wednesday Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious wednesday stories

What are the best Wednesday puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Wednesday? Well here is a complete list of Wednesday to have fun with:

I'll like to brag that after 12 Years of marriage, I still have sex with my wife almost every day!

Almost on Monday

Almost on Tuesday

Almost on Wednesday

Almost on Thursday

Almost on Friday

Almost on Saturday

Almost on Sunday.!

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Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg

The Gregorian calendar

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I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."

And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?

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Just a typical, Wednesday taxi ride...

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the airport leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

-Credits to a friend, who has an internet-phobia.

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The Taxi man.

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the airport leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

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An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

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When I was in college, I used to have sex almost EVERY DAY...

...almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday...

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Prison joke (NSFW)

First day in prison, a new young prisoner looks scared. Old guy looks at him and says "Are you scared? New guys meekly says "yes". Old guy says "it isn't bad. Do you like baseball?" New guy says "Yes". Old guy say "Every Monday, we have a softball game." Old guy asks "You like movies?". New guy says "Yes". Old guy says "Well every Tuesday, is movie night and they play first run movies." Old guy asks, "Do you like singing?". New guy says "yes". Old guy says, "every Wednesday, we have karaoke." Old guy asks, "Are you a homosexual?" New guy says "Nope." Old guy says, "you not going to like Thursdays."

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Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Ahh, those were the days...

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I'm scheduled for a vasectomy next Wednesday, but I am a little worried.

I hear it can make a vas deferens in my sex life.

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how can you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday?

Tell her a joke Wednesday.

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A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head.

The barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?"

The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday."

The barman remarks, "But it's Wednesday."

Sheepishly, the man says, "Man, I must look like a real fool."

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little Jimmy comes home from school one day...

to see his father bending his mother over the kitchen counter, just fuckin' feedin' it to her. obviously distraught, he runs out of the house crying. the following Wednesday, Jimmys' father comes home from work and hears some shit emanating from the upstairs. he goes up and sees Jimmy bending his grandmother over the foot of the bed. Jimmy turns around and says "ya bud, not so fucking funny when it's your mother, is it?"

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A penitent man decided to give up sex for Lent...

A penitent man decided to give up sex for the Lenten season. His wife was not informed of this situation, however. One the second night after Ash Wednesday, she showed some interest in relations. Rebuffing her advances he said, "I'm sorry, honey--I can't. It's Lent."

Angrily, she replied, "To whom and how long?"

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John and Paul wanted to know if there is baseball in heaven

So they made a pact. Whoever died first would tell the other one if there is in fact baseball in heaven. John dies and he tells Paul, "I have good news and bad news". John says "The good news is yes, there is baseball in heaven". So Paul asks "So what is the bad news then" and John's reply is "The bad news is that you are pitching on Wednesday."

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What are the 7 Irish drinking holidays?

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

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The Perfect Son

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

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A man walks into a restaurant with a pie on his head.

The waiter asks, "Why are you wearing a pie on your head?"

The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pies on our heads on Wednesday."

The waiter remarks, "But it's Tuesday today."

The man says, "Oh, damn! I must look like a total idiot."

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Premature Ejaculators Anonymous, Wednesday at 5:30AM

I'd be there, but there's no way I'd come that early.

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Latest jokes 2015 i have perfect son

The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

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What results from a donkey/onion cross?

We were all standing around after lunch at the back of our building. One of our young lady techs went jogging every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and this particular day, she came out the back door, smiled and said "Hi" and jogged away. A sudden silence struck us all as we watched her shorts move away, each lost in our own thoughts.
Les, the oldest of us and the most reticent, spoke up, "What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?"
Surprised at the change of subject at hand (or at mind), no one had a clue.
Les rubbed his chin, looked off in the distance where our lovely vision had disappeared and answered his own question.
"Most of the time, the cross is not viable."
"But, just once in a while, you see a piece of ass that will make you cry!"

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If Wednesday is hump day...

Would that make Tuesday foreplay day?

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I need gay jokes.

Wednesday I am going to chick-fil-a. The gays will be protesting outside and I need jokes.

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I Always Give 100%

20% on Monday, 20% on Tuesday, 20% on Wednesday...

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If Pokemon had a national holiday, what would it be called?

Ash Wednesday

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Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71.

He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.

The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven.

The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

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Like many of you, I get laid every day almost.

On Monday - almost -
On Tuesday - almost -
On Wednesday - you know

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The Perfect Son

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

ha ha ha...........unlimited

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A chinese man , English and American men walk into a clothing store.

ALERT : RACIST JOKE

So a Chinese , English and American walk into a clothing store to buy underwear.
The english guy buys 7 shorts. The american 4 and the chinese man 12.

AMERICAN: Why did you buy 7 shorts ?

ENGLISHMAN : Well one for monday . one for tuesday , one for wednesday etc. Why did you buy 4 ?

AMERICAN : Well one for each week of the month

American and ENGLISHMAN : Why did you buy 12 shorts ?

Chinese man : Well one for JAnuary , one for february , etc.

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Two 95 year old men, Jack and Sam, are huge baseball fans.

One day, Jack falls seriously ill, and doesn't have long to live. Sam visits him in the hospital to say goodbye. Sam asks him a favor before he passes.

Hey Jack, when you get to heaven, can you see if there is baseball there? If there is, tell me.

I can certainly try, for my best friend.

Later that Wednesday night, Jack passed away. Thursday night, Sam is asleep in bed, when all of the sudden Jacks spirit appears in front of him.

AHHHH! Who are you?

Calm down, calm down. It's me Jack.

Good hell, you scared me half to death.

It's ok, but I've come with good news and bad news.

Well, what's the good news then? pondered Sam.

There is baseball in heaven.

Thank goodness, said Sam, feeling wonderful, but what's the bad news?

You're pitching Tuesday.

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Black people Ash Wednesday doesn't have anything to do with.

your dry cracked skin.

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Insurance fraudster.

I saw this shady guy named john walking around seemingly depressed so I go over to him & say "John, what's the matter?" He goes "it's terrible, my whole factory just burnt to the ground!!!",
So I tell him "I just passed your factory on the way over here & it's perfectly fine, no fire",
He looks at me all puzzled and asks "hold on, what's today Tuesday or Wednesday?"

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What's the best day of the week to marry your gaming console?

Wednesday

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Monday, Tuesday Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday

Those were the days...

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Topical Jokes (5/22)

Hope everyone had a wonderful Wednesday but we can never escape the jokes!

First up, the FCC announced today that they would start to allow more sex during peak kids' TV hours. So look out for PBS's new show starring Big Bird's cousin, Kandi Kanary, in "Sesame Red Light District".

Weird entertainment news, Paris Hilton has signed onto Cash Money Records. It's there she plans to rap under the emcee name, Li'l Self Respect.

More celebrities. Justin Bieber is now threatening to sue fans if they try to break into his home. Bieber also says he has a whole team of lawyers set up if any females try to break into his room despite the "no gurls allowed" sign.

Good news on the Catholic front, Pope Francis proclaimed that every single human has been redeemed. The Pope said, "God even forgave me for that time I got wasted and peed in the baptismal font so, seriously, stop bringing that up."

And more hopeful news, Vice President Biden told crowds today that the US is not in decline - which is expected for someone who hinges the US's status based on how many Slurpee flavors are available at 7-Eleven.

Just a quick set tonight but thanks for reading!

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Taxi Story

A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times . . .

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

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Not Going to Like Thursday

It's a convicts first day in prison. He's a young convict and he's crying. An older convict comes over and sits down. He says look it's not so bad here. For instance, do you like movies? The new guy says, "Yeah I love movies." Every Monday we have movie night, first run movie. Do you like Italian food? The new guy says, "Yeah I like Italian food." On Tuesday in the cafeteria, it is all Italian food. Do you like baseball? The new guy says, "I love baseball." Every Wednesday we have a pick up game and everyone plays even the guards, it is really fun. The old guy says, "One more question, are you by any chance a homosexual?" The new guy says, "no I'm not." Ah, you're not going to like Thursday.

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Q: What is Mr. T's nickname for Wednesday?

A: Chump day.

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Hey, everybody, it's Punchline Wednesday! Post your favorite Punchline here! (NSFW)

It was a fun gag I tried with friends, it's great to see a long list of punchlines, and then have to dig around to find the set-ups to the ones you don't know!
One of my favorites:

"And they fucked in a shower of shit."

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Not getting enough carbs for normal brain function?

A woman walks into a bakery on Monday, and asks the baker for some bagels. The baker says, I don't have any bagels, I will have more on Thursday. The woman says okay and leaves.

On Tuesday the woman goes back to the bakery and asks for some bagels. The baker says, I told you, I don't have any bagels. I won't have any bagels till Thursday. The woman says okay and leaves.

On Wednesday, the woman goes back to the bakery and asks for some bagels.
The baker says, Ma'am, how do you spell CAT in catastrophe?
She says C-A-T.
He asks, How do you spell DOG in dogmatic?
She says D-O-G.
He then asks, How do you spell FUCK in bagels?
She says, Sir, there is no fuck in bagels! , and he replies
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU.

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This girl I'm currently seeing is very flexible, just what I like.

She comes round every Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday.

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who paid?

Wednesday, Tom and Joe went to a restaurant and ate dinner. When they were done they paid for the food and left. But Tom and Joe didn't pay for the food.
Who did?

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5k mud runners

I hate people that brag about paying $ to run a 5k race in mud. Big deal cause in Africa, that's called Wednesday.

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Brian Williams . . .

Veteran broadcast journalist Bob Simon died in a car wreck in New York Wednesday. Former broadcast journalist Brian Williams tried to pull him from the wreckage, but was pinned down by sniper fire . . .

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I was asked how often I get laid. I get laid almost every day of the week.

I almost got laid on Monday...

I almost got laid on Tuesday...

I almost got laid on Wednesday......

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It's a convict's first day in prison

he's a young convict and here's there crying. An older convict sits down and goes, 'Look, calm down, prison's not such a bad place. Like, for instance, do you like movies?' And he goes, 'Yeah I like movies.' He goes, 'Every Monday we show a movie on the screen, first run movie.' He goes, 'That's great.' He goes, 'And you like baseball?' He goes, 'Yeah.' 'Every Tuesday we arrange a baseball game.' He goes, 'That's terrific.' And he goes, 'You like Italian food?' And he goes, 'Yeah I love Italian food.' He goes, 'In the cafeteria on Wednesday, it's all Italian food. Let me ask you one more thing. Are you a homosexual?' And he goes, 'No.' He goes, 'Eh, you're not going to like Thursday.'

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best wednesday jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty wednesday gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these wednesday jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

Can I save Wednesday jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Like your favorite jokes so we can rank them by their likes count. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.

How to share a Wednesday joke? You are free to share every Wednesday joke found on JokoJokes.com, share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.

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