White House Jokes
132 white house jokes and hilarious white house puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about white house that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest White House Short Jokes
Short white house jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The white house humour may include short speaker house jokes also.
- You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country The White House seems to always be hiring.
- Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.
Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?
Walter: It's on the house. - Barack Obama is having a race with joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11." - Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because... He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...
- What's the difference between a a shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference? One is The Taming of the Shrew.
The other is the shaming of the true. - Blue Guy lives in the blue house, red guy lives in the red house, purple guy lives in the purple house, orange guy... Lives in the White House.
- Trump cancelled his trip to Britain because he doesn't want to go anywhere he doesn't feel welcome... So what's he still doing in the white house?
- Does anyone else remember seeing the Annoying Orange on YouTube? I sure do.
He was in the white house for four years. - If the blue man lives in the blue house, the green man lives in the green house, and the red man lives in the red house, then who lives in the white house? The orange man
- Holy Cow! I just found out I've been appointed to be communications director at the white house... it's not that I'm qualified or anything, it's just my turn...
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White House One Liners
Which white house one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with white house? I can suggest the ones about presidency and mansion.
- What did Trump say to Biden in the hallway of the white house? Pardon me, please.
- Why do carpet in white folk houses always need vacuuming? Crackers always leave crumbs.
- Roses are red Congress is red
The Senate is red
The White House is red
welp - How much does the combined laundry of everyone in the White House weigh? A Washington.
- Why did Walter White not pay for his pizza? Because it was on the house.
- Where does the president of the sharks live? In the Great White House.
- What does the White House call a broken printer? Alternative Fax.
- When Joe Biden becomes president The white house will be forbiden.
- Orange is the new Black. in the white house.
- What was FDR's favorite room in the White House? The Crawl Space
- Why is Trump no longer allowed in the White House? Cause it's for-Biden.
- Yo momma's pussay is like the white house: No bush, and there's a black guy in there now.
- Teacher : Why can't Trump go to the white house anymore? Student: Because it is FOR BIDEN
- What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House? Receiving heads of state.
- What did Hillary say when she bumped into barack obama at the White House? Pardon me.
Cheerful Fun White House Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about white house you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean washington dc jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make white house pranks.
The President meets with 50 top recruits from each branch of the armed forces...
And says "Welcome! I want to give you all an opportunity to explore the capital of our great nation before we begin the tour of the White House. We'll meet here at 4:00...
For those of you in the Army, that'll be at sixteen hundred hours,
For those of you in the Navy, that'll be at eight bells,
And for those of you in the Marines, the little hand will be on the four and the big hand will be on the twelve."
Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin were in a meeting
Obama said, "Mr. Putin, the reason that I love my country is that a man can walk right into The White House and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running The United States of America.'"
Putin responded, "That's true in Russia, too. Anyone can walk into the Kremlin and say, 'I don't like the way that Barack Obama is running the United States of America.'"
Is it true that there was free speech in the Soviet Union and the US?
Yes, in principle. In the US, you can stand in front of the White House and shout, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished. Similarly, in the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square and shout, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
5 year old cousin with this one: Who lives in the green house?
Me: I don't know
Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house?
Me: The red guy
Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house?
Me: The blue guy
Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house?
Me: The yellow guy
Her: Who lives in the white house?
[Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out:]
The black guy!!
Obama wakes up on a snowy morning at the White House and looks out the window
...to see someone has peed "OBAMA s**..." in the snow. He asks the secret service to investigate. They come back and say, "sir we have bad news and worse news. The bad news is, Biden did it."
"What's worse than that?!" Says the president.
"Well sir, the worse news is, it was Michelle's handwriting."
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
Black guy and a white girl hook up.
A black guy and a white girl meet at a bar and go back to her house. They start fooling around and he begins taking his pants off. She stops him and says "is it true what they say about black guys"? He says " yes. Yes it is" then stabs her and takes her purse.
"Donald says he wants to run for President and move on into the White House...
...why not; it wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home" -Snoop Dogg
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
So Donald Trump wants to be president and move into the white house. Why not?
It wouldn't be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.
*credits to Snoop Dogg @ Donald Trump roast*
Feminists need to learn spelling
So yesterday, I was walking down the street when a girl claiming to be a feminist handed me this flyer. It said, "PUT A WOMEN IN THE WHITE HOUSE".
I looked up at her confused and walked away.
That was an odd way to spell kitchen...
Two Syrian refugees land in America...
They make a bet to see who can become the most American. A year later they meet up for coffee. The first man says " I am so American. I have a hot white wife, a daughter, a house and a well paying job. I drink Budweiser with my friends after work at happy hour. I have come to accept gay marriage as a human right. I joined a bowling league and my average is above 200. What have you done?" The other Syrian looks at him and says " Shut up t**...!"
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
A black man meets a white girl in a club.
They go back to the girls house and start making out. The girl says seductively "show me that its true what they say about Black Guys". The man then precedes to stab the girl take her purse and run off faster then the wind.
What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding?
A tourist.
There's a special running course around the White House.
Every president does this before they leave office, and records their times in a special book dating back to the early 19th century. Obama recently completed it, knowing he had to get it done before January. He did 9:25 and was quite pleased with it. He wondered if he had set the record, but then he found out that Bush did 9:11.
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".
If Trump replaces Obama in the white house, then we can all say...
Orange is the new Black.
Thanks, ~~I'll see myself out.~~ Apparently, I don't need to.
Did anyone else see that 60 Minutes interview with Monica Lewinsky last night?
She said she wasn't very happy about possibly having another Clinton in the White House. That the last one left a bad taste in her mouth.
White house
What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful?
A tourist.
Hillary and Trump tie in the election...
And the election moderator isn't sure what to do. So he decides that the president will be decided by a foot race around the White House lawn.
Trump is up first, and his final time around the lawn is 10 minutes 11 seconds.
Hillary is up next, and her final time around the lawn is 9:20.
The moderator tells Hillary she's won the election and the presidency, and tells her her time. Hillary asks "9:20? Is that a record around the lawn?"
The moderator says "No, Bush did 9:11".
What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?
I am not a cook
Trump got angry with computers again...
Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.
Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:
"Alternative Fax"
I didn't know the Disneyland had moved to the white house ...
Apparently the president is Donald and the vice is Mickey.
Old USSR joke about free speech
In America you have freedom of speech. You can stand in front of the White House and say: "Reagan s**...."
In Soviet Russia, you also have freedom of speech. You can stand in front of the Kremlin and say: "Reagan s**...."
People need to be a little bit more considerate of Trump's decision to skip the White House Correspondents' dinner.
The roasting waiting for him there would probably have made him the second black president.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are running around the White House…
After they finish their lap they check their stopwatch which says 10:38,Mike Pence asks if thats a white house record, Trump says no Bush did 9:11
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin meet with guests at the White House
One of the guests asks: Mister President, what are you talking about with president Putin? – We are planning World War III.' - 'And what does it look like?' – Trump: We will kill 4 million Muslims and a dentist... The guest looks a bit confused: Why a dentist? - Putin claps Trump on the back and says, What did I tell you, Donald? No one will ask about the Muslims.
Who else thinks we need to finally have a woman for president?
We've got to reduce government spending, and we could staff the white house job for 75 cents on the dollar!
Did you hear they asked Aaron Hernandez if he wanted to watch the Patriots visit to The White House on the rec room TV?
He said, "No thanks I'll just hang in my cell"
Why is a White House press statement like sulfuric acid?
They're both baseless and corrosive.
What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine?
They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.
The entire US Senate visited the White House today.
I wonder how many short buses that took.
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
Old Cold War joke
A Russian and an American are talking about their countries. The American said, " we have the most freedom in the world, I can march into the White House bang on the president's desk and say sir I do not like how this country is being run." The Russian replied," I can do that too, I can march into the Kremlin, go up to our leaders desk and say sir I do not like how the US government is being run."
How do you lose your wife, your kid, and your job in one week?
Become the White House Communications Director.
The Sun Mission
Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night". The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV. When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!
A Russian spy enters the White House in search of intelligence.
He had to return home empty handed.
The White House just released a statement that...
Trump is only pardoning the white meat of the turkey this year.
First bird gets the worm, second mouse gets the cheese but the third wife gets
The White House
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
Santa comes to the White House....
Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. "What?", Santa exclaims. "I thought you LOVED coal.
A man calls up White House
Man : I want to be the next PRESIDENT of USA.
Operator: Are you an idiot?
Man: Sorry, I didn't know it's compulsory !!
There's a joke working its way around the White House recently...
...It eats cheeseburgers in bed and wants to build a wall.
A joke my little sister thought of today
A blue man lives in the blue house, a purple man lives in the purple house, a red man lives in the red house, who lives in the white house?
An orange man.
There was freedom of speech in the Soviet Union, just like in USA
You can stand in front of the White House and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
Equally, you can also stand in Red Square in Moscow and yell, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
It's true that the Russians where the first to send a dog into space
It's also true that the Russians were first to put a monkey into the white house
Everyone knows the Russians were the first to put a dog into space.
Now people know they are also the first to put a monkey in the White House.
John Bolton and President Trump are meeting in the White House
Bolton reads off a report to Trump and says "Today, in the war on drugs we lost 2 Brazilian soldiers."
Donald breaks down crying, sobbing uncontrollably.
John Bolton cringes and says "There's no reason to be upset, this isn't a big deal."
Donald replies, "Wait, remind me... How many is a brazilian?"
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
A man calls the White House and says he wants to apply for the President's position.
"Are you an idiot", the White House staff says.
"Oh sorry Im not. Is that a criteria?", he replies.
Trump marched into the white house
When trump became president obama was waiting for him at the white house.
Trump! You have to run around the entire white house while I time you, we have a little leaderboard said obama
Ok, im fast, the fastest. When i run you cant even see me trust me! Replied trump, incidentally what are the other presidents times?
Obama looked at his notebook, well I took 8:23
, clinton took 8:40, nixon took 10:10 and bush did 9:11.
An American and a German are discussing freedom of speech.
The German says:
>Here in Germany, contrary to what a lot of you Americans think, we do have freedom of speech. Everyone here hates Putin, but I could walk right up to the Bundestag and proclaim: "I love Vladimir Putin!" And I wouldn't even be arrested!
The American replies:
>Ah, yes, but in the USA we're even freer. I could walk right up to the White House and shout "I love Vladimir Putin"... and they'd let me in!
White woman takes a black guy home from the bar
Once they step into her house:
Woman: (shyly) So...is true what they say about black guys?
Black guy: Yes.
Then he stabs her and steals her purse.
One thing nice about Trumps White House is how polite they are...
You can walk down the halls and everyone says "Pardon me".
Obama was running with a secret service member...
And he was trying to break the record on running 4 laps around the White House lawn. When he finished the Secret Service agent said We'll done sir, your time is 9:22, one of the best times we've had.
Obama then replied, One of the best? Not the best?
The agent replied No sir, Bush did 9:11
Who lives here?
If a purple man lives in a purple house, a yellow man lives in a yellow house , and a orange man lives in a orange house.
Who lives in the white house?
No one, because the orange man is on vacation.
A special day in February
I asked my 10 year old niece what special day is coming up in February.
"President's Day."
"What does President's Day mean?" I expected her to tell me something about Obama or Bush or Clinton.
Instead, she says, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we get another year of b**...."
Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President s**...."
Infuriated, Trump called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.
"The bad news is that the u**... is from Putin."
"Vlad? How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this?"
"The handwriting's is Melania's."
The White House reversed its proposed cuts to the Special Olympics.
Now Don Jr. can finally get back to training.
My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.
Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.
That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."
"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.
"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."
A man is driving down a country road...
... and his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.
"Looks like your timing chain broke"
He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around.
The man runs away scared and reaches a farm house about a mile down.
A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.
"What?" The farmer asks "wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?"
"Yes! That's the one!" The man replies.
Farmer: "oh don't listen to him, he doesn't know anything about cars"
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
When Obama appears on the White House balcony people shout "Yes we can! Yes we can!"
When Trump appears on the White House balcony people shout: "Jump! Jump! Jump!"
