wheat Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious wheat puns

Two high school graduates are discussing their future college plans. The first says "I'm planning on going into farming, it's what my father did and it makes good money." The second asks "What type of farming? Wheat, corn, livestock?"

"I don't know man, there are so many fields to choose from."


A wheat farmer has a headache and all his crops disappear

Ahh Migraines!


A blonde is driving down the road.

She looks out her window and sees another blonde rowing a boat in a wheat field. She stops and yells to her, "Why are you rowing a boat in a field?"

The second blonde replies, "Because it is an ocean of wheat."

The first blonde says, "It's dumb blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name, and if I could swim I'd kick your ass!"


What did one German wheat farmer say to the other German wheat farmer?

Gluten tag


The hard of hearing stoner...

got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.


What do vegans call jerking off?

Beating their wheat.


Do you remember Buckwheat from the little rascals? He recently converted to Islam.

And became Kareem of Wheat.


During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender

Greg " that's not it ,chief "

And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand

" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .


A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".


This pig with the wooden leg . . .

A guy visits his friend, who is a farmer, and sees him sitting on the front porch, chewing a strand of wheat and petting a pig with a wooden leg. They get to talking, and the friend asks the farmer about the pig's leg.
'it's the craziest thing', say the farmer. 'There was this fire a few weeks back, in the old barn next to the house. I was lost in the smoke, searching for a way out, when the central support beam collapsed, pinning me down. I was going to die. BUT SUDDENLY, through the thick haze, I see this pig rushing toward me. She manages to wedge her body under the beam, and with all her might lifts the load just enough for me to shimmy my body out, and we both run to safety.'
'WOW, that is some incredible story,' says the friend 'but it still doesn't explain the wooden leg.'
--'Well, with a pig like THAT, you don't want to eat it all at once!'


Did you know that 90% of all dog in South Korea are inbred?

Most commonly it's whole wheat or rye


A Texan goes to Australia for vacation...

... while there, he takes a tour with a local guide. While driving around the guide points out a large wheat field. "In Texas, we have wheat fields twice as large!" They then drive past a herd of cattle. "Our long horns are at least twice that large in Texas!" the Texan drawls. The guide is becoming quite irate with the Texan at this point and decides to take a detour. The Texan excitedly points at some kangaroo and shouts "What the hell are those?" "What? You dont have jackrabbits in Texas?"


An attractive blonde was driving down a country road...

when she spotted another blonde in the middle of a wheat field, rowing a boat for all her worth.

Curious, she stopped the car, staring in disbelief as the woman pulled and sweated.

When she couldn't stand it any more, she called-out, Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?

Stopping her efforts for the moment, the blond in the boat responds, Because it's an 'ocean' of wheat!

The blond standing on the side of the road is furious! She yells at the rower, It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name!

The woman in the boat just shrugs her shoulders and begins to row again.

Standing by her car, the woman is beside herself. She shakes her fist at the woman in the field, yelling, If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your ass!


What do wheat, gluten, and Arkansas have in common?

They're all in bread.


Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept ACHOO!

Sorry, I have a wheat allergy.


Stalin visits a farm

One day, Joseph Stalin visits an agricultural collective. And so....

Stalin: Comrade, how much wheat do you have?

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, we have enough wheat to reach God!

Stalin: Comrade, as a Marxist, you know that there is no God!

Farmer: Comrade Stalin, as a Marxist, you know that there is no wheat!


Story of McQuinn

An old Scottish man is sitting in a pub and drinking whiskey. He takes a sip and says: "Look, what a magnificent windmill. I built it all by myself, carried all the rocks together by myself. Till this day it grinds wheat for the village, but nobody calls me the Windmill builder McQuinn."
He proceeds after another sip of whiskey: "Look, what a magnificent apple garden. I planted all the trees by myself. To this day it gives the best apples in this village, but still nobody calls me the Gardener McQuinn. And then there is the bridge that I built all alone. Nobody says Bridge builder McQuinn."
He then finishes his whiskey and says furiously: "But only once I had to fuck a sheep in the hills..."


Why did the wheat become misshapen?

It was inbread


A blonde is rowing a boat through a wheat field.

A blonde cop sees her and stops. She asks what the blonde is doing?

The blonde in the boat responds by saying she is trying to get to the other side.

The blonde cop tells her that it's blondes like her that give them a bad name and if she could swim she would go over there and kick her ass.


I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"


I bought some Shredded wheat, but I think it's a bit of a con.

It's no more muscular than regular wheat.


What do you call 18 year old wheat?

Barley legal.


What's more inbred than English monarchs?



What's the difference between a wheat thin and a lesbian?

One's a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.


What type of cereal goes to the gym twice a day?

Shredded wheat.

I wish I could pin this joke on a 4-year-old, I'm so sorry


Two blondes, one driving a convertible and one in the middle of a wheat field rowing a boat.

The blonde in the convertible pulls over and yells at the one in the boat,

"It's girls like you who give girls like us a bad name, and damn it, if I could swim I'd go out there and kick your ass right now"


What did the bread maker say to the wheat?

I loave you.


Buckwheat has converted to Islam

He is now known as Kareem of wheat.


If u stand in the pouring grain....

Your gonna get all wheat!


What would a literary person call a bot-test in a wheat field?

Captcha in the Rye.


White bread or wheat bread?

Tough doughcision.


What's it called when the Pillsbury doughboys girlfriend gets a yeast infection?

Hole wheat.


You can't just decide to be a wheat farmer...

...you have to be bread for it.


What do you call a bundle of holy wheat?

A Christian Bale


Wheather you have a lot of sex or watch porn frequently...

without propper protection you're going to catch a virus.


What are the most funny Wheat jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Wheat? Well, here are the best Wheat dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Wheat pick up lines to share with friends.

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