West Jokes
165 west jokes and hilarious west puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about west that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh your way through the Wild West with these classic western jokes! From Mae West to the Hills of the Northeast, these humorous jokes will have you rolling on the floor.
Quick Jump To
- Short West Jokes
- West One Liners
- Kanye West Jokes
- West Virginia Jokes
- East West Jokes
- North West Jokes
- Wild West Jokes
- More West Jokes
Funniest West Short Jokes
Short west jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The west humour may include short east jokes also.
- How did kim kardashian tell her kid about her upcoming divorce with Kanye? North, things between West and I have gone South.
- Why did the non-binary prospector move West in 1849? Because there was gold up in them/their hills.
- Kim and Kanye's divorce is rough on their son, North West. It's like he's getting pulled in two different directions.
- Why did the non-binary prospector travel West in 1849? Because there's gold in them/their hills
- I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West... ...could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...
- Most gun duels in the old west could have been prevented. If only the city planners had made towns big enough for everyone.
- TIL that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia... otherwise it would have been called the teethbrush.
- Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want... But that child is going straight to the top...
And slightly to the left... - Why does West Virginia have so many unsolved murders? There are no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
- Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service... and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"
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West One Liners
Which west one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with west? I can suggest the ones about south and north.
- How did kanye west ask Kim Kardashian to marry him ?? "will i marry you?"
- Congratulations West Ham The only club named after two things that ISIS hate.
- Who's the poorest person in West Virginia? The tooth Fairy.
- I like Kanye West as much as the next guy... ...as long as the next guy isn't Kanye West.
- How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
- What do they do in West Virginia for Halloween? Pump Kin
- How do you circumcise Kanye West? Kick him in the jaw.
- The lastest celebrity to ditch plastic is.... Kanye West
- Kanye West is opening up a breakfast restaurant... Omelette You Finish
- Why are there no hand paintings from the old west? Because they could only draw guns.
- Why did they bury the Scottish man on the West side of the hill? Because he was dead
- What do you call the western half of Kenya? kenya West
- How can you tell if lunch meat is from West Virginia? It's in bread
- Kim and Kanye's kid launched a new perfume in her own name. North—by North West.
- Russia's attitude towards the West is sometimes... Off-Putin.
Kanye West Jokes
Here is a list of funny kanye west jokes and even better kanye west puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Kanye West was hospitalized... Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.
- As companies continue to cut tie with Kanye West... Compass maker INMARK has also decided to drop West from their product line, leaving users lost and confused.
- Kanye West, Donald Trump, Justin Bieber and Martin Skreli are put in a coliseum, given gladiator weapons and made to fight to the death. Who wins? Society.
- How does Kanye West screw in a lightbulb? He holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.
- [All credit to Ana Kasparian from the TYT Network] So, I heard Kim Kardashian is having Kanye West's baby... At least she let him finish.
- Everyone is going crazy over that Kim and Kanye named their baby "North West" I believe she's going straight to the top... And slightly to the left
- What is Kanye West's favourite kind of omelette? Omeletteyoufinish
-stolen from raininginreverse on tumblr. - Kanye West Concedes After Failing to Get 0.5% of Vote in Early Returns Now he is an electoral college drop out
- I laughed in disbelief when I saw Kanye West was running for president. But with his recent incoherent twitter ramblings, he seems like he is more than qualified.
- What's Kanye West's brilliant economic plan as president? To put 50 cent into the Treasury
West Virginia Jokes
Here is a list of funny west virginia jokes and even better west virginia puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are no murders solved in West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA and no one has any teeth.
- Did you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia? Anywhere else and it would have been called a teeth brush.
- How do we know the toothbrush was invented in west virginia? if it was invented anywhere else it would be the teethbrush
- Did you know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia? If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called the teethbrush
- A joke from my grandfather who was a dentist for 40 years How do you know that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?
Because everywhere else it would be a teethbrush. - So they were going to make a new CSI tv show in West Virginia... But they had to scrap production when they realized there were no dental records and all the DNA was the same.
- West Virginia Pregnancy Rate Hits All Time Low as COVID-19 Puts Stop to Family Reunions Not The Onion.
- Be careful who you talk to about religion in West Virginia You could be talking about sects with a miner!
- what do a divorce and a tornado have in common in west virginia? either way you lose the trailer
- Welcome to West Virginia… It's all relative
East West Jokes
Here is a list of funny east west jokes and even better east west puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can chess Bishops only more diagonally? Because north, south, east and west are Cardinal directions.
- Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common? Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West.
- Why can't you bury a man living east of the Mississippi in a graveyard west of the Mississippi? He's still alive.
(Learned from my 6th grade math teacher Mr. Warren) - Programmer's son asks his father: -Dad, why do the sun rise on the east and set on the west? Father: It works? Don't touch it.
- Lebron's life is like one big compass... He went South, His hairline went North, his dad went East and his mom went Delonte West.
- East and West Germany In West Germany your job determines your Marks.
In East Germany Marx determines your job. - How to tell what part of Washington you're in: Forest is west, desert is east... Swamp is DC.
- Difference between Sun and Bun. Sun rises in the East and sets in the West.......... ............Bun rises in Yeast and sets in the Waist.
- Two people are putting together a compass One of them says, "Okay, I got the North part here, South here, and East right here". Then the other guy says, "where's the West of it?"
- German 1970's joke What's the difference between the east-german and the west-german accent? While the former is shared by most, the latter is richer.
North West Jokes
Here is a list of funny north west jokes and even better north west puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How did Kim Kardashian explain to her daughter the reason why Kanye is acting this way? North, my relationship with West has gone totally South.
- How does Ye explain his current problems to his kid? North West, I am sorry to say that my career is going south.
- Did you ever hear about that army from north-west France that was made up entirely of people using polearms? Y'know. The Brittany Spears?
- We all know Islam hates the West. Turns out they hate the North, South and East just as much
- If pirates from the Pacific North West say "Shiver me timbers!", what do pirates from Iowa say? "Shiver me kernels!"
- Kanye and Kim name their first child North West... ....in hopes that it will one day be the lead singer for One Direction
- Kim Khardasian and Kanye West named their children North West and Saint West. But to prove I'm a worse parent... I plan on naming my children...Kim Khardashian and Kanye West
- Kanye name his son North West, So no matter who many people make fun of him, with a name like that we know he is heading straight to the top.
And a little to the left - I once met a member of the Catholic faith who could only face North, East, South and West... His name was Cardinal Directions
- Why does everyone talk about Middle East? But not middle west, middle north, middle south?
Wild West Jokes
Here is a list of funny wild west jokes and even better wild west puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
- Did you hear about the infamous bank robbers in the old wild west? One of them married the other one's sister. They were both outlaws and in-laws.
- I think a lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could've been avoided. had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
- Two cowboys facing each other: - I have the fastest hand in the whole Wild West!
- I have a girlfriend! - What was King Tut known as in the wild west? Rootin' Tutankhamun
- A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon in the wild west He slides up to the bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"
- What do you call a group of platypus in the Wild West? A plata-posse
- In the Wild West, a young dog with three legs walks into a bar He quietly tells the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
- "Saint"? You had one job, Kardashian-West family. Go make another kid, and this time name it Wild Wild.
- An outlaw walks into a saloon in the old wild West, wearing a candy bar for a hat. Says the bartender, "Is that an Almond Joy on your head?"
Quoth he, "No, it's a Bounty."
Comical & Quirky West Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about west you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean woods jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make west pranks.
A Short History Lesson
The old missionaries who arrived in the West Indies were the cannibals first taste of Christianity
A man from West Virginia and a woman from Kentucky got married...
The day after their wedding, the man's father sees him storm into the house, gun in hand. "What's got you upset, son?" The father asked. To which the man replied, "I shot my wife. I found out she was a v**..., so if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours!"
The Longest Memory in the World
One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a j**... lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a j**... lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the old west...
and sits down. He looks around and then says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
When the Saxons landed in England...
...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.
One group headed West and Wessex was born.
A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.
Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.
Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again
Tribal Wisdom
So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."
A Young Man Asks His Father About His Fiance
A young man from West Virginia goes up to his dad and says, "Pa, I am really concerned about my fiance."
His dad asks him to tell him what the problem is, he says, "Well Pa, I just don't know what to do, I just found out she is a v**...."
His dad says, "Dump her, if she ain't good enough fer her own kin, she ain't good enough fer ours."
Why did the Wright brothers turn their aircraft 90 degrees west when their dad walked in the cockpit?
because three Wrights make a left.
Fact
I'd like to leave you ladies and gentlemen with this frightening fact: I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for one year. I'm not sure about you people, but I think we're being overcharged on groceries.
A knight and his men return to their castle...
...after a long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"
A West Virginian gets married and him and his wife go to bed together for the first time...
And his new wife tells him to take it easy on her as she's a v**.... Upon finding this out he tells her "well if you're not good enough for your dad than you're not good enough for me, get out."
Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day
It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
---
I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.
Poker is like s**...
If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)
A man was arrested for having s**... inside a West Virginian Olive Garden with an employee.
Apparently he took "When you're here, you're family" too literally.
What do you call the sweat on the bodies of two people having s**... in West Virginia?
Relative Humidity
This should raise a dry smile, then...
The knight approached the king and said, "Sire, we have spent the past two weeks destroying and pillaging the towns of your enemies to the West."
"What?" said the king, concerned. "I don't have any enemies in the West!"
"Oh," said the knight. "Well, you do now..."
Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean west?
Minnesota s**....
I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit"
...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."
What do Kanye West and North Korea have in common?
They are both being s**... by a person named Kim.
Did you know that West Virginia's state sport is s**...?
It's a game the whole family can enjoy!
I want to open a Reserve to breed, arm and train West Lowland Gorillas to fight Jihadists.
I'm going to call it Boko Harambe
FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....
In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......
Guy walks into a bar out west
It's deserted except for the barkeep.
"Where's everybody?" the guy asks.
"Down at the town square. There's a hangin' today."
"Yeah? Who they hangin'?"
"Brown Paper Jack."
"Why do they call him that?"
"Well, everything about him is brown paper...chaps, shirt, hat, belt--he even rides with a saddle made out of brown paper."
"Yeah? What are they hangin' him for?"
"Rustlin'."
My niece is a sophomore at West Point. She's already had five majors,
and three Captains and two Lieutenants.
Why are i**... videos so popular on PornHub right now?
Because West Virginia finally got internet access.
Why wasn't Jesus born in West Virginia?
Because God couldn't find 3 wise men... or a v**....
*sorry if this is not new, from WV and my fav.
A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge
And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"
And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"
Two cowboys are riding out when the spot an Indian laying down with his ear to the ground.
Approaching him, one Cowboy says Look here. These Indians can track wagons from miles away. You there, what can you tell about the closest wagon train?
The Indian says Large Conestoga wagon, father, mother, three daughters, headed due west at around two miles per hour .
Wow! Exclaimed the cowboys in unison. You can tell all that by listening to the ground?
Nuh-uh. Ran over me half an hour ago .
A three legged dog
limps into a saloon in the old west and shouts, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa!"
The s**... position reverse c**... has been outlawed in West Virginia.
They claim turning your back on family is very insulting.
So, Will Smith is playing the genie from Aladdin, well then
West Philadelphia born and raised, in a genie lamp is where I spend most of my days. Chillin out back and relaxing all cool til Aladdin showed up with little Abu then a couple of guys who were up to no good..Jafar started taking over my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my master got scared he said if you mingle with the street rats don't come back near here.
Why did the non-binary prospector go out west?
Because there was gold in them/their hills.
How many Westboro Baptists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
30. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and 29 to protest it for being brighter than they are.
Kanye West
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he'll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.
It's nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic
One Direction by Kanye West
Guitars by Mel Gibson
Mining by Brad Pitt
Pear Cider by Katy Perry
Ship Building by Tom Cruise
How to Move Things by Jim Carrey
Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman
American Motors by Harrison Ford
Wild Animals by Will Ferrell
What do you have when you've got 32 West Virginian's in a room at the same time?
A full set of teeth!
A squirrel in the refrigerator
A man comes home after a hard day's work and opens the refrigerator
to get a soda. Inside, he sees a squirrel taking a nap.
What are you doing in my fridge? the man asks.
The squirrel opens one sleepy eye and says, Isn't this a Westinghouse?
Um, yes, the man replies. It is.
Well then, the squirrel says, shutting his eyes again, I am twying to west.
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
When you wake up and think life s**....
But at least my name is not North Kardashian West
Lost my job as an Old West saloon piano player when a mysterious stranger walked in the door
and I just kept playing
A preacher rides into a town in the old west...
As he's riding into town, his horse keeps stumbling around the street. The reins are finally grabbed by the Sheriff, who says, "This stallion okay?"
The preacher says, "Yes. We passed through a patch of p**... and he ate some. But that aside, I come to tell you of God's good word, to help you worthless, sinful heathens to-"
The Sheriff shakes his head, struggling to hold the animal still, and says "Now before you go preaching to us, why don't you get off your high horse."
A dog comes limping into the old west salloon.
Bartender asks if he can help the dog with anything.
Dog says, "I'm lookin for the low down rascal who shot my paw."
