Whilst Jokes
137 whilst jokes and hilarious whilst puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about whilst that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Whilst Short Jokes
Short whilst jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The whilst humour may include short awhile jokes also.
- I met my girlfriend whilst she was working at the zoo. There she was in her uniform – straightaway I knew she was a keeper.
- Awful pun I came up with whilst drunk last night. Who is the australian Frankesntein's favourite singer?
Rihanna, mate. - I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Good morning". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed.
- So I was driving home from work tonight, I saw a woman texting whilst driving. It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car.
- It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice... Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...
- Whilst in the pub my friend asked me to name just 3 qatar players? I said George Harrison, Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix
- Thought of this whilst snacking. If one chick pea kills another chick pea... Is that considered Humuscide?
- My Wife lost our dog last night whilst making a Salad If anybody Ceasar Please Lettuce Know.. Thanks..
- Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini factory tour. Fortunately the machine wasn't switched on. He is reportedly shaken
- Why don't spies meet at bars. The beer is tapped. (Please develop this joke. I made it up last night whilst drinking, but nobody laughed.)
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Whilst One Liners
Which whilst one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with whilst? I can suggest the ones about alongside and whist.
- I found a Land Rover whilst metal detecting today It was a lovely discovery
- What did the seaweed say whilst drowning? Keeeelp!
- Why do so many pigs die whilst eating apples?
- I threw up whilst driving on a twisty road... A Nissan Juke had passed me
- What do the French have on their burgers whilst visiting Australia? snoino.
- Driving You shouldn't play board games whilst driving, you might miss your turn.
- Heard about the pilot who decided to cook whilst flying? It was a recipe for disaster.
- What did Abel say whilst walking home on a windy day? Hurricain
- I met this girl whilst I was playing Pokemon Now I have GOnorrhea
- What do you call a letter that's been shot whilst loitering? A casual-T.
- Gråtrunka is Swedish for crying whilst m**.... It's a real tear jerker.
- A boy has reportedly fallen off a building whilst on l**... People say he "had a bad trip"
- How do know you are ugly? Your dog keeps it's eyes closed whilst h**... your leg
- Brits are pounding their fists at Brexit. Whilst Brexit is really f**... the Pound.
- What's the best song to play whilst furiously m**...? You Can't Stop The Beat.
Whilst Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about whilst you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nonetheless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make whilst pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the d**... atrocious.
Lost in africa
Two friends became lost during a safari in Africa. Whilst discussing how to find their way out, they heard a viscous snarl to their left. Upon looking they saw what appeared to be a very hungry leopard. At that sight, one of them bent down and started tightening his shoe laces.
His friend said ''Hey are you crazy!!!! You can't outrun a leopard.''
His friend replied, '' Mate, i don't have to,I just have to outrun you!!!!''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Indian Taxi Driver
My regular Indian taxi driver picked me up whilst singing along to his c**... Punjabi music at the top of his voice.
He smiled when I pulled out my set of new ear plugs, "Looks like you've come prepared this time," he said laughing.
I smiled back at him, "Yes," I replied, as I put them up my nostrils.
Three Nuns at Pearly Gates.
So three nuns simultaneously die and go to the gates of St. Peter.
Whilst there, St. Peter approaches the nuns and says: "I'm sorry girls, but heaven's getting pretty full now. There's this new policy that I have to ask you guys a religious-trivia question before i can let you in".
The nuns agree. So St. Peter approaches the first:
"What was the name of the first Man?"
The 1st nun replies: "Adam."
Peter: "Right, you're in." The first nun then appears on the other side of the gates.
St. Peter goes to the 2nd nun: "What part of Adam was Eve made from?"
2nd Nun: "The Ribs."
Peter: "Right, you're in."
He goes to the final nun: "Right, I can see that you're the head-nun here so I'm going to ask you a tougher one... What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
3rd nun replies: "Wow, that's a hard one"
"Right, you're in."
Dr joke I just made up
A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."
Looks like I'm in the doghouse again..
Last night whilst the wife was asleep I swapped her tampax for a party popper.
No sense of humour whatsoever!
I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...
...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.
"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.
She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meanwhile in rural Ireland...
p**... pays a visit to his old friend Tommy one afternoon. Tommy takes a seat in the kitchen whilst p**... makes him a cup of coffee. Tommy, being the inquisitive type, says "I can't help but notice there p**... that ye have a lot of empty milk bottles in your fridge so ye do, why exactly would that be?"
To which p**... replies " Oh thats just in case a visitor wants a black coffee"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whilst at college I did experiment with m**....
I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail.
^-- ^Ed ^Byrne
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the man who had a car accident whilst m**... to poetry?
He came to a full stop.
Met a Dwarf Today....
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom?
... because Mao is more of a chair man!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rite of passage. [Dadjoke alert]
Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the c**... breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from work one night, James finds a tearful Sasha on the front doorstep. He sits next to her to ask what's wrong. 'Honey...' She replies. 'I'm pregnant.' James wipes a tear from his eye, and smiles proudly. 'Hello pregnant. I'm dad.'
London Joke
Why did the man fall in love with the banana whilst on a London attraction?
Because it was a-peeling on the Eye.
Just got a job as a scientist
and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on.
It was my chemical romance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the hospital
I went to the hospital today for a Gastroscopy test.
In the waiting room the doctor came through and explained the situation to the four of us sat waiting there.
He explained that I was having the Gastroscopy, which is the camera down the t**....
Whilst the other three were there for a Colonoscopy, which is the camera up the a**.... The doctor asked if we had any questions.
I said: "Yes. Can I go first?"
Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.
"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"
"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke for the British.
Some u**... got into my eye whilst cleaning the lavatories at a kid's nursery yesterday....
....I'm putting in a claim for Pee Pee Eye.
I got a bit claustraphobic whilst trying on a pair of jeans in the shop, it all got a bit hairy. I couldn't wait to get out of that pubicle.
I made that up whilst cleaning the dishes today.
I decided to read War and Peace whilst walking over the Golden-Gate,
I'd heard the abridged version was easier to finish.
My coworker complained about our David Bowie tribute music recently...
...he complained that after Lemmy's death we didn't have any tribute music. I pointed out that would be slightly inappropriate, as Lemmy wrote about taking drugs and blacking out, whilst David Bowie wrote whilst taking drugs and blacking out.
What do you call the surveillance system that watches us all whilst we are in the bathroom?
the panoptijohn
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It hurts every time!
During high-school health class, the topic of s**... came up. Whilst discussing it, the teacher described it as, "the most pleasurable experience you will ever have".
After hearing this, a girl from the back of the class calls out, "You're lying! It hurts every time!"
Puzzled, the teacher finally clicks and asks, "You aren't devoutly religious, by any chance...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... Birth Control
A r**... in the deep south calls a number he found on a flyer for cheap home vasectomies.
A man on the other side of the line informs him that the procedure is very simple. So simple in fact he can do it on his own.
All he needs is a beer can, a cherry bomb (little firecracker) and to count to 10 whilst standing in the garden.
So the r**... empties the can, lights the cherry bomb and drops it in.
Holding the can in his left hand he starts counting on his fingers.
And then placing the can between his thighs he continues to count on the other hand.
Did you hear about the crab that got lucky whilst working out at the beach?
He pulled a mussel
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jesus and the Devil have a competition
After countless years of Jesus being in the spotlight, the Devil had had enough. He issued a challenge to Jesus; whoever writes the longest story on Microsoft Word wins. Jesus accepts, and they get to it. After hours and hours of frantic typing, there is suddenly a power cut. The Devil is furious, whilst Jesus remains calm. As soon as the power comes back, he boots up his computer and has lost all his work, before seeing Jesus calmly typing from where he left off. l**... is not happy at all, calling Jesus a cheat, before God intervenes, proclaiming Jesus the winner. The moral of the story? *Jesus saves*
What do you say when you first come across a Hawaiian highjacking a plane, whilst screaming "It's a trap"
Aloha Ackbar
Whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend I turned to her to say "I love you so"...
She replied, "I love you so too!"
We then proceeded to discuss how one could not love Yoo So, for our Chinese friend is nothing but a delight to be around!
*Works better said aloud.
What does a Frenchman say who lost his dinner whilst trying to find some more?
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from escargot?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As he inserted the r**... thermometer [n**...]
As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**...
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
French Presidential bodyguard accidentally discharges weapon whilst on duty...
France & Italy have both offer their immediate unconditional surrender.
Why did Billie Joe Armstrong smell so nice whilst walking down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams?
He wore cologne, he wore cologne.
What's worse than taking a dump right after you get out of the bathtub?
Taking a dumb whilst you're in the bathtub.
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
I received some bad news whilst eating a curry at an Indian Restaurant.
My naan had slipped into a korma. Darren Walsh
Whilst buying condoms the cashier asked 'do you need a bag?'
I replied, 'nope, don't worry, she's already in one!'.
What's the only option available to a programmer unsure it if program will work whilst it is compiling?
Latency
My Apple AirPods stayed in position whilst I was going 25 miles downhill on a pushbike
Thank goodness I left them by the computer desk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...
Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the b**... for nuclear warfare!
[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]
What did one karma farmer say to the other karma farmer whilst making the love?
You are doing that too much. Please try again in 10 minutes.
Wife calls husband about major traffic incident
A wife calls her husband whilst he is driving and says be careful I've just heard a traffic report about a car going the wrong way on the motorway! And the husband gets confused and asks one car? There's hundreds!
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend.
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend. They say Will You and Me That will keep her busy whilst I watch football on TV.
Urinating whilst coughing looks great on paper.
My wife however, doesn't think so and has made me go to the shops to buy a new pack.
Why is wetting yourself whilst wearing a dark suit similar to doing a good job in a lot of work places?
You get a nice warm feeling but nobody notices!
What did Dave Grohl start singing whilst working Saturday morning in a pastry shop?
"I've got another confection to bake..."
Salsa dancing can be so frustrating
I wish it would just stay still whilst I try to dip my chips in it!
I felt a toe brush against me whilst I was out swimming in the lake
I thought 'something must be afoot'
The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.
"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."
:-P
I don't know why people complain about using your phone whilst driving.
I can drive on the freeway and post this comment at the sa
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black guy and a white guy walk into a bakery...
The black guy goes up to the counter, steals 3 pasties without getting caught, and he puts them in his pocket.
He says to the white guy 'did you see that, he didn't even notice'
'Oh yeah?' the white guy responded 'watch this'
He goes up to the counter, takes three pasties, and eats them whilst walking out of the store.
'Hey!' shouted the cashier 'you have to pay for those'
'Oh no, it's a magic trick' explained the white guy 'Look in that black guys pockets'
An Egyptian man was sailing down a river
When his boat started to leak. He kept on rowing further down the river, whilst more and more water started to pour in. The man ignored the problem and just continued to sail down the river. Eventually his boat was nearly fully submerged and it quickly started to sink. The man refused to come to terms with his situation and just kept trying to row down the river.
He was in de Nile
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest died whilst having s**... with a 14 year old
He died doing what he loved.
Two men saw a stranger walking with a large knapsack across the plains of Italy in 500 C.E.
Man 1: Why is that man walking around aimlessly whilst carrying such a heavy load on his back?
Man 2: He is not from around here, he is a nomad
Man 1: How can you be so sure?
Man 2: Isn't it obvious? Just look at him, he has a purpose for walking. If was walking aimlessly, he'd just be Roman
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My slightly eccentric grandfather was walking down the street whilst wearing a propeller hat. A passerby said to him "You do you."
My grandfather replied "What is that?
A slogan for m**...?"
Did you hear about the tie and the hat who went hiking?
The tie always liked to hang around, whilst the hat kept going on ahead.
An English man, Scottish man, and a Irish man were about to be executed by the firing squad.
They put the Englishman against the wall, when he says
"EARTH QUAKE!".
The firing squad start panicking, whilst the English man runs off.
They put the Scottish man against the wall, when he says
"FLOOD!".
The firing squad start panicking more, whilst he also runs off.
They put the Irish man against the wall, when he says
"FIRE!"
Prof.X died the other day whilst hooked up to his mind machine.
As a consequence, everyone on earth was frozen in time.
It's a terrible condition... Cerebro Pausey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad walked in on me whilst m**....
I caught a glimpse but I never saw him coming.
There was once two trees who fell in love. One day they decided to have a baby. The mother wanted a boy whilst the father wanted a girl. They waited until the last day to find out the gender of the gender. They was told it was a boy. The father looked down and said in disappointment...
It's tree son then.
Whilst dining out yesterday evening I called the waiter over, "Waiter, there's a problem with my salad...
...I feel it needs a dressing"
Walked into a dry cleaners the other day and I was amazed.
The chap behind the counter had fluorescent blue gel like hands. To my further amazement, he was using them as detergent on the clothes.
I said, excuse me sir, may I ask you to hold my bag whilst I take a photo of your appendages?! I feel like the internet would be amazed at this
He said I can't sorry, my hands are tide
I got a sunburn on the beach yesterday whilst reading about trigonometry.
...you should see my tan lines today
Whilst swimming in an Egyptian river my partner said that we were lost and decided to get out, I stayed in as I was sure we were in the right place
I'm still in denial
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly woman asked a young man if he wanted to try 69.
Out of curiosity, he agreed.
Whilst they were doing the deed, she accidentally f**.... Embarrassed, she apologised, and they continued.
The same thing happened a short while later, and the woman apologised again, to which the young man replied:
"No can do lady, I ain't gonna wait for the other 67!"
Whilst waiting to grab a drink...
Whilst waiting to grab a drink, a guy came up to me and complained, "Your jokes never have any punchlines."
I said, "What do you think we're queueing for?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mother in law
What must you do if you see your mother in law running at you screaming whilst covered in blood?
Take a deep breath, reload and fire again.
Apparently hydration wasn't the Final Solution.
Dehydration by oven was.
-my friend whilst getting a drink
My grandpa told me to pull the plug for him...
He said that devices such as T.V's use electricity whilst plugged in even when they are turned off, a phenomenon called Phantom Load .
