Weight Loss Jokes
70 weight loss jokes and hilarious weight loss puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about weight loss that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Weight Loss Short Jokes
Short weight loss jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weight loss humour may include short losing weight jokes also.
- Local mom finds cure to weight loss, Scientist are dumbfounded... at how gullible people on the internet are.
- Just bought a new phone, it's helping me with weight loss I don't have money to eat anything for 2 months.
- A man invested in a weight loss diet from Britain He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn't work
- What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France? "The American Weight Loss Plan."
- Weight-loss pills are very effective... They drain your bank account so you don't have money for food.
- My wife told me she and her sister started a weight loss competition to see who can shed the most pounds before their cousin's wedding this summer. "I hope you win" was not the correct response.
- Why did Mike Tyson hire the Devil as his weight loss trainer? He said he wanted to be a little thinner.
- My wife and I started dieting together and we have a combined weight loss of 60 Lbs! My wife is down 80 Lbs.
- Jared Fogel's weight loss secret finally revealed! He's been eating the kids meal all this time
- My parents congratulated me on my 215lb weight loss... I don't think they liked my ex-boyfriend.
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Weight Loss One Liners
Which weight loss one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weight loss? I can suggest the ones about lose weight and weight gain.
- To the guy who stole my weight loss pills.. You'll have nothing to gain.
- Ahhh Communism My favorite weight loss program
- New name for weight loss pills Pills of mass destruction!
- Why did the imam start a weight loss program? He wanted people to be more slim .
- Japan worked well for my weight loss. Can't even pick up my food.
- Homeopathy weight loss tip:
Drink diluted water. - Great weight loss tip: Become an astronaut.
- Weight loss How can you help a fat person lose a quick 300 pounds?
Give them a gun - If only AIDS had a cure... ...it could be turned into a weight-loss program
- The one word weight loss program Aids
- What's the best life-hack for weight loss? Cancer.
- Brexit helped me with my weight loss I lost a bunch of pounds in a single day
- As you can see the EU's weight loss is going great! It lost all of its pounds.
- Jared Blames Weight loss for his paedophillia. He could finally catch them.
- Get rid of 30 pounds with my new weight loss product!
Howlingly Hilarious Weight Loss Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about weight loss you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dieting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weight loss pranks.
There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs.
The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful n**... woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me."
An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter.
A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs.
The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time there are two girls with the same sign.
A day later, he comes out 50 lbs. lighter.
A year later, he returns and needs to lose 100 lbs.
He gets sent upstairs again, where he finds a huge gorilla with a sign that reads "If I catch you, I screw you."
Yo' Mama is so n**..., simply bathing is part of her weight loss program.
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
A man goes to a community gym...
He sees a sign for a weight loss program which says, "Lose 5 pounds in one week!". Curious, he signs up for the program. He begins the program the next day and upon entering the designated area finds an attractive woman with a sign on her shirt that says,"If you catch me, you can have your way with me. You have 30 minutes." He chases her around the area for a week and sure enough loses 5 pounds.
Wanting to lose a bit more weight though, he decides to try the next level of the program. This program guarantees he'll lose 15 pounds in a month. He gets to the designated area and once again a smoking h**... with a sign saying,"If you catch me you can have your way with me." Runs around while he chases her for 30 minutes. This goes on for a month and he loses 15 pounds.
Feeling extra confident and wanting to look his absolute best for a college reunion coming up in two months, he signs up for the highest level of the course. It guarantees he'll lose 50 pounds in 2 months. He gets to the designated area and upon closing the door turns around to see a 300 pound man of pure muscle with a sign that says the following:
"If I catch you, I have my way with you."
Lose 20 Lbs. Guaranteed!
There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful n**... woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me." An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter.
A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time there are two girls with the same sign. A day later, he comes out 50 lbs. lighter.
A year later, he returns and needs to lose 100 lbs. He gets sent upstairs again, where he finds a huge gorilla with a sign that reads "If I catch you, I screw you."
A man and his wife go out to eat...
...as they are being served their food the wife says "if I worked here, I'd weigh 200 pounds!"
The man responds "so you'd loss weight?"
This was an actually conversation by my parents, all in good fun of course.
Guaranteed weight loss!
Stop eating!
A nutritionist delivers a talk at a weight loss convention.
"Now, I did have a big red pie chart behind me, but apparently, you all like Strawberry."
Please don't kill me.
At least Jared Fogle will be able to keep up with his weight loss in jail...
He'll be force-fed six inches to foot longs for the next 15 years.
Wife told husband that she has gained a lot of weight lately and wants to lose weight
Husband: There's a very effective weight loss patch. You'll lose 10 pounds in one week. The most important thing is that it's really cheap.
Wife: Oh wow! I need to have one. Where do you apply the patch?
Husband: On your mouth.
What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?
You'll lost 30£ for only $42.82! Guaranteed.
The UK Government has decided to make l**... legal as a drug for weight loss
It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...
"With our special weight loss supplements and a healthy diet, you can lose over 30 pounds a month!"
Fat chance...
Did you know that being possessed by a ghost increases your body weight?
For weight loss, exorcising is recommended.
What slogan do both a brothel and a weight loss clinic have in common?
Come drop your load.
Hear about the coma induced weight loss program prescribed by doctors?
They call it a *die*t.
My sister finished her rigorous weight loss plan and lost an incredible 10lbs in one day!
She had a baby
They say you're supposed to s**... completely n**... in order to weigh yourself correctly...
I was very confused when I got arrested at a weight-loss meeting
My weight loss program
A year ago I was 20lbs overweight, now I'm slim and so svelte. You know what's my secret?
Moving to England and having to eat English food.
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
Well - Mrs. Smith, it would seem that you're pregnant.
Sweet Jesus, that's wonderful, I'm pregnant, Doctor?!
Oh not at all, but at first glance, it would certainly seem so. Here's our weight loss brochure.
DJ Khaled invented a weight loss app
Everytime you lose a pound, his voice comes on and says "Another one".
How to loss weight with a flick of fingers
Just change the units from pounds to kilograms.
I wish Stacey Abrams would concede and just give up...
Like she did on her weight loss program.
My friends recommended the British Casino weight loss method
It really works. I've already lost fifty pounds.
Have you tried the communist weight loss program?
Ive lost tons of weight on this five-year plan!
Did you know that l**... is a really effective weight loss drug?
How are you supposed to eat if there's a dragon guarding the fridge?
A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.
The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."
Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of s**... drive.
Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.
"Honey, I bought you a new Weight Loss Tape!"
"How the h**... are we gonna play a tape?!"
"No silly, it goes over your mouth"
