Whale Jokes
177 whale jokes and hilarious whale puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about whale that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the funniest jokes involving whales! From porpoises to sailers, walruses and even the famous killer whale, these jokes are sure to make you laugh.
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Funniest Whale Short Jokes
Short whale jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The whale humour may include short walrus jokes also.
- All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens? An HOA
- The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court The game would be cancelled.
- I took my kids to the aquarium. "If you get really close to the glass maybe the whale will talk to you!" I suggested to my son.
"Grow up," said the woman behind the ticket booth. - They say 'Whale noises' are meant to be calming... but I've been making them for 10 minutes and all the people at Slimming World seem rather angry with me.
- An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..
- Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says "BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH" The other whale turns to him and says "Dude you are so drunk."
- 2 whales 2 whales walk into a bar.
First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
Second whale says: Shut up Steve, you're drunk - The baby blue whale is the 2nd largest baby in the world Right after people who are still complaining about wearing masks.
- I'm going to teach you how to speak Irish in the spirit of diversity. Say, "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly.
Bonus: for Australian say, "Good eye might." - I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster. That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother.
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Whale One Liners
Which whale one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with whale? I can suggest the ones about sea animal and elephant.
- What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? Banned from of Seaworld
- I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
- What do you call a pod of singing killer whales? An orcapella group
- How do you make a whale float? Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a whale.
- How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
- What do you call a band of killer whales? An orcastra
- What do you call a whale that mates excessively? Mom.
- What's a killer whale's favorite pasta? Penguini
- Do you know what pinocchio and your dad have in common? They were both inside a whale.
- Where do whales go to listen to music? The orca-stra
- How to curse like an Irishman "Whale oil beef hooked!"
- Why did the whale cross the road? Because there was a tsunami.
- Knock knock Who's there?
Whale.
Whale who?
Whale you please let me in - What do a group of whales listen to on long journey? Podcasts.
- My son wanted to go whale watching for his birthday. So we sat outside McDonald's.
Killer Whale Jokes
Here is a list of funny killer whale jokes and even better killer whale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together. They call it an orca-stra.
- Killer Whales like classical music so much... That they form Orcastras.
- My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales. But he prefers the term orchestrating
- Have you tried the whale sushi? It's Killer
- My music teacher constructed a piece for heterosexual killer whales. That's something I wouldn't know how to orca straight.
- Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds? He's the one that orca-strated the heist!
- The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks. It was very carefully orca-strated.
- Who's the tidiest of all the sea creatures? Personally I think it's the killer whales. They're the best at orca-nizing
- Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play The orcana
- Have you met my Spanish killer whale? Mallorca?
Beached Whale Jokes
Here is a list of funny beached whale jokes and even better beached whale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the beached whale say to Chris Christie? Well, looks like we both know how to empty a beach, huh?
- What do you call a group of beached whales? A tide pod.
- Three whales fall from the sky. Two hit the beach, then the last lands in the water... BA-DUM PSSHHH
- Why did the beached whale go to the dentist? He had shore teeth
- Whats the largest mammal on land? A beached whale
- A whale washed up on a beach and saw a person eating a burger He sung We are family
Even though your fatter than me - Yesterday at the beach I got burnt by the sun. I wasn't even there 5 minutes before it yelled 'get back in the water you whale'.
- What's the difference between a beached whale and Amy Schumer? One is depressing and people will share horrifying pictures and video all over the internet and the other is a beached whale
- How do you get a whale off a beach? A whale-barrow!
Blue Whale Jokes
Here is a list of funny blue whale jokes and even better blue whale puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between blue whales and green peas? A leprechaun doesn't get offended if you ask him if his whale's blue.
- What's the difference between a blue whale and your mother? One is the largest known mammal on earth, the other is a blue whale.
- whats a blue whale's favorite date night? netflix & krill
- How do you get a blue whale into a subway? Take the 's' out of 'sub' and the 'f' out of 'way'.
- What did the dolphin say to the blue whale? The dolphin said, Cheer up!
- What's the difference between wife and a blue whale? About 10 pounds.
- My spirit animal is the Blue Whale... ...nobody bothers him, doesn't really bother anyone else, eats tons of shrimp everyday and frequents shady massage parlors.
- I'll never play blue whale challenge Because it's so fishy
- Roses are red, the ocean is blue... gee, coincidence...
you're a whale. - Why are Blue Whales so sad? Depression Krills.
Whale Watching Jokes
Here is a list of funny whale watching jokes and even better whale watching puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my marine-biologist friend when is Whale Watching season? He said ," Year round if you sign up for Tinder"
- My little brother is upset I didn't take him whale watching this season. I told him if you really want to go Whale Watching ,sign up for Tinder. ; It's year-round there
- What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common? They both watch whales.
- I used to love going whale watching every Saturday... At least that was until the security guard at Jenny Craig took my binoculars away.
- Whale Watching with the Wife
- My friend went whale watching the other day... I didn't know people were paying to take pictures of my ex.
- I recently went to a cinema so I recently went to a cinema . I was watching a movie and a guy behind me just started whaling !
Then I got hit in the head by a harpoon . - Is Japan looking for you? Cause you're on a whale watch.
- My wife asked me if I would like to go whale watching with her... I told her, I've already started.
- I've always wondered if whales people-watched.
Amusing & Witty Whale Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about whale you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dolphin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make whale pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the gay whale bothering the Navy?
It bit the head off a submarine and s**... all the s**... out...
Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?
They're huge blubbermouths.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a lesbian and a s**... whale?
Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt.
Two whales
Under the ocean there were these two whales. One whale walks up to another and says "OOOoooOOOOooooooOOOoooOooooooooooOOOOoOOoOOoooooohhhhh!"
And the other whale says Steve, dude, you are so drunk.
What do you call a bunch of octupuses and whales going on strike together?
Octopi whale street!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A whale tale
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."
Have you heard that Eskimos eat whale meat and
blubber?
Well, you'd blubber too if you had to eat whale meat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whales
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which whale makes the best s**... partner?
One that will humpback!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many people are needed to circumcise a whale?
How many people are needed to circumcise a whale?
f**... divers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old ugly wife is looking in the mirror...
Listing all the things wrong with her old flabby hairy body while her husband lays on the bed watching an ocean documentary on TV.
"I'm disgusting, aren't I?"
He doesn't respond.
"Hey! Answer me! I look like a whale, don't I!?"
He responds, "No! Absolutely not, you don't look anything like a whale, my dear..."
Before she could get out an "aww thanks", he says "Have you *seen* how stunningly beautiful those creatures are!?!"
Worst Joke Ever
Two whales are sitting in a bar and one whale says "eeeyyoooo eeeeyyy yyeeooo oooyyy ooeeeee" and the other whale says "Shut up Steve, you're drunk."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you circumcise a whale?
Send down four skin-divers
What did the dolphin say when three orcas swam by?
Whale, whale, whale, who do we have here?
Please, this is a cry for help.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of whales.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't they let whales into s**... clubs?
They tend to humpback.
So a pirate walks into a grocery store...
And he asks for blubber. The clerk is amazed to see a pirate and exclaims "Are you *really* a pirate!?"
"Aye, matey."
"Whale: aisle B!" replied the surprised-yet-helpful clerk.
When traveling the coast, a struggling merchant and his wife come accross a giant beached whale with gold coins oozing from its mouth. When his wife asked if they should take the gold for themselves, the merchant replied...
"Midas whale"
The Whale was uneasy.
"I'm afraid Jonah is not satisfied with his accommodations" said the whale.
"What gave you that idea?" queried the octopus.
"Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know why there has been all this hate lately about trophy hunting exotic animals...
As a guy, on a couple of drunken nights I have slayed a few elephants... and a whale.
How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?
Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.
A whale performs a La Roux cover......
"Mmmmmmmmmm.......I'm goin' in for the krill"
I See your 7 year old jokes and I raise my own, What do you get when you cross the ocean with a Train Station?
A Whale Way
Do you like whales?
Cause I thought we could "Humpback" at my place.
Why did the shark go to the doctors?
Because he didn't feel very whale
A whale and a wave make a bet. (Just made this up.)
The whale says to the wave, "I bet I could beat in a race to land." The wave agrees, so the whale takes off. He swims so fast, he drives himself ashore. The wave following behind him says " Hah! Beached ya!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
From where did the s**... whale get it's name?
Ask your grandparents.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A son whale asks his father "Dad, where did I come from?"
"You come from your mother, son."
"Thanks, dad."
"You're whalecum."
If a Hammerhead Shark met a Nail Tail Whale..
Would they..Hit it off?
A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...
Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the killer whale do when the boat came?
Swallowed all the s**...
Two whales walk into a bar....
The first one says: "AOOOOOUUUUUOOOUUUUGGGAAAAUUUOOOOOOOOOOAAAAGOOOOGGGGUUUUUAAAAAAAAA"
The second one says: " Go home steve, your drunk
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the s**... whale have on his front porch?
A whalecum mat.
What did the whale say to the diver?
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooo."
What did the whale say to the marine biologist?
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooo."
What did the whale say to my wife?
"Hey; you should lose weight."
Three whales walk into a bar...
Bartender says whale whale whale!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you h**... a whale,
does it humpback?
The Whale Joke
Two whales are on a road trip, and they decide to stop at a gas station to get some snacks.
So they go into the candy aisle,
And they pass the snickers,
They pass the kitkats
The skittles,
The starburst,
The airheads,
The milky ways,
And finally they see the m&ms.
And one whale says to the other:
Waoaoaooaooaooaoaowwwoaoaw
And the other whale says:
Waoaoaoaoaoaoaaaaooaoaoaawwww
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl are you a whale?
Because we can humpback at my place
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why couldnt the guy hold a conversation with the female transgender marine biologist?
They didn't agree on a lot of things, but a big part of it was he didn't speak whale.
Note: In my defense I don't discriminate except by how I know a person. I have friends on all sides of the NFL hype, s**... rights hype, and abortion debate. But this joke gets laughs among them all.
Why is a whale called a whale?
Because it was the only name awhaleable.
How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend
My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.
So I came home from work, and my roommate had cooked dinner for us. She made whale blubber. She was like "I hope you like whale blubber!" I told her "Well I mean that just sounds terrible!"
She said "You never know, you might be Inuit."
Met a native Alaskan girl the other day. I asked her if all that stuff you see on the nature shows about Alaska is true How they hunt seals and eat whale blubber. She said yeah some ppl do that stuff. I asked her why she didn't
She said she's just not that Inuit.
God asked Jonah what he was doing traveling inside a whale.
"Nineveh business, God "
Whale whale whale...
... if it isn't a pod.
What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags it's tale, the other tags a whale.
Baby Whale
Baby Whale says to Dad Whale, 'Dad where did I come from?'
Dad Whale says, ' You came from me son, I put a seed in Mummy Whale and it grew into you'
Baby Whale says, 'thanks Dad'
Dad Whale says, You're Whalecum.'
What's the difference between a killer whale and a killer dolphin?
One doesn't have to hide the bodies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whales have pretty s**... names, s**... whale, humpback whale...
Your mom
Two whales walk into a bar.
They approach the bartender and the first says "WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHOOAAAAAUAUUUAUAAAAUAAUUUUAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU."
The second whale turns to him and says, "Frank, you're drunk."
*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...
...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a sailor gets on his boat named the SS s**... whale
He notices several people looking at him wondering about the name of his boat. He decides to dispel their confusion and spreads his arms wide then says,
Hey guys! Whalecum!
How long is a while?
A bit shorter than a whale
On vacation this summer my wife took an early morning walk on the beach while the kids and I ate breakfast.
When my wife got back she said there was a beached whale and we needed to see it. My son said "well it's not beached anymore, you're standing right there."
Worst son-burn ever.
How did the beluga respond to their beluga friend asking them to hang out?
Might as whale.
An Irishman, a Mexican, and a whale walk into a bar,
The Irishman says, "give me an Irish whiskey." The bartender gives him one and he sits down to drink it.
The Mexican says, "I'll have tequila." The bartender gives him a tequila and he sits down to drink it.
Then the whale says, "WAAOOAOOOO" because whales don't talk.
A retired policeman decides to get into aquatic mammal identification.
Whale whale whale, what do we have here then?
Have you ever eaten a whale?
It's delicious, but a lot.
How does a whale get around town?
The Mono-whale!
(Written by yours truly at age ten)
What did the whale say after eating the boat?
"This tastes like ship."
Which four words can give you an Irish accent?
Whale
oil
beef
hooked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lion and a tiger make a liger, a whale and dolphin a wolphin, a squid and octopus a scquoctopus. What would a five-year old and a horse be?
Definitely i**....
What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?
Whale of fortune !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had a douchbag whale as a flatmate once...
I had this d**... whale as a flatmate once. He was really messy and never paid rent. Eventually the time came where I thought enough was enough and told him to leave, but, stubborn as he was, that didn't really work at all. So I hatched a plan. Late at night, when he was asleep, I secretly attached some wheels to his belly and pushed him out the door and back into the ocean and this time it worked wheely whale.
