JokoJokes

Week Jokes

195 week jokes and hilarious week puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about week that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Put some laughter in your week with these hilarious jokes about Shark Week, Book Week, Lab Week, Mid Week and Suppositories. Get a chuckle every Wednesday and Friday during your week with these clever jokes!

Best Short Week Jokes

Short week jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The week humour may include short hour jokes also.

  1. This week in DC, mark zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable. He's explaining Facebook to old people.
  2. My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning It's a girl and weigh 7lbs 12 oz
  3. I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?" I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
  4. The creator of Mad Libs died this week. His friends described him as a warm and pulpy man who loved his wife and pelicans. He will be deeply pooped.
  5. Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
    Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.
  6. I think my wife has weekly sessions with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know what she charge him for it though.
  7. Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday
  8. So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
  9. I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me. 13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.
  10. *Creating password* "MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
    ERROR: [password two week]
    ^Edited ^for ^better ^understanding

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Week joke, *Creating password*


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about week can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of week puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Week One Liners

Which week one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with week? I can suggest the ones about holiday and fortnight.

  1. Tried changing my password to "14days" but it was two week
  2. I could tell you a COVID joke... But it would take 2 weeks to see if you get it.
  3. I just found out that i have two weeks to live My wife just went on vacation
  4. The inventor of Velcro died last week. RIP
  5. I've lost 7lbs this week. Or as my girlfriend calls it, "the baby".
  6. Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday The virus is quarantined for two weeks
  7. Congrats Mac Miller! 1 week sober!
  8. I ate an entire feather pillow last week Since then I've been feeling down in the dumps.
  9. Tesla released a car air freshener last week... They call it Elon's Musk.
  10. I lost 189 lbs in one week. By getting a divorce.
  11. My wife gave me a leaflet about anger management last week... I lost it.
  12. Last week someone broke into my house and stole 20% of my couch. Ouch.
  13. Girlfriend said "I think I'm pregnant, I'm two weeks late.. ..April fools!"
  14. Know what they called the Russian Ruble last week? Currency
  15. Diarrhoea Awareness Week starts on Monday Runs until Friday.

Days Of The Week Jokes

Here is a list of funny days of the week jokes and even better days of the week puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.
  • What soaps are used to keep men away? Deter-gents
    Day 4 of posting soapy dad jokes for a week!
  • So I brought a world map and asked my wife to shoot a dart on it and wherever it lands, I will take her there for two weeks when pandemic ends. It's her day 5 behind the fridge.
  • In a couple weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day April Fuels!
  • Don't buy Colgate whitening toothpaste! It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days.
    It's been 2 weeks and I'm still Asian.
  • My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.
  • A banana a day they said was good for cleaning the colon It was a week before I realised you have to eat them
  • My doctor he dont help either, he told me to run 5 Miles a Day for two weeks I called him up I said "Doc im 70 miles from my house"
    -Rodney Dangerfield
  • What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
  • My mother-in-law fell down our well last week but she is fine she stopped crying for help 2 days ago

Week Start Jokes

Here is a list of funny week start jokes and even better week start puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My girlfriend is weird, she always starts conversations with, "Are you even listening to me!" Thanks, I'll be here all week.
  • I'm starting to think this country really is run by Jews But it's still only my first week in Israel.
  • I've decided to start carrying a knife. After an attempted mugging last week I've decided to start carrying a knife. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
  • I'm starting a new business tomorrow. It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
    I'm calling it, "Resolutions."
  • I said hi to a feminist the other day My trial starts next week.
  • I started a diet two weeks ago So far I've lost 14 days
  • I'm going to start brewing beer and name it after the first day of the week. Whenever a 24 or 30 pack is brought to a party they'll say, "Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays".
  • If you want to be a good DJ... You have to start from scratch
    Thank you! I'm here all week!
  • Before I start this week's Plastic Surgery Anonymous meeting, I'd like to bring attention to some of the new faces I see here today..
  • someone tried to tell stan lee this joke during his panel at comic con this week end what do you call spiderman when he quits the daily bugal and starts working as a valet?
    peter PARKER.

Finals Week Jokes

Here is a list of funny finals week jokes and even better finals week puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend's girlfriend is pregnant, and he is thinking of a name for the past few weeks. Finally he decided on Carlos and ran away to Mexico.
  • I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week.. I've been married to my wife for 20 years this week and I've finally found the G Spot..
    Turns out her sister had it all along.
  • My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life. Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.
  • I finally decided to play Fortnite. It's fun, but it gets boring after a couple of weeks
  • After weeks of trying, my wife finally told me that we're expecting our first child She's got a really bad stutter
  • It's Trump's own fault that he lost... He spent 4 years saying, "Make America Great Again", so this week 74 million people finally did.
  • It's three weeks late, but the "History of Clocks" book I ordered finally arrived. It's about time.
  • Last week I went golfing and finally beat my wife... Those are two separate things.
  • My friend told me a joke about a clock last week and today I finally got it... It's about time.
  • I'm in line for a promotion and huge pay rise at the Ministry of Defence where I work, after finally perfecting the invisibility suit. Well they think I have, I've just not turned up for three weeks.

Week End Jokes

Here is a list of funny week end jokes and even better week end puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In Sweden the CEO of IKEA was just elected president. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
  • My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".
  • Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming they were promised a storm...
    ...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.
    I'm here all week.
  • I've gone from agony to ecstasy in this last week. Hopefully, by the end of this month... ...I'll be done reading this dictionary.
  • Did you know that this week is National Diarrhea Week? It runs from today until the end Friday...
  • A woman once gave her husband the silent treatment It lasted for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately!
  • PUBG swore they would end fortnite. 2 weeks later, Fortnight was over.
  • Why do female prisoners never stay in jail for longer than 3 weeks? Periods always mark the end of a sentence.
  • I was in an art competition last week. It ended in a draw.
  • There was a terrible mix up at the Make a Wish foundation The band members of the Cure ending up meeting about 100 kids in one week

Shark Week Jokes

Here is a list of funny shark week jokes and even better shark week puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach Because all of the sharks are busy being on TV.
  • People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year. They love Shaq Week.
  • Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef? ...To get to the other tide!
    Shark Week Hoo Ha Ha!
  • Shark Week I just got a notice from our cable provider about Shark Week.
    Isn't that when Congress goes back in session?
  • Before Shark week I took my cable box to the urologist He had a weak stream
  • With all the sharks on the front page, you'd think it is shark week.
  • The results of a recent Harris Poll on "what's scarier" forced the Discovery channel to cancel Shark week in lieu of Chuck Norris week.
  • We have a week dedicated to sharks... sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
  • Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
    That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Week joke

Delightful Fun Week Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about week you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean monthly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make week prank.

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,

"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".

So a man is walking a penguin down the street...

So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.
The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"
A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.
He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"

2 Guys in a Bar

2 guys in a bar.
John: "I have s**... with my wife once a month"
Jack: "We do it twice a week"
John: "But Jack, you're not even married!"
Jack: "Oh, I thought we were talking about your wife"

I broke up with a Japanese girl last week...

It s**..., because I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message.

"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully,"

...and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week," said the divorce court judge.
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband replied, "and every now and then I'll try and send her a few bucks myself."

After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black...

...alter boys at the Vatican are letting out a collective sigh of relief

A preacher is reaching....

...the end of his sermon. He tells the congregation "Now for next week, I need everyone to read Leviticus chapter 28. It ties into my sermon" A week passes. The preacher reached the pulpit and asked "How many of you read Leviticus chapter 28?" Everyone raised their hands. The preacher looked and said "Ladies and gentlemen, there is no 28th chapter to Leviticus. Now let me start my sermon on lying."

Two Jews were arguing whether or not white is a color

After arguing for a week they went for an advice to their rabbi
Rabbi looked into an old book and said yes, white is a color.
A week later same Jews were arguing for a week whether black is a color
Went to the same rabbi who said yes, black is also a color
See!!! says one of them, I did sell you a color TV!!!!

Corniest joke I know.

Two friars decide to open up a business selling flowers in LA. They settup a booth right outside of Hugh Hefners p**... mansion. After about a week, their business wasnt going so well and it was also driving away people from the p**... mansion seeing two friars outside.
Eventually Hugh Hefner himself came out and put a stop to all of this.
The point of the story is: Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Badum psh

Getting on a plane . . .

. . . I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to LA, and send one to Miami."
She told me, "We can't do that!"
I told her, "Well you did it last week!"

Wife Missing

My wife has been missing for a week. The police called me and said to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill and bought all her clothes back.

A man finds a penguin on the road...

A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.
One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.
What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.
I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .

Judgement day

Peter is on trial. He's on trial because he shot his wife when he caught her in bed with another guy.
The judge wants to know; "why did you shoot your wife?".
"Well, " Peter replies, "it seemed easier to shoot her once, than to shoot a different guy every week".

The Nintendo 64 turns 18 this week...

Which means you can now legally blow the cartridges.

I got a massage last week...

and it was the first time I had a guy masseuse. So we're like 10 minutes in I just had to ask, is getting an e**... normal? He said yes they are very common. And I was like, well can you get it out of my face...?

There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week.

Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". s**... and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.

My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week.

My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.

My grandfather had a s**... this week..

He saw a picture of my grandmother when she was younger and couldn't help himself.

Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous

I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.

Met a h**... who said she'd do anything for $5

So I had her repost a joke for me that's been posted 5,000 times in the past week

On average, an American man will have s**...

two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have s**... only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

In America Martin Luther King only gets one day....

And sharks get a whole week.
It's probably because they are great w**....

The guy who invented t**... lozenges died last week.

There was no coffin at the f**...

Letter to God

Dear God,
Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.

About a week ago, my Girlfriend developed anorexia

Ever since then, I've been seeing less and less of her.

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...

My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!
What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.
Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'

I had p**... brownies for the first time last week.

I guess the baker was out of pans.

3 guys and one girl are stranded on a desert island.

After one week the girl is so ashamed of what she is doing that she kills herself.
After another week the guys are so ashamed of what they are doing that...they bury her.
Another week goes by and the guys are so ashamed of what they've been doing...so they dig her back up.

A little boy kills a butterfly. Dad says, "No butter for one week!" The little boy kills a honeybee. Dad says, "No honey for one week!"

Mom kills a cockroach. The little boy turns to his dad and says, "Are you gonna tell her or should i do it?"

What's the difference between Muslim and a t**...?

I don't know, I just sign executive orders.
I'll be here all week.

A guy walks into a pharmacy buys a pack of condoms and walks out laughing

He does this every day consecutive for a week. Finally the pharmacy owner asks his assistant to follow the man the next time he returns. Sure enough the man returns the next day and walks out laughing once again. The assistant follows him and returns about half an hour later. When the pharmacist asked where he had followed him the assistant simply replied "your house".

I bought a chessboard cake from the bakers last week.

Took one bite, looked up, and said "it's stale mate".
He seemed surprised, said "no, mate".
So I handed him the cake and said "check mate".

My boss asked me why I've already been late three times this week

I told him because it's only Wednesday

I don't understand why everyone thinks the k**... are racist.

Every week at our meetings there's always tons of black people hanging around.

Just got back from a friends f**... who drowned last week.

I got a lot of a**... from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"

A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."
She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"
He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

Wonder Woman earned $300 million worldwide in first week.

"Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.

The bro code

Jill didn't come home one night. When she got home the next morning, she said she'd slept over at a girl friend's house.
Jack called ten of her best friends, but none of them said she had been there.
A week later, Jack doesn't come home. The next day, he says he spent the night at a buddy's house after getting too drunk.
Jill called his ten best friends. 8 said he'd been there the night before, while 2 said he was still there.

Do you work on weekends?

My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."
I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."
He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"
I said, "Monday."

My girlfriends birthday is in a week and she said "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring!"

So I got her nothing

My friend is visiting Germany this week. I suggested he might want to make it a permanent move.

There's fewer n**... over there.

Dear God,

If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
Thanks,
America.

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

An old man is about to die.

While he is laying in his bed waiting to die, he said to his sons ( a rich musician, a rich doctor and a lawyer ) : When i die i want you to put in my coffin 5K $ each for my after life.
One week later the old man dies.
At his f**... the musician came and put 5k $ in his dads coffin while he's crying.
The doctor did the same thing , he left 5k $ and left crying.
Finally, the lawyer took the 10k $ and left a check with 15k$ and said : thank you dad.

They say to never go shopping for food when you're hungry

but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.

I met someone online who shares my f**... for urinating on dried fruit...

Next week we're going to go on a date

An average Englishman has s**... 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has s**... once or twice a year.

This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".

A guy walks into a bar...

...and orders a steak. The guy behind the counter tells him it'll be $1.
"One dollar?! I've been coming to this bar every week for who knows how long, and it's always been $12! Where's Phil the owner?"
"He's upstairs with my wife."
"Well, what's he doing with your wife?"
"The same thing I'm doing to his business."

My uncle was the first man to be fitted with a lead pacemaker. He died last week.

We buried him with a heavy heart.

Everyone in my family was a police officer, except for my grandad, who was a bank robber

He died last week
surrounded by his family

During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries

Apparently through high voltage n**... c**... wasn't the answer they were expecting.

Currency trading

I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.
a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.
a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.
the guy said to me in an annoyed voice " why one week $120, then $105, then $135! - why the difference?!!?"
I says to him "fluctuations"
He responds "fluck you white people"

Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.

In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.

Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.

Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"
"Sir?" I asked.
"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."
"Yes, sir"
"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"
"Yes, sir"
"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"
"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."

My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.

How many seconds in a year joke

a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"

After a few weeks of trying, my wife just told me she's pregnant.

She has the worst stutter ever.

Week joke, After a few weeks of trying, my wife just told me she's pregnant.

jokes about week

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these week jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.