Welldressed Jokes

What are some Welldressed jokes?

A mugger

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!

Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!

A rich, young man walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally retarded man outside the building.

Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?

The old man replied, You're the eighth.

Mugged in D.C

A mugger stops a well-dressed man with a gun to his ribs and says "Give me your money"

The man replies back "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!"

"Oh! In that case," says the robber, "Give me MY money!"

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of...

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs

"give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this, I am a United States congressman!"

In that case," replied the mugger,


"give me my money."

When i say i'm broke...I'm broke!

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" I said. "I haven't got any money!", "I'm broke!" and proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

I stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of broke do you not understand?"

Late one night a robber wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and put a gun to his head. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this β€” I'm a US Congressman!"

"Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"

Geriatric pick-up lines.

A rather elderly gentleman (mid-eighties) walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is very well-dressed, smelling slightly of an expensive after-shave, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel. He presents a suave, well-looked-after image.

Seated at the bar is an elderly fine-looking lady (mid-seventies).
The gentleman walks over, sits along-side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, good looking, do I come here often?"

I told you I was broke…

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners . '

'Go away!' said the old lady. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money!' and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'

The old lady stepped back and said, 'Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.

One for all of us country folks

Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Washington takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer's field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick. "I kick you as hard as I can in the crotch, then you do the same to me," he explains. "Whoever screams the least gets the bird." The city man agrees. So the farmer winds up and delivers a crushing blow to the man's privates, and he collapses to the ground. Twenty minutes later, when he finally manages to stand, he gasps, "My turn." "Nah," says the farmer, turning away. "You can keep the duck."

A robber corners a well-dressed man in an alleyway...

Take out your wallet and give me all your money! The robber says, holding a gun to the man's chest.

You can't do this! says the well-dressed man. I'm a senator in the U.S. Congress!

The robber doesn't lower his gun and replies:

Well in that case, take out your wallet and give me all MY money!

An old lady was on the elevator when... (X-post from /funny)

...a well-dressed young woman got on, wearing perfume. She looked at the old lady, and said "ROMANCE by Ralph Lauren. $150 an ounce."

At the next floor, another woman got on, wearing even more perfume. "CHANEL #5. $200 an ounce." she announced.

When the doors opened on the next floor, the old lady leaned over, ripped a three octave, sinus-clearing duck call of a fart.

As she walked out the door, she looked back over her shoulder, "BROCCOLI. 49 cents a pound!"

A little boy answered a knock at the door...

A little boy answered a knock at the door to find a well-dressed woman.

"Is your mother home?" she asked, politely.

"Uh uh," he said.

"Okay," she said, put off by his lack of manners. "Is your father home?"

"Nope. He done gone to work and he ain't gonna be back 'til after dinner."

"Young man," she said sternly. "Where's your grammar?"

"She's in the kitchen... Bakin' cookies."

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What do you call a well-dressed male cow?

Respectabull.

How to make Welldressed jokes?

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