Wet Jokes
171 wet jokes and hilarious wet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A wet joke is a joke that is designed to make the audience laugh by making them feel uncomfortable.
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Funniest Wet Short Jokes
Short wet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wet humour may include short soggy jokes also.
- I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1 - How is hurricane Florence like my ex wife? They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.
- Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle. Coconut.
- My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants? Because he took a leek!
(Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave) - I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.
- "Give it to me! Give it to me now, I'm so f*cking wet!" She could scream all she wanted, I was not giving her the umbrella.
- Mars and NASA Mars: Come over
NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away
Mars: I'm wet
NASA: I'm coming over - My girlfriend told me, "I need it! I'm so wet! Give it to me, now!" I told her she can scream all she wants, she's not getting my umbrella
- I lent a girl an unbrella today Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
- My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash. "Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."
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Wet One Liners
Which wet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wet? I can suggest the ones about make her wet and is water wet.
- I like my women like I like my snow Heavy & wet
- What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.
- Mars: I'm wet... NASA: I'm coming!
- Today I learned that "Wet Floor" signs… …are not a request…
- What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet? Gum
- What do you call a wet baby owl? A moist owlette.
- Why was Billy Joel's laundry still wet? Because he didn't start the dryer
- Why was the student's report card wet? Because his grades were below C-level.
- Vaginas are like the weather If its wet, its time to go inside.
- Was kicked out of Walmart today. When I walked in I saw a "Wet Floor" sign. So I did.
- Why i love redheads? Because if roof is rusty it's always wet in basement.
- What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella? Wet.
Source: me, now. - Why is the bathroom floor always wet on the Starkiller base. Stormtroopers always miss.
- What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
- What did the overly excited gardener do when spring arrived? He wet his plants.
Make Her Wet Jokes
Here is a list of funny make her wet jokes and even better make her wet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Four facts about women that prove they can do miracles. 1. They can get wet without taking a shower.
2. Bleed without being hurt.
3. Producing milk without eating grass.
4. Making boneless meat hard. - I lent a girl an umbrella that makes the people I've made wet this year -1
- I gave a girl my umbrella today That makes the number of girls I've made wet -1
- I borrowed my umbrella to a girl That makes the number of girls I got wet this year equal to -1.
- What did the water vapor say when the cloud told it to make the grass wet? "Don't tell me what to dew."
- What do you call a lotion that makes your eyes wet Moist-your-eyes
- If you're a hydrophiliac... Does that mean water makes you wet?
- A Hot Romance While watching a romantic movie, my wife leans over and whispers in my ear "I want you to make me sweaty and wet." So I shut off the fan.
- Women Are Magic The can get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard!
- Getting wet in the rain makes me sad... I had to run fast. I'd either escape the storm in time or cry drying.
Wet Dry Jokes
Here is a list of funny wet dry jokes and even better wet dry puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I know I'm getting old because... I'm having dry dreams and wet farts
- The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips... So I got kicked out of KFC.
- What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet? Chewing gum.
- FINALLY! BLONDE MEN JOKES: A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers "Yes but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair and I just wet mine."
- What becomes more wet the more it dries? Me after doing the dishes. I love cleaning.
- What does 100% humidity mean? Even dry farts feel like wet farts.
- What is pink , goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet ? Bubble gum.
- You know you are getting old
When you have dry dreams and wet farts! - What goes in head first and dry and then comes out wet and smelling like a fish? A scuba diver.
- What's dry and hard when it goes in But wet and floppy when it comes out?
A Tea Bag!
Wet Floor Jokes
Here is a list of funny wet floor jokes and even better wet floor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Janis Joplin say when somebody stole her wet floor sign? Take it. Take another little piso mojado, baby.
- Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the "Caution Wet Floor" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle.
- I tripped on a "slippery when wet" sign today. I was floored by the irony.
- I was mopping and my boss asked why the floors were all covered in water "Just gettin' her wet first. You know, a little floor-play"
- There was a tornado, so I tossed a 'Wet Floor' sign out the front door. Talk about throwing caution to the wind!
- I like my women like I like my water Wet and slippery on the floor.
- So, putting a "caution wet floor" sign down before delivering my best pick up line is frowned upon....
- A cop tells his sergeant, "Wow, a woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped" "Oh, so you have arrested her then?" The sergeant asked.
"No, not yet. The floor is still wet." - Q: Why did the blonde pee on the ground?
A: Because she saw a sign that said 'Wet Floor.' - Yo' Mama is so s**..., she saw a "Wet Floor" sign and did what it said.
Wet Weather Jokes
Here is a list of funny wet weather jokes and even better wet weather puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do women and the weather have in common? When it's wet, you should go inside.
-
A boy goes on holiday to Mexico and texts his mate saying "Weather out here is just like your mother, 36 and hot" His mate replies "Weather back here is just like your sister, 16 and wet" - what do women and weather have in common? when it's getting wet, it's time to go inside
BOOYAH - I met a guy recently who was a really good runner, but could only win races in wet weather. They call him the Raining Champion.
- How is a woman like the weather? When it gets wet, it's time to go inside.
- In Australia, there are only three types of weather: Too hot, too cold, too wet or a combination.
^(alternate: Total Fire Ban, Totally Flooded and Totally not gonna look outside; mate.) - A husband and wife talk about the weather... She's too wet and he says it's coming down hard.
- I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining! - What's the summer weather like for a London criminal? Hot, wet, and muggy.
Is Water Wet Jokes
Here is a list of funny is water wet jokes and even better is water wet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I dropped an ice cube next to the freezer. It melted and got my sock wet the next time I went to the kitchen. I was mad at first, but now it's mostly water under the fridge.
- Wet Joke My Uncle Forgot to pay his water bill the other day.
I sent him a get *well* soon card - Go down a water slide when it isn't wet. And then you'll understand the importance of foreplay.
- Wet joke It was chemistry class and the teacher asks-
"Can anyone tell me the chemical formula of water?"
Little Timmy raises hand.
"Yes, Timmy?"
"Hijklmno" - How do you get an elephant out of the water? Wet.
- How did the elephant come out of the water? Wet.
- Girls are magic... Girls are magic... They get wet without water, can bleed without injuries and get boneless things hard!
- What is guaranteed to get girls wet? Water.
- What happens when a red and white X-Wing crashes into green water? It gets wet.
- My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice. She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Wet Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about wet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rainy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wet pranks.
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor...
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station. I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped. Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant. No, not yet. The floor's still wet.
Missing my dad today. Here's the friends in low places parody he used to sing to us at bathtime.
I take baths in wet places
Where the waters warm
And the soap chases my dirty away
I'm clean today
Now I'm not big on washing faces
Think I'll slip on down and wash other places
I take baths
In wet places
Why are hurricanes named with female names?
Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.
My lesbian sister told me that most girls are like spaghetti noodles
Straight until you get them wet.
A man goes for a walk in the park.
On his walk, he sees two men sat on a park bench and looking very down.
"What's wrong?" He asked them.
One of the men look up at the man and let's out a long sigh:
"Take a seat and I'll tell you."
Curious, he sat down next to the two men.
"The paints wet." He said.
Why are most hurricanes named after women?
When they come in, it's exciting and wet, but after they leave, half your s**...'s gone.
I made a dozen girls instantly wet yesterday because of my physique
no one can beat me at doing a cannonball in the pool.
So today my wife was screaming Give it to me, I'm so wet! give it to me!
She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine.
My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.
I got such a fright I almost wet her p**....
Two policemen . . .
Two policemen call the station on their radio.
"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"
"Yes?"
"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."
Why are most hurricanes named after a woman?
When they come, they come wet and wild. When they leave they take your house and your car!
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...
"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,
"No, not yet. The floors still wet."
My son handed me his report card and I asked him, Why is this wet?
He said, My grades are below C level.
Why do they name all hurricanes after women?
Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car
Women are like hurricane...
...when they're coming, they are nice and wet. When they're leaving, they take cars, houses...
Give it to me, She screamed. I'm so wet, give it to me now!
She could yell all she wanted, but I was keeping my umbrella.
Why are women like a Hurricane?
They come at you all hot and wet and leave you without a house or car...
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
A cops calls for backup from a crime scene
This is officer John, please send backup, a woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.
Have you arrested the woman?
No Sir, the floor is still wet.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Bonus: by u/kismetpink They're straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up
A police officer called the station on his radio.
I have an interesting situation here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
Have you arrested the woman?
No, the floor's still wet.
I met a little boy today.
He was sitting on the curb, dressed in rags. He had his face in his hands and it looked like he was crying.
I felt kinda bad he was all alone, so I went and sat down beside him.
I said, "Are you an orphan, little guy?"
As he looked up, his eyes were still red and his cheeks still wet. He managed to crack a small smile.
"Yeah. What gave me away?"
I leaned in close and whispered,
"Your parents."
While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.
I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"
-true story, just happened.
Why were hurricanes and tropical storms originally always given women's names?
Because when they first come along it's all wet and wild with lots of suckin and blowin, but by the time it's over and they leave - your house is gone, your boat's gone, your truck's gone...
After 10 years of raising their child
, the mother notices that the kid looks different.
So, she decided to do a DNA test.
The results come out, and show that the child isn't theirs.
She tells her husband, "I have some terrible news, dear. This is not our baby!".
The husband replies, "yes, do you not remember?
When we were about to leave the hospital, you noticed that the baby had wet it's daipers and told me 'honey, go change the baby' ".
Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette
It starts raining and without hesitating one of the ladies pulls a c**... out of her purse and covers the cig to keep it from getting wet.
The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to the nearest pharmacy.
She grabs a pack of extra large condoms and proceeds to check out.
The cashier says," ma'am, are you sure you need these in extra large?"
The old lady replies, "well I'm not sure, do you think they'll fit a Camel?"
Little Suzy wet herself in class one day..
The teacher asked "Why didn't you put your hand up?" She said "I did! but it ran out through my fingers!"
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you s**... it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it.
Man, threading a needle is tough!
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"
She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.
Triplets
There are triplets in a mothers w**..., talking about what they want to do when they grow up.
The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."
The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."
The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"
"Give it to me" she begged,"Give it to me..." "I'm so wet, oh god, I'm so wet...I want it NOW!" She screamed....
But,there's no way I would give up that umbrella, to anyone.
Wifes are like hurricanes
When they come they're warm and wet and when they go they take your house with them
I lent a hot girl my umbrella while it was raining
That takes the amount of girls I've made wet to -1
Two guys are walking in the rain
A speeding car splashes them with water before disappearing.
o**... says to the other, You know if this was Paris, they would stop, take you to their house, take your wet clothes, offer you drinks, and let you spend the night.
No way! says the other guy.
Yes way, says the first guy. It happened to my wife.
I didn't win the wet t-shirt contest.
Which is b**... because I ate more t-shirts than anyone else.
Two elderly ladies are smoking outside...
It stared raining and one of the ladies pulls out a c**..., cuts the end off and puts it over her cigarette so it won't get wet. The other lady thinks this is a great idea so she decides to head to the store to buy some condoms.
When she gets there she goes to the counter and asks the cashier for a pack of condoms. He looks at her in disgust as he can't believe someone of her age would be having s**.... He asks what kind she would like anyways as he doesn't want to lose his job.
She replys "honey, it doesn't matter what kind as long as it fits a camel"
Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...
When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".
What do women and hurricanes have in common?
When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your house and your car
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…
A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.
I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.
Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant.
No, not yet. The floor's still wet.
My family and I were at a friend's house for a barbecue when it started to rain.
Our son commented, "The rain is wet."
My friend laughed and said, "Wow, talk about stating the obvious!"
"He's always doing that," my wife said. "I don't know who he gets it from..." she laughed, pointing in my direction.
After a few seconds, I turned to my friend and said, "He gets it from me."
A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots
Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Officer: "the floor is still wet."
"GIVE IT TO ME!" She screamed. "I'm so wet right now!"
She can yell all she wants, I'm keeping my umbrella.
I had to thank my friend for finding my bank card resting in some wet grass.
Credit where it's dew.
Two boys walk late into class
Their pants were wet up to their knees.
The teacher asks, "Where have you been."
One of the boys says to the teacher, "We were throwing pebbles in the lake."
The teacher, feeling generous told the boys to sit down at their desks and tells the class there will be a new student joining them today, and starts the lesson
Ten minutes later a girl walks into class, soaking wet from head to toe.
The teacher asks, "You must be the new student, what's your name dear?"
The girl responds, "I'm Pebbles."
What letter is always wet?
C
To make it stand, you wet it.
To make it wet, you s**... it.
To make it stiff, you lick it.
To get it in, you push it!
d**...! Threading a needle at any age is no joke.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist have in common with a puppy?
A wet nose
Why was the gardener embarrassed?
He wet his plants in front of everyone
2 police officers were called to a domestic a**...,
2 police officers were called to a domestic a**... call. when they got there they had to call for backup. 2 police cars showed up making it 6 officers at the scene,
they called headquarters and spoke to their Captain.
"Captain we have a m**... here"
"what happened?"
"a wife shot and killed her husband for walking on her still wet mopped kitchen floor"
"well, have you arrested her yet?"
"Not yet, the kitchen floor is still wet."
What's pink and hard when it goes in, and soft and wet when it comes out?
Bubble gum.
Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies
"Ya right, mon, you in denial"
Hurricanes Are Like Women
When they come they're wet and wild, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
What did the oxygen atom say to the two hydrogen atoms?
Man! This t**... is getting me wet!
