Whiskey Jokes
149 whiskey jokes and hilarious whiskey puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about whiskey that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A perfect way to get the party started: Whiskey Jokes! We've got you covered with hilarious jokes about whiskey sours, whiskey birthdays, whiskey barrels, whiskey ups, Irish whiskeys, Scotch downs and more. Ready to raise that drink in the air? Let's get started!
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Funniest Whiskey Short Jokes
Short whiskey jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The whiskey humour may include short whisky jokes also.
- I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke. - I was browsing in a liquor store when an employee asked me Do you need help? I said, Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead.
- Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?" The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"
- My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am sorry, too.
- So Daffy duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy turns to Elmer and says: Is this Whiskey? Elmer says: Yeth but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!!
- What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky? A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous...
A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous. - A man is standing on the bow of the Titanic as it is sinking, holding a glass of whiskey. He says: "I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous"
- SEO Expert walks into a bar... An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, hangout, lounge, night club, mini bar, tavern, pub, beer, wine, whiskey...
- Created a new cocktail. Rye whiskey, Gosling's Ginger Beer, and garnished with jalapeño It's called the Rye n' Gosling, and it's the hottest drink I make
- Always carry a whiskey flask in case of a snake bite. With that in mind, always carry a small snake. ~ W.C. Fields
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Whiskey One Liners
Which whiskey one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with whiskey? I can suggest the ones about liquor and vodka.
- She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter but he loved her still.
- to help cope with his loss Roy Moore ordered a 12 year old whiskey she didn't like it
- If my wife made whiskey, I'd love her still.
- I like my women how I like my whiskey Strong, Irish, and at least 18 years old.
- He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey. A time traveler walks into a bar.
- Jesus turned water into wine I turned a paycheck into whiskey. Your move Jesus.
- I'm on a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already.
- I like my coffee like I like my women... Full of whiskey.
- I'm on a whiskey diet So far I've lost two weeks
- I am doing a new Whiskey diet and it is working. So far I have lost 7 days
- My bartender asked me if I wanted my whiskey without ice. I said "Sure. That'd be neat."
- What do you call it when you steal a bottle of Jack Daniel's? A Whiskey Move
- [Repost] carrots may be good for your eyes.... But whiskey will double your vision.
- How do you make a Whiskey Sour? Crush it's hopes and dreams.
- What do you call a beached russian submarine Whiskey on the Rocks
Whiskey Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny whiskey up jokes and even better whiskey up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was thinking about going into business and opening my own distillery... But my accountant thinks that's a whiskey investment.
- Two Chinese guys rob a brewery. The one asks the other, "Is this whiskey?" The other man replies, "Not as whiskey as whobbing a bank."
- How did the german spy get caught? He went into a pub in London and ordered two whiskeys.
The bartender asked him: "Dry?"
To which he replied: "Nein, zwei" - A fish walks into a bar. "What'll it be?" the bartender asks. "Gin? Whiskey?
"Water," the fish says, and collapses
----
^this ^is ^what ^you ^get ^when ^jokes ^are ^OC - A man walks into a bar after a long day in the mines He asks the bartender for some whiskey, but the bartender replies; "Sorry, we can't sell alcohol to miners."
- I left a bottle a whiskey outside last night and it got rained on. It's not ruined but my spirits are dampened.
- My great-grandfather started up an underground distillery during Prohibition It was a whiskey business
- "My wife is like Whiskey." "Oh yeah, she gets better with age?"
"No, she gives me a headache." - Why is it you can take a shot of bourbon and still drive, but can't after you've had another? Because it's two whiskey.
- Robert E. Lee once said: "I like whiskey. I always did. And that is why I never drink it." That's just generally speaking.
Irish Whiskey Jokes
Here is a list of funny irish whiskey jokes and even better irish whiskey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Irish grandfather once fell down two flights of stairs with a pint of whiskey and didn't spill a drop. The man knew how to keep his mouth shut.
- I saw a couple guys selling contraband Irish liquor infront of a police station... I thought: "That's a whiskey buisness"
- Why is Irish whiskey better than Scotch whisky? It's got an e in it
Whiskey Barrel Jokes
Here is a list of funny whiskey barrel jokes and even better whiskey barrel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why didn't the bourbon distiller try to lift a full 53 gallon barrel by himself? Because it was too whiskey.
- I like my women like I like my whiskey Stuffed in a barrel that remains untapped for decades.
- What's the best thing about buying a barrel of Conor Mcgregor's whiskey? It's easy to tap!
- What's your favourite I like my like I like my kind of joke? I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and in a barrel.
Jameson Whiskey Jokes
Here is a list of funny jameson whiskey jokes and even better jameson whiskey puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does Conor mcgregor drink Jameson whiskey? Because he can't handle a White Russian
- Jameson whiskey is like a good priest It'll sneak up behind you.
Whiskey Sour Jokes
Here is a list of funny whiskey sour jokes and even better whiskey sour puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a cynical Irishman drink? Whiskey sour
Cheerful Whiskey Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about whiskey you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean booze jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make whiskey pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the m**... if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A man finds out his wife is cheating on him...
So he walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "Why are you looking so blue?"
The man replies "I just found out my wife is cheating on me. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death. I'll have some whiskey please."
The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry, but I can't help you kill yourself."
The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?"
The bartender thinks for a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy."
The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.
A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous. Suddenly the man walks back into the bar with a big smile on his face.
"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously.
"Nope! I slept with your wife. Whiskey please."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my whiskey
15 years old and mixed up in coke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
The man says to the bartender...
"Gimme twelve shots of your finest whiskey, and fast!"
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses and as he fills them, the man starts to down them one after the other.
Shocked, the bartender asks, "What's the hurry, buddy?"
Between shots, the man replies, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I've got."
Concerned, the bartender asks kindly, "What have you got, brother?"
The man downs the last shot and puts all his money on the table. "Fifty cents!"
So a guy walks into a bar...
So a guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Whiskey?"
"No," says the customer, "just water; i was so drunk last night that I went home and blew Chunks."
The bartender tries to console him, saying "Oh come now, everyone gets a bit wasted from time to time."
To which the guy replies, "No, you don't understand: Chunks is my dog."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man walks into Bar with a Dog ...
Man walks into Bar with a Dog and orders 2 Glasses of Whiskey.
He & his Dog empty the Glasses.
Girl behind the Bar is surprised and asks - Can your Dog perform any other tricks?
Man-Yes, He can fully satisfy a Woman.
Girl is too curious.. Deciding that she'll test the dog, she undresses and lies in full expectation.
Dog looks at her and does nothing....
Man to Dog: It's always the same with you, now this is the last time I am showing you how to do it..
Vladimir Nabokov walks into a bar...
The bartender looks to him and says, "What'll it be?" He orders a glass of Redbreast and chats with the bartender awhile. The night grows old and the bar starts to clear out. Eventually he says to the barkeep, "You know, I like my whiskey like I like my women." The barkeep sets aside a freshly polished glass and says, "Yeah, I like my whiskey twelve years old, too."
An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...
Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"
"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.
"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."
"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"
The two men drink to their hometown.
"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.
"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."
"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.
A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"
"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."
A man and his wife were discussing what they thought their son might be when he grew up.
"I have an idea," said the father. He put a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. "If he takes the money he'll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey he'll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible that means he'll be a preacher."
So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they're hiding.
The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. Then he picks up the Bible, leafs through it, then sets it down.
Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.
"Well how do you like that!" exclaims the father. "He's going to be a politician!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Genie with a flaw
A guy walks into a bar. He sets a bag onto the bar, orders three shots of whiskey, and slams them all back.
The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The guy reaches into the bag, pulls out a little piano, then set it on the bar. He reaches back inside, pulls out a little stool, and sets it in front of the piano. He reaches in one more time, pulls out a little man, and sits him on the stool. The man then proceeds to play a wonderful sonata that fills the establishment and leaves the patrons in awe.
"Wow, that was great!" exclaimed the bartender. "Where'd you find this guy?"
The man reaches into the bag one last time and pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Rub it."
The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says "I shall grant you one wish, whatever your heart desires."
"I want a million bucks!" the bartender shouts.
"It shall be done." And
A minute later, a duck walks into the bar. And then another duck, and then another. Soon the bar is full of ducks.
"Hey buddy," the bartender says to the man. "I think your genie is a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Yeah," said the man. "Do you think I really asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish and Muslim on a plane
A Muslim was sitting next to p**... on a plane.
p**... ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be r**... by a dozen w**... than let liquor touch my lips!"
p**... handed his drink back and said
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
My teacher told me to sit Indian style....
So I sat out on the curb with a bottle of whiskey.
ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland...
Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past.
"Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!"
"Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation."
"And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!"
"Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Grandma E-Mailed me this one
When you drink v**... over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink r**... over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.
My first drink with my son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a man goes to confess after 25 years
So the man walks into the confession booth for the first time in his adult life, having nothing but bad memories about it from when he was a child.
So he opens the door, sits down and notices a couple of p**... n**... calenders on the wall, a bottle of whiskey in the corner and a nice box of cigars next to it, and he thinks to himself "Wow, this place has really improved over the years"
But then the Father opens the door and yells "Get out! that's my booth!"
A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.
As soon as the bartender pours them out, the man slams them down, one right after the other. Before the bartender can say anything, the man orders ten more shots.
"I don't know, maybe you should slow down," says the bartender.
The man replies, already slurring, "You'd be drinking like this too if you had what I have."
The bartender is taken aback and starts to apologize, "Oh I'm so sorry. What do you have?"
And the man says, "About $3."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my whiskey...
Light brown, from the south, and kept in a lightless cabinet only to be taken out on special occasions.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman decided to have a BBQ.
The Englishmen brought some meat, the Irishman brought some whiskey and the Scotsman brought some dude from Aberdeen.
A man is staring into his whiskey
The barkeep asks if something's the matter.
"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."
"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.
"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."
Typical
Cat walks into bar and sits at the counter.
Bartender:
"What will you have?"
Cat:
"A shot of whiskey."
(Bartender pours whiskey into shot glass and gives to cat)
Cat slowly pushes the shot glass off the counter.
Cat:
"I'll have another."
They say it's inoperable...
A guy walks into a bar and orders seven shots of whiskey. The bartender lines up the seven shots and the man starts slamming them one after another. The bartender says "You sure are drinking those awfully fast."
The man responds "You'd be drinking them this fast if you had what I have."
In an empathetic tone the bartender asks "What do you have?"
"Fifteen cents"
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
I had an uncle who worked at a whiskey factory. He fell into a vat and drowned 6 hours later.
He would have drowned earlier but he got out 3 times to pee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A middle-aged man enters a bar, and orders a straight double whiskey.
The bartender asks:
"What's the occasion ?"
"I just had my first ever o**... s**......" goes the guy.
"Well, this calls for a celebration", says the bartender, and takes out a full bottle, "this is on me".
"Thanks", answers the man, "if this doesn't clear up the taste, nothing will".
Two chinese men break into a distillery one night
One of them grabs a bottle, takes a swig and asks his friend: "Is this whiskey?"
His friend replied nodding: "yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank"
An Irishman's First Drink With His Son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it - so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style. He didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . . .
I could hardly push his stroller back home.
Pedro was driving down a street when...
Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"
The Cure for the Common Cold
It's called "The Whiskey and a Hat Trick"
All you need is a bottle of whiskey and a hat.
First, sit on your bed. Place the hat at the foot of the bed. Proceed to drink whiskey until you see two hats, then go to sleep.
If you do this your cold will be gone in just 7 days.
If you don't, it'll last a whole week.
I had this problem where the cap wouldn't stay on my whiskey bottle.
So I fixed it with scotch tape.
An Aardvark walks into a bar
Bartender: Can I get you a beer?
Aardvark: Noooooooooooo
Bartender: Can I get you some wine?
Aardvark: Noooooooooooooo
Bartender: Well, how about a whiskey?
Aardvark: Nooooooooooooooooooooo
Bartender: What's with the long Nos?
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the man immediately downs them one after another. The bartender says " are you ok, I've never seen anyone drink like that." The man replied "if you had what I have you would drink like that too." The bartender asks "that's rough, what do you have?"
The man replies "about $.50".
My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.
"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
"Because alcoholism has destroyed my life and my family. Let me get your rail whiskey."
A man drunkenly walks into his wife's room...
He loudly proclaims, "I have no idea how I could live without you!"
Flustered, the wife asks, "Is that you talking or the whiskey talking?"
"It's me talking to the whiskey."
The weather forecaster this morning said that vision might be impaired by fog.
I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An alcoholic walks into a bar, first thing in the morning,
And sits down at the bar. His friend, the bartender says "Whiskey on the rocks, as usual?"
The man responds, "It's too early..."
The bartender is shocked, "Too early for a drink? For you?" He asks, surprised.
The man looks at him and says,
"No, for s**... questions."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my girls the way I like my Whiskey.
Eighteen years old, moist and preferably in a basement.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey...
12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into his regular watering hole....
depressed he orders a double whiskey. The bartender asks him What's the bad news? .
The guy says Well my wife says she no longer enjoys s**... so she's cutting me off, we can only do it once a month .
Bartender: Ooohhh cheer up that's nothing, she's cut most of the guys in here completely off
I've just invented a new drink.
It's has Irish whiskey, German schnapps, French cognac, English beer, and American bourbon.
I call it the Titonic.
While it sounds strange, add ice and it goes down quickly.
Guy walks into a bar
Grabs a seat and orders a whiskey double, neat. The bartender prepares his drink with great delicacy and brings it right over. The gentleman reaches into his blazer searching frantically. This catches the bartenders attention so he monitors the patron out the corner of his eye. Finally the man finds what he's looking for and sighs a sigh of relief. He pulls out a straw and takes a sip of his whiskey. The perplexed bartender grabs his attention "I'm terribly sorry sir, was your glass dirty?" To which the man replies surprised "oh no no everything's fine! I just promised my wife I'd never put my lips on another glass of whiskey again." 😳
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, these parents wanted to find out what their Son was going to be when he grew up,
So they put a $100 bill, a bible and a whiskey bottle on a table.
If he picked up the $100 bill, it means that he was going to be a businessman, if he picked up the whiskey bottle, it means that he was going to be in the entertainment industry, and if he picked up the bible, it means that he was going to be a pastor.
The child came in and picked up the bible, his Mother smiled.
Then he picked up the whiskey bottle and took a swig of it then proceeded to pocket the $100 bill and left.
Well I'll be d**... the father said
He's going to become a politician.
Worms
Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:
1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water
The next day, the teacher shows the results:
The 1st worm in beer, dead.
The 2nd in wine, dead.
The 3rd in whiskey, dead.
The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.
The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?
And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my whiskey
Incapable of loving me back
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you add coke to your whiskey, you're a novice drinker.
If you add whiskey to your coke, you're ruining good drugs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen leave a f**...
One says to the other, "It was a beautiful ceremony." "Twas", says the other. First says, "When I pass, would you pour a bottle of good Irish whiskey over my grave?" "Of course", says the second, "but would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to s**... a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Asian, an American, and a European walk into a bar.
They sit down at the table, and decide to hit up some drinks.
American: I'll have a Coke! I don't want to get drunk.
European: I'll have a watery r**...! I'll stay up for the drive.
Asian: I'll have 3 bottles beer, and a side of whiskey!
The American and the European are astonished!! The European asks the Asian why he ordered all of that alcohol.
Asian: Isn't it obvious? You guys won't let me drive anyway.
Daily Covid-19 check
At 7 p.m. open the whiskey bottle and smell it.
If you can smell, you are not infected.
Then pour it in in a glass tumbler.
Taste it. if you can feel the taste, you are not infected.
\~ Dr Johnny Walker
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This hideous woman came stumbling up to me in a club with whiskey breath. She leaned into my ear.
"s**...?" she asked.
"Male," I replied.
Took my son out for his first pint got him a Carlsberg.
He didn't like it. I drank it got him a Fosters.
He didn't like it. I drank it.
Same with the Guinness, the cider and the whiskey.
By the end of the night, I could hardly push his pram home.
An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.
The father bought his son a stout, but he didn't like it and didn't want to drink it.
The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.
He didn't like it either. So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider.
Lager, cider, cream ale... he didn't like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whiskey instead.
He didn't like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.
By the time they left the bar. The father was so drunk he could barely push his son's stroller home.
Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?
Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson's or Alzheimer's?
Sure, I rather have Parkinson's , replied Sean
'Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!
A man goes to a bar, and constantly orders whiskey all night so the bartender asks him what's wrong.
A man goes to a bar, and constantly orders whiskey all night so the bartender asks him what's wrong.
"I've just found out my brother is gay and he's getting to my best friend"
The next day the man goes back to the bar and does the same thing as the day before, and again the bartender asks him what's wrong.
"I've just found out my son is gay and is sleeping with my boss"
On the third day, before the man orders his whiskey the bartender asks "does anyone in your family like women?"
The man replies "Yeah, my wife".
Two friends are sitting around drinking whiskey.
One friend turns to the other and says "I like my whiskey without ice."
The other friend turns to him and says "That's neat."
