have to consider there are no more black and white people, only blue.

So, this driver explained it to its passengers :

"Ok guys, you're not black or white anymore. Only blue. So light blue get the front seats, dark blue the rear."

A man was passing by a small courtyard when he starting hearing...

...voices and murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said, "NIL."

White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity and The Blessed Emptiness.

The man turned to a white-robed observer beside him and asked, "Is Nothing Sacred?"

A little Arab boy

Anything that makes people who aren't white Americans embarrassed or angry, is racist.

You can explore white people whitehouse reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean white people racial dad jokes. There are also white people puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but....

At least we can say, "hey dad", "thanks for the warning officer", and "that's my kid".

What do call a bunch of white people on a bench?

The NBA

Hows come white people have so many pets?

My bIack friend: "How come white people have so many pets?"
Me: "Cause we can't own people anymore"

A young black boy walks int to kitchen ...

There he dumps a pound of flour on himself, he goes to his mother and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His mother slaps him in the mouth and says, "go tell your Father what you jst said!" The boy goes to his fAther and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His father takes him over his leg and spanks him hard. Then the father asked," okay son , now what have you learned?" The looks at him and says," I've only been a white boy for 8 minutes now an I already hate you black people!"

Greatest situational joke I've ever told...

A girl I know was talking about how her white mum was an Indian chef, which my other friend couldn't quite grasp and said "How can your mum be an Indian chef if she's not Indian?"

I replied "You can be a pizza chef and not be a pizza".

Had a couple people in tears saying that so I thought I'd share it, might have been a 'you-had-to-be-there' moment.

Why Aren't There Riots When White People Get Killed?

Because white people have work in the morning.

What do you call 16 white American people?

A full blooded Cherokee

As a white person... We need more white people jokes. I've got a few here.

What do you call a bunch of White people sitting around watching black people do all the work?

The NBA

What do you call a bunch of White people chasing a black guy through a field?

The PGA

What do you call a White Girl with a yeast infection?

Crackers with Cheese.

What do you call it when a white guy tries to shoot a 3 pointer?

Sad.


Why did people make white chocolate?

So black kids could get dirty faces too.

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

How many white people does it take to replace a light bulb?

One to hold the bulb, and the rest to screw the whole world.

Racism exists among all races of the world

white people are just better at it, like most things.

When people ask why I have a "Trump 2016" sticker on my car I say it's for safety.

When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white.

"Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Son, some people see God as a man, while others see God as a woman."

"Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Son, some people see God as black, while others see God as white."

"Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?"

I told my black coworker that I like to go to sleep listening to white noise. He said "Why does it gotta be white noise with you people?"

I said because I can't go to sleep listening to rap music and gunshots.

A white man tells a black man

Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know

When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
even when I die I continued to be black.

Instead you my friend

When you're born you're pink.
When you start to grow you are white.
When you go to the beach you look red.
When you're cold you look blue.
When you have panic you look yellow.
When you're sick you look green.
When you die you turn gray ....

And they still dare to call me a color man

Why is hip hop popular among urban youth?

because it's the only time a black man can tell a crowd of white people to put their hands in the air.

So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.

The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

There's only one thing I hate more that white supremacy.

Black people

I don't understand why people are so upset about Harambe

I mean, gorillas get shot by white cops all the time.

Why are school shooters more likely to be white people?

White people actually go to school. Black people stay home and shoot people in their own neighborhood.

Why are white people the scariest in prison?

Because you know they're guilty.

Whats a word that white people can call white people but black people cannot call black people?

Dad.

Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.

See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."

Why do white people own so many pets?

Because we're not allowed to own people anymore.

Life is a lot like chess

You've always got to be thinking two steps ahead.

And most people want to be white.

The Imperial Wizard of the KKK was just found dead near a river in Missouri...

Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping white trash in our water.

Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white

People need to be a little bit more considerate of Trump's decision to skip the White House Correspondents' dinner.

The roasting waiting for him there would probably have made him the second black president.

Black people can be racist too

It's just that white people are much better at it like we are at everything else.

Not sure if Jesus was black or white...

...but he certainly wasn't asian, or people wouldn't be asking him to take the wheel.

People say Michael Jackson only became a paedophile when he was white. [NSFW]

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Curiosity killed the...

...white people in horror movies.

Why is Chick-fil-a so successful?

They figured out how to sell fried chicken to white people.

America is so racist and homophobic

That people even want their teeth to be straight and white.

What is the number one thing white people cook better than any other race?

Meth.

Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.

Why do Americans suck at calculus?

White people have never been good at integration.

I like my people like I like my cheese

white american.

I don't understand why white people can't say the N word

We invented it after all

The Winter Olympics.

Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.

Some white people are so upset at black panther

Chill, You guys have pink panther

People are so easily offended these days.

That's why I only ever make jokes at the expense of white men, whose thick skins and calmly rational attitudes make them impossible to upset.

Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

What do you call 64 white people in a room?

One full blooded Cherokee

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

A lot of people think apartheid is a complicated issue

But i think it's pretty black and white

Black people are allowed to say the n-word while white people can't.

But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."

If white people are white paper, and black people are black paper. Then what are Mexican people?

Construction paper

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people looking both ways before they start

Currency trading

I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.

a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.

a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.

the guy said to me in an annoyed voice " why one week $120, then $105, then $135! - why the difference?!!?"

I says to him "fluctuations"

He responds "fluck you white people"

Jesus and Buddha are sitting in Heaven.

Buddha: "I should've made one of those rules where people aren't allowed to depict me."

Jesus: "Why?"

Buddha: "They keep making me look fat!"

Jesus: "Tell me about it. I've been a blond white guy for two thousand years!"

A black kid puts powder on his face and realised he looked white

So he went down to his mom and said
Look mom I'm white .

His mother tells him
Don't do that, it's not funny now go wash up .

The kid then goes to his dad who said
Why are you doing stupid things. Now go clean up .

The kid disappointed with his parents reaction says to himself as he cleans up
One day of being white and I already hate black people .

Sony created two new stereos.

One has good bass for black people to listen to rap music. The other has good treble for white people to listen to country.

Those are two stereo types.

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong person.

Oh wait, that wasn't my waiter

Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus

Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, How many people is a brazillion?"

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.

But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.

And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

I was at my bank today...

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange money for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollars, today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

A black Christian man and a white Jewish man walk into a bar...

"That's racist!"

Okay, so a Christian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar...

"That's religionist!"

Okay, so two men walk into a bar...

"That's sexist!"

Okay, so a man and a woman walk into a bar...

"That's homophobic!"

Okay, so two people walk into a bar...

"That's ableist!"

Okay, so two people enter a bar...

"That promotes alcoholism!"

Okay, so two people enter a place...

"Animals have rights too!"

Okay, so two animals, which may or may not be human, enter a place...

"I've heard this one before!"

Dave knows everyone joke

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, β€œYou know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, β€œOK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
β€œNo dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
β€œDave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
β€œNo, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
β€œPresident Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
β€œYup,” Dave says, β€œOld buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, β€œDave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
β€œPope Francis,” his boss replies.
β€œSure!” says Dave. β€œI’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, β€œThis will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, β€œWhat happened?”
His boss looks up and says, β€œIt was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, β€˜Who the fuck is that on the balcony with Dave?’

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the white people gray jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working white people minority piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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