Welsh Jokes
120 welsh jokes and hilarious welsh puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about welsh that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Why not have a laugh with some Welsh jokes? We've got a great selection of jokes about Wales, Welsh culture and the Welsh people.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Welsh Short Jokes
Short welsh jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The welsh humour may include short wales jokes also.
- American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow" - I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs. I had no idea how to pronounce her name.
- Did you know the first condoms were invented by the Welsh out of sheep's intestines? The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.
- Owain Hughes joke Gavin and Stacey Gavin moves to Wales and meets a coworker named Owain Hughes.
Gavin: Before you ask, no I don't Owe Wayne Hughes.
- A Welsh man goes for an eye test. Doctor: Can you read this chart from top to bottom please.
Welshman: Read it!? I know the guy! - We were driving through the Welsh countryside when my little girl said… "Look at that strange animal daddy, man at the back, sheep at the front."
- I had a welsh friend who tried counting all his lovers to me but each time, I kept falling asleep
- New Year's Eve It's not even midnight and my Welsh friend just messaged me "Blwyddyn Newydd Dda".
He must be smashed already. - Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day? The sun never sets on the British umpire.
- The Welsh have been using sheep intestine as a contraceptive for hundreds of years. It is only recently that they have decided to take the intestine out of the sheep.
Share These Welsh Jokes With Friends
Welsh One Liners
Which welsh one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with welsh? I can suggest the ones about scottish english and english people.
- What is the most popular bank in Wales? Welsh Fargo...
...gramps made me do it. - I recently learnt the Welsh word for 'push' is 'lluq'. I saw it written on a Glass Door.
- How do you pronounce oddly spelt Welsh words? Caerphilly
- My Welsh grandfather passed away yesterday He died peacefully in his sheep.
- Do dolphins speak Welsh? Or is it just Wales.
- What does the Welsh football team captain do to his opponents? Wrexham
- The best way to eat Welsh cheese?
Caerphilly. - I got my ancestry results back and I'm part Welsh and hungarian. I am well hung
- How do Welsh people name their towns? Caerphilly
- The Welsh are a very shy people They're really quite sheepish...
- My mom's Welsh and my dad's Hungarian Her: What's that make you?
Me: Wel-hung - Why are Welsh farmers no good at producing animals? They only rear sheep
- I have a friend who is half Welsh and half Vietnamese I call that a Wyn Nguyen
- "It's said like it's spelt" is easy to follow Unless it's said by a Welsh person
- What do the English and Welsh have in common? Kids are their definition of a good time.
Welsh Sheep Jokes
Here is a list of funny welsh sheep jokes and even better welsh sheep puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Who came first, the sheep or the cow? Depends on who the Welsh farmer fancies the most.
- Do androids dream of electric sheep? Only the Welsh ones.
- Why don't Welsh men count sheep to fall asleep? Because then they would have to change the sheets.
- A welsh farmer has 895 sheep. That is a lot of wives.
- Where do welsh sheep farmers take their fleece to send overseas? OooOooo woolwarves of London
- Welsh scientists have successfully created an Android Apparently it dreams of electric sheep
- Why do Welsh people have so many wet dreams? They get to sleep by counting sheep.
Welsh People Jokes
Here is a list of funny welsh people jokes and even better welsh people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do people say when they hear about the assassin from Wales? Welsh-hitman!
Welsh Language Jokes
Here is a list of funny welsh language jokes and even better welsh language puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why is it so hard to pronounce words in Welsh? It is the language of Wales.
- What do you get when you put Scrabble letters in a leaf blower? The Welsh Language
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Welsh Jokes
What funny jokes about welsh you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean british english jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make welsh pranks.
A Welshman died at the weekend...
Friends say he died the way he would have wanted; comfortably in his sheep
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Short joke I thought of.
What's the difference between sheep and women?
The Welsh don't know yet either.
How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass?
Irresistible.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where he first had s**...
A Welsh farmer is out in a field with his son preparing the soil for planting. The farmer points to a corner of the field and tells his son
"Boy, that's where I had my first woman"
"Really?" replied the son
"Yup" said the farmer "and her mother was watching"
"What did she say" the boy asked
and the farmer told him "baaaaaaa"
A man was sitting on a blanket at the ocean beach. He had no arms & no legs.
Three women, the first from England, the second from Wales and the third from
Ireland, were walking past the poor man feeling sorry for him.
The English woman said: "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave
him a nice warm hug and walked on.
The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said, "No," so she gave
him a gentle kiss and walked on.
The Irish woman came to him and said: "Av ya ever been fooked before, Laddie? The
man broke into a big smile and said, "No I haven't."
She said, "Aye Lad, ya will be when the tide comes in."
The welsh
are making a remake of a popular nicolas cage film.
Goat rider.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani man were sat in the waiting room of the maternity ward at the local hospital...
An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani man were sat in the waiting room of the maternity ward at the local hospital.
A nurse comes out and says to the men "I'm sorry, but there's a been a mix-up and we don't know which baby belongs to which mother. Any chance one of you could come in and see if you can help?"
The Englishman stands up and says that he'll help. He walks into the ward and, a couple of minutes later walks out with what is obviously a Pakistani baby. The Pakistani man stands up and shouts "What do you think you're doing?!"
And the Englishman said "Look, one of those babies in there is Welsh, and I'm not taking any chances."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Welshman and an Indian...
...are at a hospital. All of their wives had given birth that day, but there was mix-up with the babies and the doctors were unsure who's baby was who's, and there was no way to tell so the three fathers had to pick a baby each.
The indian was quite sure which baby was his, because his child had brown skin, so he let the Englishman pick first.
The Englishman goes into the room with the babies and leaves with the brown baby, much to the Indian's t**... who says:
"what are you doing? That baby is obviously mine!"
to which the Englishman replies:
"Yeah, but one of those babies is Welsh and I'm not taking any chances."
the horse meat scandal
during the recent horse meat scandal in the UK they discovered that the Welsh lamb in Asda ( Walmart ) had 2% human dna.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep?
Foreplay
Which member of the Bach family went to prison?
Bachgen Drwg. (it's welsh)
Killer whales are inappropriately named.
The proper term is killer Welsh.
An English man, a Welsh man and an Irish man sign up for the SAS...
An English man, a Welsh man and an Irish man sign up for the SAS. The commander decides to put them to the test to see if they have what it takes.
He gives the English man a gun and says 'through that door is your wife, kill her.' The English man looks appalled and says 'I can't do that I love her and we have two children'
He gives the gun to the Welsh man and says 'through that door is your wife, kill her.' The Welsh man walks through the door but walks out immediately 'I can't kill my wife, I love her and we have 3 children.'
The commander gives the gun to the Irish man and says 'through that door is your wife, kill her.' The Irish man walks through the door and the commander hears three shots fired and then a lot of grunting and groaning.
The Irish man comes out of the room and the commander says 'what happened?' The Irish man replied 'Well commander the gun was full of blanks so I had to strangle her."
I'm part Welsh and part Hungarian..
I guess that makes me Well Hung
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Welsh farmers ....
Why do Welsh farmers tend to have s**... with sheep on the edge of a cliff?
So the sheep will push back
My father is Hungarian and my mother is Welsh
That makes me well hung....
Drunk Welsh man walks into a bar
A drunk welsh man walks into a bar. How many women are pregnant at the end of the night? None, but I wouldn't eat the lamb!
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Sorry, my cat walked on my keyboard and accidentally typed something Welsh.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Welshmen call a sheep dog in Wales?
Their p**...
A British man, a Welsh man, a Scottish man, and a Polish man walk into a pub.
A British man, a Welsh man, and a Scottish man walk out of the pub.
What is the traditional thing a Welsh bride says at the question "Do you want to take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband"
Baaaaaaa
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when you mix a Japanese and Welsh person?
d**... out for her *r*amb!
Why did the Welshman buy so many tampons at the store?
Because his wife wouldn't stop bleating all over the place.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A farmer was out tending his flock when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from a stream.
He shouted over in Welsh: Don't drink the water! It's disgusting! There's sheep p**... in it!
The man at the stream lifted his head and carried on drinking. Realising the man couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and shouted the same thing in Welsh again.
But still the man couldn't hear him.
Finally the farmer walked right up to him and repeated his warning. To which the man replied: Dreadfully sorry, my good man, I can't understand a word you say. Can you speak English, old chap?
Oh I see, said the farmer. I was just saying if you use both hands you can get more in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do the Welsh call safe s**...?
Spray painting the sheep that bite.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Welshmen like to embarrass their wives?
It makes them rather sheepish.
I was told it was racist to use "welsh" when someone won't pay a bet. They said to use "renege".
So I called them a bunch of renegers instead.
What you call a healthy, large aquatic mammal living in a structure that gives access to ground water that is located west of England?
A well Welsh well whale
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How does a Welsh man pleasure himself at the cliff edge with a pair of large Wellington boots?
He puts the back legs of a sheep into his boots and walks towards the edge.
A Welshman enters a game show....
A Welshman enters a game show, and he is given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, sheeps.
He chooses door # 1 and the host opens door #3 to reveal a sheep behind it.
The host askes, "Do you want to change your choice?"
To which the man replies, "Nay, I'm good."
Welsh pub
One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.
All the other men in the bar looked at him and the bartender asked, "You're not from around here, are you lad?"
"No," replied the man, "I'm from London."
"So, boyo," said the bartender, "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a taxidermist." Replied the man.
"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
The bartender then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's o.k. lads, he's one of us!"
How do you say goodbye to a Welsh person?
Farewelsh.
A Welsh guy was getting his driver's license.
He had to take a vision test, so they showed him a line of letters that said: B W N S T R Y D D W L L
They asked, "Can you read the letters?" The man replied, "Are you kidding? I'm *from* that town!"
A man is hiking through the Welsh mountains...
A man is hiking through the Welsh mountains with his pet newt when he comes across a pub. He enters the pub and sees that there is a sign that says dogs are allowed in.
"Can I bring my pet newt inside?" The man asks the bartender.
"Hmm, I suppose so." The bartender says, slightly sceptical.
The man leaves and enters again with the biggest newt the bartender had ever seen. It was almost a meter long and the bartender was shocked silent.
"This is my newt: Tiny." The man tells the bartender.
"Tiny? But it's massive!" The bartender says in shock.
"He's called Tiny because he's my newt."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Welsh people keep their sheep facing the cliff?
So they push back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do Welsh farmers practice safe s**...?
Spray a red 'X' on the back of ones that kick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an Irish who cant swim ?
A Welsh
Two members of Welsh rock band The Automatic have quit.
The remaining two now call themselves The Semi-automatic.
An Englishman, a Scot and a Welshman walk into a bar.
They order a pint of beer each. As they are served a fly lands in their glass.
The English man pushes the pitcher away in disgust.
The Scot removes the fly with a finger and drinks the beer.
The Welsh guy picks up the fly, holds it above the pitcher and shouts : spit it out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Welshman say to the k**...?
Llandudno
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Welshman, Scot and Englishman
A Welshman, Scot and Englishman are walking when they come across a lantern and a genie pops out and grants them one wish each.
The Scot says: I am a sheep herder, like my dad before me. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms. Whoosh, and so it was.
The Englishman was amazed and says: I want a wall around England to keep those d**... Scots and Welsh out. Bang, there was a wall around England.
The Welshman says: Tell me more about this wall.
The genie says: It's 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.
The Welshman says: Fill it with water.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The wife just told me"I think you've had an affair with that Welsh tart, from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".....
I said, "How can you say such a thing?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a farm in Wales?
A brothel
Bonus:
What do you call a welsh sheepdog?
A p**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Welsh farmer say to the sheep?
Your b**...'s about to get slaughtered
We lost all the vowels from our Scrabble set.
So I sold it on Ebay as a Welsh edition.
How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass?
Very satisfying.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
LEGO sued a Welsh farmer for the unlawful representation and use of their bricks. The entire courtroom was filled with disgust at the trial's out come.
He got off on a Technic Cow t**....
I used to go out with a Welsh girl that had 36DD's.
It was a ridiculously long name
I remember when my Welsh roommate in college found out he was dyslexic
He brought his girlfriend to a toga party
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An English, Scot, Welsh and Irishman walk into a bar.
Then they all had to leave because the Englishman voted to.
Offensive warning
An English man, a Welsh man and a Pakistani man are waiting at a hospital as their wives had just given birth. A midwife comes in and explains that the name tags have been messed up and they will have to work out which baby belongs to who. The English man, by right, goes first and chooses what is clearly the Pakistani child. When the baby's father points this out to him, he says I know, but there's a Welsh kid in there and I'm not taking any chances
Released after 5 years for sheep rustling
Welsh tongue twister champion from
LlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogOGOgoch ...........................................................said "It was a tuff sentence"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The wealthy loves the s**... ship
While the Welsh loves the s**... sheep
If cetaceans had a nationality what would it be
Welsh
