Weight Jokes

• Short Weight Jokes
• Weight One Liners
• Lose Weight Jokes
• Losing Weight Jokes
• Gain Weight Jokes
• Weight Gain Jokes
• Weight Loss Jokes
• More Weight Jokes

Funniest Weight Short Jokes

Short weight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weight humour may include short heavy jokes also.

1. What weigh more? 50kg of Iron or a 50kg woman? The woman. They always lie about their weight.
2. I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because the weights are too heavy. I just handed in my too weak notice.
3. I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.
4. If online bullying has taught us anything. It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.
5. There's a new COVID-19 strain that's causing people to gain massive amounts of weight. The om-nom-nom-icron variant.
6. What's heavier, a ton of brick or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
7. What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? The feathers.
   Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
8. My girlfriend told me she's sad because she's put on a bit of weight I told her to keep her chins up
9. Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you? Drown them.
10. How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

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Weight One Liners

Which weight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weight? I can suggest the ones about lifting and gravity.

1. My girlfriend hates when I make jokes about her weight... She needs to lighten up.
2. Sad news, my obese parrot died today. Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
3. My obese parrot just died. I'm very sad but it is a huge weight off my shoulders.
4. What has caused Caitlyn Jenner to put on weight? Trans fats.
5. To the guy who stole my weight loss pills.. You'll have nothing to gain.
6. Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.
7. My parrot got so fat that it died. It's a huge weight off my shoulder.
8. What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight? Wedding Cake.
9. What's blue and does not weight much? Light blue.
10. How did Jared from Subway lose weight? He was ordering off the kids menu.
11. I recently lost lots of weight by placing bread on my head. The loaf hat diet
12. Yo momma's so fat ...that the city of Dublin was named after her daily weight gain.
13. Elon musk should tweet about my weight So it would plummet, too.
14. My obese parrot died. It was a huge weight off my shoulders.
15. I try not to judge my barber for his weight but.. He could be a hair trimmer.

Lose Weight Jokes

Here is a list of funny lose weight jokes and even better lose weight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Easily lose weight by cutting these two things out of your diet: Breakfast and dinner.
  My dad told me this joke please laugh.
• The doctor told me to lose some weight. I said, "How?"
  He said "Don't eat anything fatty."
  I said, "You mean pies, chips, that sort of thing?"
  He said, "No, just don't eat anything, fatty."
• How to lose weight - Doctor, I'm fat, how do I lose weight?
  - Just move your head from left to right and from right to left.
  - How many times , doctor ?
  - Every time someone offers you food.
• I started a new diet.. Where I only eat things I can pronounce. I thought it would help me lose weight, but I just became a better reader.
• Every time I go through a fast food window They hand me my food and say sorry about the weight. I know I could lose a few pounds but this is just rude.
• The reason why many Americans don't eat healthy, is because eating healthy would cause you to lose weight. And America never loses
• I got my wife an amazing new lipstick that makes you lose weight. It's called "Superglue".
• I needed to lose some weight so I went on a 3 month diet plan. I don't want to brag, but... ...I just finished it in 72 hours.
• I've been going to the gym for 3 weeks now with no results.. What Pokemon do I use to lose weight?
• Water can solve all your problems.. Want to lose weight?
  Drink water.
  Clear Face?
  Drink water.
  Tired of a person?
  Drown them in water..

Losing Weight Jokes

Here is a list of funny losing weight jokes and even better losing weight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Contrary to popular beliefs, losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.
• My wife said if I don't lose weight then she'll file for a divorce. Who wants to come over for a pizza tonight?
• water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves, drown them
• Losing weight is a piece of cake Just don't pick it up
• Losing weight is so easy now. I'm just chasing the kids around all day - Jared Fogle
• So I want to start losing weight and burning fat So I set some obese kids ablaze
• DJ Khaled was featured in a Weight Watchers commercial for losing weight... ...He must have stopped eating out...
• We are launching a Food App that will help you lose your weight You'll order but we won't deliver.
• If you want to lose weight, start the Lance Armstrong diet Just have one nut
• I could lose weight if I wanted to But I hate losing

Gain Weight Jokes

Here is a list of funny gain weight jokes and even better gain weight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• After gaining weight, My husband bought me a dress 2 sizes below and says... "I look forward to seeing you in it".
  So for his birthday I bought him a coffin.
• My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
• Why do women gain weight after they get married? Single women come home, look in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women come home, look in the bed, and go to the fridge.
• I blame my wife's cooking for my weight gain. Ever since she started cooking I've been eating out more.
• My girlfriend has been gaining weight so I sat her down in the living room to talk to her. I said "We need to talk about the elephant in the room"
• My miniature Siberian dog is gaining weight too fast. He's a little Husky.
• My gym trainer asked me to eat as much as possible to gain weight. I can't handle eating so much. I'm fed up.
• Elton John's gained a notable amount of weight lately. Goodbye, normal jeans.
• My doctor told me I've really grown as a person! Well, her exact words were that I "Gained Weight"
• When do Asians gain the most weight? When their dog dies

Weight Gain Jokes

Here is a list of funny weight gain jokes and even better weight gain puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• When do you know when your girlfriend has gained weight? When she fits into your wife's clothes.
• A microbiologist quit caring about his own health. He started gaining a lot of weight. He's a biologist now.
• My friends always complain that I can eat so much and never gain weight. I've told them its because I workout like crazy but they say I'm lying. Well they're kinda right, but I dont lie.... IBS.
• A man was trying to become rich by gaining weight He was trying to make a four chin
• I hate having to gain weight to play a role... and then remembering I'm not an actor.
• A girl once told me I was the reason she was gaining weight Needless to say we didn't work out
• Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan? Make America's Weight A Gain.
• Those who are afraid of gaining weight, should drink a shot of whiskey before every meal… alcohol reduces fear.
• I don't understand why I'm still gaining weight... ...I've added a salad to every meal
• Due to recent changes, 50 cent has changed his citizenship to the UK. After experiencing weight gain, he is being converted to UK currency and will now be known as "50 pounds".

Weight Loss Jokes

Here is a list of funny weight loss jokes and even better weight loss puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded... at how gullible people on the internet are.
• Just bought a new phone, it's helping me with weight loss I don't have money to eat anything for 2 months.
• A man invested in a weight loss diet from Britain He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn't work
• What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France? "The American Weight Loss Plan."
• Weight-loss pills are very effective... They drain your bank account so you don't have money for food.
• My wife told me she and her sister started a weight loss competition to see who can shed the most pounds before their cousin's wedding this summer. "I hope you win" was not the correct response.
• Why did Mike Tyson hire the Devil as his weight loss trainer? He said he wanted to be a little thinner.
• Ahhh Communism My favorite weight loss program
• My wife and I started dieting together and we have a combined weight loss of 60 Lbs! My wife is down 80 Lbs.
• Jared Fogel's weight loss secret finally revealed! He's been eating the kids meal all this time

Cheerful Fun Weight Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about weight you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weight pranks.