whale Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious whale stories

What are the best whale puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Whale? Well here is a complete list of the top whale jokes:

Two whales walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what he can get them.

The first whale says "WOOOOOOWWWWWWWOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE WWONNNKKKKKWOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAWOOOOO."

The second whale says "damn it Frank you're already drunk."

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Whales

So, there are two whales swimming around, when they see a boat. The first whale says, "Hey, let's go blow that boat over!" The second whale replies, "Alright, let's go." So the two whales blow the boat over, sending the crew members overboard. Then the first whale gets an idea, "We should go eat those crew members!" The second whale, disgusted, says, "Nah man, I'm always up for the occasional blowjob, but I never swallow the seamen."

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Two whales walk into a bar.

"AAAAOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOAAAAAA, AOUUUUUUAAAA OOOOO," says the first whale.

The second whale replies, "Shut up, Steve, you're drunk."

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Why was the whale lonely after his date?

The other whale didn't humpback.

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Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says "BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH"

The other whale turns to him and says "Dude you are so drunk."

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How to curse like an Irishman

"Whale oil beef hooked!"

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Which whale makes the best sexual partner?

One that will humpback!

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How do you circumcise a whale?

Send down four skin-divers.

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Two whales

Under the ocean there were these two whales. One whale walks up to another and says "OOOoooOOOOooooooOOOoooOooooooooooOOOOoOOoOOoooooohhhhh!"
And the other whale says Steve, dude, you are so drunk.

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Why did Moby Dick join a heavy metal band?

He could really whale.

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Whales in a bar

Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, "OUUHHHHWAHHHHHHH OUHHHHHHH AHHHH" and the second one replies, "Shut up Steve, you're drunk!"

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What's the difference between a blue whale and your mother?

One is the largest known mammal on earth, the other is a blue whale.

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Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

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Have you heard that Eskimos eat whale meat and
blubber?

Well, you'd blubber too if you had to eat whale meat.

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What's the difference between a lesbian and a sperm whale?

Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt.

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How do you circumsize a blue whale?

Four skindivers

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How many people are needed to circumcise a whale?

How many people are needed to circumcise a whale?
foreskin divers

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What do you call a bunch of octupuses and whales going on strike together?

Octopi whale street!

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Did you hear about the gay whale bothering the Navy?

It bit the head off a submarine and sucked all the seamen out...

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How do you circumcise a whale?

Four skin divers

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Skin divers

How many skin divers does it take to circumcise a blue whale

Four

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Two whales walk into a bar...

The first whale says, "ooooOOOOoooooOOoooo!"

The second whale says, "Shut the hell up, Frank, that's the booze talking."

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How many people does it take to circumcise a Whale?

Four Skindivers.

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What did the fisherman say when he reeled in a huge turd?

Whale shit!

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Underwater Walmart

Complaints were made at the Grand Opening of the Underwater Walmart, each customer was enthusiaticly greeted with whale cum.

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Two whales were swimming in an ocean...

They notice a submarine and one of them says:
- Lets flip it over using our rain-blow
- Alright, lets do it

They successfully flip it over and one of them says:
- Lets swallow the sailors

To which the other whale replies:
- Dude, I'm here for the blowjob. Not to swallow the seamen

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Whale joke

How do you circumcise a whale?

You send down four skin divers!

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Two whales are sitting in a bar...

The first turns to the other and says "MMMMMMMRRRRRRRRAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW......HHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUMMMMMM......OOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAA.......MMMWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMMMMM......................WWWWWWWWUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPP..."

The second one says: [Gimme your keys, you're drunk......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................](/spoiler)

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This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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Two whales

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a boat. One whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes, and capsize it."

"Okay," says the other whale.


They proceed to do so and swim back down, laughing all the while.
Then the first whale then says, ''I have an even better idea, now that the fishermen are in the water, why don't we swim back up and eat them?''


The other whale then replies ''No thanks. I'm all for the occasional blow job but I never swallow the seamen."

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A whale walks into a bar and sits down.

Then your mom orders a drink.

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What do you call a sperm whale with one million charges of kidnapping?

A bank robber.

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After decades of study, scientists finally decode whale song.

"Moo. Moo. Moooooooooo. Moo."

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How do you circumcise a whale?

Send down 4 skin divers.

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Two whales were swimming together in the Pacific Ocean...

When they come across a whaling vessel. One whale looks to the other and says "we should swim under it and blow our air out, and hopefully the boat will capsize!" The second whale agrees, thinking that every whaler deserves a fate like that, so they swim under the boat, and exhale as hard as they can. The boat tips over and all the men on board are stranded, floating I the water. The first whale then says "we should eat these sailors so they don't ever even have the chance to hunt another one of us again!" The second whale, with a look of disgust on her face, replies "Look. I went ahead with the blowjob, but there is no WAY you're going to get me to eat the seamen!"

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Two whales were swimming in an ocean...

They notice a submarine and one of them says:
- Lets flip it over using our rain-blow.

The other whale agrees and they successfully flip it over.
One of them says:
- Lets swallow the sailors

To which the other whale replies:
- Dude, I'm here for the **blowjob**, not to swallow the **seamen**

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So two whales are swimming in the ocean...

So two whales are swimming in the ocean when they come upon a small fishing boat. The first whale turns to the second whale and says,
"Hey! We should go tip that boat!"
The second whale agrees so they both swim under one side of the boat and blow out of their blowholes as hard as they can. The boat tips over and all the sailors are dumped into the water. The first whale asks the second,
"You wanna eat those sailors?"
The second whale turns to the first and says,
"How many times do I have to tell you? I don't mind the occasional blowjob but I will never swallow the seamen!"

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Whales

A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...

He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large hump on his back.

She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed hump herself.

Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.

Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.

Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!

He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...

As she swam off she said..."I'll Hump, I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T SWALLOW SEAMEN!

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The crab saw it. (average length)

In the first grades classroom one day, the teacher asks the students:
-*Why* *is* *the* *flounder* *so* *flat* ?
Alan then quickly responds:
-*Because* *he* *had* *sex* *with* *a* *whale*.
The teacher gets mad, and sends Alan straight out of the classroom. The teacher then asks another question:
-*Why* *are* *the* *crabs* *eyes* *so* *big* ?
Alan then opens the door and sneaks his head out into the classroom and says:
-*Because* *he* *saw* *the* *whole* *thing* !

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A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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Slightly Disgusting Sext

Text...Girl: Wanna know what gets me wet? Guy: What ;) Girl: Toilet water when I shit out a small whale.

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A whale of a joke

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

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What did Ahab say when Moby Dick raised his tail?

Whale shit!

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best whale jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 43 puns about whale. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty whale gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these whale jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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