The Best 88 What Time Is It Jokes

Following is our collection of funny What Time Is It jokes. There are some what time is it asks jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these what time is it shot puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest What Time Is It Jokes and Puns

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.

I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"

What Time Is It joke, If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...

Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?


My attractive female neighbor is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

What Time Is It joke, I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Don't know why this got removed the first time. I'll try again. When is it OK to have sex with your cousin?

[Twice removed]

Wife was breastfeeding

Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in

Me: yeah he is really milking it

My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him

As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him

I can count on one hand how many times I have been to Chernobyl.

It's 14.

You can explore what time is it whatcha reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean what time is it bartender dad jokes. There are also what time is it puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."



He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

Harry Potter has way too many characters...

Even J.K. Rowling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.

6:30 is the best time on a clock

hands down

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

What Time Is It joke, Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

My marriage is over.

I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.

I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.


The first time I had sex, it was in my parent's bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, This is a bit awkward.


I grunted, Just ignore them.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

The new father

A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.

"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."

"Dad you dont mea-"

"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.

"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."

"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."

Why are gay men so well dressed?

They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand

It's seven

Cheer up Hilary!

At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.

She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.

However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"

Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."

I thought of having a threesome

But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents

People compare Trump and hitler all the time, but there is one major difference.

Hitler was good at making speeches

Every "yo momma" joke has been done thousands of times, by thousands of different people.

Kinda like yo momma.

A girl walks into a dry cleaner

She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."

My priest is surprisingly homophobic...

...for a man who spends his nights on his knees, begging for another man to come for a second time.

TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

With the rise of self-driving vehicles...

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too

4th of July,

The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.

Why is Japan the healthiest country in the world?

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died

i went to the liquor store on my bike.

i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home

apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry

I keep getting hit by the same bike, at the same time and place, day after day...

It's a vicious cycle.

My girlfriend and I broke up today

Her: "I just need time."

Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."

Her: "And distance, as well."

Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"

Her: "Go ahead."

Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is all the time?

A widow.

My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house.

And I answered, because of the decepticons!

She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.

It was a good time.

-
-

Made love to my wife for an hour and four minutes tonight

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time!

If I had a dollar for every time I had an existential crisis

Would it even matter?

My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant...

...I can't pull anything out in time!

You've heard of alphabet soup. Now get ready for

Times new ramen

Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time?

Because the sign says no trespassing.

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?

The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.

Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ stands for...

I can never get a straight answer.

What do you call a masturbating Vegan?

A WeedWhacker (sorry if it's awful first time on this sub)

As a person who has owned over 50 dogs in their life there are 2 thing I've learnt...

1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.

2.) They LOVE chocolate.

Have you seen the new Exorcist movie?

This time it's the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.

Putin visits Estonia

Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".



"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".



"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".ο»Ώ

Today is the last time I will see my 80 year old grandpa

Because tomorrow he turns 81!

A woman tells her doctor, "Kiss me!"

The doctor says, "What? Why would I do something like that?"
The woman says again, "Kiss me now!"
The doctor replies, "Certainly not!"
The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!"
The doctor answers, "No! It's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having sex right now!"

Hooker: $10 on grass, $30 on sofa, $50 in bed Man: I'll pay $50

Hooker: You're a man of class :)

Man: Class my ass, I want it five times on grass

A man goes to see a sex therapist

"My problem is that my neighbor says he can do it six times a night, but I can do barely three"

"Please open your mouth," the therapist says.

The man, now confused, opens his mouth, and the doctor inspects it carefully.

"I see nothing wrong here, so you should be able to lie just like your neighbor."

An old man is selling watermelons...

His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10

A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon.
"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.

The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.

As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."

The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"

"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"

The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.

"Nah, the steaks are too high"

Did you know Vegetarian is a Native American word?

It means Lousy Hunter

I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I'd share.

My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time

So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.

The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the hell have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'

Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"

The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."

So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"

"What drugs?"

What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?

College

I don't think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds

Because every time I take them she goes away

I haven't had sex since 1956

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."

A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak.

So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.

A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house's private study

Maid: "I'd like a raise."

Mrs. Smith:"Why do you think you deserve a raise?

Maid:"Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"Your husband. Second, I clean better than you."

Mrs. Smith:"Who told you that?"

Maid:"YourΒ husband.Third, I'm better in bed than you are."

Mrs. Smith:"I suppose my husband said that too?"

Maid:"No, the gardener."

Mrs. Smith:"How much do you want?"

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from of Seaworld

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accused me of wanting to be favored and promoted over my fellow workers."

Then they turn to the one who asked the question: "How about you, then?"

"Well, I arrived at the factory right on time, and so they accused me of having a watch from the West."

During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.

He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:

- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,

- Doesn't need heating,

But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:

- Has great packaging.

I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake?

Can we ban "yo momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times

Just like yo mamma

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I'm not actually a dad

I'm a faux pa.

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."

Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"

Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"

My wife said to me If I ever get

Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me"

I said "Thats the fifth time you've said that today"

Viruses mutate over time, take Covid for example...

It started as a pandemic, and now it's become an IQ test.

I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country

but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel

Why does Indiana Jones have such a hard time getting a girlfriend?

Bad dates.

Life of a taxi driver

3 drunk guys entered a taxi. the driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine,turn it off again and said "We reached your destination" The first guy gave him money,the second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too,while the third guy slapped the taxi driver,the driver was shocked thinking the third guy knew what he did,the driver asked "What was that for?" the third guy replied "Control your speed next time, you've nearly killed us!"

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?

Why should it? answered her spouse. I keep telling them it's for you.

Guys We gotta stop giving fat people such a hard time

They got enough on their plate as it is.

You think the Omicron variant is bad?

Because the next one will be 3.14 times worse.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the what time is it sees jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working what time is it free piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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