White Jokes

Following is our collection of whitest humor and blue one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include White puns for adults, dirty whiter jokes or clean black or white gags for kids.

There is an abundance of white house jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 77 funniest jokes on white. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any yo mama so white witze you can hear about white.

The Best jokes about White

The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.

A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?

Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, duck!

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do.

We do it in schools, because we have class.

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?

Cause you know he is actually guilty.

Republicans are the true snowflakes...

they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools

EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!

its a joke folks. just a joke.

I don't understand why white people can't say the N word

We invented it after all


What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people looking both ways before they start

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:

"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."

The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men?

The Trump card.

Why does Batman leave his lower face visible?

So cops can see that he's white

Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have?

The Trump card.


So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.

The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

I painted my computer black so it would run faster.

Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

If the next president is white....

That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation

Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

They just, like, literally can't even

My Cocaine Is So White

Police Let It Go With A Warning


A little girl walks into a pet shop

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields?

I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.

TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.

Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.

What's the scariest thing about a white guy in a prison?

You know he actually did it.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A Swallow.

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.

*

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

how do you starve a black person?

the same way you would a white person.... you racist.

Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7?

Because they literally can't even.

"I'm proud to be a black man"

"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.

"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.

"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.

You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country

The White House seems to always be hiring.

Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.

But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.

And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but....

At least we can say, "hey dad", "thanks for the warning officer", and "that's my kid".

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.



P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first?

The bystander with the camera.

i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke

Overheard at the White House:

Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."

Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."

Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".

One day, the President finds a nasty message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.

He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.


"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."


"What's the bad news?"


"The urine belongs to the Vice President."


"What could possibly be worse than that?"


"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."

Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white

A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"

The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."

A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex.

The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."

Black people are allowed to say the n-word while white people can't.

But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."

What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White Vans.

Two kids were wondering if God is black or white..

So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"

Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son

Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.

Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?

Walter: It's on the house.

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

Life is like chess...

We can't all be white.

A panda walks into a bar...

And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'

TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.

Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.

If two white supremacists get a divorce...

Do they still consider each other "cousins"?

A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"

She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.

He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.

He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"

The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black bastards."

Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house.

After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"

Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

Why can't Asian couples have Caucasian babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white.

The power of Pepsi

So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the cops were all chill and happy, some even bought a can or two. But then my black friend went up to the front and shouted "Anybody wanna buy some coke?!"

Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...

A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."

"Good morning." She replies.

"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.

"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.

"Excellent trade, Ma'am."

I'm voting for an old, senile, racist, sexist, white man with rape allegations this year for president.

But I'm still not sure which one to pick.

why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?

because you know he's guilty.

America is so racist and homophobic

That people even want their teeth to be straight and white.

What is a pedophile's favourite pair of shoes?

White vans.

A bearded guy

A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."

The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault,

Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.

What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White Vans.

I'll be here all week.

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".

Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".

Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?

Because they literally can't even.

What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA.

Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school?

They don't want to see integration in their schools

Why is the white guy the scariest person in jail?

You know he's guilty.

What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?

White vans

Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.

Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a hot chick from across a bar.

She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."

The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

A black man asks a white man where the colored printer is.

The white man smiles and says, "My friend, in this day and age, you can use any printer."

When the US went to the moon....

...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.

I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom

turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought

The Imperial Wizard of the KKK was just found dead near a river in Missouri...

Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping white trash in our water.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes