The Best 45 Weekly Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Weekly jokes. There are some weekly week jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these weekly periodically puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Weekly Jokes and Puns

practicing with the violin

A little boy goes to his weekly violin lesson, but when he opens the violin case he blurts out a curse, and slams the case shut again.

"What's wrong?" asks the teacher.

"It seems my father is going to rob the bank with my violin"

A little boy walks into his local corner store...

He goes in with his weekly allowance from his parents, usually to get a candy bar or something. But this time, to the cashier's surprise he brings up a bottle of laundry detergent. "What do you need this for, kid?" asks the cashier. The young boy explains how his dog is filthy and needs a bath. The cashier explains to him, that it is a terrible idea and may even kill the dog. The kid listens to the advice, but proceeds and buys it anyways. A week or so later, the kid goes into the store and brings a candy bar up to the counter. The cashier rings him up and asks "Hey, so is your dog alright?" to which the little boy replies "no, he died". The cashier tells him, "I told you it was a bad idea to clean him with laundry detergent!" and the little boy replies, "I don't think it was the detergent that did it, I think it was the rinse cycle."

Sex through the ages:

Age 20-30: Tri-weekly

Age 30-40: Try weekly

Age 40-50: Try weakly

Weekly joke, Sex through the ages:

Best short jokes?

I need a joke for a meeting we have tomorrow at work but I cant remember any good ones after following this tradition weekly for the last few months.

It must be short with just an opening line and a punchline like this:

**Can a ninja throw a star?**


The punchline doesnt have to be one word of course, but it cant be a long joke.

Can anybody remember any good ones?

My friend does a weekly bad joke Tuesday... Today's was quite good (Bad?)

Yesterday, I made a belt out of old watches. What a complete waist of time.

So me and my paedophile friends have a weekly gathering...

Every week one of us brings a talent down the pub to show the others - this time it was my turn.
I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play.
Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was.
I had no idea what the big deal was, I was just fingering A minor.

A recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the maths. I am immortal.

Weekly joke, A recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the

A team of particle physicists ran an experiment for the entire year,

and the detector reported exactly fifty two events which they were looking for. They published a research paper called "Weekly interacting particles".

My ex had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil

I still don't know how much she charged him though.

Super nova the newest channel on youtube check it out for youre weekly dose of fun videos :D

How much sex do couples have?

Newly weds: "Tri-weekly."

After 10 years: "Try weekly."

After 30 years, "Try, weakly."

You can explore weekly daily reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean weekly winkle dad jokes. There are also weekly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.

It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.

The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.

After waking from the surgery, the caller asked the surgeon if the mass was malignant.

The surgeon replied, "Fortunately, no. It was B9."

What are the 3 stages of sex after marriage?


Try Weekly


Try Weakly

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro?

They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

I love Mondays...

It's when I take my weekly sarcasm class.

My wife made coffee this morning and I ended up with a piece of coffee bean in my teeth at the weekly department meeting.

My lawyer has informed me this qualifies as grounds for divorce.

Weekly joke, My wife made coffee this morning and I ended up with a piece of coffee bean in my teeth at the weekl

My doctor asked me if I was ready for my weekly trepanation

Yes. I know the drill.

Entering a friend's home for his weekly poker game, Slick is amazed to see a dog sitting at the table.

He's even more surprised when the dog wins the first hand with a full house, and takes the second with a royal flush.
"This is unreal," Slick says after the dog wins the next two hands. "He's got to be only dog in the world that can play like that."
"Aw, he's not so great," says the host. "There's a dog in Las Vegas who doesn't wag his tail every time he gets a good hand."

I've been married for eight years and I still get head weekly.

My wife would kill me though if she knew how much I was paying for it.

A genie grants a husband's wish

A genie grants a husband's wish, "Every time I have sex with my wife she will lose 5 pounds."
The husband and wife have their weekly love making and the next morning the wife weighs herself and notices the loss.
With a big grin the husband says "Maybe every time you have sex you lose 5 pounds?"
She replies If that were true I should be down 15 pounds this week.

My company has a weekly joke and after four years I'm quite sick of it.

They call it a "paycheck" when it's barely an allowance!

My problem is I get paid weekly...

VERY weakly (weekly)

Male Sex Drive Through The Ages

Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly

Between 33 and 52: Try weekly

52 and up: Try weakly

I'm starting a weekly meeting at my house for people with OCD.

I was treated for it myself, but now my house has become a mess.
Hopefully, this weekly meeting will help me out with the new disorder.

I'm starting a weekly meeting at my house for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I think my wife has weekly sessions with the devil on how to be more evil.

I don't know what she charges him for it though.

I subscribed to a weekly email about the latest watches...

I now know that's I'm on somekind of watch list

Sexual life cycle of a human male

try weekly
try weakly

What did the Cannibals Anonymous group say to Dave when he showed up an hour late to their weekly meeting?

Nothing. They just gave him the cold shoulder.

What do you call a "fixed regular payment earned for work or services, typically paid on a daily or weekly basis." in South Africa?


Office fridge clean out jokes

I'm running low on dad jokes about refrigerators Bc this is weekly thing.

/u/username goes to do his weekly groceries.

Username checks out.

You again drunk at 6Am?


With my weekly pay the question is "You STILL drunk at 6AM?"

My wife has weekly lessons with Satan on how to be more evil...

I can vouch that what ever she charges him is well worth it!

I discovered my mother in law has weekly sessions with Lucifer himself on how to be even more vicious.

I've no idea what kind of fees she's charging him.

Little Johnny was running behind for his weekly trip to the prostitute

When he got there, she said

"Eh Jack! You late!"

Two women met in a cafe for their weekly chitchat

"My husband brought me 20 roses yesterday for our anniversay. Bet now he expects that I spread my legs for 2 weeks"

"Why that? Don't you have a vase?"

There are three stages of sex after marriage:

1. Tri-weekly.
2. Try weekly.
3. Try weakly.

The three stages of a man's life.

1) tri-weekly
2) try weekly
3) try weakly

I've religiously disinfected the groceries in my weekly supermarket delivery

Except for the items I take over to my mother-in-law

There are 3 stages to a married couple's sex life


Try weekly

Try weakly

If anybody needs copies of Osteopath Weekly

I have back issues.

At a conference a sex therapist was discussing his book Sex in a Marriage

The therapist asked the audience how many couples have sex daily about 20% of the audience raised their hands

then he asked how many couples have sex weekly about 30% raised their hands

then he asked how many couples have sex monthly the remaining audience raised their hands

Finally he asked how many have sex yearly one guy in the back stood up smiling his hand stood
the therapist asked why are you so happy if you only have sex one time a year ?
the guy answered because today's the day

I put all my copies of Chiropractors Weekly on eBay

I have loads of back issues.

In the late '80s, NBC's most popular sitcom was the Cosby Show, with ALF not far behind. Knowing what we know now, I guess you could call their weekly ratings battle

Alien vs. Predator.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the weekly incomes jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working weekly not for 2 weeks piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes