Wheelchair Jokes

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of wheelchair jokes. Whether you use a wheelchair yourself or know someone who does, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.

Entertaining Wheelchair Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up.

Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.

What's the hardest part about eating a vegtable?

The wheelchair.

What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

jokes about wheelchair

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

Lourdes

A wheel-chair bound chap decided to visit the healing waters of Lourdes. It was very crowded but he spotted a gap and went for it at such a pace that he ended up in the pool, wheel-chair and all. When they fished him out he was quite disappointed to find that he was still unable to walk, but found consolation in the fact that his wheel chair had a brand new set of tires.

A wife says to her husband

... "I don't like you pushing me around all the time and talking behind my back"

Husband say "Well honey what do you expect you're in a wheelchair"

Wheelchair joke, A wife says to her husband

People keep pushing me around and calling me lazy...

I don't care what they say though this wheelchair is the best thing I ever bought!

So an old Jewish man dies

So an old Jewish man dies and as per his last wish, his son goes to the newspaper publisher and asks, "How much for an obituary in your newspaper?"

Publisher says, "$5 per word".

The son says, "Publish 'Jacob Goldberg Dead' ".

The publisher says, "We require minimum 6 words".

So the son says, "In that case make it 'Jacob Goldberg Dead, Wheelchair For Sale' ".

I don't like the song Stairway To Heaven

because it implies that heaven is not wheelchair accessible.

A man sits at a bar...

...After the third beer he decides to go home. He tries to walk out, but as soon as he is off his chair he falls on the ground. He figures he's probably not drunk enough. He orders another one, tries to go, but again falls on the ground. After two more beers and tries he decides just to crawl home.

The next morning his wife says to him in the bed.

"You were in the bar last night."

"How did you know?"

"The bartender called. You forgot your wheelchair."

You can explore wheelchair handicap reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wheelchair p wheelchair dad jokes. There are also wheelchair puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I thought my son would be glad and appreciate that I got him a trampoline

But nooo, all he does is sit and cry in his wheelchair all day

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.

In a hospital

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.

A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

I saw a guy in a wheelchair being made fun of

I told him to stand up for himself.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair

Virgin Mobile

Wheelchair joke, What do you call a nun in a wheelchair

What did Steven hawking say when he first got his wheelchair?

I can't stand being in this

What's the worst pick up line to use on someone in a wheelchair?

did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

There's a new wheelchair party forming

But it doesn't really stand for anything.

(At least it'll always have a spokes person)

My wife doesn't think I'm a good man...

My wife doesn't think I'm a good man because I'm always pushing her around and talking behind her back but what does she expect?, she's in a wheelchair.

Mexican word of the day: wheelchair

Theirs only 1 taco left, so wheel chair.

I knew you'd come crawling back

the minute I stole your wheelchair

A guy in a wheelchair sped over my foot.

"You better watch where you're going next time." I told him.

He said, "I'm handicapped, you can't do anything."

I said, "No, you're handicapped, you can't do anything."

A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?

Wife: Honey, of course I would.

Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?

Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.

Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?

Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?

Husband: I just sprained my wrist...

Went to see the worst faith healer ever last night...

He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

A bloke in a wheelchair stole my camouflage stuff

I told him 'you can hide but you can't run'.

Wheelchair joke, A bloke in a wheelchair stole my camouflage stuff

I had a friend in a wheelchair but i had to let him go

Now hes going downhill fast

What should you do before cooking the vegetables?

Remove the wheelchair

My wife left me

According to her, she is sick of me talking behind her back and pushing her around.

In my defence, she's in a wheelchair.

What's the worst thing about eating vegetables?

Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done.

The wife told me she's sick of me pushing her around and talking behind her back.

I said "Well you are in a wheelchair"

An old Jewish man dies.

His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.

He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".

Wheelchair athletes have just been banned from the Paralympics

They tested positive for WD40

I knew she'd come crawling to me..

I mean, I DID steal her wheelchair

What's the only part of a vegetable you can't eat?

The wheelchair...

Please stop

A guy jumps a car on a bike and crashes hard. doctors amputate both his legs.Being the daredevil that he is he jumps his wheelchair over a bus and again crashes even harder. He's so messed up now the doctors have to do a full body amputation.His family plead with him to stop while he's ahead.

Which part of a vegetable isn't edible?

His wheelchair.

I bought my son a trampoline

But all he wanted to do was sit and cry in his wheelchair

- This was a repost but I thought it was too funny not to share

To the guy in a wheelchair that stole my phone

You can hide but you can't run

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

Don't even try and tell me that joke was offensive. Atleast it wasn't a blind joke. I can't see how those are funny.

I went on a date with a girl in a wheelchair...

I stood her up, and thats when she fell for me, now were on a roll, I just have to figure out how to ramp it up in the bedroom.

I was dating this girl in a wheelchair....

I tried so hard not to let her walk out of my life.

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

Gave my friend in a wheelchair 3 hits of molly last night

He's still rollin' this morning

A boy just saved Donald Trump's life.

And Trump says he can have anything he wants.

The boy asks for a wheelchair ramp for his family's van, and unlimited access to handicapped parking.

Trump asks the boy if this is for his mom or his dad.

The boy says that it's for him.

"But kid, you're not in a wheelchair." says Trump.

"I will be when my dad finds out what I've done."

I dated a girl in a wheelchair

She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.

I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?

A handicapacitor.

Wheelchairs should have pedals on them

So if you get tired of using your arms you can pedal

There's this wheelchair bound kid that gets bullied alot.

It's really sad cause he can't seem to stand up for himself.

Today I was in the elevator with a guy who only rode to the second floor. He couldn't even bother to take one flight of stairs?

How lazy. That's probably how he got to be in a wheelchair.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday but nooooooo..

... he just wants to sit in his wheelchair and cry ...

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline for his birthday..

..And all he wanted to do was sit in his wheelchair and cry.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, and he hasn't even used it.

He just sits and cries in his wheelchair.

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket...

You can hide, but you can't run.

My girlfriend broke up with me for stealing her wheelchair

But I'm not bothered, I know she'll come crawling back any day now

I was bullied...

When I was a little kid this other kid in a wheelchair used to bully me but I couldn't do anything about it because I felt bad making fun of him. So for the rest of my life people knew me as the guy who "couldn't stand up for himself" and I think that's ironic considering it all.

A schoolboy rescues President Trump

A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.

The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.

"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.

A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.

Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.

*(

My ex is still angry with me for breaking her wheelchair

I'm fine though, I know she'll come crawling back to me soon enough.

My Son is such a c**t...

I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

I hate when people say tomatoes are fruits and not vegetables.

If a gay dude in a wheelchair can be both, why can't a tomato.

What's better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?

walking.

In the weeks leading up to my grandfathers death he had to use a wheelchair.

After that he went downhill very quickly.

Did you hear about the depressed guy in a wheelchair?

He couldn't stand himself.

I got ran over by someone in a wheelchair

It was a hit and can't run.

To the guy in the wheelchair that stole my camo suit.

You can hide but you cant run.

A blind man and a man in a wheelchair are having a conversation.

The man in the wheelchair says: "hey look! A spider" to which the blind man replied "step on it"

What do you call a dwarf in a wheelchair?

A midget spinner.

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude...

He's been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

A few guys are out at a bar

when they see a guy who is so plastered that he can't even stand. So they decided to help get him home and end up having to carry him the whole way. They ring the doorbell and the wife answers and they tell her he was very drunk so they brought him home for her and she says "Thanks, but wheres his wheelchair?"

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket

You can hide but you can't run

To the man in the camo jacket who stole my wheelchair,

You can hide and I cannot run.

I saw a guy in a wheelchair wearing a camo outfit

I thought, man you can hide but you can't run.

I have a confession. Lately I've been greasing up all the wheelchair ramps around town.

I've tried so hard to stop, but once you start it's a really slippery slope...

My grandma took my ecstasy, so I took her wheelchair.

Now neither of us are rolling.

r/offensivejoke

How did the kid in the wheelchair stop being bullied?


He stood up for himself.

I bought a trampoline for my son on his birthday but i guess he didn't like it

he's just sitting in his wheelchair crying. kids these days are so ungrateful.

I had an accident and lost my one leg

And I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday.

That ungrateful shit just sat in his wheelchair and cried the whole time.

I told my wife, You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.

She said, What do you expect β€” you're in a wheelchair!

My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.

I went to visit him for the first time. As we're discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.

As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.

As she walked away, I asked:

Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?

A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.

Grandpa: it's not too bad. I just wish they would let me fart.

I saw a crippled man in a wheelchair at a gas station once.

He bought a couple of scratch off lottery tickets, scratched the surface with his coin, and shouted with glee, I won ten thousand dollars! . Well I was broke, and I needed gas money to get to my shift at work. I asked the crippled man, excuse me sir? Is there any possible way I could have ten dollars, just to put into my gas tank so I can get to work? The crippled man stared deeply at me and said, you can have your ten dollars when you pry them from my cold dead hands.

And that's the story of how I got ten thousand dollars.

A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.

Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as happy. "I can hear everything again!" The disabled guy in the wheelchair drives in, splashes around and then comes out, beaming and cheerful. "Guys, I have new tires!"

"My wife lost both her prosthetic legs in Indonesia." "Jakarta?"

"No we managed to get her a wheelchair"

How come we call walkie-talkies "walkie talkies", but we don't call vacuums "pushie suckies"?

Because that title is reserved for wheelchair bound hookers.

what do you call a redditor in a wheelchair?

virgin mobile.

You know what they say about about wheelchairs

People can't stand being in them

What's a similarity between a guy in a wheelchair and a bad comedian

They can't do standup

Went to a faith healer group last night.

It was so shit, even the guy in the wheelchair walked out.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket, you can't run, but you can hide.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket, you can't run, but you can hide.

Millennial old folks homes are gonna be awesome!

LAN parties, DnD nights, wheelchair races, having awesome songs from the 2000's as our golden oldies! It'll be great, especially if we can line up our work schedules!

The Smith family is having a reunion.

The matriarch is a 110 year old woman who is confined to a wheelchair and cannot speak, so she uses a pen and notepad to communicate.

While watching her great grandchildren play, she begins to leeeaaan to the left. So cousin Joe lifts her back up and puts a pillow on her left side. Later she begins to leeeaaan to the right, so cousin John lifts her back up and puts a pillow on her right side.

Later, Uncle Bob approaches and asks if she's enjoying the family reunion. She takes out her notepad and slowly writes, "They won't let me fart"

Last week, My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her Wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.

Help

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.

However, a student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, insisting didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed to let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.

I don't know, he said. She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.

What has 50 legs but can't walk?

25 people in wheelchair

My friend in a wheelchair got mad at me.

He texted me "I cant stand you"

I said "Use punctuation, its 'I cant stand, you?' "

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wheelchair vegtable puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wheelchair wheely piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes