Whilst Jokes
137 whilst jokes and hilarious whilst puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about whilst that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Whilst Short Jokes
Short whilst jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The whilst humour may include short awhile jokes also.
- I met my girlfriend whilst she was working at the zoo. There she was in her uniform – straightaway I knew she was a keeper.
- Awful pun I came up with whilst drunk last night. Who is the australian Frankesntein's favourite singer?
Rihanna, mate. - Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when paying? You have got the carownervirus
- I'm making a fortune promoting home security systems The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Good morning". At 3am whilst sitting on the end of their bed.
- A police officer spotted an elderly lady knitting whilst driving "Pullover", he exclaimed.
"No, it's a scarf", she replied. - I met my girlfriend whilst visiting the London Zoo. Straight away I knew she was a keeper.
- Well, that's the last time I tell my girlfriend to sit on my face... whilst doing a Sean Connery impersonation.
- So I was driving home from work tonight, I saw a woman texting whilst driving. It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car.
- It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice... Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...
- My wife wanted peace and quiet whilst cooking.. .. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.
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Whilst One Liners
Which whilst one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with whilst? I can suggest the ones about alongside and whist.
- I found a Land Rover whilst metal detecting today It was a lovely discovery
- What did the seaweed say whilst drowning? Keeeelp!
- Why do so many pigs die whilst eating apples?
- I threw up whilst driving on a twisty road... A Nissan Juke had passed me
- What do the French have on their burgers whilst visiting Australia? snoino.
- I feel I can empathise with Harambe a lot I too have been shot at whilst molesting kids
- Driving You shouldn't play board games whilst driving, you might miss your turn.
- Heard about the pilot who decided to cook whilst flying? It was a recipe for disaster.
- What did Abel say whilst walking home on a windy day? Hurricain
- I met this girl whilst I was playing Pokemon Now I have GOnorrhea
- What do you call a letter that's been shot whilst loitering? A casual-T.
- Gråtrunka is Swedish for crying whilst m**.... It's a real tear jerker.
- Bilbo Baggins has passed away whilst still e**... I guess _old hobbits die hard_
- A boy has reportedly fallen off a building whilst on l**... People say he "had a bad trip"
- How do know you are ugly? Your dog keeps it's eyes closed whilst h**... your leg
Whilst Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about whilst you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nonetheless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make whilst pranks.
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the d**... atrocious.
Why don't spies meet at bars.
The beer is tapped. (Please develop this joke. I made it up last night whilst drinking, but nobody laughed.)
Lost in africa
Two friends became lost during a safari in Africa. Whilst discussing how to find their way out, they heard a viscous snarl to their left. Upon looking they saw what appeared to be a very hungry leopard. At that sight, one of them bent down and started tightening his shoe laces.
His friend said ''Hey are you crazy!!!! You can't outrun a leopard.''
His friend replied, '' Mate, i don't have to,I just have to outrun you!!!!''
Thought of this whilst snacking.
If one chick pea kills another chick pea... Is that considered Humuscide?
Indian Taxi Driver
My regular Indian taxi driver picked me up whilst singing along to his c**... Punjabi music at the top of his voice.
He smiled when I pulled out my set of new ear plugs, "Looks like you've come prepared this time," he said laughing.
I smiled back at him, "Yes," I replied, as I put them up my nostrils.
Dr joke I just made up
A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."
Looks like I'm in the doghouse again..
Last night whilst the wife was asleep I swapped her tampax for a party popper.
No sense of humour whatsoever!
I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...
...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.
"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.
She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"
Meanwhile in rural Ireland...
p**... pays a visit to his old friend Tommy one afternoon. Tommy takes a seat in the kitchen whilst p**... makes him a cup of coffee. Tommy, being the inquisitive type, says "I can't help but notice there p**... that ye have a lot of empty milk bottles in your fridge so ye do, why exactly would that be?"
To which p**... replies " Oh thats just in case a visitor wants a black coffee"
Whilst at college I did experiment with m**....
I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail.
^-- ^Ed ^Byrne
Met a Dwarf Today....
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**....
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
OC that I came up with whilst daydreaming: Why is there no sofa in the forbidden kingdom?
... because Mao is more of a chair man!
I once asked a Welshman how many s**... partners he had had in his life but never got an answer.
He kept falling asleep whilst counting sheep.
Just got a job as a scientist
and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on.
It was my chemical romance.
At the hospital
I went to the hospital today for a Gastroscopy test.
In the waiting room the doctor came through and explained the situation to the four of us sat waiting there.
He explained that I was having the Gastroscopy, which is the camera down the t**....
Whilst the other three were there for a Colonoscopy, which is the camera up the a**.... The doctor asked if we had any questions.
I said: "Yes. Can I go first?"
An old lady is driving on the motorway...
when a cop drives by and sees that she is knitting whilst driving. So the cop trying to stop this madness realizes he needs to do something. So he shouts over to the lady "Pullover!"
The old woman replies "No, its a cardigan!"
Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.
"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"
"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."
A joke for the British.
Some u**... got into my eye whilst cleaning the lavatories at a kid's nursery yesterday....
....I'm putting in a claim for Pee Pee Eye.
I forgot :(
Whilst climbing in the roof space to get down the kids Christmas gifts, I found a present I'd forgotten last year.
Such a shame - they would have loved that puppy.
I decided to read War and Peace whilst walking over the Golden-Gate,
I'd heard the abridged version was easier to finish.
My coworker complained about our David Bowie tribute music recently...
...he complained that after Lemmy's death we didn't have any tribute music. I pointed out that would be slightly inappropriate, as Lemmy wrote about taking drugs and blacking out, whilst David Bowie wrote whilst taking drugs and blacking out.
Lost my watch at a party..
And then saw some guy stamping on it whilst s**... harassing a girl. I went over and punched him straight on the nose. Nobody does that to a girl, certainly not on my watch.
What do you call the surveillance system that watches us all whilst we are in the bathroom?
the panoptijohn
It hurts every time!
During high-school health class, the topic of s**... came up. Whilst discussing it, the teacher described it as, "the most pleasurable experience you will ever have".
After hearing this, a girl from the back of the class calls out, "You're lying! It hurts every time!"
Puzzled, the teacher finally clicks and asks, "You aren't devoutly religious, by any chance...?"
what's the difference between a girl in a church and a girl in a bathtub?
The girl in church has hope in her soul whilst the girl in the bathtub has...
A vulture tries to board a plane whilst carrying a dead rabbit under his wing.
The flight attendant stops him, shaking his head.
"Sorry sir, you can't bring that on here. No carrion."
Whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend I turned to her to say "I love you so"...
She replied, "I love you so too!"
We then proceeded to discuss how one could not love Yoo So, for our Chinese friend is nothing but a delight to be around!
*Works better said aloud.
What does a Frenchman say who lost his dinner whilst trying to find some more?
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Where did you come from escargot?
As he inserted the r**... thermometer [n**...]
As he inserted the r**... thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious e**...
"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.
French Presidential bodyguard accidentally discharges weapon whilst on duty...
France & Italy have both offer their immediate unconditional surrender.
Why did Billie Joe Armstrong smell so nice whilst walking down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams?
He wore cologne, he wore cologne.
Why do divers fall backwards out of the boat whilst diving?
Because if they fell forward they would land in the boat.
i lost my watch at a party once
after an hour of looking for it i saw a man stepping on it whilst s**... harassing a girl. i walked up to the man and punched him straight in the nose, nobody does that to a woman, not on my watch.
What's worse than taking a dump right after you get out of the bathtub?
Taking a dumb whilst you're in the bathtub.
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
I received some bad news whilst eating a curry at an Indian Restaurant.
My naan had slipped into a korma. Darren Walsh
Whilst buying condoms the cashier asked 'do you need a bag?'
I replied, 'nope, don't worry, she's already in one!'.
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: 'Make me one with everything'....
After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.
'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.
My Apple AirPods stayed in position whilst I was going 25 miles downhill on a pushbike
Thank goodness I left them by the computer desk.
With the transfer window now closed....
Chelsea signed Drinkwater whilst Everton signed drink driver.
What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...
Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the b**... for nuclear warfare!
[Scariest of all is that it's true :( ]
Wife calls husband about major traffic incident
A wife calls her husband whilst he is driving and says be careful I've just heard a traffic report about a car going the wrong way on the motorway! And the husband gets confused and asks one car? There's hundreds!
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend.
I left three notes scattered around the house for my girlfriend. They say Will You and Me That will keep her busy whilst I watch football on TV.
Why is wetting yourself whilst wearing a dark suit similar to doing a good job in a lot of work places?
You get a nice warm feeling but nobody notices!
NEVER go down on a black , the father said to his daughter
Whilst you are learning to ski, stay on the green runs
What did Dave Grohl start singing whilst working Saturday morning in a pastry shop?
"I've got another confection to bake..."
Salsa dancing can be so frustrating
I wish it would just stay still whilst I try to dip my chips in it!
I felt a toe brush against me whilst I was out swimming in the lake
I thought 'something must be afoot'
The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.
"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."
:-P
I told my wife to spend the evening polishing my medieval battle uniform, whilst I went out to the pub.
She's always going on about wanting a night in, shining armour.
I don't know why people complain about using your phone whilst driving.
I can drive on the freeway and post this comment at the sa
An Egyptian man was sailing down a river
When his boat started to leak. He kept on rowing further down the river, whilst more and more water started to pour in. The man ignored the problem and just continued to sail down the river. Eventually his boat was nearly fully submerged and it quickly started to sink. The man refused to come to terms with his situation and just kept trying to row down the river.
He was in de Nile
Two men saw a stranger walking with a large knapsack across the plains of Italy in 500 C.E.
Man 1: Why is that man walking around aimlessly whilst carrying such a heavy load on his back?
Man 2: He is not from around here, he is a nomad
Man 1: How can you be so sure?
Man 2: Isn't it obvious? Just look at him, he has a purpose for walking. If was walking aimlessly, he'd just be Roman
Did you hear about the tie and the hat who went hiking?
The tie always liked to hang around, whilst the hat kept going on ahead.
An English man, Scottish man, and a Irish man were about to be executed by the firing squad.
They put the Englishman against the wall, when he says
"EARTH QUAKE!".
The firing squad start panicking, whilst the English man runs off.
They put the Scottish man against the wall, when he says
"FLOOD!".
The firing squad start panicking more, whilst he also runs off.
They put the Irish man against the wall, when he says
"FIRE!"
Prof.X died the other day whilst hooked up to his mind machine.
As a consequence, everyone on earth was frozen in time.
It's a terrible condition... Cerebro Pausey
My dad walked in on me whilst m**....
I caught a glimpse but I never saw him coming.
There was once two trees who fell in love. One day they decided to have a baby. The mother wanted a boy whilst the father wanted a girl. They waited until the last day to find out the gender of the gender. They was told it was a boy. The father looked down and said in disappointment...
It's tree son then.
Whilst dining out yesterday evening I called the waiter over, "Waiter, there's a problem with my salad...
...I feel it needs a dressing"
So there are a boy playing his X-Box whilst his girlfriend watches.
So the boy says: "Why do you look so sad?"
The girl is silent. He turns off the X-Box.
His girlfriend asks: "Why did you turn it off?"
"Because I have something far better to play with!"
She blushes...
He turns on his PS4
Walked into a dry cleaners the other day and I was amazed.
The chap behind the counter had fluorescent blue gel like hands. To my further amazement, he was using them as detergent on the clothes.
I said, excuse me sir, may I ask you to hold my bag whilst I take a photo of your appendages?! I feel like the internet would be amazed at this
He said I can't sorry, my hands are tide
I got a sunburn on the beach yesterday whilst reading about trigonometry.
...you should see my tan lines today
An elderly woman asked a young man if he wanted to try 69.
Out of curiosity, he agreed.
Whilst they were doing the deed, she accidentally f**.... Embarrassed, she apologised, and they continued.
The same thing happened a short while later, and the woman apologised again, to which the young man replied:
"No can do lady, I ain't gonna wait for the other 67!"
No Nut November was especially tough for me...
Whilst cleaning up all the dead squirrels from my garden I put my back out.
I caught the flu in Madrid.
While sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realized I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.
"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"
The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. When I finally stammered out "h...how does the hotel have their own doctor on call?", he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied:
"Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician."
Starting the day in London
Two friends from London on the phone:
Guy 1: Hey mate, what's up?
Guy 2: Not much. I am smelling one chicks hair whilst another one is walking all over me in her high heels.
Guy 1: Oh I see, call me when you get off the underground.
I drove into a car at some traffic lights whilst not really paying attention
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He looked up to me and said, I'm not happy,
Well, which one are you then? I replied.
Brits are pounding their fists at Brexit.
Whilst Brexit is really f**... the Pound.
One of the many situations women tend to handle the wrong way...
Ladies, if a man brings you breakfast whilst you are still in bed, he wants to hear: "Oooh, that is so cute, thank you! I love you!" and not "HOW THE FRAK DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE YOU FRAKKING CREEP?!?!?!".
Just FYI.
