weird Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious weird puns

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

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My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"

I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

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Bullets are so weird

They only do their job AFTER they're fired

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Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating

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My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye."

I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.

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I once met a girl with 12 breasts

Sounds weird dozen tit

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English is weird..

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

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The other day i walked in on my grandmother sucking my grandfather's dick.

I just find it weird why it wasn't cremated with the rest of him.

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My wife is weird...

She begins every conversation with "Were you even listening to me?"

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My girlfriend is weird, she always starts conversations with, "Are you even listening to me!"

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

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What's with girls having weird names nowadays?

I recently slept with a girl and after sex she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.

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Kids are like farts...

I hate everyone elses but for some weird reason I like my own.

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My wife is so weird

She starts every conversation with "were you even listening to me?"

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I before E

Except when you run a weird heist on a feisty foreign overweight neighbor wearing beige.

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My girlfriend screamed at me today. "You weren't even listening to me just now, were you?"

I thought, man, what a weird way to start a conversation.

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I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999.

Weird right?

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This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club

Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore.

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Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle.

Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won't let me buy them beer.

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So I woke up this morning to my dishwasher making a weird sound..

Turns out she was just vacuuming.

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Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day

Give a woman a fish and you're 'that weird fish guy.'

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"Look at this!" I said to my roommate

"What happened?" he replied

"Look, the second, fourth, sixth and eighth plants are growing very healthily, but the other four are getting dry, even though I treated them the same!" I said

"Huh, weird!" he responded "water the odds!"

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My wife and I were discussing people owning weird animals...

and she said, "I've always wanted to get a manatee." I said, "That's very kind of you. I will take it with two sugars."

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A trucker is driving his rig at night

He's on the phone to one of his mates. At one point he asks:

"Fred, what would you say is the height of the largest type of penguin?"

"That's a really weird question Tom, but I guess around 120cm"

"Ah... are you sure? Not tall as say, a human?"

"I wouldn't say so Tom, seems pretty unlikely"

"Ah, shit... I guess I just ran over a Nun then.."

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I was rated "number 1 most likely to not murder you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

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Just pooped my pants.

Which is weird, because I don't even remember eating them.

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I before E, except after C.

We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.

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Met a woman with 12 boobs the other day

Sounds weird dozen tit?

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I once met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds weird....

...Dozen tit?

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Isn't it so weird when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?...

Anyway, my sister in law just caught me masturbating.

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What if female pirates had boobs made of wood instead of peg legs

It'd be weird wooden tit

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I watched a really weird porno the other day.

It was just a fat white man sitting in a darkened room, crying and wanking at the same time for an hour. Then I realised the TV wasn't switched on yet.

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Going to the toy store with your mother as a child is normal.

Going to the toy store with your mother as an adult is weird.

I don't get it though.

I'm an adult.

She's an adult.

The sign says 'Adult Toy Store'

Fucking double standards.

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Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at Guac-a-mole.

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NSFW

Watched some really weird porn the other day: just a sad, fat naked guy masturbating. Then I realised the TV was off.

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Isn't it weird that phrases mean something totally different as an adult than when you were a kid?

Like, "It's time for a spanking." "You've been a bad girl." Or "Come over here and suck daddy's dick."

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What are the most funny Weird jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Weird? Well, here are the best Weird dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Weird pick up lines to share with friends.

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