White Lie Jokes
47 white lie jokes and hilarious white lie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about white lie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest White Lie Short Jokes
Short white lie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The white lie humour may include short white van jokes also.
- If a white lie is a harmless lie that doesn't really matter Then does that mean that black lies matter?
- Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
*Joke's from my Dad and his friend* - Snowy White and the 7 dwarves... Snowy White and the 7 dwarves were lying in bed feeling happy...but happy didn't like it and got out...
- It's ok to occasionally tell white lies. Don't ever tell black lies though. Because Black lies matter.
- What did the Redditor say on opposite day? Sometimes white lies are OK and it's not always gaslighting .
- Just realised that the mirror on snow white is Sir Mix A Lot Because it likes big butts and it can not lie...
- What's a red house made of? Bricks.
What's a yellow house made of?
Yellow bricks.
What's a blue house made of?
Blue bricks.
What's a white house made of?
Lies. - They installed a lie detector in the White House Nobody can work any more because of all the beeping
- Why do White Supremists call this month "The Holocaust"? Because it's just another Jew Lie
(The Holocaust is real and this is just a joke) - Europeans did promise land and peace for the natives. They didn't get what they wanted but what can you expect? They were just white lies after all.
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White Lie One Liners
Which white lie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with white lie? I can suggest the ones about lies and lying.
- I told a little white lie... or a little black lie,
because all lies matter - What is a white supremacists least favorite month? JEW-LIE
- The first white lie I heard was this is our land.
- What pales in comparison to a lie? A white lie.
- What is little, white and not a lie? an albino baby elephant.
- What is white and lies in the grass? A shleep.
- I don't understand why Little Albert was so upset.... I just told him a white lie.
White Lie Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about white lie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean white paint jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make white lie pranks.
Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.
She has waited so long…
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don’t know about that."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears…
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Oh! I really don’t want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears…
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up.
"Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "
Lie to me! Lie to me!"
In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.
The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.
Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with my wife!"
The doctor remains calm: "The answer lies in the genetics. Some genetics have recessive traits, which are not apparent to the parents but may be passed on to the child. For example, last week one of your sheep gave birth to a black sheep."
The chieftain pauses for a thinking, then replies: "I tell you what. You say no word about black sheep and I say no word about white child."
Snow White and the Farm Hand
A newly hired farm hand is tending to his daily duties when he's approached by Snow White.
"How are you today, good sir?" she asks.
"Very good, Snow White." He responds
"How are the animals today? Have you yet to ask them?" She asks.
A bit confused, the farm hand answers, "Animals don't talk, ma'am. However, I'm sure they're just fine."
Snow White walks up to the donkey. "How are you today, donkey?"
"Very good, my lady!" replies the donkey.
She walks up to the pig. "How's your day, pig?"
"A fine day, indeed!" replies the pig.
Suddenly the man starts shouting, "The sheep LIES! The sheep LIES!"
A Lesson in English
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform in bed. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123'"
The guy then asks, "What happens when I want the effect to go away."
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234. But be warned - it will not work again for another year."
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers.
That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his best shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123." It works better than he thought.
Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And now you know why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition
I heard we like Native American jokes.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see
that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says,
"about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a
half hour ago."
A man walks into a bar and puts a shoebox down on the table...
He says, "I'll have a beer and a shot of Jack Daniels for my friend in the box."
The bartender looks down and sees a small man playing the piano. He brings the drinks and then asks, "Where'd you get this little guy?"
The man at the bar replies, "I was walking on the beach when I found a bottle lying in the sand. I was dusting it off when a genie came out and this was my first wish."
The bartender is thinking that maybe he can trade something for this guys wish. Now, this guy is feeling pretty generous so he agrees to giving up his second wish in exchange for free food and drinks. The bartender grabs the bottle, rubs it, and exclaims, "I wish for a million bucks!"
Then, the door slams open and a million white ducks come marching into the bar.
The man at the bar says, "I think the genie is hard of hearing."
"What makes you say that?" asks the bartender.
"You think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
He can hear things for miles in any direction...
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .
and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
How many black men did it take to r**... the white woman?
0 She is a lying b**....^don'tberacist
I used to think my Karate instructor was very wise.
However, yesterday my pregnant neighbour Mrs. Wong and her husband rushed to hospital.
When they came back today they had the baby with them so I figured I'd go say hi.
Strangest thing! The baby is Caucasian!
I couldn't believe my eyes, this whole time my instructor had been lying to me; two Wongs DO make a white!
Two cowboys were riding their horses through the plains when they saw an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
See that Indian? One of the Cowboys said. "He can hear everything that's going on for miles around."
They rode up to him, and the Indian said, "white pickup. Four people in the front, six in the back. Big party."
"Wow" the other cowboy said. "You can tell all that from just listening to the ground?"
"Nah, I fell off the back."
Why some of your hairs have turned white?
Son: "Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?"
Father: "Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white."
Son: "Oh now I understood why all grandfathers' hairs are white."
His nose grew when he lied about how much white wine he'd consumed.
That's Pinotcchio for you.
A woman's on vacation and calls home
She asks her husband, "How's my cat doing?"
The husband says, "The cat's dead."
The woman's upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can't enjoy my vacation now. You could've just said a little white lie, like the cat's on the roof and you can't get her down."
"Okay, I'm sorry," says the husband, "I'll remember that."
The woman says, "Anyway, how's my mother doing?"
The husband says, "Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down."
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other
"You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!" The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
A cowboy is riding on his horse in a desert. Suddenly he sees a man lying down with his ear to the ground.
The man says: 'A carriage. 6 horses. 3 black, 2 brown and 1 white.'
The cowboy says: 'Wow! You can hear all of that?!'
'No,' says the man. 'They just ran me over.'
Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus
Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, How many people is a brazillion?"
Exams
A beautiful young woman, about to undergo a minor operation, is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her n**... body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"
He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."
I got some black and white tattoos done in shapes a few years ago, and anytime my wife gets upset she just lies on me and colours them in...
I guess sometimes, she just needs a shoulder to crayon.
Credit u/HugoZHackenbush2
What is large, white, lies at the bottom of the ocean, and eats b**..., Catholics, and Jews?
Ku Klux Klam