whats Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious whats puns

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.

Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.

Me: No way. Whats the good news?

Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.

Me: What are you trying to say?

Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.

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A boy sees an elephants penis at the zoo

He asks mommy! whats that?"

Mom quickly replies "oh that's nothing" and walks on.

Later while passing the elephant the kid sees the weiner again and says to his dad "what's that daddy?"

Dad replies "oh thats the elephants penis"

kid says "oh, mommy says that's nothing"

The dad replies "Yeah, i spoil that woman"

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Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"

Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

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Genie: Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich.
Genie: Granted, what's your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money.

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Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle.

Coconut.

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Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

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A man walks into a bar... (NSFW)

He orders nine shots.

The bartender apprehensive asks, "whats the occasion?"

The man mumbles, "first blowjob."

The bartender brightens up and pours nine shots and lays them out.

The man downs all nine in a row.

The bartender still smiling says,

"hey, make it an even ten. On the house."

The man shakes his head,

"No thanks. If the first nine didn't wash out the taste, I doubt one more would help."

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Whats 12 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?

My bosses tie

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Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know I just fly the drone.

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Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital?

I dunno, I just fly the drone...

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Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color?

M'genta

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I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?

SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

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Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

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Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?

An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"

A professional thief says, "Sign here please.."

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A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?

Mom replies, That is my sponge.

Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.

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Rihanna, Usher and Justin Bieber were walking over a bridge..........

Rihanna trips and gets her head stuck between the railings.


Without a sideways glance, Usher pulls aside her G-String and fucks her senseless.


He stands back and tells Justin, "Your turn!"


Justin burst out into tears.


"Whats wrong?", asks Usher.


Justin sobs, "My head won't fit in the railings."

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Whats the difference between an al qaeda training camp and a school?

I dont know, I just fly the drones.

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Whats better than roses on a piano?

tulips on an organ...

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If someone who speaks 2 languages is Bilingual, whats someone who speaks 1 called?

American.

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Whats the difference between sex and US Presidental elections?

In sex,the decision to choose the cunt or the asshole is a pleasure

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Genie: Tell Me, Whats Your First Wish?

Thomas: I Wish I Was Rich.



Genie: Granted, What's Your Second Wish?



Rich: Where The Fuck Is My Money Asshole?

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Whats the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts

Beer nuts are $1.50 a lb. And deer nuts are under a buck.

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Whats the difference between a feminist and a baby?

At some point in its life, the baby will stop crying and grow up

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Whats a mans favorite word that starts with 'm' and ends in 'arriage'?

A miscarriage!

This joke never gets old, just like the baby!

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Whats the internal temperature of a taun taun?

Luke warm

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A very drunk Paddy meets a prostitute up an alley...

He asks, "how much for full sex?"

"$50" she replies.

"Ok" says Paddy and they get down to business.

Next minute a policeman appears and shines his torch in their faces. "Whats going on here then?" he asks.

"Nothing officer, I'm just having sex with my wife."

"Sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife."

Paddy shouts, "neither did I till you shone the fucking torch in her face!"

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The job interviewer asked, "whats your full name?"

"It's Peter Fucking Bastard Piss Flaps Smith."
The interviewer asked me, "do you suffer from tourettes Peter?"
"No" I replied, "but the priest at my baptism did."

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Whats worse than running with scissors?

Scissoring with the runs.

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Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

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Whats the most expensive haircut?

***Chemotherapy***

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What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS?

How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator.

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Whats the best thing about dating a girl into zoophilia?

Your best friend gets laid too.

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Whats your name?

An attractive woman arrives at a party. While scanning the guests she spots an interesting looking man standing alone. She approaches him and says "Hello, my name is Carmen."
"That's a beautiful name" he says, "is it a family name?"
"No", she replies. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things I enjoy most...cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen."
"What's your name?" she asks.

The man replies "B.J.......B.J. Titsngolf."

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Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore

A dead epileptic

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Whats the difference between a preschool and a taliban camp?

I don't know man. I just fly the drones.

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What are the most funny Whats jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Whats? Well, here are the best Whats dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Whats pick up lines to share with friends.

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