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Whale Jokes

178 whale jokes and hilarious whale puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about whale that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover some of the funniest jokes involving whales! From porpoises to sailers, walruses and even the famous killer whale, these jokes are sure to make you laugh.

Best Short Whale Jokes

Short whale jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The whale humour may include short walrus jokes also.

  1. All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens? An HOA
  2. The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court The game would be cancelled.
  3. I took my kids to the aquarium. "If you get really close to the glass maybe the whale will talk to you!" I suggested to my son.
    "Grow up," said the woman behind the ticket booth.
  4. What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale? Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.
  5. They say 'Whale noises' are meant to be calming... but I've been making them for 10 minutes and all the people at Slimming World seem rather angry with me.
  6. Two whales walk into a bar. "AAAAOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOAAAAAA, AOUUUUUUAAAA OOOOO," says the first whale.
    The second whale replies, "Shut up, Steve, you're drunk."
  7. I approach two fat ladies in england, asking them a question "Excuse me, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
    "It's Wales, you idiot!"
    "Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
  8. Two whales sitting in a bar One says to the other "oooooooaaaaauuuuyyaaaooooouuuiaaaaaoooeeeee"
    The other replies "you're drunk Jeremy"
  9. Two whales are sitting and drinking together at a bar. The first whale says "Eeeeoooooaaaaaaaeeeeeeuuuuuooooooaaaaaauuuuueeeeee" The second whale says
    "Dave, go home. You're drunk."
  10. An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..

Quick Jump To


Whale joke, An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked"


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about whale can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of whale puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Whale One Liners

Which whale one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with whale? I can suggest the ones about sea animal and elephant.

  1. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? Banned from of Seaworld
  2. What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA? You get kicked out of sea world…
  3. I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
  4. What do you call a pod of singing killer whales? An orcapella group
  5. How do you make a whale float? Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a whale.
  6. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
  7. How do you circumcise a whale? Send down four skin-divers
  8. How do you turn a fox into a whale? Marry her.
  9. What do you call a band of killer whales? An orcastra
  10. What do you call a whale that mates excessively? Mom.
  11. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An orca-stra.
  12. What's a killer whale's favorite pasta? Penguini
  13. Do you know what pinocchio and your dad have in common? They were both inside a whale.
  14. Where do whales go to listen to music? The orca-stra
  15. Yo mama's so fat... ...whales harpooned her.

Killer Whale Jokes

Here is a list of funny killer whale jokes and even better killer whale puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together. They call it an orca-stra.
  • Killer Whales like classical music so much... That they form Orcastras.
  • My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales. But he prefers the term orchestrating
  • Have you tried the whale sushi? It's Killer
  • My music teacher constructed a piece for heterosexual killer whales. That's something I wouldn't know how to orca straight.
  • Why did the killer whale go to jail for stealing all the diamonds? He's the one that orca-strated the heist!
  • The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks. It was very carefully orca-strated.
  • Who's the tidiest of all the sea creatures? Personally I think it's the killer whales. They're the best at orca-nizing
  • What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments? An orca-stra.
  • Killer whales are great musicians but there's one instrument they just won't play The orcana

Beached Whale Jokes

Here is a list of funny beached whale jokes and even better beached whale puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the beached whale say to Chris Christie? Well, looks like we both know how to empty a beach, huh?
  • What do you call a group of beached whales? A tide pod.
  • Three whales fall from the sky. Two hit the beach, then the last lands in the water... BA-DUM PSSHHH
  • Why did the beached whale go to the dentist? He had shore teeth
  • Whats the largest mammal on land? A beached whale
  • Yo momma's so fat, when she went to the beach, the whales sang, "We are family!"
  • A whale washed up on a beach and saw a person eating a burger He sung We are family
    Even though your fatter than me
  • Yesterday at the beach I got burnt by the sun. I wasn't even there 5 minutes before it yelled 'get back in the water you whale'.
  • What's the difference between a beached whale and Amy Schumer? One is depressing and people will share horrifying pictures and video all over the internet and the other is a beached whale
  • We are family, even though you're fatter than me Yo momma is so fat that when she went to the beach a whale swam up and sang, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me." -

Blue Whale Jokes

Here is a list of funny blue whale jokes and even better blue whale puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The baby blue whale is the 2nd largest baby in the world Right after people who are still complaining about wearing masks.
  • Do you know why blue whale is called blue whale? Because it wasn't fat enough to be called yo mom!
  • A blue whale is the largest animal that's ever existed It's so big that if it was laid out on a basketball court the game would have to be cancelled.
  • What's the difference between blue whales and green peas? A leprechaun doesn't get offended if you ask him if his whale's blue.
  • What's the difference between a blue whale and your mother? One is the largest known mammal on earth, the other is a blue whale.
  • How do you circumsize a blue whale? Four skindivers
  • whats a blue whale's favorite date night? netflix & krill
  • How do you get a blue whale into a subway? Take the 's' out of 'sub' and the 'f' out of 'way'.
  • What did the dolphin say to the blue whale? The dolphin said, Cheer up!
  • What's the difference between wife and a blue whale? About 10 pounds.

Whale Watching Jokes

Here is a list of funny whale watching jokes and even better whale watching puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My son wanted to go whale watching for his birthday. So we sat outside McDonald's.
  • I asked my marine-biologist friend when is Whale Watching season? He said ," Year round if you sign up for Tinder"
  • My little brother is upset I didn't take him whale watching this season. I told him if you really want to go Whale Watching ,sign up for Tinder. ; It's year-round there
  • What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common? They both watch whales.
  • I used to love going whale watching every Saturday... At least that was until the security guard at Jenny Craig took my binoculars away.
  • Yo momma so fat when she went whale watching the people were watching her.
  • Movie Theater I was in a theater last night watching a very sad movie and all the sudden this guy behind me starts whaling and I get hit in the back of the head with a harpoon
  • Whale Watching with the Wife
  • Violent killer whales really get me off I like to watch tilikum
  • My friend went whale watching the other day... I didn't know people were paying to take pictures of my ex.
Whale joke, My friend went whale watching the other day...

Amusing & Witty Whale Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about whale you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean dolphin jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make whale prank.

Did you hear about the gay whale bothering the Navy?

It bit the head off a submarine and s**... all the s**... out...

Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

What's the difference between a lesbian and a s**... whale?

Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt.

Two whales

Under the ocean there were these two whales. One whale walks up to another and says "OOOoooOOOOooooooOOOoooOooooooooooOOOOoOOoOOoooooohhhhh!"
And the other whale says Steve, dude, you are so drunk.

A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."

How to curse like an Irishman

"Whale oil beef hooked!"

Have you heard that Eskimos eat whale meat and
blubber?

Well, you'd blubber too if you had to eat whale meat.

Whales

A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!

Which whale makes the best s**... partner?

One that will humpback!

How many people are needed to circumcise a whale?

How many people are needed to circumcise a whale?
f**... divers

Two whales are swimming in the ocean. One whale opens his mouth and says "BEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUGAA BOOOOOOUUUUAAAAAAAAEEEOOOOH"

The other whale turns to him and says "Dude you are so drunk."

An old ugly wife is looking in the mirror...

Listing all the things wrong with her old flabby hairy body while her husband lays on the bed watching an ocean documentary on TV.
"I'm disgusting, aren't I?"
He doesn't respond.
"Hey! Answer me! I look like a whale, don't I!?"
He responds, "No! Absolutely not, you don't look anything like a whale, my dear..."
Before she could get out an "aww thanks", he says "Have you *seen* how stunningly beautiful those creatures are!?!"

Worst Joke Ever

Two whales are sitting in a bar and one whale says "eeeyyoooo eeeeyyy yyeeooo oooyyy ooeeeee" and the other whale says "Shut up Steve, you're drunk."

What did one ocean say to the other?

Nothing- they just waved.
Are you shore you get it?
Do you sea what I did there?
I should shell some better puns
But I cant dolphink of any!
And what would be the porpose of that?
When Im having a whale of a time saying these?
Sorry if these jokes are making you crabby.

A couple of whales.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".

Why don't they let whales into s**... clubs?

They tend to humpback.

So a pirate walks into a grocery store...

And he asks for blubber. The clerk is amazed to see a pirate and exclaims "Are you *really* a pirate!?"
"Aye, matey."
"Whale: aisle B!" replied the surprised-yet-helpful clerk.

Why did the whale cross the road?

Because there was a tsunami.

When traveling the coast, a struggling merchant and his wife come accross a giant beached whale with gold coins oozing from its mouth. When his wife asked if they should take the gold for themselves, the merchant replied...

"Midas whale"

The Whale was uneasy.

"I'm afraid Jonah is not satisfied with his accommodations" said the whale.
"What gave you that idea?" queried the octopus.
"Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.

One whale says to the other:

"Wooooohooooooomooooooooooooooooowoooooooooooonooooooooooyooooooooomwooooooooomaaaaaaaaaaadoooooooooooosooooooooooowoooowoooooooogoooooo"
The other whale says: "Shut up Frank, you're drunk."

Two whales walk into a bar...

The first whale says oooOOOOoOooOOoOoooOOOOoOoOOOooooOo
The second whale says: "Karl you're drunk!"

How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?

Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.

I See your 7 year old jokes and I raise my own, What do you get when you cross the ocean with a Train Station?

A Whale Way

Do you like whales?

Cause I thought we could "Humpback" at my place.

And so you came to be.

Two whales are talking. A dad and his boy. The kid asks: Where did I come from? did you make me? - Yes I did! The father said. Wow, that's so cool! Thank You dad! - You're whalecum son.

A whale and a wave make a bet. (Just made this up.)

The whale says to the wave, "I bet I could beat in a race to land." The wave agrees, so the whale takes off. He swims so fast, he drives himself ashore. The wave following behind him says " Hah! Beached ya!"

What's a whales favorite musical group?

An orcastra

How to sound authentically Irish when bewildered, befuddled, confounded, or just generally in a tizzy.

Say this phrase: Whale oil beef hooked.

2 whales

2 whales walk into a bar.
First whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
Second whale says: Shut up Steve, you're drunk

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing! They just WAVED.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you did.
Let MINNOW if you are not getting it.
SHELL I continue??
No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead.
Thanks ladies and gentlefish

A son whale asks his father "Dad, where did I come from?"

"You come from your mother, son."
"Thanks, dad."
"You're whalecum."

If a Hammerhead Shark met a Nail Tail Whale..

Would they..Hit it off?

A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...

Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"

Two whales walk into a bar

The first one goes to the barman and says:
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooOoOooOOoOoooooOOOOOOOoOOooooOoOoOOoOooOoOOoOOooooooooOOOOOOOoOOOoOOo"
The second one turns to the first and says, "shut up Frank, you're drunk."

What did the killer whale do when the boat came?

Swallowed all the s**...

Two whales walk into a bar....

The first one says: "AOOOOOUUUUUOOOUUUUGGGAAAAUUUOOOOOOOOOOAAAAGOOOOGGGGUUUUUAAAAAAAAA"
The second one says: " Go home steve, your drunk

What did the s**... whale have on his front porch?

A whalecum mat.

Three whales walk into a bar...

Bartender says whale whale whale!

If you h**... a whale,

does it humpback?

Two whales walk into a bar. One goes 'eeeeoouuwwwwweewew!'

The other goes 'Fred, you're drunk.'

The Whale Joke

Two whales are on a road trip, and they decide to stop at a gas station to get some snacks.
So they go into the candy aisle,

And they pass the snickers,
They pass the kitkats
The skittles,
The starburst,
The airheads,
The milky ways,
And finally they see the m&ms.
And one whale says to the other:
Waoaoaooaooaooaoaowwwoaoaw
And the other whale says:
Waoaoaoaoaoaoaaaaooaoaoaawwww

A joke from my 8 year old cousin

How do you put a whale in a car?
You can't you idiot!

Why did the whale cross the ocean?

To get to the other tide.

How NOT to cheer up your overweight girlfriend

My girlfriend was sad one day, and exclaimed "I look like a huge whale".
Being the compassionate caring man that I am, I said "no you don't, you're more like a medium-sized seal".
To my surprise she was not amused, or comforted.

Two whales drinking in a bar

One turns to the other and says "Yewwwwwoooooooooooowwwwwahhhhhmmmmmmm". The other whale says "Geez Bob, you sure are hammered".

Two whales are in a bar

One whale says too the other "waoooaoooooooaoooowuooooooooooooooowaooooooouooooooooooooooooowaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooowooooooooooaoaooaoooooooooooouoooooooooooooooooooowoowoooooooooooooooaoaooooooowuaoooooooooooowu."
Then the second whale says
"Go home Steve you're drunk."

Met a native Alaskan girl the other day. I asked her if all that stuff you see on the nature shows about Alaska is true How they hunt seals and eat whale blubber. She said yeah some ppl do that stuff. I asked her why she didn't

She said she's just not that Inuit.

God asked Jonah what he was doing traveling inside a whale.

"Nineveh business, God "

Baby Whale

Baby Whale says to Dad Whale, 'Dad where did I come from?'
Dad Whale says, ' You came from me son, I put a seed in Mummy Whale and it grew into you'
Baby Whale says, 'thanks Dad'
Dad Whale says, You're Whalecum.'

Whales have pretty s**... names, s**... whale, humpback whale...

Your mom

Two whales walk into a bar.

They approach the bartender and the first says "WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHOOAAAAAUAUUUAUAAAAUAAUUUUAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU."
The second whale turns to him and says, "Frank, you're drunk."

*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...

...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

There were two whales at a bar.

The first whale says to the second (make whale noises until everyone is a little uncomfortable).
Then the second whale says back to the first (inhale sharply), "Go home Frank. You're drunk."

On vacation this summer my wife took an early morning walk on the beach while the kids and I ate breakfast.

When my wife got back she said there was a beached whale and we needed to see it. My son said "well it's not beached anymore, you're standing right there."
Worst son-burn ever.

How did the beluga respond to their beluga friend asking them to hang out?

Might as whale.

Have you ever eaten a whale?

It's delicious, but a lot.

What did the whale say after eating the boat?

"This tastes like ship."

A lion and a tiger make a liger, a whale and dolphin a wolphin, a squid and octopus a scquoctopus. What would a five-year old and a horse be?

Definitely i**....

What's an Irishmans favourite saying?

Whale oil beef hooked

Two Whales are sitting at a bar

The first whale says "WOOOOOOWWWWWWWOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEE WWOWOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAWOOOOO."
The second whale says "Go home Steve your Drunk".

."

Whale meat again joke

Eskimo restaurant
I went to an Eskimo restaurant and asked the waiter about the specials.
He said: 'We've got whale meat, or whale meat, or whale meat... Or we've got the Vera Lynn.'
I said 'What's the Vera Lynn?'
He said 'Whale meat again.....'

Whale joke, Whale meat again joke

jokes about whale

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these whale jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.