Wedding Rings Jokes
110 wedding rings jokes and hilarious wedding rings puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wedding rings that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wedding Rings Short Jokes
Short wedding rings jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wedding rings humour may include short engagement ring jokes also.
- Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards? — I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.
- Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tear to my eyes I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.
- I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
- I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
- Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship? The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring
- Every marriage has 3 rings. First is the engagement ring. Second, the wedding ring. Then comes the suffering.
- I was taught there are 3 rings in life. The engagement ring. The wedding ring. And the suffering.
- They say marriage is like a three-ring circus First, you get the engagement ring.
Then, you get the wedding ring.
And finally, you get suffering - My wife is so sweet Every time she goes to a bar alone she gives me her wedding ring so I can think about her all night long.
- I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident he got his finger caught in a wedding ring
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Wedding Rings One Liners
Which wedding rings one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wedding rings? I can suggest the ones about rings and wedding dresses.
- What's the leading cause of obesity in women? Wedding rings
- How can you tell if a man hasn't gotten laid in a while? He's wearing a wedding ring.
- My friend had a tragic accident. He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.
- Marriage is a three-ring circus. \- engagement ring
\- wedding ring
\- suffering - What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for? best before...
- Our dog accidentally swallowed my wife's wedding ring. Now we have a diamond in the ruff.
- Marriage involves three rings. The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
- What comes after the engagement ring and the wedding ring? The suffer ring.
- 3 rings in a man's life 1. Engagement ring
2. Wedding ring
3. Suffering - What do you call small handcuffs? Wedding rings!
- The 3 rings of a relationship Engagement ring
Wedding ring
Suffering - This person I know owns the world's smallest handcuffs! He's wearing his wedding ring.
- Marrige has 3 rings... The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
- Marraige is a 3-ring circus.
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. - Why are married women heavier than single women? A wedding ring has mass.
Wedding Rings Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about wedding rings you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wedding dress jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wedding rings pranks.
A lady noticed her friend was wearing her wedding ring on the wrong finger so she asked, "Why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Her friend replied, "Because I married the wrong man!"
Girlfriend: Darling, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?
Boyfriend: Sure, what is your number?
Q: What are the three rings of marriage?
A: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
Why did the man wear his wedding ring on the wrong finger? Because he was married to the wrong woman.
Relationships are a progression of 4 rings.
First is the "Friendship" ring, when dating is exclusive, but there's no more commitment
Second is the Engagement ring, when two people are so in love that they want to get married.
Third is the Wedding ring, worn when two people make a life-long commitment to each other during a ceremory attended by their friends.
Fourth and finally - is the Suffering. Starts about a year after Step 3.
A man gets knocked down outside a parish...
... the parish priest runs out and sees the man in great pain, he also notices the wedding band on the man's ring ringer. He says to him:
"Tell me your name and I will tell your wife", the man replies:
"She already knows it"
little Johnny
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
A young bride and groom to be
A young bride and groom to be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me" she asked the rather elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day.
Finger l**... Good
Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was l**... her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was s**... her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone."
"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Two women are talking at a cocktail party
One woman asks, "I noticed that you are wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger, do you usually wear it that way?"
"Yes."
The woman asks, "Why?"
"Because I married the wrong man."
The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)
Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?
None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.
Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.
Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is l**... her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is s**... her cone. Which one of these women is married?
Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one s**... the cone.
No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.
A little Johnny...
One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think."
Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream shop and they all have an ice cream cone, one is l**... it, one is biting it, and one is s**... it, which one is married?" The teach thinks about it a bit and says "The one s**... it." Johnny looks at her and say "The right answer was the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
My wife wasn't happy.
True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."
A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station...
A amnesiac woman covered in bruises walks into a police station. The police are trying everything to learn where she came from and how she got the bruises but with no results.
Finally one of the detectives notices she has a wedding ring.
"Oh! You have a husband! What does he do?"
"I dunno, beats me."
Hi, how much for this t**... device?
Sir, that's a wedding ring.
A man is sitting at the doctor's office
As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".
Kids at the Wedding
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young e**... to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?
Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.
I lost my wedding ring the other day
Had a quick check under the sofa but wasn't really that bothered until the missus came home and told me to look harder.
So I got a tattoo and s**... my head but I still couldn't find it.
You can always tell
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring.
There are 3 rings when you get married, first the engangment ring, then the wedding ring..
then the suffering....
Wearing Your Wedding!
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
What's dirtier then f**... your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring.
So a father and son are sitting outside an icecream shop.
And three women walk out, one l**..., one s**... and one biting the icecream cone. The father asks the son, "which one of those girls is married?" The son replies "obviously the one s**... the cone"
"No son, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think."
Sorry for grammar. I smart
Little Johnny is in class...
The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"
Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.
Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly l**... the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.
What's worst than f**... your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside.
Why was the naturists wedding delayed?
The ring bearer had an e**....
What are the three rings of marriage?
The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.
My friend had a Mario themed wedding.
He had a Sonic themed divorce a year later. It was over really fast and he lost all his rings.
Credit to Max Scoville
A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:
Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave.
A wedding ring is a lot like The One Ring
Once it's on your finger none of your friends ever see you again
The first time out with my metal detector I found a beautiful wedding ring!!
But the bride was still wearing it, so the police came and now they won't give it back.
I'm not Deaf
I shouted to the barmaid, Two pints of lager please.
She said, I'm not deaf.
I said, Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening.
I was talking to my Grandpa about how to propose to my girlfriend
He asked me if I had any ideas for what three rings I was going to get.
Confused I asked what he meant by three.
"First and engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring, followed by the suffering" He whispered
There were three rings in OJ Simpson's marriage.
First, they had the engagement ring. After that, they had the wedding ring. And finally, there was the murdering.
My girlfriend said the number of kids we have will depend on the number of carats I get her in her wedding ring.
I says " I don't know how you're going to have half a kid!"
johnny in the math class
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is l**... her ice cream, one is s**... her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one s**... her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring.
As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned.
"Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"
With a fatherly smile, the salesman said,
"One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."
I watched the video of my wedding backwards.
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
There's three rings of marriage
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and the f**...
A teenage boy and his grandfather were fishing one day.
While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The boy acknowledges this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around today. The teen says, "Gramps, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with too many kids when you were young did they?" The grandfather replies, "Nope." The teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for birth control?" The old guy replies, "A wedding ring."
Want to know why married people are always twisting their wedding rings?
They're searching for the combination...
Some people tell me the index finger is the wrong one for a wedding ring...
I tell them I'm married to the wrong woman
Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
Sadly, my best friend of many years lost his life earlier today.
He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
I rewinded my wedding tape today
it was wonderful, my wife was taking her ring off, leaving with her family...
"Why do you always wear your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Because I married the wrong woman."
There are 3 types of rings common to the millennial marriage.
The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and tindering.
The four rings of marriage.
The Engagement ring, the Wedding ring, Enduring and, Suffering.
wife: can you to give me a ring for our wedding anniversary
husband: sure , why not
wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.
husband: sure
wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. i think that would be a good time .
husband: sure. keep your phone in full volume
I was at the supermarket, looked three freezers down and saw the most beautiful b**... blonde picking out Asian dinners. I took a quick glance at her hand and saw no wedding ring! Well, as you can imagine, I promptly did what any virile, red-blooded man would do with this opportunity...
I got really nervous, said absolutely nothing, and strictly avoided eye-contact at all costs...
A truck driver sees a n**... man tied to a tree off to the side of the road.
He pulls his rig to the side and approaches the man. The man says to him, "Oh, thank God you're here. I pulled into a gas station to get some gas. I was robbed at gun point, thrown into the trunk of my car and then driven here. Then they stripped me of all of my clothes, took my wedding ring and drove off."
The truck driver shook his head, lowered his fly and said, "This just isn't your day, is it."
Excuse me, how much is this t**... device?
Sir, that is wedding ring.
Why is marriage like a three ringed circus ?
First you have the engagement ring then you have the wedding ring, finally you have the suffering.
Sue has lunch with her blonde friend, Mary.
Sue offers to pay because she recently got a whole bunch of money. Mary asks her how, and she says a man hit her with his car so she sued him.
The next day, Mary shows up with a wedding ring on her finger. Sue asks what happened, and she says, "a guy hit me with his car, so I did just what you would have done. I Mary'd him!"
A man walks into a strange new store and asks the owner, "How much for this t**... device?"
The owner replies, "Sir, that's a wedding ring."
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"
I don't understand women...
One word out of place, just ONE word, and she's packing her b**... bags.
She asked me why I take my wedding ring off before s**.... I just shrugged and said "Habit".
Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.
You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.
Marriage involves 3 rings.
The first is the engagement ring.
The second is the wedding ring.
The last one? The suffering
A teacher asks little Johnny a question...
-If there are five birds in a powerline and someone shoots one, how many birds are left?
-None because they will get scared away from the gunshot"
-Four but I like the way you think
-I have a question for you then. There's three women eating ice cream, one's s**..., one's l**... and one's biting. Which one is married?
-The one l**....
-No, the one with the wedding ring but I like the way you think.