Whats Jokes
144 whats jokes and hilarious whats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about whats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Whats Short Jokes
Short whats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The whats humour may include short wats up jokes also.
- Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "that's not even close"
me: "yeah, but it was fast" - Genie: Whats your first wish? Dave: I wish I was rich.
Genie: Granted, what's your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money. - Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle. Coconut.
- Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital? I dunno, I just fly the drone...
- I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food? SEIZURE salad.
I peed - Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief? An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"
A professional thief says, "sign here please.." - Whats the difference between an al qaeda training camp and a school? I dont know, I just fly the drones.
- If someone who speaks 2 languages is Bilingual, whats someone who speaks 1 called? American.
- Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it
- Whats the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts Beer nuts are $1.50 a lb. And deer nuts are under a buck.
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Whats One Liners
Which whats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with whats? I can suggest the ones about hows and wheres.
- Whats the worst thing to hear during open heart surgery? Anything
- Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? How I bought your mother
- Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color? M'genta
- Whats the internal temperature of a taun taun? Luke warm
- Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore A dead epileptic
- Whats blue and isn't heavy? Light blue
- Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet
- Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women crazy? A $100 dollar bill.
- Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops? It's counterproductive
- Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy? Inheritance
- Whats common between dark jokes and little kids with cancer... They never get old.
- Whats something you can say about your car but not your wife? It was very affordable.
- Whats a wind turbines favourite colour? Blew!
- Whats black and doesnt work? Decaffeinated coffee, you racist
- Whats the problem with feminist picnics ? None of them make the sandwiches.
Whats Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny whats up jokes and even better whats up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whats the difference between a feminist and a baby? At some point in its life, the baby will stop crying and grow up
- Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
- Amazing joke i came up with Sadness walked into the doctors office.
the doctor asked: Whats your appointment?
Sadness anwsered: Dis apoointment. - What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS? How would I know, I`m just a US Air Force Operator.
- A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple? B: The Holocaust.
A: What's worse than the Holocaust?
B: 5 Million Jews. - Whats the difference between a preschool and a taliban camp? I don't know man. I just fly the drones.
- Whats the difference between the government and a stripper? Strippers don't rig their polls.
- Whats the difference between engineering and religion? Engineering build planes and buildings. Religion brings them together.
- I just saw an Indian guy shaking a piece of carpet outside his door. I said, "Whats up, Won't it start?"
- whats the difference between a woman and a computer? a woman wont accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.
Whats The Difference Between Jokes
Here is a list of funny whats the difference between jokes and even better whats the difference between puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus It takes 1 nail to hang a picture
- Whats the difference between Caesar and Casanova? Caesar said:"I came, I saw, I conquered."
Casanova said:"I saw, I conquered, I came." - whats the difference between dubai and abu dabi? people in dubai dont like the flinstones but people in abudabidoo
- Whats the difference between a muslim and a catholic priest? The muslim has to die before he gets his virgins.
- whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake? There is one less drunk at the wake
- Whats the difference between a badly dressed man on a bicycle and a posh dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
- Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline.
- Whats the difference between an ISIS stronghold and a syrian school? I dont know, i just fly the drone.
- whats the difference between my driveway and 14 year old daughter? ... I pull out of my driveway
- Whats the difference between the people praying in a church and the people praying in a casino? The people in the casino mean it.
Whats The Difference Jokes
Here is a list of funny whats the difference jokes and even better whats the difference puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whats the difference between a cooked sweet potato and a flying pig One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
- Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? The picture only took 1 nail to be hung
- Whats the difference between a zit and a priest? (My 17 year old camper just said this, made me cringe) A zit waits till you're a teenager to come on your face.
- Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I haven't paid $500 to have a garbanzo bean in my face.
- whats the difference between ignorance and apathy? idk and idc
- Whats the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the south? Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer.
- Whats the difference between a guitar a tuna and glue You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish and your probably wondering what about the glue... I knew you would get stuck on that
- Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine? When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
- Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds. You'll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.
- Whats the difference between trump and a bird One of them can still tweet
Uplifting Whats Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about whats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stuff jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make whats pranks.
I dropped my knife and cut off a toe
After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.
What's white on top and black on bottom?
Society.
Whats black on top and white on bottom?
r**....
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Whats the best thing about being a m**... addict?
Only two more sleeps until christmas.
Whats yellow and lives off dead beatles?
Yoko Ono
A child asks his grandmother, "Grandma, whats it called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"
The grandmother replies, "Why, that's called s**... i**...". The boy considers this, then runs outside to join his friends. A short time later the boy runs back inside and says, "Grandma, you were wrong, its called bunk beds, and Billy's Mom wants to talk to you.
The aging head of a secluded Monastary decides he will take a walk into the nearby town for the first time in 30 years.
As he's walking down the street he passes a h**... on a corner who says "Hey twenty dollars for a q**...". Confused, he walks past another corner and another h**... says "Hey padre, twenty dollars for a q**...". He has no idea whats going on, so he returns to the monastary and calls the Mother Superior to his office and asks her "Whats a q**...?" She replies "Twenty dollars, same as in town".
A pirate walks in a bar...
A pirate walks in a bar with a paper towel on his head, the bartender says "whats with that" the Pirate says "ARR!! I have Bounty on me head"
A man visits the doctor
and then he meets a friend.
Friend: Whatsup, where you been?
Man: Ive visited the doctor
Friend: What did he say?
Man: 200 Dollars
Friend: Yeah, but what do you have
Man: I have 50 dollars
Friend: I Mean whats the problem?
Man: 150 dollars
I m not sure if it makes any sense in English, but i tried
Whats the difference between a drug dealer and a p**...?
A p**... can wash her crack and sell it again....
To Generiquai and everybody reading this, I would just like you to know I obviously didn't make this up. Just remembered it from a few years back and thought it was funny. Whoever made it up I give you all the credit.
Thanks for checking it out!
Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common?
Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
Whats better than roses on a piano?
tulips on an o**......
Whats the best thing about dating a girl into z**...?
Your best friend gets laid too.
Whats the difference between a b**... slavegirl, and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops s**... if you slap it.
Whats a similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?
They both smell it, but they can't eat it.
Whats the best part about a dead h**...
The second hour is free
Whats the difference between a t**... training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know I just fly the drone.
Whats the difference between a porsche and an e**...?
I dont have a porsche.
(Best told by whispering in someones ear.)
Geography class
-Whats the capital of Germany?
-Berlin teacher
-Whats the capital of France?
-Berlin again teacher
-Whats the capital of Poland?
-Still Berlin teacher
-Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography!
-We'll see about that
A boy is in the shower with his mum.
The boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yeah," says the boy, "The babysitters got one too, she likes to wash dad's face with it!
A little boy asks his dad
Boy: whats between moms legs?
father: paradise
Boy: whats between your legs?
Father: the key to the paradise
Boy: piece of advice dad, change the lock, the neighbor has a copy.
Dad: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)
Wife calls her scientist husband...
"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."
"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"
"Whats that?"
"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."
My favourite joke ever
So a woman is in the hospital, having just given birth to twins. The midwife appears at her side and gravely says that she has some good news and some bad news. The woman asks for her to get the bad news out of the way. "Well," the midwife says, "unfortunately one of the children is ginger".
The Mother laughs and says, "Well then, whats the good news?"
"Its dead", the midwife says.
Whats the difference between a seatbelt and a c**...?
One of them prevents lives being **lost** in an accident and the other prevents lives being **made** in an accident.
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark?
Period.
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Six year old Kid looking at Mom's ID card...
s**... - F
He laughs...
Mom : Whats so funny ?
Kid : I can't believe you are
so bad in s**....
You Failed in it!!
A Pakistani boy took...
.... admission in an American school ...
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.
Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
My girlfriend asked me what she should wear...
"a reverse burka" I told her. "Whats that?" she asked. "it's when all you're wearing is a blindfold."
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad.
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.
The man says Oh just a beer .
The bartender asked the man Whats wrong,why are you so down today? .
The man said My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would'nt talk to me for a month .
The bartender said So whats wrong with that ?
The man siad Well the month is up tonight .
How many Valve employees does it take to change a light-bulb?
Two. Two to hold a ladder and one to screw it in.
Whats that? Three you say? They can't count that high.
A gay man was reading a holiday brochure then he tells his partner...
"this year we should try Greece"
his partner looks up n asks him "whats wrong with the Vaseline?
Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson ?
Neil Armstrong walked ON the Moon and Michael Jackson had s**... with kids.
Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it
A young boy is bathing with his mother
Boy says, Whats that hairy thing mom?
Mom replies, That is my sponge.
Oh yes, says the boy, The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it.
Whats worse than running with scissors?
s**... with the runs.
Whats red, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket.
Whats blue, looks like a bucket, shaped like a bucket and holds water?
A red bucket in disguise.
My 8 year old son...the comedian.
Whats the best way to carve a piece of wood?
Whittle by whittle
Whats the most expensive haircut?
***Chemotherapy***
A kid gets out of his bed at night as he can't sleep...
He walks into his parents room and see's them going at it. Visibly shocked, he asks whats going on. His Dad just laughs and says go back to your room I'll come and talk to you in 20 mins .
20 mins later his Dad walks into his room and see's the young lad b**... his grandma. The kid looks up and says 'see, not so funny when it's your mum is it?'
Whats brown and rhyms with Snoop?
Dr Dre
A man walks into a bar looking sad.
The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says Oh just a beer . The bartender asked the man Whats wrong,why are you so down today? . The man said My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would'nt talk to me for a month . The bartender said So whats wrong with that ? The man siad Well the month is up tonight .
Whats you father's occupation?
Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."
Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "that's not even close"
me: "yeah, but it was fast"
911, whats your emergency?
Operator:
Man: A guy just got hit by a car, i need an ambulance.
Operator: What's your location?
Man: I'm on eucalyptus street.
Operator: Can you spell that out for me?
Man: (long awkward pause)
Operator: Sir? Are you there?
Man: I'm gonna drag him over to pine street and call right back.
