Whatcha Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Bury the dead!

One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!!!"

A cowboy is riding across the plain one day,

when he sees an Indian chief laying on the ground with his ear pressed firmly to the earth. Never having seen this before, the cowboy says "Hey chief whatcha doin there." The chief in broken english says "Ugg, buffalo come." The cowboy says "That's amazing chief, how can you tell?" The Chief reply's "Ear sticky."

Duck tape.

An old man is sitting on his front porch when a young boy comes walking by with several rolls of tape in his arms.

"Now son, whatcha doin' with that tape?" asks the old man.

"Well sir, it's duck tape. I'm going to go catch some ducks." replies the boy.

Old man laughs and watches the boy continue down the road.

Several hours later the boy walks back by the old mans house with tape strung out behind him. Stuck to the tape are several ducks.

"I'll be damned," thinks the old man.

The next day the same boy walks back by the old mans house carrying rolls of wire.

"Hey son, what's with the wire?"

"Well sir, it's chicken wire. Imma catch me some chickens."

Kid continues on and returns several hours later dragging the wire behind him. Stuck in the wire were several chickens.

"Kid is something else," thinks the old man.

Next day kid comes walking up the road carrying a bundle of sticks.

"Hey son, what's with the sticks?"
"Well sir, it's pussywillow..."
Old man interrupts, "Hold on, I'll get my hat."

A turtle is sitting on the side of the road.

A turtle is sitting on the side of the road when a chicken hops up to him.
"Whatcha doin?" asks the chicken.
"My buddy's on the other side there, flipped on his back by some hooligans, and I'm waiting for a big enough break in traffic so I can get over there and help him."
"Why, I'd be happy to do that for you," replies the chicken.
"Why would you do such a nice thing for me?"
The chicken is deep in thought for a while and finally says, "I have absolutely no idea."

I got slapped at the club the other day

I went dancing at a local club, hoping to get a little action since it's been a while. I met this gorgeous girl and asked her to dance, a little emboldened by the alcohol. After the first song with her body so close to mine, she leans in and says "You smell good! Whatcha got on?"

I said, "Well, I have a hard-on but I didn't know you could smell it."

A man goes to audition for the circus

A man goes to audition for the circus. The ringmaster says, "Okay, whatcha got?"

The man climbs up the acrobat's mast and dives straight down, 50 feet and picking up speed. Just as he's about to crash, he spreads his arms, lifts his head and *SWOOSH!* pulls up and zooms over the ringmaster's head. He continues flying around the tent, swooping low and somersalting mid-air before gracefully coming to a stop on the trapeze tightrope.

"Well, what do you think?" he asks.

The ringmaster replies, "That's all you got? *Bird imitations?!*"

Olie walks into the diner and sits down next to Sven at the counter, a huge grin on his face...

Sven says, "Hey, Olie! Whatcha grinnin' about?"

Olie says, "I had a very nice date with Leena last night."

"Oh? Do tell!"

"Well, she picked me up in that new pick-up of hers and we went for a drive through the woods. After a spell, she pulled off the main road down this little path and stopped. She got out of the truck without turning it off and walked in front of it, where she started to take all of her clothes off! Finally, buck naked in the headlights, she yells, 'Take what you will, Olie!' So I took the truck and left."

"That's mighty smart of you, Olie. Those clothes would've never fit you."

An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.

The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American redneck trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"

The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is marijuana a vegetable?'"

A man leaned sadly against a wall.

His friend came up to him.

Friend: "Hey, whatcha doing?"

Man: "Practicing being rejected."

Friend: "By yourself?"

Man: "I asked a girl if she could help me, and she said no!"

"97" "97" "97"

Little Johnny was jumping up and down saying "97" "97" "97" on a manhole cover at the corner
of his street

When a little black boy walked up and said "whatcha doin'"

Little Johnny replied "This is the best fun I have ever had" as he continues to jump saying
"97" "97" "97"

The little black boy asks "can I try?"

Little Johnny answered "okay just once"

The little black boy then gets on the manhole cover and starts jumping, and saying "97" "97" "97"

After a couple of minutes little Johnny pulls the manhole cover off, and the little black boy falls into the hole, little Johnny then immediately recovered the manhole.

He then started jumping on the manhole saying "98" "98" "98".

Rabinowitz: Whatcha reading?

Rabinowitz: Whatcha reading?
Topper: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper: Its not all I hoped for.

Hot Shots Part Deux.

Best joke in the movie.

Hot and Cold

An old man goes into a shop one day to look around. He goes to the counter and sees an item up on shelf he's never seen before. He's asks the girl who's running the cash register, "What's that new item there on the shelf?"

"It's a thermos," she said. "It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold."

"I'll take one to try then!" The old man says.

The next day, the old man brings the thermos to work, and his buddy comes up to him and asks, "Whatcha got there?"

The old man responds, "It's a thermos."

"Well, what does it do?"

"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold," the old man chimes back.

Finally, his friend asks, "So, what do you have in there?"

"Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle."

Whatcha call a bunch of special ed kids on pot brownies?

High rollers

What are the funniest whatcha jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Whatcha? Well, here are the best Whatcha puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Whatcha pick up lines to share with friends.


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