The Best 35 Weed Smoking Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Weed Smoking jokes. There are some weed smoking jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these weed smoking puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Weed Smoking Jokes and Puns

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today

Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her.

I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women.

An officer was fired for smoking weed and masturbating on the job...

No exact details were given to the public, but he was a high wanking officer

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.


I used to smoke weed and go to class...

Sneak in ten minutes late with a bullshit excuse. Slink down low at my desk. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions.

I was the best teacher ever.

Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed.

You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

I was about to smoke weed with a couple cute Mexican girls...

I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.

A janitor at my work asked me to come over and smoke weed with her!!

I told her No. I can't stand high maintenance women.

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They're explaining how him smoking weed led to his condition worsening.

But it's just herbal! the patient protested. How can it be bad?

Dr Jenkins sighed. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe for you!

The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr Smith asked, What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?

A water lily.

What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran?

If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.

You can explore weed smoking reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean weed smoking dad jokes. There are also weed smoking puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

I stopped smoking weed the day after I spent 30minutes looking for my phone under the bed...

....while using my phone's flashlight

When midgets smoke weed...

...do they get high, or do they just get medium?

I couldn't afford a nice television, so I just smoked a ton of weed and read the dictionary.

High definition.

I was gonna smoke weed with this Mexican girl

Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off.

If you date twin girls, and one of them smokes weed..

Is that like getting two birds with one stoned?

"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?"

"Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"

What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?

Simple, you get stoned twice


The janitor of my apartment building asked if I wanted to smoke some weed with her

I told her no. I can't stand high maintenance women.

Mom, how did I come to this world?

A kid asked his mother:

\- Mom, how did I come to this world?

\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.

\- From that seed - she continued - we grew marijuana plant, then smoked some weed and had sex on the washing machine...

I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job...

after being caught masturbating and smoking weed in his office.
No name was given but he was a high wanking officer.

After sex, a lot of people like to smoke a cigarette.

As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke weed after sex. After all, in the bible it says "if a man lies with another man, he should be stoned."

Im never smoking weed with immigrants again.

I asked who's got papers and they all ran away.

A janitor at my work offered me to come over and smoke weed with her..

I said no, sorry I can't stand high maintenance women.

Why don't cows smoke weed?

The steaks would just be too high.

I've never actually been caught smoking weed.

But I'm pretty sure my parents know sober people don't give goodnight handshakes.

What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed?

High definition

Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?

Because lightning strikes the highest object.

How can you tell if a 14 year old smokes weed?

Just wait. They'll tell you.

Never fight someone who recently smoked weed.

They tend to have the high ground.

What do fish in Jamaica smoke ?

Sea-Weed.

I'll show myself the door.

I only date girls that smoke weed

I guess you can say I have high standards

A monkey and a Lizard are sitting on a tree smoking some weed.

After some time the lizard becomes thirsty and decides to go to the river to drink some water.
When he gets there, he falls in and is saved by a crocodile. After Explaining how he got high, The Crocodile decides to investigate.

When the crocodile reaches the tree, he calls out to the monkey. Still high, the monkey looks down and almost falls in shock: "Yo Man, How much water did you drink?"

I smoked weed with a couple of cows near a police station.

The steaks were really high.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the weed smoking jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working weed smoking piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes