The Best 63 Weird Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Weird jokes. There are some weird uncanny jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these weird funny puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Weird Jokes and Puns

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"

I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they're fired

Weird joke, Bullets are so weird

Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating

moles

Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.

"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."

Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."

Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"


That's weird

A man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of whisky and drinks it all. Tipsy, he now orders half a bottle of whisky. Drunk, he orders a glass of whisky. Heavily drunk and in a sorry state, he now orders half a glass of whisky. Then he says,

"That's weird. The less I drink the drunker I get"

My girlfriend is weird, she always starts conversations with, "Are you even listening to me!"

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

Weird joke, My girlfriend is weird, she always starts conversations with, "Are you even listening to me!"

I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999.

Weird right?

Kids are like farts...

I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.

My wife and I were discussing people owning weird animals...

and she said, "I've always wanted to get a manatee." I said, "That's very kind of you. I will take it with two sugars."

My wife is weird...

She begins every conversation with "Were you even listening to me?"

You can explore weird distant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean weird mysterious dad jokes. There are also weird puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


English is weird..

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England

He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"

I got a pay rise in my job.

At the end of the day, I went to the pub and bought a drink for everyone there.

I like to be generous, even if they did feel a bit weird sharing the same pint.

I was having sex with my girlfriend when I felt a weird tap on my shoulder...

I hate having sex in the bath.

So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound..

Turns out she was just vacuuming.

Weird joke, So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound..

What's with girls having weird names nowadays?

I recently slept with a girl and after sex she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.

A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport

He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport

"Good morning, First time in Germany?"

"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"

"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"

"T-34, I was the gunner"

Me and my wife decided to form a suicide pact...

Weird thing was that after she killed herself, I didn't feel like dying anymore.


Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day

Give a woman a fish and you're 'that weird fish guy.'

"What's your favourite Pixar film?", my dad asked

I replied, "Up, yours?"

My dad gave me a weird look and said, "No need to be like that, I was only asking."

I once dated a girl with twelve nipples

Sounds weird, dozentit?

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club

Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore.

I before E

Except when you run a weird heist on a feisty foreign overweight neighbor wearing beige.

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

I came into a lot of money today, which is weird.

I usually use tissues.

"Look at this!" I said to my roommate

"What happened?" he replied

"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said

"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"

My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye."

I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.

I've never shot a gun

because that would be a weird target

I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife thinks it's weird....

I don't see why, I think it makes a great hat!

A new friend just told me he had two gay dads.

I said "that's good! ...because it would be really weird if only one of them was gay."

Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle.

Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won't let me buy them beer.

I have this weird compulsion to stare at seaweed

I desperately need to see kelp

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not murder you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus...

It's what's inside that counts...

Just pooped my pants.

Which is weird, because I don't even remember eating them.

My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"

Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

I came into a large sum of money recently...

Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towels.

I before E, except after C.

We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.

Men think about sex every 7 seconds...

Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds... So it doesn't get weird.

I hate when my wife asks if I'm listening to her

It's such a weird way to start a conversation.

Six girls walking around naked sounds weird

Dozen tit?

Yesterday at the dinner table my dad asked me, "are you even listening to me?"

weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.

So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...

...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth

Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

Aint it weird ?

That offices are NSFW right now ?

I've have got this weird fetish for figuring things out.

Matter of fact I just came to that realization.

My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!"

What a weird way to start a conversation..

Some weird German kid just gave me a gold coin.

Thanks for the gold, strange kinder!

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today...

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.

Sorry is a really weird word.

If a normal person says it, your anger is gone but if a doctor says it, you are gone.

Instead of Drew, I'm going to name my kid Driew.

Now I know what you're thinking, but it's only Weird if you say it backwards.

Weird Pfizer vaccine side effect

I haven't made any sounds when I go to the bathroom since I got the shot.

Doctor said that with Pfizer, the p is silent.

I finally realized why many apartments have weird popcorn ceiling

I couldn't understand why every apartment I've lived in had those ugly pebbly popcorn ceilings. It was baffling.

But then later I learned it was a way to muffle sounds coming from your upstairs and downstairs neighbors. It was baffling!

It's So Weird

**Even if I unplug everything, my house still sounds like tinnitus.**

A kangaroo walks into a bar

And orders an espresso martini.
While the Barkeeper serves the drink to the kangaroo another customer remarks:
"don't you find it weird that a kangaroo walks into a bar and orders an espresso martini?"

"Yes, normally he wants ginger beer."

Dark HUMOR

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

"i before e except after c"

weird rule

I got the COVID vaccine but I noticed a weird side effect

Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound

Did you guys hear about the giant who threw up?

No? That's weird. It's all over town.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the weird weirdly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working weird oddly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes