The Best 86 What My Blonde Friend Did Jokes

Following is our collection of funny What My Blonde Friend Did jokes. There are some what my blonde friend did boss jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these what my blonde friend did friends puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest What My Blonde Friend Did Jokes and Puns

Q: Why do blondes leave empty beer cans in their refrigerator?
A: For their friends that don't drink.

3 women were on a island, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.

They find a magic lamp which a genie pops out of. He grants them all one wish. The red head wishes that a boat would come and get her. Soon after a boat appears and she is saved. The brunette wishes that a plane will come to get her. Soon after a plane appears and she is saved. The blonde starts to get bored and says "I wish my friends were here!"

Me: If a blonde girl and brunette girl jumped off a cliff at the same time, who would hit the ground first?

Friend: I don't know, who?

Me: The brunnete, the blonde had to ask for directions.

What My Blonde Friend Did joke

Doctor: "Yes, what is it I can do for you?"

Blond: "Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body’s blood would go into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn’t anyone say that all the blood would go into the legs?"

Doctor: "The fact’s your legs are not that hollow as your head is."

Mike: "Hey Joe. My girl friend always gets offended whenever I tell her jokes about bald people."

Joe: "Is your girl friend bald?"

Mike: "No. She"s a blonde."


What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini? You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.

We all have one ginger friend that claims to be "strawberry blonde".

What My Blonde Friend Did joke

Two blondes at the movie:" Pst, the guy next to me is masturbating!"says one

"just ignore him" answers her friend.
"But I can't ! He's using my hand!"replies the first blonde

A blonde girl is eating an ice-cream

Her friend tells her : "You have ice-cream on your cheek".
The blonde girl starts to rub her left cheek. "No the other way".
She puts a finger in her mouth and rubs. "Hij it gonhe ?"

(sorry, it's more a visual joke)

KKK Pastor

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

Happy Birthday Henry

Old widower Henry is celebrating his 80th birthday in the retirement home, and his friends decide to hire a hooker to entertain him. So early that evening, a beautiful blond shows up at his door, and says "HI, I'm Susie, and I'm here to give you super sex."

Henry looks her over, thinks for a minute, and says "Eh, I'll take the soup."

You can explore what my blonde friend did ladies reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean what my blonde friend did how dad jokes. There are also what my blonde friend did puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


two blondes and a mirror

two blondes are walking along together when one of the pulls out her make up mirror, looking in to the mirror she says

"oh there is a face in there, wow that face looks familiar, where do I know that face from?"

Her friend grabs the mirror from her, has a long look and replies

"you idiot, that's me!"

A blonde and her friend...

Are recently hired putting up siding on a house. They're working on opposite sides so the first one goes to check on the second. She watches as she pulls a nail from her bag, lookas at it, and throws it away. She hollers up and asks what that was about. The second blonde says some of the nails are defective. The point is facing the wrong way so she throws those out. The first blonde says, " You idiot! They aren't defective, they're for the other side of the house "

A blonde

Is at her friend's house when the kitchen catches on fire, so she calls 911. "My friend's house is on fire!" she tells the operator. The operator asks for the address but she can't remember. The operator thinks for a moment then says, "Well, we are located in the center of town, how do we get to there?" The blonde replies, " Duh! A big red truck."

Three blondes stuck on a desert island.

When they find a magic lamp, after a quick rub out pops a genie.
"I shall grant you three wishes" he states.
The first blonde wished to be on a giant cruise ship.
With a click, she was gone.
The second blonde wished she was in a casino with millions to play with.
Click! She vanished.
The third blonde looked upset.
"Whats the matter" asked the genie.
"I dont want to be alone on this island, i wish my friends were back"

A Blond a red head and a brunette are stuck on an island

A magic lamp washes up and they rub it and a genie comes out, he says I will give you all one wish each. The brunette wishes to be home, the red head wishes to be with her family, the blond starts crying the genie asks why and she says "I wish for my friends back!"

What My Blonde Friend Did joke, A Blond a red head and a brunette are stuck on an island

The lady heard that her blonde friend...

...was in the hospital, so she paid her a visit. She found her sitting up in bed with both ears heavily bandaged.

"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.

"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing some clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I picked up the iron, pressed it to my ear, and said 'Hello'?"

"How awful! But... what happened to your other ear?"

"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"

A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.

The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"

The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"

The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"

A seashell tattoo

A blonde is showing off her tattoo, a seashell, on the inside of her thigh. When a friend asks why she had the tattoo placed there, she answers: "When you put your ear against it, you can smell the sea!"


Dog names

A guy asked his blonde friend, What are the names of your dogs?

The she responded that one was named Rolex and the other Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Helloooooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."

So a Blonde is sitting with her Blonde friend at the bar...

...and says to her friend "I slept with a brazilian last night."
"That's **terrible!**" her friend says. "How much is a brazilian?

A brunette and a blonde are stranded on an island.

Suddenly, a magical genie appears to them. He says, "You girls have stumbled upon an unfortunate fate. Therefore, I will grant you each one wish."

The brunette says, "I wish I were home with my family!"

"So it is done," the genie says, and the girl is poofed home.

The blonde looks over to where her friend had just been standing and says, "Aw man, I wish she hadn't left me here."

So I was talking to my blond friend

I was telling her that I was named after a character from a tv show.
She replied: "What was their name?".

My friend from Turkey had never heard a blonde joke. This was his attempt at telling one.

A blonde walks into a bar and sits down next to an Englishman, Irishman, and German. They turn to her and say, "Are you new here?"

I was visiting my blonde friend, who just adopted two new dogs...

I asked her what their names were.
She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. I asked why she would ever name her dogs that. She answered "I needed some watch dogs"

Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed?

Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California, in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese....Something.... with-er... um...with-uh... ..ummm...

Friend: Witherspoon?

Me: No. With a knife.

A blond chick gets a new tattoo...

So later at the bar with her friends she hikes up her skirt to show off a conch shell tattooed high on her inner thigh, near her snootch.

One of her friends asks, "Why did you get it so on your thigh?"

"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."

Canine Names

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" the second blonde responded. "They're watch dogs!"

I read this joke in a 1974 Playboy magazine today.

An elderly man died and went to purgatory. There he ran into a friend his age, who is accompanied by a luscious young blonde. "I'm happy for you, Steve", said the new arrival. "At least you're getting a partial reward in this place while you expiate your sins."
"She isn't my reward", sighed Steve, "I'm her punishment!"

A blonde said to her friend while driving

I got a compliment on my driving today, said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said parking fine .

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."

Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a deepthroat professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"

The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.

The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."

"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"

"The peeling."

A blonde is about to solve a crossword...

... but still misses some answers.

She asks for a help her best friend,

"Jane, could you help me solving this pls. - the clue says 'Feminine intercourse part' - with 4 letters.."

"Across or down?" asks her friend.

"It's across"

"Then it should be lips"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead lost in the desert...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Genie Lamp

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

I told my blond friend, that they have higher risk of cancer.

The next day she colored her hair black.
courtesy: Choke by Chuck palahniuk

A blonde buys a thermos

She brings it to work and shows it off to all of her friends.

friend: "What does it do?"

blonde: "It keeps warm this warm and cold things cold."

friend: "What do you have in it right now?"

blonde: "A cup of coffee and two popsicle!"

A blonde tells her friend

"I completed a jigsaw puzzle in record time!"

"No way! How long did it take you?" Replied her friend

"6 months"

"That cannot be a record time!'

" Well the box said from 1 to 3 years"

Sorry for bad English, original was in Spanish

A blonde was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriends dandruff problem...

The redhead says "why don't you give him head and shoulders."

The blonde replies "how do you give shoulders?"

Three girls are stuck on an island

They find a lamp and a genie comes out of it. He grants them each one wish. The brunette girl wishes to go home and see her family. *poof* shes gone. The redhead wishes also go go home to see her family. *poof* shes gone. The genie comes to the blonde girl and sees that shes crying. He asks "why are you crying?". She responds "I wish my friends were back".

A blonde is at work and asks...

A blonde is at work and asks her friend what her new thermos is.

She replies "It is to keep hot things hot and cold things cold".

The next day the blonde comes into work with a new thermos.

Her friend asks what is in it and she replies "Ice cream and soup".

Why can't a blonde dial 911

She can't find the eleven.

Not sure if someone already posted this joke but a friend told me so I had to post it.

A guy walked into his friend's office

, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.

"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."

"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?"

"Neither, He's bald."

The Blonde and the Blinker

Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital

She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears.

"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.

"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'hello?'"

"But what happened to your other ear?"

"I had to call the ambulance, didn't I?"

I asked my blonde friend who she voted for.

She said, "I voted for Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

I said, "Why on earth would you do that?"

"On the ballot," she replied, "it said 'Vote Both Sides'"

Blondes..

My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon he noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen.

After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot.

Finally, he approached her and asked if she needed help.

She replied, "It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!

A blonde and her friend were standing on the street talking..

The blonde's friend sees her boyfriend coming out of a flower shop with a big bunch of flowers and says, "Oh yeah, I suppose he expects me to spend the whole night on my back with my legs in the air now!"

The blonde says, "Why, do you not own a vase?"

"Hey, you know where there's a theater around here?"

The man responds "Yeah, just around the corner and a block down. You plan on seeing a performance?"

The blonde answers "Yep, a friend told me about a comedic play called 'Puns', apparently is based around words, whatever that means."

"Wait, what exactly did your friend tell you?"

"That he really likes 'Puns': a funny play on words"

Three blonde women stumble across some tracks...

The first one spots them in a large clearing and beckons her friends over. "Look! I think I've found some deer tracks!"

The second woman snorts. "Nonsense," she exclaims, "those look like bear tracks to me."

"Well they can't be both," says the third blonde impatiently. "So what kind of tracks are they?"

And then the train hits them.

A guy and a blonde were driving down the road.

The blonde asks her friend to see if the car's blinker is working. So the guy looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

A man asks a blonde how many apples

can she eat on an empty stomach. The blonde replies "Four".

The man says, "No, you can only eat one. After that your stomach is not empty". The blonde gets excited and plans to ask the same question to her friend.

Blonde: How many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Friend: Five.

Blonde: Aww shucks. It would have been so much fun if you had said four.

Blonde: My husbands dandruff is getting out of control!

Friend: Why don't you give him head and shoulders?

Blonde: How do you give shoulders?

I recently told my blonde friend that my grandfather kicked the bucket the other day.

She asked, "Is his foot okay?"

Blonde's

An evil genie captured a blonde and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing.

The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst.

The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off.

The blonde brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window!

A blonde gets a tattoo...

...On her inner thigh of a conch shell.

Friend: Why did you get a conch shell tattoo on your inner thigh?

Blonde: So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean.

I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s....

My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."

Two blondes solving a crossword

Two blondes are spending some time together, the one is watching TV while the other struggles with one particular crossword question for some time now...
After a while she decides to ask her friend for help..
- Do you know the answer to the clue "Female sex organ"?
-- Hmmmm. Horizontally or vertically?
- Horizontally
-- Oh yes! "Mouth"

A blonde does an IQ test

Her friend asks her how it went. " Don't worry, it came out negative"-she replies

Some friends and I were making some blond jokes, until my daughter arrived.

She said Daddy, I cant believe you. You know those are all stereo systems.

Two blondes [NSFW]

One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."

The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."

So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."

Two blondes trying to light a match

After few failed attempts, the first one turned to her friend and said: maybe this match is defective
to which the first one replied: it was just working before you came

Florida and the Moon

Two Blondes living in New York are stargazing.
One looks to the other and asks "Which do you think is farther, Florida or the Moon?"
Her friend responds "You can't see Florida from here, duh."

"Thank god I lost my horse!", shouted a blonde.

Surprised, her friend asks "Why are you so happy about it?".
"Well" says the blonde "If I was riding it, I would have been lost too!"

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on a desert island. One day a bottle washes up and of course there is a genie in it who pops out and grants them one wish each.

The brunette says " that's easy - I wish to go home" and POOF her wish was granted.

The redhead is next and says "I wish I was at home" and POOF her wish is granted.

The genie looks at the blond and she says "I can't decide... I wish my friends were here to help me..."

A brunette and a blonde visit a motel

Before they go in, brunette warns her friend "Don't fill in your own address. Pick some European country. They won't know the difference.".

In the form brunette states her country of origin as "Hungary" while the blonde, trying to remain inconspicuous, writes "Thirsty".

Who killed Abraham Lincoln?

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....

Officer: What's 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

Two guys walk into a bar...

They look around, and see that at one table, there's a rabbi, a priest, and an imman. At another there's an Irishman, a Scottsman, and a Brit. At a third there's a blonde, a brunette, and a readhead. Up at the bar, sits a dog with a bandaged paw.

Guy looks to his friend and says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'

A blonde calls her friend...

"Get here NOW! I made such a discovery!"

A friend comes over.

"Look!", blonde says, and turns off the light.

"Well, it's dark..."

"Do you know where light went?"

"Um... No...?"

Blonde marches her friend to a refrigerator through the darkened apartment. Pulls the door open.

"Here!"

A blonde was going for a driving test for her license but was nervous as she'd failed 8 times before. After talking with her blonde friends they came up with a sure-fire plan. She was to pick a man as the driving instructor, and to use sex as a bargaining tactic in exchange for passing her

She came back disappointed though, she failed.
What happened? her friends asked.
When I was sucking him off, I crashed

Why did my blond friend got fired from the ''M&M'' factory?

Because she threw away every candies labeled ''W''

A blonde, redhead and a brunette

A blonde, redhead and a brunette are lost and have found a magic lamp, and rubbed it. A genie appears and grants them 3 wishes in total.

The redhead wished to be back home.
Poof, she was back home.

The brunette wished to be back with her family.
Poof, she was back with her family.

The blonde said: Wow! I wish my friends were here.

Is your mother home?

**Voice over Phone:** Is your mother home?

**Blonde:** Yes, she is.

**Voice:** Will you call her to the phone, please?

**Blonde:** Okay, but I'll have to go down the street to get her.

**Voice:** I thought you said she was home!

**Blonde:** She is. This is my friend's house. I live down the street!

The blond reared back and clenched his fist

With all his might, he punched the tree, and the force of the impact broke his hand. "Ouch! I thought you said this tree was bouncy!"

His friend face palmed. "No, I said it was a rubber tree."

A blonde was walking down the street with headphones in

A friend of hers stops her, and tries to talk to her

The blonde just stares at them, keeping the headphones in her ears, so the friend removes them for her and the blonde stops breathing

The friend quickly puts the earbuds back in and she starts breathing again

The friend tries it again, and the blonde stops breathing

The friend takes out only one ear bud, and sticks it in their ear and hears,

Breathe in, breathe out, breath in...

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

Sue has lunch with her blonde friend, Mary.

Sue offers to pay because she recently got a whole bunch of money. Mary asks her how, and she says a man hit her with his car so she sued him.

The next day, Mary shows up with a wedding ring on her finger. Sue asks what happened, and she says, "a guy hit me with his car, so I did just what you would have done. I Mary'd him!"

My blonde friend got breast implants

I used to call her " little Connie", now she's just "Silicone"

"Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?" said one blonde to another.

"Oh dear!!" her friend replied, "I hope it's not the 13th?"

A girl was visiting her blonde...

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

A blonde gets a Fitbit for Christmas

Her friend tells her to always try to get to 10,000 steps a day to lose weight.

One night it's 11.30pm and her boyfriend hears footsteps downstairs. He goes down to find her walking around the living room backwards.

"What ARE you doing?" he asks.

"Melanie told me to do 10,000 steps a day - I was on 10,020!"

A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"

"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.

"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."

When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you will not be able to make anything even remotely resembling a rooster."

This makes the blonde furious. "Calm down," says the brunette. "Once you are relaxed, we can start putting the corn flakes back into the box."

The blind date

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm meeting my blind date here tonight," he tells the bartender. "She's the sister of one of my friends. All he told me was that she was blonde and is expecting a baby." "Well," the bartender replies. "That explains why you're sitting here in just a diaper."

A couple of Blondes are out in the woods hunting.......

When one of them falls to the ground and her eyes close. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and calls 911. She gasps to the operator, Help! Help! My friend Holly is dead! What should I do? The operator, in a calm voice, says, Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure she's really dead.


After a brief silence, a shot rings out, then the blonde's voice comes back on the line. OK, now what?

Two blondes are sitting in a room...

The first one picks up a small mirror, looks into it and says :
"Hey ! I know that person !"

The second one takes the mirror from her friend, looks into it herself and says :
"Well DUH... It's me !"

John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.

His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?"

"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."

"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.

"There is no way she could believe you were 40". John shakes his head again.

"So how old did you tell her you were exactly??"

John smiles and says "85".

A blonde visits her brunette friend at her home and finds out that she's sick.

The brunette asks "Could you please call the doctor? I'm too sick to go on the phone."

She does so, and calls a doctor. When the doctor comes and visits, the brunette finds out he is a veterinarian.

Confused, the brunette asks, "Why did you call a veterinarian to come see me?"

And the blonde says, "Well I didn't think his religion would make a difference."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the what my blonde friend did wut jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working what my blonde friend did whys piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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