The Best 58 Wet Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wet jokes. There are some wet driest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wet waterlogged puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Wet Jokes and Puns

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle.

Coconut.

My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?

Because he took a leek!

(Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)

What do a dog and a nearsighted gynecologist have in common?

A wet nose.


Mars: I'm wet...

NASA: I'm coming!

I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit.

I think it's time to make a stand.

Missing my dad today. Here's the friends in low places parody he used to sing to us at bathtime.

I take baths in wet places
Where the waters warm
And the soap chases my dirty away

I'm clean today

Now I'm not big on washing faces
Think I'll slip on down and wash other places

I take baths
In wet places

Today I learned that "Wet Floor" signs…

…are not a request…

"Give it to me! Give it to me now, I'm so f*cking wet!"

She could scream all she wanted, I was not giving her the umbrella.

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

You can explore wet dry reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wet wetness dad jokes. There are also wet puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My girlfriend told me, "I need it! I'm so wet! Give it to me, now!"

I told her she can scream all she wants, she's not getting my umbrella

I lent a girl an unbrella today

Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

Why are hurricanes named with female names?

Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.

My lesbian sister told me that most girls are like spaghetti noodles

Straight until you get them wet.

What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlette.

Why are most hurricanes named after women?

When they come in, it's exciting and wet, but after they leave, half your shit's gone.

I made a dozen girls instantly wet yesterday because of my physique

no one can beat me at doing a cannonball in the pool.


So today my wife was screaming Give it to me, I'm so wet! give it to me!

She can scream all she wants but the umbrella is mine.

My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.

I got such a fright I almost wet her panties.

Two policemen . . .

Two policemen call the station on their radio.

"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"

"Yes?"

"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet."

Why are most hurricanes named after a woman?

When they come, they come wet and wild. When they leave they take your house and your car!

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

"I have an interesting case here," he said. "A woman just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant,

"No, not yet. The floors still wet."

Why do they name all hurricanes after women?

Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car

Women are like hurricane...

...when they're coming, they are nice and wet. When they're leaving, they take cars, houses...

Give it to me, She screamed. I'm so wet, give it to me now!

She could yell all she wanted, but I was keeping my umbrella.

Why are women like a Hurricane?

They come at you all hot and wet and leave you without a house or car...

Why was the student's report card wet?

Because his grades were below C-level.

The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."

"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."

A cops calls for backup from a crime scene

This is officer John, please send backup, a woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.

Have you arrested the woman?

No Sir, the floor is still wet.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Bonus: by u/kismetpink They're straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up

Was kicked out of Walmart today.

When I walked in I saw a "Wet Floor" sign. So I did.

Vaginas are like the weather

If its wet, its time to go inside.

A police officer called the station on his radio.

I have an interesting situation here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."

Have you arrested the woman?

No, the floor's still wet.

While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.

I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"

-true story, just happened.

I met a little boy today.

He was sitting on the curb, dressed in rags. He had his face in his hands and it looked like he was crying.

I felt kinda bad he was all alone, so I went and sat down beside him.

I said, "Are you an orphan, little guy?"

As he looked up, his eyes were still red and his cheeks still wet. He managed to crack a small smile.

"Yeah. What gave me away?"

I leaned in close and whispered,

"Your parents."

Why were hurricanes and tropical storms originally always given women's names?

Because when they first come along it's all wet and wild with lots of suckin and blowin, but by the time it's over and they leave - your house is gone, your boat's gone, your truck's gone...

After 10 years of raising their child

, the mother notices that the kid looks different.
So, she decided to do a DNA test.
The results come out, and show that the child isn't theirs.
She tells her husband, "I have some terrible news, dear. This is not our baby!".
The husband replies, "yes, do you not remember?
When we were about to leave the hospital, you noticed that the baby had wet it's daipers and told me 'honey, go change the baby' ".

Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette

It starts raining and without hesitating one of the ladies pulls a condom out of her purse and covers the cig to keep it from getting wet.

The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to the nearest pharmacy.

She grabs a pack of extra large condoms and proceeds to check out.
The cashier says," ma'am, are you sure you need these in extra large?"

The old lady replies, "well I'm not sure, do you think they'll fit a Camel?"

Little Suzy wet herself in class one day..

The teacher asked "Why didn't you put your hand up?" She said "I did! but it ran out through my fingers!"

To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it.

Man, threading a needle is tough!

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"

She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

Wifes are like hurricanes

When they come they're warm and wet and when they go they take your house with them

Why i love redheads?

Because if roof is rusty it's always wet in basement.

Triplets

There are triplets in a mothers womb, talking about what they want to do when they grow up.

The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."

The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."

The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"

I lent a hot girl my umbrella while it was raining

That takes the amount of girls I've made wet to -1

Two guys are walking in the rain

A speeding car splashes them with water before disappearing.

One guy says to the other, You know if this was Paris, they would stop, take you to their house, take your wet clothes, offer you drinks, and let you spend the night.

No way! says the other guy.

Yes way, says the first guy. It happened to my wife.

I didn't win the wet t-shirt contest.

Which is bullshit because I ate more t-shirts than anyone else.

Two elderly ladies are smoking outside...

It stared raining and one of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts the end off and puts it over her cigarette so it won't get wet. The other lady thinks this is a great idea so she decides to head to the store to buy some condoms.
When she gets there she goes to the counter and asks the cashier for a pack of condoms. He looks at her in disgust as he can't believe someone of her age would be having sex. He asks what kind she would like anyways as he doesn't want to lose his job.
She replys "honey, it doesn't matter what kind as long as it fits a camel"

What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.

Source: me, now.

What do women and hurricanes have in common?

When they come, they're wet and wild. When they leave, they take your house and your car

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

I have an interesting case here, he says. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.

Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant.

No, not yet. The floor's still wet.

Why is the bathroom floor always wet on the Starkiller base.

Stormtroopers always miss.

What does a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

"GIVE IT TO ME!" She screamed. "I'm so wet right now!"

She can yell all she wants, I'm keeping my umbrella.

My family and I were at a friend's house for a barbecue when it started to rain.

Our son commented, "The rain is wet."
My friend laughed and said, "Wow, talk about stating the obvious!"
"He's always doing that," my wife said. "I don't know who he gets it from..." she laughed, pointing in my direction.
After a few seconds, I turned to my friend and said, "He gets it from me."

A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots

Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Officer: "the floor is still wet."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wet moist jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wet steamy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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