Western Jokes
95 western jokes and hilarious western puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about western that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of hilarious western jokes that are sure to put a smile on your face! Whether you're a fan of western bulldogs, western australia, western cowboys, western university, western movies, western kids, western star trucks, western blot, or just a totally newbie to the western world, you'll surely find something funny here. Plus, it's a great way to compare and contrast the difference between westerners, easterners, and even those in countries like Bahrain!
Quick Jump To
- Short Western Jokes
- Western One Liners
- Country Western Jokes
- Western Africa Jokes
- Western Europe Jokes
- Western Cowboy Jokes
- More Western Jokes
Funniest Western Short Jokes
Short western jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The western humour may include short east jokes also.
- Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?" "I am not Master Akira."
- How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."
- A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" "I am not Master Ayumu."
- Mistaken Identity A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: - "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?" - "I am not Master Ayumu."
- How many Country and Western singers does it take to change a lightbulb? Five.
One to change the bulb and four to sing about how much they loved the old one. - Russia can still win the world cup Putin just has to make quite a lot of progress quickly on the Western front.
- The wise Master Akira Up the mountain a japanese asked a wise man, "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we Japanese, all look alike?"
"I am not Master Akira" - I called up a hotel and the receptionist answered 'Hello, Best Western'... I replied 'True Grit, starring John Wayne.'
- What do the average westerner and the average chinese have in common? If you ask them how they are doing, they both say "can't complain".
- When I'm bored, I like to call a Best Western hotel, and when they answer, Best Western... I answer, True Grit, then hang up.
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Western One Liners
Which western one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with western? I can suggest the ones about south and wild west.
- What did the eastern Russian say to the western Russian in the bathroom? "European."
- What do you call the western half of Kenya? kenya West
- All western rock classics are banned in North Korea. Except Sweet Child in a Mine
- Why does no one swim in the western coast of South America? Because the water is Chile
- See the new gay Western movie? All the good guys are hung.
- What is an Asian's favorite western music genre? Wok 'n' Woh
- What do you call A Hispanic Joe who lives in Western Scandinavia? Norway Jose
- Putin on the Ritz It is not the Best Western hotel.
- Santa's Sleigh Is Stuck Somewhere in the Western US Keep that muzzle on Donner
- What do you call a hard-of-hearing country and western singer? Dolly Pardon.
- What happens in Gay Westerns? All the good guys are hung.
- Why is it called the Middle East when it is in Western Asia?
- Which rabbit was in Western movies?
Hopalong Cassidy. - Best way to solve all Western people's Mental health Problems.... Is beating.
- What was the deaf country and western singer called? Dolly Pardon
Country Western Jokes
Here is a list of funny country western jokes and even better country western puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- As an eastern European living in a western country, dealing with bureaucrats always brings me to tears Their rudeness and arrogance make reminds me of my homeland, it makes me so nostalgic.
- What happens if you play a country western song backwards? Your pickup truck starts, your wife comes back home, and your dog comes back to life.
- I heard people in western countries buy fancy undergarments. In other words, people in west invest in vests.
- What's the best part about being middle eastern ? For the price of a one way trip to a western country you get a roundtrip ticket.
- Yep, Im a cowboy in a new country and western song My wife left me, my dog left me, and I'll be darned if my self-driving pickup didn't leave me too.
- It's kind of obvious why Western countries don't eat cat Can you imagine how costly it must be to kill the same animal 9 times before you can eat it?
- Why was the horse kicked out of the country western bar? He was a homosexual.
- I like both kinds of music. Country *and* Western
Western Africa Jokes
Here is a list of funny western africa jokes and even better western africa puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People dying of starvation in Africa are worse off than western cancer patients right? So why is my wife getting all the attention while I'm at home starving to death?
Western Europe Jokes
Here is a list of funny western europe jokes and even better western europe puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the contour integral of western Europe? Zero, because the poles are in eastern Europe.
- Are there more Jews in Eastern Europe or Western Europe? Depends which way the wind blows.
Western Cowboy Jokes
Here is a list of funny western cowboy jokes and even better western cowboy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw this really good movie in a hotel.. There were a lot of gunfights, cowboys, saloons and drinking. It was the Best Western I've ever seen.
- I saw this great movie while staying at this hotel. It had a ton of gunfights, cowboys, and saloons. It was The Best Western I've ever seen.
- What's the difference between cowboy boots and 'western' boots? Cowboy boots have the bulls**t on the outside.
The Funniest Western Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about western you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old west jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make western pranks.
3 men are in a Soviet Prison
They ask each other why they are in prison.
The first says 'I was always 5 minutes late for work, so I was accused of sabotage'
The second says 'I was always 5 minutes early for work, so I was accused of espionage'
But the third says 'I was always on time for work, so I was accused of having a Western watch'
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...
America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian government to express their concern. In a conference room filled with diplomats and astrophysicists, the US delegation protested to the Iranians, Listen. Differences aside, we can't let you send people to the sun. It's s**.... They burn to death even at far distances! Please don't carry out this mission! The Iranians laughed wittily amongst themselves, jabbing each other with elbows and pointing at the westerners as one Iranian says, s**... Americans! They think we're going during the daytime!
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
A guy goes in an Adult Store in Western Sydney and asks for an inflatable doll.
The guy behind the counter says, Male or female ?
The customer says, Female.
The counter guy asks, Black or white?
The customer says, White.
The counter guy asks, Christian or Muslim?
The customer says, What does religion have to do with it?
The counter guy says, The Muslim one blows itself up.
Math in the real world
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."
Woof
A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."
What's the difference between a Western girl and an Arab girl?
The Western girl gets s**... **before** she commits adultery.
With the situation in Ukraine...
Putin is giving a speech to his people
- My people, due Wests sanctions we'll need to tighten our belts and work harder!
Voice from the crowd:
- We will work two shifts!
- Thank you, you must be real patriot of our country! And we'll have to give up western goods and production!
- We will work three shifts!
- Such patriotism for country! By the way what's your occupation?
- I work at morgue...
Asian politicians
Asian politicians are hornier than any other politicians because...
Western politicians have elections while Asian politicians have erections.
Old Lenny
Old Lenny lived far out in the western mountains of Maine. He had spent all of his 80 years living on the family homestead.
One morning, two land surveyors appeared at his doorstep. The first one spoke: "Now Lenny, we know you is a proud Mainer, but it seems you ain't in Maine at all. We jist finished surveyin' this whole township, and your house is actually on the New Hampshire side of the state line."
"Wicked decent," says old Lenny, "I'd had enough of them Maine winters anyhow."
UN Food Survey Fails...
UN Phone Survey
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia , New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
Whats the difference between an anthropologist and a sociologist?
Anthropologists hate Western Civilization. Sociologists only hate America.
Bow Wow
A dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram.
He fills out a form and writes down the telegram he wishes to send:
"Bow wow wow, bow wow wow."
The clerk says,
"You can add another 'Bow wow' for the same price."
The dog looks at the clerk and says,
"Now wouldn't that sound a little silly?"
Great idea
Journalist: What do you think of western civilization?
Gandhi: I think it would be a great idea!
What does Vladimir Putin call a waterslide made from the tears of Western Europeans?
Crimea River.
The United Nations world-wide survey
The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.
The survey went like this:
"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"
The survey of course, turned out to be a total and abject failure:
The People in western Europe didn't know what the word 'shortage' meant. The people in eastern Europe had no idea what the expression 'honest' was supposed to mean. In china no one knew what 'opinion' was. In Africa they didn't know what 'food' was. In the middle east no one could figure out what 'solution' was; and in america they had no idea what 'the rest of the world' meant.
What's the difference between Western and Middle -Eastern atheists?
Western atheists have heads.
Why are socially-aware western tourists avoiding Nice, France for their late-summer getaways?
All that Muslim hatred can really run you down.
Why were the Soviets able to beat the Western Allies to Berlin?
Because they were Russian!
A man is traveling to the coast of South Western Asia, and he asks his friend if she wants to go with him. She says:
"Yemen, shore."
A devout Muslim entered a cab in London
He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio, because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music, because in the time of the prophet there was no music especially western music, which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, and opened the door. The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered,
"In the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so get off and wait for a camel!"
Columbus Day is a really sore subject for me. It's so hard for me to honor the holiday while ignoring one of the biggest crimes in human history...
The introduction of Tobacco into western society.
Why do 19th century western women insist on staying in the kitchen?
It's easier to control the arsenic.
Western tourist in North Korea
So a western journalist goes on a tour of North Korea. He flies in to Pyongyang, an officially government licensed tour guide shows him around. He sees all the wonderful stores and streets that the city has to offer, and then finally he comes to the magnificent 30-story tall Kim Jong Un monument.
"Wow this is very beautiful, you must be very proud of it!" he said
his tour guide nodded— "yes, we must be very proud."
Someone asked Ghandi what he thought about Western Civilization
He thought it could be a really good idea
What song did Cortez sing as he neared the north western end of South America?
"It's beginning to look a lot like Isth-mus!"
Told my wife that I am taking her to "The Amazing Escape Room" for Valentines day....
...I hope she likes The Best Western!
Old western stranger
An old man sitting at the edge of an old western town sees a silhouette approaching from the dusty horizon. Its not long before he realizes that it is a 3 legged dog limping toward him. The old man shouts a warning to the dog "we dont take kindly to strangers around here". The 3 legged dog limps like john wayne while slowly raising his gaze up to look straight into the old mans eyes with a piercing stare and says" Im lookin for the man who shot my paw"
I think I might be watching a spaghetti western . . .
Everyone keeps saying "Ciaody pardner"
4 friends decide to emigrate from China to the United States
Their names are Chu, Tu, Bu, and Fu.
They have a discussion and decide that it may be a good idea to change their names to sound more western, so they improvise on their names.
Chu changes his name to Chuck,
Tu changes his name to Tuck,
Bu changes his name to Buck,
And Fu decides to go back to China
The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Why don't we see Neanderthals outside of Central to Western Eurasia?
Because they're all dead.
Singing French Knights
In the Middle Ages, Western France was known for it singing knights. The most famous group were a bunch of lancers from the town of Brittany. They were known as the Brittany Spears.
An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a xenophobe and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar
The bartender says
"Im sorry, but you can't come in here without a Thai"
There was 5 Chinese immigrants. Their names were chu, lu, bu, fu, and su.
When they decided to go to America, they decided to change their names to something more western. They renamed themselves:
Chuck, luck, and buck. Fu and Su didn't get a passport because they committed tax fraud.
Young Bill
Young Bill was courting Mabel, from the adjoining cattle ranch.
One evening, as they sat on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the western hills, Bill spied his prized stallion h**... one of his mares.
He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the move on Mabel.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to do what that stallion is doing."
Mabel whispered back, "Go ahead. She's your mare!"
What do you call a group of western bars themed around urns into which you spit that are decorated with picture of Inklings?
A Splatoon spittoon saloon platoon
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
An international school teacher asks: What's your own honest opinion on food scarcity in other countries?
An African student responds: What's food?
A Western European student: What's scarcity?
An Eastern European student: What's honest?
A Chinese student: What's opinion?
A Russian student: What's your?
An American student: What's other countries?
My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't.
She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."
What is the greatest adversary of the Soviet Union?
Its the Western Union.
Okay, I'll see myself out. :|
Three Men were in a Soviet Prison.
One man asked another, "What are you in here for?"
The other man replied, "I was arrested for being late. They accused me of wanting to delay the victory of the Proletariat."
Another man chimed in, "I was arrested for being early. They accused me of wanting to be favored over my fellow workers."
They both asked the first man what he was in for.
He replied, "I was arrested for being on time. They accused me of having a western timepiece."
three men were sitting in a prison in moscow
they discuss why they were arrested
the first one says I showed up ten minutes late to work and was arrested for sabotage
the second one says I showed up five minutes early to work and was arrested for espionage
the third one says I showed up to work on time and was arrested for owning a western watch
Prince William is visiting Kelmscott, Western Australia
The local media can't help but notice the prince's unusual head wear. It's a Davy Crocket style hat made entirely from fox fur, complete with a tail. A reporter speaks up. "Welcome to Kelmscott Your Royal Highness. If you don't mind me asking, why have you chosen to wear that particular hat today"? The Prince responded "Well, I told Daddy over the telephone this morning that I was visiting a small town called Kelmscott and he immediately replied, Kelmscott? Wear the fox hat"
A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:
*"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE World"* No result was achieved, since the following problems were facedduring the survey's implementation:
1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"
2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"
3. In Eastern Europe no one knew what is "opinion"
4. In South America no one knew what is "please"
5. In the USA no one knew what is "rest of the world"
During a survey three people of various professions - a mathematician, a sociologist and an accountant - were asked "How much is 2+2?"
The mathematician answered "Four".
The sociologist answered "Assuming that we want the answer that is in accordance with the Western social norms, four."
The accountant asked "And how much do you want it to be?"
A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall
They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?"
the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years".
"so what do you pray for?" they asked.
"for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews, love and empathy between Israel and Palestine"
" and how do you feel about praying for these things for half a century?"
"like arguing with a wall" he replies.
