Wedding Jokes

159 wedding jokes and hilarious wedding puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wedding that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Step up your wedding game with our engaging list of Jokes about Weddings. Weddings - a celebration of love, unity, and a beautiful journey ahead, are certainly moments of joy and laughter. Whether you're a best man prepping for a rib-tickling speech, a bride or groom wishing to infuse humor into your vows, or a guest wanting to add an amusing twist to your congratulations, our audience-tested, laughter-guaranteed wedding jokes make the perfect fit.

Remember, these light-hearted jests should be used to enhance the joy of the occasion, promoting camaraderie and ensuring everyone leaves with a smile. So let's say cheers to laughter. After all, aren't weddings supposed to be an event of unadulterated joy and fun? Enjoy our amusing anthology and remember, love may make the world go 'round, but it's laughter that keeps us from getting dizzy!

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Short Wedding Jokes
Wedding One Liners
Wedding Rings Jokes
Wedding Day Jokes
Wedding Reception Jokes
Wedding Cake Jokes
Wedding Speech Jokes
More Wedding Jokes

Funniest Wedding Short Jokes

Short wedding jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wedding humour may include short marriage jokes also.

A guy was screaming at the TV Run idiot, run! His wife walked in and asked Are you watching a horror movie? . He said No. It's our wedding tape
Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards? — I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.
My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a french alliance.
What did kate middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long
I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.
What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"
The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tear to my eyes I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.

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Wedding One Liners

Which wedding one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wedding? I can suggest the ones about getting married and bride and groom.

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
What did Owen Wilson and his wife exchange at their wedding? Wows
I'll show myself out
My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time
I went to a sad wedding Even the cake was in tiers.
Why does a bride always cry at her wedding? Cus she never marries the best man
It's impossible to please women. Even at your wedding, you are not the best man
What's the worst part of an nfl wedding? Getting hit by Rice
It was such an emotional wedding... Even the cake was in tiers.
Why are Alabama weddings so small? Because you only need to invite one family.
Why are Alabama weddings so small? They've only gotta invite one family
How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
What o‌‌ne f‌‌ood r‌‌educes a‌‌ w‌‌oman's s‌‌ex d‌‌rive b‌‌y 9‌‌0%? Wedding c‌‌ake.
What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight? Wedding Cake.
What's the leading cause of obesity in women? Wedding rings

Wedding Rings Jokes

Here is a list of funny wedding rings jokes and even better wedding rings puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship? The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring
Every marriage has 3 rings. First is the engagement ring. Second, the wedding ring. Then comes the suffering.
I was taught there are 3 rings in life. The engagement ring. The wedding ring. And the suffering.
They say marriage is like a three-ring circus First, you get the engagement ring.
Then, you get the wedding ring.
And finally, you get suffering
My wife is so sweet Every time she goes to a bar alone she gives me her wedding ring so I can think about her all night long.
I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident he got his finger caught in a wedding ring
How can you tell if a man hasn't gotten laid in a while? He's wearing a wedding ring.
My friend had a tragic accident. He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.

Wedding Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny wedding day jokes and even better wedding day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Cake joke for my cake day! Was at a wedding today and it was so beautiful everyone started crying.
Even the cake was in tiers.
I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go. If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.
What does a German bride get from her husband on her wedding day that is long and hard? A new last name.
I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
I was at a wedding the other day It was so moving, even the cake was in tiers
A child asks: "Mom, why do women wear white on their wedding day?" Mom: Well, they wear white because it's the happiest day of their life.
Child: Then why does the man wear black?
What do Polish men give their wives on their wedding day that's long and hard? Their last name.
It was mine and my wife's 25th wedding anniversary the other day and she said to me "Did you know i wore this on our first date and it still fits me"... I said "Its a scarf"...
I got an wedding invite that said, We are not accepting any gifts. Your presence on our special day is a gift in itself. Reading it, I realized that I wasn't invited.
What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day? May divorce be with you.

Wedding joke, What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day?

Wedding Reception Jokes

Here is a list of funny wedding reception jokes and even better wedding reception puns that will make you laugh with friends.

The last wedding I was at was very emotional. Everybody was crying, the Bride and Groom, the whole reception, the priest..
Even the massive cake was in tiers..
Two antenna met on a roof... fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much but the reception was *excellent*.
I saw on the news that the CEOs of T-mobile and Sprint got married last weekend. Great wedding, terrible reception.
I went to this TV repairman's wedding The reception was great.
I got married to an antenna... The wedding was ok, but the reception was awesome!
Two satellites get married The wedding was alright, but the reception was amazing!
Two antenna meet on a rooftop and get married. The wedding was nothing special, but the reception was great!!
Two satellites got married the wedding was okay, but the reception was incredible!
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? Well, the wedding was terrible... but the reception was great!
Two satellites got married The wedding wasn't very good, but the reception was great.

Wedding Cake Jokes

Here is a list of funny wedding cake jokes and even better wedding cake puns that will make you laugh with friends.

I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend. It was so emotional.
Even the cake was in tiers.
I was at a wedding today and it was so beautiful everyone started crying Even the cake was in tiers
Doctors say they found a food that causes years of pain and suffering after its eaten... It's called wedding cake
Food Coma…. A health forum speaker asks, Which food causes extreme suffering for years after eating it.
After a long silence, an old man answered,
Wedding Cake …….
I just got back from a very emotional wedding Even the cake was in tiers.
I went to a very emotional wedding last weekend. Even the cake was in tiers.
What food, when consumed by a female, causes a complete loss of desire? Wedding cake.
Last night I dreamt that I was a wedding cake. I woke up in tiers.
Scientists have determined that 39% of couples, suffer pain after eating this one food. Wedding Cake.
Put-the-fork-down and walk away...
My wedding was so beautiful Even the cake was in tiers

Wedding Speech Jokes

Here is a list of funny wedding speech jokes and even better wedding speech puns that will make you laugh with friends.

My wife was giving a speech at her parents' wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it. Now I'll never hear the end of it.
I met my new wife while vacationing in France Her father gave a heartfelt speech at the wedding.
Needless to say, that was the best french toast I've ever had.
Mon, Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun. That might sound weird, but it's just a bit of everyday speech.
Leading up to the wedding (NAME) has been on a whiskey diet. His lost three days already.

Giggle-Inducing Wedding Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about wedding you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bride jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wedding pranks.

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?

A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old...

During the wedding party, his friends ask him, How'd you land someone that young?
It's simple, said the billionaire, I faked my age!
I mean, I'm 43, and there's no way I could land her! , a friend exclaims. What age did you tell her you were?
Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, 85 years old.

A man watches TV

Α man watches TV and start shouting :
Dont go, Dont do it...Dont do it...NOOOOOOO
His wife comes in and says : What are you watching there ?
And the man says : I was just watching our wedding on DVD

A little girl is attending her first wedding...

And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Importance of Planning

Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right

What one food reduces a woman's s**... drive by 90%?

Wedding cake.

My wife wasn't happy.

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."

Wife finds her husband watching tv

Man yells, 'No don't do it!'
Man yells louder, 'Don't do it, you idiot!'
Wife asks, 'What are you watching?'
Man says 'Our wedding tape.'

Hi, how much for this t**... device?

Sir, that's a wedding ring.

A man is sitting at the doctor's office

As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".

A husband was in big trouble...

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
f**... arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

My wife hasn't spoken to me since I fingered her twin by mistake during a drunken dance at a wedding.

He's not happy about it either.

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

I was in a tailor.

I said to the guy, "I need something for a wedding."
"What's that?" he queried.
"A woman that really loves me." I wept, leaving the shop.

Q: What food diminishes a woman's s**... drive by 90%?

A: Her wedding cake.

There are a mother and child at a wedding.

The child turns to her mother and asks "Mommy, why is the Bride wearing white?" The mother quietly responds "Because, white is seen as the color of happiness, and this is the happiest day of her life!" The child ponders this for a moment, and then turns to her mother again. "Then why is the Groom wearing black?"

Euro 2016

Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

My parents always warned me about having s**... before marriage...

But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.

Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.

They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"
Happy Valentine's, everyone!

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish f**...?

One fewer drunk person.

Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?

So the wedding would be free of charge

A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!"

The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
Husband: our wedding video

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding?

"Sorry, not Sari."

I watched the video of my wedding backwards.

I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

What's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?

The reason the parents are crying.
I stole this off of Late Night w/Seth Meyers

What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard?

His last name

What's the one food guaranteed to kill a woman's s**... drive?

Wedding cake.

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

I went to a wedding and they played "The Twist" so I did the Twist, then they played "Macerena" so I did the " Macerena then they played "Come On Eileen"

So I was told to leave

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish f**...?

One less drinker

A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their s**... life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.

Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.
A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happy.
Three months pass. She's really worried about her youngest when finally a message arrives. It's addressed in shaky handwriting and contains an ad for British Airways. "London to Paris: Seven days a week, three times a day, both ways."
She fainted.

A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...

Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the h**... is wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: You could have hit the 2 men!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other one ran towards the wedding party. So I followed him. ¯\\(ツ)/¯

I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: Don't go in there! Don't go in the church, you m**...."

She was watching our wedding video again.

Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.

You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.

Policeman: How could you kill...

...69 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realized they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran towards the wedding party so l followed him.

Should've been more specific

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p**....
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

Really awkward pick-up line.

Me: You look like my first wife.
Her: (surprised) How many wives have you had?
Me: None
*wedding music starts playing*

My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, Don't go to church you s... b..., I said what are you watching?

She said, Our wedding video.

Bob was in trouble

He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

I received a wedding invitation.

It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."
After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.

I walked my daughter down the aisle for her third wedding.

I whispered in her ear, I keep giving you away... and they keep giving you back!

Asking for a friend ............... A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl.

They are 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.

I watched the Indian version of How I Met Your Mother…

There's just one episode and it is about the wedding.