Giggle-Inducing Wedding Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old...
During the wedding party, his friends ask him, How'd you land someone that young?
It's simple, said the billionaire, I faked my age!
I mean, I'm 43, and there's no way I could land her! , a friend exclaims. What age did you tell her you were?
Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, 85 years old.
A little girl is attending her first wedding...
And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
What one food reduces a woman's s**... drive by 90%?
Wedding cake.
My wife wasn't happy.
True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."
What's the worst part of an NFL wedding?
Getting hit by Rice
Hi, how much for this t**... device?
Sir, that's a wedding ring.
My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day
So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
What did Kate Middleton find out on her wedding night?
That not all rulers are twelve inches long
Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...
To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a bakery...
To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
a new last name
You can explore wedding rosa reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wedding newlyweds dad jokes. There are also wedding puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My ex-gf invited me to her wedding
Told her I was busy, will be there next time
Q: What food diminishes a woman's s**... drive by 90%?
A: Her wedding cake.
Euro 2016
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
I recently watched my wedding video backwards.
I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.'
The poor bartender was crushed to death.
My parents always warned me about having s**... before marriage...
But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.
Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?
The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring
Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events"
Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"
Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.
They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"
Happy Valentine's, everyone!
What food makes women stop giving blow jobs?
Wedding cake
What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish f**...?
One fewer drunk person.
Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?
So the wedding would be free of charge
I played my wedding video backwards today.
It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!"
The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
Husband: our wedding video
It was such an emotional wedding...
Even the cake was in tiers.
Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes
I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.
It's impossible to please women.
Even at your wedding, you are not the best man
How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding?
"Sorry, not Sari."
I watched the video of my wedding backwards.
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
A guy was screaming at the TV Run idiot, run!
His wife walked in and asked Are you watching a horror movie? . He said No. It's our wedding tape
What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp?
I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
What's the one food guaranteed to kill a woman's s**... drive?
Wedding cake.
I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend
Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend.
It was so emotional.
Even the cake was in tiers.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish f**...?
One less drinker
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: Don't go in there! Don't go in the church, you m**...."
She was watching our wedding video again.
The D.J. at a wedding reception yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Why does a bride always cry at her wedding?
Cus she never marries the best man
I went to a sad wedding
Even the cake was in tiers.
Policeman: How could you kill...
...69 people? What the h**... was wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80km/h when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realized they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: Hit the 2 men of course!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran towards the wedding party so l followed him.
Should've been more specific
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p**....
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Really awkward pick-up line.
Me: You look like my first wife.
Her: (surprised) How many wives have you had?
Me: None
*wedding music starts playing*
My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, Don't go to church you s**... b**..., I said what are you watching?
She said, Our wedding video.
I received a wedding invitation.
It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."
After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.
I walked my daughter down the aisle for her third wedding.
I whispered in her ear, I keep giving you away... and they keep giving you back!
Asking for a friend ............... A good friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl.
They are 50 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St. Michaels Church, at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
What did Owen Wilson and his wife exchange at their wedding?
Wows
I'll show myself out
I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she wanted a Monkees-themed wedding.
Then I saw her face.
So this guy lost his right foot in an accident
Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so nobody knew he's wearing a prosthetic foot.
Some years later he met a girl, but didn't tell her about his 'disability'. They got married and on wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride.
Horrified, she straight called her mom.
"Mum, you wouldn't believe it. He only got one foot!"
The mum then yelled back at her "g**... child, be grateful! Your dad is only six inches!"
what's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish f**...?
There's one less drunk at the f**....
( I love my Irish friends, don't kill me)
If James Hetfield officiated Kermit and Miss Piggy's wedding...
He'd be a Pastor of Muppets!
[Request] Self deprecating joke about height for wedding
Long story short, I am officiating a wedding between the 2 tallest and most stunning friends I have. I am about 5'9 VS his 6'4 I would like to make some jab about them not being able to get anyone taller or when they asked me i immediately started thinking about how tall of a stool I would need to find and bring with. Just nothing seems all that funny, any ideas? Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit, feel free to delete!
A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary
After the party had ended, the wife walked over to the husband, punched him in the arm and said "That's for twenty-five years of bad s**...!"
The husband hesitated a moment, then walked over to his wife, punched her in the arm and said "That's for knowing the difference!"
On her deathbed, Morton's wife had one last wish.
"Dearest Morton, when I'm gone I want you to go on and live your life to the fullest and meet someone new. I want you to give her my jewellry, my wedding ring, and my Parisian dresses."
"I can't do that.." says Morton. His wife insists, "Oh, but you must! You must!"
He replies, "No, I really can't - You're a size 17 and she wears a size 10."
Two TV antennas got married this weekend.
The wedding was boring but the reception was amazing.
What's the difference between an Irish Wedding & an Irish f**...?
The f**... has one less drunk.
They say marriage is like a three-ring circus
First, you get the engagement ring.
Then, you get the wedding ring.
And finally, you get suffering
I got my Japanese girlfriend pregnant
Now her father is forcing me into a shogun wedding.
Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?
— I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.
Why was the melon farmer forced to have a large, expensive wedding?
Because he cantaloupe.
