Weight Gain Jokes
92 weight gain jokes and hilarious weight gain puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about weight gain that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Weight Gain Short Jokes
Short weight gain jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weight gain humour may include short gaining weight jokes also.
- There's a new COVID-19 strain that's causing people to gain massive amounts of weight. The om-nom-nom-icron variant.
- After gaining weight, My husband bought me a dress 2 sizes below and says... "I look forward to seeing you in it".
So for his birthday I bought him a coffin. - My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
- I blame my wife's cooking for my weight gain. Ever since she started cooking I've been eating out more.
- My girlfriend has been gaining weight so I sat her down in the living room to talk to her. I said "We need to talk about the elephant in the room"
- My doctor told me I've really grown as a person! Well, her exact words were that I "Gained Weight"
- A microbiologist quit caring about his own health. He started gaining a lot of weight. He's a biologist now.
- My friends always complain that I can eat so much and never gain weight. I've told them its because I workout like crazy but they say I'm lying. Well they're kinda right, but I dont lie.... IBS.
- A girl once told me I was the reason she was gaining weight Needless to say we didn't work out
- Those who are afraid of gaining weight, should drink a shot of whiskey before every meal… alcohol reduces fear.
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Weight Gain One Liners
Which weight gain one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weight gain? I can suggest the ones about weight loss and putting on weight.
- Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.
- What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight? Wedding Cake.
- My miniature Siberian dog is gaining weight too fast. He's a little Husky.
- Elton John's gained a notable amount of weight lately. Goodbye, normal jeans.
- A man was trying to become rich by gaining weight He was trying to make a four chin
- I hate having to gain weight to play a role... and then remembering I'm not an actor.
- Ronald McDonald runs for president. His slogan? Make America's Weight A Gain.
- I don't understand why I'm still gaining weight... ...I've added a salad to every meal
- Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back? The mall is hiring new Santas.
- Gaining Weight? ...It's a piece of cake!
- I've gained a lot of weight Since birth
- Honey, do you think I gained weight? No, I think the living room got smaller.
- How do you make a girl gain weight? Marry her.
- Gaining weight from drinking so much water? Drink lighter fluid
- What do you call weight lifting on Wall Street? Capital gains
Comical Weight Gain Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What funny jokes about weight gain you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean weight scale jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weight gain pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."
Please settle an argument regarding this joke: why is it funny?
>What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
>30 pounds.
This joke has been the source of debate among my peers. I know I'm right, but I need evidence/validation. Why is this joke funny? What is the punch line implying?
----
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
How much weight would you gain if you ate a whole couch?
you would probably gain at least a futon
The 5 W's you gain as you age:
Weight
White hairs
Wrinkles
Waistline
...and Wisdom.
My girlfriend told me she was retaining water and gaining weight...
I told her not to sweat it.
What did the Advanced warfare developer say to his girlfriend who gained weight?
Exo fat
What did the call of duty player say to his girlfriend about gaining weight?
EX SO FAT
When I gained weight I got really depressed when I started dancing.
I couldn't take the moob swings.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Texans gain so much weight?
Because they always "Remember the à la mode."
Beer contains female hormones
Last month, Montreal University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
(A) The theory is that Beer contains female hormones (hops contain Estrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.
(B) To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 large drafts of beer within a one (1) hour period.
(C) It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects - yes, 100% of all these men:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally, and
8) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about Caitlyn Jenner gaining weight?
She was eating too much trans fat.
A vegan diet is not healthier!
I've eaten nothing but Oreos this month, and I've gained weight.
I dated a blind girl but it didn't work out
We could never see eye to eye about her weight gaining
How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?
You fit into his clothes.
Please Jesus, I pray to you.............
I pray to you again, stop confusing what I'm asking you..... I asked to lose weight and gain money, not the other way around.
Wife told husband that she has gained a lot of weight lately and wants to lose weight
Husband: There's a very effective weight loss patch. You'll lose 10 pounds in one week. The most important thing is that it's really cheap.
Wife: Oh wow! I need to have one. Where do you apply the patch?
Husband: On your mouth.
What's the leading cause of weight gain in women?
Marriage
After my parents got divorced my little sister gained a lot of weight
I hope they don't make fun of her at school... She has enough on her plate.
Why do guys gain weight after marriage?
Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...
I think my girlfriend is starting to gain weight.
She's starting to fit into my wife's clothes.
I'm not gaining weight.
I'm losing wavelength
Whether you're losing or gaining weight this year, remember, CICO
One day, you might get surprised in the shower.
If body builders religiously try to gain weight..
Does that mean they go to the gym for mass?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Scientific research recently revealed....
Evidence that female hormones are present in beer. A group of men were given six pints of beer each. One hundred percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your mom gained so much weight
that her tattoos redshifted.
Today we'll be discussing near-death experiences
and why not to talk to your wife or girlfriend about weight gain.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of food is b**...?
The best kind, cause you can eat all you want and never gain any weight.
If Chance the Rapper gained weight, what would we call him?
Chance the snacker.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When do Asians gain the most weight?
When their dog dies
If you have a fear of gaining weight this christmas remember to drink alcohol before eating.
It takes away the fear.
What if Emma Watson gained some weight?
A friend came over to mine and my girlfriend's house.
As soon as we let him in, I could see by the shock in his eyes that he'd noticed my girlfriend's tremendous weight gain. He leant in and whispered to me, "What happened to her!? She must weigh about 7 tonnes!"
I just turned to him and shook my head vigorously in defiance.
I didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room.
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
Do not shampoo in the shower
I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,
"For extra body and volume."
No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads
"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.
Visit to the doctor
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors; Fill your plate with bright colors; greens, yellows, reds, etc.
I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On average women gain weight if they're married
When they're single, they come home, look at what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, look at what's in the bed and then go to the fridge.
If you are afraid of gaining weight
then just take a shot of liquor before dinner. Alcohol can numb your sense of fear.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..
You'll have nothing to gain.
One of Roald Dahl's characters gained weight and started writing rap music.
Notorious BFG.
Why did the herpetologist gain weight?
They just sit watching a monitor all day.
To prepare for her UK vacation, the blonde went on a high-calorie weight gain diet.
She'd heard she could pay for things there in pounds.
Only amateurs gain weight during the holidays
Us, professionals gain weight during the entire year.
My weight-gain parcels have just arrived and I'm feeling really jittery. I might have to go and see a doctor.
I think I've got the shakes.
When u get to college u get the freshman15 - what do u call the weight u gain during quarantine?
The Covid-19
Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer
It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.
I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.
She's still laughing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Side effects may include weight gain, depression and loss of s**... drive.
Ask your doctor if marriage is right for you.
A new competition!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I recently entered a competition to see who gained the most weight and lost the most hair," he tells the bartender. "What the heck? Why?" the bartender asks. "Oh, they didn't call it that," the guy replies. "It was advertised as 'high school class reunion,'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I matched with a g**... Tinder
She asked, "how tall are you?"
I replied, "5'10, how much do you weigh?"
She got angry and said, "That's body shaming, it's hard to lose weight!"
I laughed and said, "it's harder for me to gain height!"
Due to recent changes, 50 cent has changed his citizenship to the UK.
After experiencing weight gain, he is being converted to UK currency and will now be known as "50 pounds".
A man is frustrated with his wife gaining a little weight
He tells her, Maybe you should wash your clothes in slim fast since you won't try anything else.
The wife goes to bed angry. The next morning when the husband puts on his underwear, it's full of powder. He asks his wife why she put baby powder in his underwear.
She replies, It's not baby powder, it's miracle grow .
A wife says to her husband, "Have a gained to much weight since we met?"
The husband honestly answers, "Oh, maybe just a fraction more than I'd like." The wife asks, "I thought so too. How *much* of a fraction?" The husband again answers honestly, "I'd rather not say. It would be improper."