Weeping Jokes
30 weeping jokes and hilarious weeping puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about weeping that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Weeping can often be a source of humor and relief--this article takes a look at how one of nature's most iconic symbols of sorrow can be used for laughs. Learn more about the funny side of the weeping willow, including how hush and weep can be turned into jokes.
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Funniest Weeping Short Jokes
Short weeping jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The weeping humour may include short wailing jokes also.
- Did you hear about the bed bug band? They mostly play covers
(OC my dudes, read em and weep) - What do accordion heaven and hell have in common? They both make angels weep, but for entirely different reasons.
- Death is coming to take a lawyer away The lawyer is weeping, "why now? I am only fourty!"
Death replies, "not according to the hours you billed your clients". - A boy's dad died in a tragic accident Boy is sitting in his room crying his eyes out and weeps to himself
-I'm so devastated...
Then an otherworldly ghostly voice replies
-Hi devastated, I'm dead - There was a young man weeping The man was sitting at a library table
A young lady approached him and asked what was wrong
He replied It's complicated
And showed his calculus homework - I'm at the vets..... A man opposite me weeps with an empty cage in his arms. I'd be crying too if I were that forgetful.
- Did you hear about the depressed man going on a cross country road trip? He's weeping the nation.
- What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow? Hey pal, you just need to branch out more.
- A boss is about to fire his engineer after a bridge collapses. But after seeing the engineer weeping, tells him "oh cry me a river, just build a new one and get over it."
- I lost the use of both my legs and lay weeping at the bottom of the stairs. My dad gave me five grand. It was just the lift I needed.
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Weeping One Liners
Which weeping one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with weeping? I can suggest the ones about crying and sobbing.
- I used to weep over my poor apple harvest. Then I grew a pear.
- What is the scientific name of a Weeping Willow? Mourning Wood
- I hate weeping willows. They're too sappy.
- What do onions and people have in common? I weep uncontrollably when I cut them.
- I gave my mom a sad book for Christmas I told her to read it and weep
- What's a Weeping Angel's least favorite car? A BMW.
- My life (Weeps bitterly)
- What do you call a Jedi tree? A lukealyptus
Or If you're fancy... A weeping windu - Why was the Gungan sent back in time by the Weeping Angel? He Jar Jar Blinked.
- Lifeguards wouldn't let Obama in the pool because he had weeping *legions*
- Onion books. Read 'em and weep.
(Credit to Andrew O'Niel.) - What s**..., blows, leaks, weeps, extrudes, drains, drips, feeds, and delivers? A woman
Howlingly Hilarious Weeping Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about weeping you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tearing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make weeping pranks.
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
"I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I had an affair!" she sobbed.
"The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it never happened!"
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and sighs. "Not again...."
A young woman was standing outside her car weeping. A soldier walks up and asks what the problem is.
It turns out she's locked her keys in the car.
"Simple," says the soldier and drops his trousers, takes them off, rolls them into a ball and rubs them on the door.
The door pops open.
"How did you do that?!" exclaimed the young woman.
"Easy," says the soldier, "These are my khakis."
George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.
His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter c**....
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?
A woman visits her hypnotherapist
A weeping woman visits her hypnotherapist and laments, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and slept with another man... The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!"
To which the hypnotherapist replies, "Jesus Christ, not again!"
I CAME HOME EARLY FROM WORK ONE AFTERNOON AND FOUND MY WIFE AND BEST FRIEND HAVING i**....
I couldn't believe it.
I was in tears.
I could never trust her again.
I sent her away and told her to never return. It was over.
Still weeping, I sat on the bed next to my best friend.
I said, "bad dog".
A man is visiting his mother's grave at the cemetery.
He notices another man on his knees weeping wildly and exclaiming, "Oh why did you have to die? Oh WHY did you have to die??" First man says to him, "I'm so sorry for your grief. You two must have been close". Second man wipes away tears and replies, "Oh, I never knew him". Puzzled, the first guy asks, "If you never knew him then why are you so upset? Who was he"?. Second guy stood up and said, "He was my wife's first husband".
What do you do?
So, you are walking around in a forest and see a girl lying on the floor, half n**... and clothes tattered. She is weeping heavily, and you can tell she has just been r**....
What do you do?
You check your map, because you have been walking in a circle.
Man walked by old man sitting on bench openly weeping, so the man said, what's wrong? The old man responds..
I'm married to a beautiful 25-year old woman who quit her modeling career to spend time with me. Every single night she makes love to me like no other woman ever has in my life, she follows it up with dinner afterwards cooks me up a delicious gourmet meal then we fall asleep holding eachother in bed.
So the man, dumbfounded responded, so what's the problem? 😐
The old man responds, I forgot where I live.
Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday
I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. Not again …
Daughter to a father had not seen her father for 25 years...
And now he lies in his deathbed. The girl stood, weeping at the side of the bed, guilty she had not visited him in the 25 year gap.
"Dad, I'm sorry..." She said, tears trailing down from the corner of her eyes.
"Hi Sorry, I'm Dead."
My family and I went to a f**... today. Everyone was weeping and crying except my little brother.
He was dead silent.
So me and my p**... friends have a weekly gathering...
Every week one of us brings a talent down the pub to show the others - this time it was my turn.
I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play.
Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was.
I had no idea what the big deal was, I was just f**... A minor.
On a rainy day two men are standing under the poplar trees in the park
One of them is weeping:
- John. Do you know how difficult it is to lose a wife?
- I know Jack, I know. Practically impossible.
