Weird Jokes
151 weird jokes and hilarious weird puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about weird that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Weird Short Jokes
Short weird jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weird humour may include short strange jokes also.
- My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
- My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye." I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.
- I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today... Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
- Broke up with an ex years ago because she had a weird obsession with counting… I wonder what she's up to nowadays
- My girlfriend is weird, she always starts conversations with, "Are you even listening to me!" Thanks, I'll be here all week.
- Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
- My wife screamed, "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" I was taken aback... what a weird way to start a conversation.
- I before E Except when you run a weird heist on a feisty foreign overweight neighbor wearing beige.
- So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma... ...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.
- My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" What a weird way to start a conversation..
Share These Weird Jokes With Friends
Weird One Liners
Which weird one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weird? I can suggest the ones about bizarre and oddly.
- Bullets are so weird They only do their job AFTER they're fired
- English is weird.. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
- My wife is weird... She begins every conversation with "Were you even listening to me?"
- I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent
- Kids are like farts... I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.
- I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999. Weird right?
- I accidentally sprayed my deodorant into my mouth. Now I speak with this weird axe scent.
- Just pooped my pants. Which is weird, because I don't even remember eating them.
- Some weird German kid just gave me a gold coin. Thanks for the gold, strange kinder!
- I've never shot a gun because that would be a weird target
- I have this weird compulsion to stare at seaweed I desperately need to see kelp
- I came into a lot of money today, which is weird. I usually use tissues.
- I was alone at a cemetery when I heard a weird noise Someone was coffin.
- I'll never forget my son's 89th sentence Dad, you remember weird stuff
- People think I'm weird because I swallowed an abacus... It's what's inside that counts...
Weird Al Jokes
Here is a list of funny weird al jokes and even better weird al puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 michael jackson parody today but I realized That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.
- Why did the accordionist get fired from the orchestra? They couldn’t stop playing “Weird Al” Yankovic covers during rehearsal.
- Weird Al and vin diesel should team up with a chip tune band Then they could be Al, Vin & The Chip Monks
- Weird Al walks into a bar And makes a parody of it
- When Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson have a baby We will have something like Weird Al' Yankovic or a lawyer
- Hillary Lewinsky's campaign has received an endorsement by... Weird Al Sharpton.
- RIP Weird Al Yankovic Sike!
Weird But True Jokes
Here is a list of funny weird but true jokes and even better weird but true puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- They say that trains are full of weird people... ...but I don't think that's true. I've never met a weird person on a train, and I talk to *everyone.*
- A true story... Me: My art style is practical and realistic. Not at all weird!
Me: practicing drawing eyes
Me: screws up
Me: d**... eye ice-cream!
Share Hilarious Weird Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about weird you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unusual jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weird pranks.
Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?
I wouldn't recommend it.
Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.
It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.
You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.
Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside
Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?
Anyway, my dad just caught me m**...
Three women (redhead, blondie and an asian) have just escaped a prison, and the cops are looking for them...
The girls were running trough the city and went into one of those fruit/ vegetables' market to hide, and find 3 bag of potatoes big enough for them to hide inside.
After a while, one cop that is looking for them finds the bags, and realize that they're kind of weird... So he approaches and kicks the first potatoe's bag, with the asian girl inside...
The asian girl, quickly respond the kick with barking noises: ruff ruff
"Oh... These are just a few dogs!", says the cop.
He then approaches to the second potatoe's bag, with the redhead inside, and kicks it as well.
"Meow... Meow", the redhead answers.
"Oh... These are just a few cats!", says the cop.
Finally, he gets close to the third potatoe's bag, with the blondie inside, and kicks it too.
The voice inside the bags respond:
"Potatoes".
My girlfriend just freaked me out...
she gave me a b**... but insisted on role playing as a 12 year old.f**... weird and g**.... I was like "You're going to be 12 in a couple of months, what's the rush?
A distant relative of mine died and I came into some money...
but my friends told me that I have a weird f**....
SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM
Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."
I have a weird fungal infection on my foot...
I didn't like it at first, but it's growing on me.
moles
Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.
"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."
Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."
Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"
So, this guy walks into a bar with a Newt on his shoulder
The bartender says "that's a weird pet what's his name?"
The guy responds, "oh, his name is Tiny."
The bartender then asks "Well that's a weird name, why do you call him that?"
And the guys answers "because he's mynewt!"
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship...
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like p**.... "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.
"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like p**.... I don't like it," he says.
The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."
That's weird
A man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of whisky and drinks it all. Tipsy, he now orders half a bottle of whisky. Drunk, he orders a glass of whisky. Heavily drunk and in a sorry state, he now orders half a glass of whisky. Then he says,
"That's weird. The less I drink the drunker I get"
I lost 100 pounds with this one weird trick!
Exercise
My wife and I were discussing people owning weird animals...
and she said, "I've always wanted to get a manatee." I said, "That's very kind of you. I will take it with two sugars."
This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door.
My plumber has a weird sense of humour.
A Saudi Arabian prince is going to college in England
He texts his father,
"Dad, I feel weird driving my Lamborghini to school when all my classmates take a train"
His father replies;
"Son, I have transferred 500 million dollars into your account. Go out and buy a train and stop embarrassing this family"
I got a pay rise in my job.
At the end of the day, I went to the pub and bought a drink for everyone there.
I like to be generous, even if they did feel a bit weird sharing the same pint.
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
I was having s**... with my girlfriend when I felt a weird tap on my shoulder...
I hate having s**... in the bath.
So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound..
Turns out she was just vacuuming.
What's with girls having weird names nowadays?
I recently slept with a girl and after s**... she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.
My girlfriend has this really weird f**...
She likes to pretend she's 13 years old when we have s**....
I don't know why, she'll be 13 in a couple of years anyway.
A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport
He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport
"Good morning, First time in Germany?"
"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"
"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"
"T-34, I was the gunner"
My mom says I look just like my father.
It's weird that she thinks that, because everyone else says I look like Steve the mailman.
Me and my wife decided to form a s**... pact...
Weird thing was that after she killed herself, I didn't feel like dying anymore.
Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day
Give a woman a fish and you're 'that weird fish guy.'
"What's your favourite Pixar film?", my dad asked
I replied, "Up, yours?"
My dad gave me a weird look and said, "No need to be like that, I was only asking."
My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh...
It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.
- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country
It's weird to me that the shortened version of Charles is "Chuck".
I mean, what the Farles is that about?
I once dated a girl with twelve n**...
Sounds weird, dozentit?
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club
Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore.
Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters. One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools.
A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.
My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...
But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.
Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?
I really s**... at Guac-a-mole.
Some people think working in a crematorium is weird...
but it's an honest way to urn a living
I was always told "i before e except after c"
It sounds weird but I guess it's just science
"Look at this!" I said to my roommate
"What happened?" he replied
"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said
"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband...
Wife: My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!
Psychiatrist: Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife thinks it's weird....
I don't see why, I think it makes a great hat!
A new friend just told me he had two gay dads.
I said "that's good! ...because it would be really weird if only one of them was gay."
Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle.
Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won't let me buy them beer.
My wife yelled at me today, saying, "You were not even listening now, were you!?"
What a weird way of starting a conversation!!
I was rated "number 1 most likely to not m**... you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.
I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.
America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners
Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.
I named my dog Stains
You get weird looks when you yell "come Stains!" at the park.
A plane takes off with two hours delay. Once in the air a passenger asks the flight attendant:
"why did we take off so late?"
To which the flight attendant replies:
"well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane."
Found a weird .exe file on your computer? Beware!
Could be a set up.
A pianist performing in a subway terminal...
was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."
My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"
Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:
"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."
This new dating site is amazing!
Roblox is a weird name for it though.
A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret f**... via his search history...
"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.
Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"
I came into a large sum of money recently...
Which is weird, because I normally just use paper towels.
I before E, except after C.
We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.
It really is weird it took so long for America to legalize gay marriage
Considering they have four fathers
Men think about s**... every 7 seconds...
Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds... So it doesn't get weird.
My girl likes to pretend she's 13 when we're in bed together
Which i told her is pointless & weird, because she'll be 13 next year.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It's an extremely rare dish order.
Apparently, men think about s**... every seven seconds...
I make sure I e**... hotdogs within 6 seconds so it doesn't get weird.
My girlfriend is weird. Sometimes she wants my time, then sometimes suddenly she wants her space
We don't seem to have established a functional continuum
I hate when my wife asks if I'm listening to her
It's such a weird way to start a conversation.
The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes.
I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.
Six girls walking around n**... sounds weird
Dozen t**...?
Yesterday at the dinner table my dad asked me, "are you even listening to me?"
weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
Uber driver came to return woman's lost purse
Woman : Thanks but..it is so weird because I remember it containing only a single 100$ note, but now there are ten 10$ notes inside it. How's that possible?
Man: Yeah because everytime I had gone to return someone's wallet or purse, they said they don't have any change to reward me.
I accidentally sprayed a deodorant in my mouth,
Now I have this weird axe scent.
A man met a woman at a bar and she invited him home
Once there, they head straight to her bedroom. The guy sees her shelves are covered with stuffed animals. It seems a little weird, but he thinks maybe she didn't get many of them when she was younger, and now she's making up for it. Regardless, they jump in bed together.
After s**..., the guy says "That was amazing. How was it for you?"
She replies "You may have anything from the bottom shelf."
