The Best 85 Welsh Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Welsh jokes. There are some welsh countryside jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these welsh welsh sheep puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Welsh Jokes and Puns
A Welshman died at the weekend...
Friends say he died the way he would have wanted; comfortably in his sheep
The best way to eat Welsh cheese?
Caerphilly.
Short joke I thought of.
What's the difference between sheep and women?
The Welsh don't know yet either.
How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass?
Irresistible.
What is the most popular bank in Wales?
Welsh Fargo...
...gramps made me do it.
Where he first had sex
A Welsh farmer is out in a field with his son preparing the soil for planting. The farmer points to a corner of the field and tells his son
"Boy, that's where I had my first woman"
"Really?" replied the son
"Yup" said the farmer "and her mother was watching"
"What did she say" the boy asked
and the farmer told him "baaaaaaa"
My Welsh Friend
I asked my welsh mate how many sexual partners he had had, but I never got to find out. Everytime he tried counting them he fell asleep.
What did the welshman do...
...when his girlfriend asked him how many sexual partners he'd had?
Fell Asleep
What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep?
Foreplay
The Welsh are a very shy people
They're really quite sheepish...
My dad always says he's Welsh and Hungarian...
I guess that make me Well Hung
You can explore welsh zealanders reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean welsh shear dad jokes. There are also welsh puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do the English and Welsh have in common?
Kids are their definition of a good time.
Why do Welsh farmers ....
Why do Welsh farmers tend to have sex with sheep on the edge of a cliff?
So the sheep will push back
I had a welsh friend who tried counting all his lovers to me
but each time, I kept falling asleep
I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.
I had no idea how to pronounce her name.
How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese?
Caerphilly.
Drunk Welsh man walks into a bar
A drunk welsh man walks into a bar. How many women are pregnant at the end of the night? None, but I wouldn't eat the lamb!
How do you make a Welsh person comfortable while playing Scrabble?
Remove the vowels in his rack.
LlanfairΒpwllgwyngyllΒgogeryΒchwyrnΒdrobwllΒllanΒtysilioΒgogoΒgoch
Sorry, my cat walked on my keyboard and accidentally typed something Welsh.
I asked my Welsh friend how many times he'd had sex...
He started counting then fell asleep.
How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass?
Attractive
A Welsh man is in bed with his girlfriend [NSFW]
A Welsh man is in bed with his girlfriend, and they're thinking about getting it on. As they're getting ready, the girlfriend asks the man how many sexual partners he's had.
He begins to count, and soon he falls asleep.
The Welsh were among the first to use sheep intestines as condoms....
The English perfected them by removing them from the sheep before using.
How does a Welshman find sheep in tall grass?
Irresistible.
How come the Welsh can't keep track of how many they've had sex with with?
Well, they start counting, but they fall asleep before they're finished.
I asked my Welsh friend how many partners he's had in his life...
he started to count and he fell asleep.
I once dated a Welsh girl with 36 DDs.
Longest surname I've ever seen.
The history of the condom.
In 1272, a Welsh inventor created the first condom using a sheeps lower intestine.
In 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking it out of the sheep first.
~ Obligatory edit. No, it took them 601 years to get the welsh out of the sheep to make the condoms.
What do the Welsh call safe sex?
Spray painting the sheep that bite.
"It's said like it's spelt" is easy to follow
Unless it's said by a Welsh person
Why do Welshmen like to embarrass their wives?
It makes them rather sheepish.
A Welshman is talking to his girlfriend...
when she asks, "How many sexual partners did you have before me?"
"I don't know." replies the Welshman. "Everytime I try and count them I fall asleep."
Who came first, the sheep or the cow?
Depends on who the Welsh farmer fancies the most.
I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had.
He started counting and fell asleep.
How do you pronounce oddly spelt Welsh words?
Caerphilly
What you call a healthy, large aquatic mammal living in a structure that gives access to ground water that is located west of England?
A well Welsh well whale
How does a Welshman find his sheep in long grass?
i r r e s i s t i b l e (Ν‘Β° ΝΚ Ν‘Β°)
A man asks his Welsh friend how many sexual partners he's had to this day
The Welshman starts counting but falls asleep.
How does a Welsh man pleasure himself at the cliff edge with a pair of large Wellington boots?
He puts the back legs of a sheep into his boots and walks towards the edge.
How does a welshman find sheep in long grass?
Delightful.
We were driving through the Welsh countryside when my little girl saidβ¦
"Look at that strange animal daddy, man at the back, sheep at the front."
A Welshman enters a game show....
A Welshman enters a game show, and he is given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, sheeps.
He chooses door # 1 and the host opens door #3 to reveal a sheep behind it.
The host askes, "Do you want to change your choice?"
To which the man replies, "Nay, I'm good."
American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey"
Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
TIL that the Welsh first made condoms out of sheep intestines
The English then improved the idea by taking it out of the animal first
Welsh pub
One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.
All the other men in the bar looked at him and the bartender asked, "You're not from around here, are you lad?"
"No," replied the man, "I'm from London."
"So, boyo," said the bartender, "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a taxidermist." Replied the man.
"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
The bartender then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's o.k. lads, he's one of us!"
The Welsh were the first people to use a sheep's intestine as a condom.
The English improved the design by removing the rest of the sheep prior to use.
The Welsh had been using condoms made out of sheep intestines for centuries
The English later improved on the technique by first removing the intestines from the sheep.
A Welsh guy was getting his driver's license.
He had to take a vision test, so they showed him a line of letters that said: B W N S T R Y D D W L L
They asked, "Can you read the letters?" The man replied, "Are you kidding? I'm *from* that town!"
Why do Welsh people keep their sheep facing the cliff?
So they push back.
Why are Welsh farmers no good at producing animals?
They only rear sheep
How do Welsh farmers practice safe sex?
Spray a red 'X' on the back of ones that kick.
How do Welsh farmers find their sheep in the long grass?
Delightful!
Two members of Welsh rock band The Automatic have quit.
The remaining two now call themselves The Semi-automatic.
An Englishman, a Scot and a Welshman walk into a bar.
They order a pint of beer each. As they are served a fly lands in their glass.
The English man pushes the pitcher away in disgust.
The Scot removes the fly with a finger and drinks the beer.
The Welsh guy picks up the fly, holds it above the pitcher and shouts : spit it out.
The wife just told me"I think you've had an affair with that Welsh tart, from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".....
I said, "How can you say such a thing?"
A Welsh man goes for an eye test.
Doctor: Can you read this chart from top to bottom please.
Welshman: Read it!? I know the guy!
Did you know the first condoms were invented by the Welsh out of sheep's intestines?
The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.
Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day?
The sun never sets on the British umpire.
Do dolphins speak Welsh?
Or is it just Wales.
The Welsh have been using sheep intestine as a contraceptive for hundreds of years.
It is only recently that they have decided to take the intestine out of the sheep.
How do Welsh people name their towns?
Caerphilly
My Welsh grandfather passed away yesterday
He died peacefully in his sheep.
How's a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass?
Satisfying.
I have a friend who is half Welsh and half Vietnamese
I call that a Wyn Nguyen
Offensive warning
An English man, a Welsh man and a Pakistani man are waiting at a hospital as their wives had just given birth. A midwife comes in and explains that the name tags have been messed up and they will have to work out which baby belongs to who. The English man, by right, goes first and chooses what is clearly the Pakistani child. When the baby's father points this out to him, he says I know, but there's a Welsh kid in there and I'm not taking any chances
Released after 5 years for sheep rustling
Welsh tongue twister champion from
LlanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogOGOgoch ...........................................................said "It was a tuff sentence"
The wealthy loves the sexy ship
While the Welsh loves the sexy sheep
My mom's Welsh and my dad's Hungarian
Her: What's that make you?
Me: Wel-hung
The Welsh invented the condom using sheep's guts
But the English improved upon the idea by taking them out of the sheep
I read that the Welsh invented the condom in the Middle Ages by using a piece of sheep's intestine.
The English later improved the design by taking it out of the sheep first.
A man goes to the doctor....
He says, "I don't know what's happening: I've grown a hairy chest, sideburns and I'm started talking in a Welsh accent.
"Ah", said the doctor, "I think you have Tom Jones sydrome".
"I've never heard of that", says the man, "is it very common?"
The doctor says, "It's not unusual."
I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he'd had
He started to count but he fell asleep
I got my ancestry results back and I'm part Welsh and Hungarian.
I am well hung
A ship discovers a lost island in the South Pacific
To their surprise, the ship's company find the remains of a shipwreck there, a couple of decades old, and a single survivor, a Welsh mariner who has busied himself building an exact replica of a Welsh village, complete with a town hall, a pub, a rugby pitch, and two chapels.
"...Two chapels?" asks the ship's captain, and the castaway's face darkens as he nods in the direction of one of the chapels: "That's the one I don't go to."
I recently learnt the Welsh word for 'push' is 'lluq'.
I saw it written on a Glass Door.
Owain Hughes joke Gavin and Stacey
Gavin moves to Wales and meets a coworker named Owain Hughes.
Gavin: Before you ask, no I don't Owe Wayne Hughes.
How do you cut Welsh cheese?
Caerphilly.
I used to date a Welsh girl with 32 D's.
It was a ridiculously long name.
Did you know that the very first condoms were invented by the Welsh, using sheep intestines?
But it wasn't until the 19th century that the English perfected it by removing it from the sheep first
at the barβ¦
MAN: Hello ladies, love your English accentsβ¦
WOMAN 1: They're Welsh accents.
MAN: Well, may I buy you Welshland ladies a drink?
WOMAN 2: It's *Wales*, you idiot!
MAN: Sorry, may I buy you two *whales* a drink?
a welsh man was asked if he would have sex with a sheep for 1000$
the welsh man said "sure but under three conditions."
first, the sheep shouldn't have any diseases obviously
secondly, I don't want anyone i know to hear about this
and finally, give me a week to gather the 1000 dollars for you
A supposedly true story
One day, in Great Britain, two Muslim schoolgirls were chatting away to each other in a foreign language on a public bus. The man sitting in front of them turned around and said, "This is England. Speak English." The woman in front of him turned around and said, "Actually, this is Wales and they're speaking Welsh."
The Welsh invented the condom by using sheep's intestine
The English perfected the condom by removing the intestine from the sheep
An English man, a Welsh man and a Pakistani man sat waiting in a maternity ward.
The nurse came into the waiting room holding 3 babies.
sorry gentlemen, there was a little mixup with who's baby is who's.
Sighed the Nurse.
The english man got to his feet and picked up an Asian baby, heading to the exit.
Hold on, that is clearly my child!
The Pakistani man exclaimed.
The English man turned and replied:
There's 2 white babies there and a 50/50 chance I pick a welsh one.
How do Welshmen find sheep in long grass?
Delightful
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the welsh ewe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working welsh lam piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.