Wheat Jokes

What are some Wheat jokes?

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."

A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear

Ahh Migraines!

What did one German wheat farmer say to the other German wheat farmer?

Gluten tag

The hard of hearing stoner...

got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

What do vegans call jerking off?

Beating their wheat.

Do you remember Buckwheat from the little rascals? He recently converted to Islam.

And became Kareem of Wheat.

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender

Greg " that's not it ,chief "

And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand

" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .

This pig with the wooden leg . . .

A guy visits his friend, who is a farmer, and sees him sitting on the front porch, chewing a strand of wheat and petting a pig with a wooden leg. They get to talking, and the friend asks the farmer about the pig's leg.
'it's the craziest thing', say the farmer. 'There was this fire a few weeks back, in the old barn next to the house. I was lost in the smoke, searching for a way out, when the central support beam collapsed, pinning me down. I was going to die. BUT SUDDENLY, through the thick haze, I see this pig rushing toward me. She manages to wedge her body under the beam, and with all her might lifts the load just enough for me to shimmy my body out, and we both run to safety.'
'WOW, that is some incredible story,' says the friend 'but it still doesn't explain the wooden leg.'
--'Well, with a pig like THAT, you don't want to eat it all at once!'

A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".

I took a picture of a wheat field today...

It came out pretty grainy.

Did you know that 90% of all dog in South Korea are inbred?

Most commonly it's whole wheat or rye

What do wheat, gluten, and Arkansas have in common?

They're all in bread.

Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept ACHOO!

Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.

Stalin visits a farm

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist, you know that there is no wheat!

Why did the wheat become misshapen?

It was inbread

I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"

I bought some Shredded wheat, but I think it's a bit of a con.

It's no more muscular than regular wheat.

What do you call 18 year old wheat?

Barley legal.

What's more inbred than English monarchs?


What type of cereal goes to the gym twice a day?

Shredded wheat.

I wish I could pin this joke on a 4-year-old, I'm so sorry

What did the bread maker say to the wheat?

I loave you.

Buckwheat has converted to Islam

He is now known as Kareem of wheat.

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

If u stand in the pouring grain....

Your gonna get all wheat!

What would a literary person call a bot-test in a wheat field?

Captcha in the Rye.

What's it called when the Pillsbury doughboys girlfriend gets a yeast infection?

Hole wheat.

You can't just decide to be a wheat farmer...

...you have to be bread for it.

White bread or wheat bread?

Tough doughcision.

Someone with Celiac disease but still eats wheat...

Is a gluten for punishment.

What do you call it when someone eats too much wheat?


Why didn't Bono sell any wheat bread at his bakery?

Cuz it's all rye, it's all rye, it's all rye.

What does a muscular pothead have for breakfast?

Shredded Wheat

What did the carrot say to the wheat?

Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.

"What Did?" by Shel Silverstein

What did the carrot say to the wheat?

'Lettuce' rest, I'm feeling 'beet.'

What did the paper say to the pen?

I feel quite all 'write,' my friend.

What did the teapot say to the chalk?

Nothing, you silly . . . teapots can't talk!

I got in the way at the silo when they were pouring grain.

I got all wheat.

What is a linguist's least favorite kind of bread?

Whole Wheat.

My goodness, said the grain of wheat as she awoke and found herself in a loaf of bread...

I've been reaped.

TIL people with Celiac Disease have a major evolutionary advantage...

They can, quite literally, separate the wheat from the chaff.

Why is GMO wheat called mutant?

Because it's in bread.

gluten free whole wheat spaghetti

its inpastabowl

I'm devastated that my son has chosen a career in finance rather than taking over the family wheat farm.

He's going against the grain.

How do you know if a horse is purebred?

It only eats wheat.

Buckwheat of the Little Rascals converted to Islam (stop me if you've heard this...)

He is now know as Kareem-Of Wheat

What did the wheat say to the man with the scythe?

"I yield!"

A joke for farmers

Three farmers were in prison.

One asks another what he did. He replies that he stole trailer load of wheat and got 1 year. He asks what the first farmer did. He said that he stole a lorry load of barley and got 2 years.

He then asks what the third farmer was in for. Rape, the third farmer replies. Shocked, the first farmer exclaimed "Christ, how much did you steal?!"

What would BuckWheat from Little Rascals be called if he were a Muslim?

Kareem of Wheat.

Did you hear about the two musicians driving trucks full of wheat?

They were haulin' oats

A wheat field began screaming on day: "HELP HELP..."


A girl shock of wheat

A girl shock of wheat went and sleeped
By a boy shock of wheat that was heaped.
On waking, 'tis said,
She found herself bread
And shouted, "My gosh, I've been reaped!"

What do you call someone who makes and sells woven wheat?

A Wheat tailor

I just thought up an original joke today, hopefully you all like it...Why is wheat a hillbilly grain?

because its inbread

Here's one for the photographers

Why was the photo of a wheat field rejected from Alamy? A=It had to much grain

Q: what did Norman Bates say...

when the waitress asked him what kind of toast he wanted?

A: wheat! wheat! wheat! wheat! wheat!...

Did you hear the Buck Wheat became a Muslim?

Yeah! He changed his name to Kareem o'Wheat

How to make Wheat jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Wheat to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Wheat? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Wheat pick up lines to share with friends.

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