Wedding Jokes
156 wedding jokes and hilarious wedding puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wedding that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Step up your wedding game with our engaging list of Jokes about Weddings. Weddings - a celebration of love, unity, and a beautiful journey ahead, are certainly moments of joy and laughter. Whether you're a best man prepping for a rib-tickling speech, a bride or groom wishing to infuse humor into your vows, or a guest wanting to add an amusing twist to your congratulations, our audience-tested, laughter-guaranteed wedding jokes make the perfect fit.
Remember, these light-hearted jests should be used to enhance the joy of the occasion, promoting camaraderie and ensuring everyone leaves with a smile. So let's say cheers to laughter. After all, aren't weddings supposed to be an event of unadulterated joy and fun? Enjoy our amusing anthology and remember, love may make the world go 'round, but it's laughter that keeps us from getting dizzy!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Wedding Short Jokes
Short wedding jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wedding humour may include short marriage jokes also.
- A guy was screaming at the TV Run idiot, run! His wife walked in and asked Are you watching a horror movie? . He said No. It's our wedding tape
- Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards? — I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.
- My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a french alliance.
- What did kate middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long
- I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
- At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.
- What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
- Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"
- I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she wanted a Monkees-themed wedding. Then I saw her face.
- Really awkward pick-up line. Me: You look like my first wife.
Her: (surprised) How many wives have you had?
Me: None
*wedding music starts playing*
Share These Wedding Jokes With Friends
Wedding One Liners
Which wedding one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wedding? I can suggest the ones about getting married and bride and groom.
- What did Owen Wilson and his wife exchange at their wedding? Wows
I'll show myself out - My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time
- I went to a sad wedding Even the cake was in tiers.
- Why does a bride always cry at her wedding? Cus she never marries the best man
- What's the worst part of an nfl wedding? Getting hit by Rice
- Why are Alabama weddings so small? Because you only need to invite one family.
- How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
- What one food reduces a woman's sex drive by 90%? Wedding cake.
- What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight? Wedding Cake.
- What's the leading cause of obesity in women? Wedding rings
- What's the worst type of tree to give as a wedding gift? An adult tree
- I went to this TV repairman's wedding The reception was great.
- My friend met his wife on tinder ...It was six months after their wedding
- Why was Leia disappointed on her wedding night? Han shot first.
- How can you tell if a man hasn't gotten laid in a while? He's wearing a wedding ring.
Wedding Rings Jokes
Here is a list of funny wedding rings jokes and even better wedding rings puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship? The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring
- My wife is so sweet Every time she goes to a bar alone she gives me her wedding ring so I can think about her all night long.
- I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident he got his finger caught in a wedding ring
- My friend had a tragic accident. He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.
- I rewinded my wedding tape today it was wonderful, my wife was taking her ring off, leaving with her family...
- Girlfriend: "Honey, would you give me a ring on our wedding day?" Boyfriend: "Sure, what's your number?"
- What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for? best before...
- A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note: Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave. - Wearing Your Wedding! A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman. - The four rings of marriage. The Engagement ring, the Wedding ring, Enduring and, Suffering.
Wedding Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny wedding day jokes and even better wedding day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Cake joke for my cake day! Was at a wedding today and it was so beautiful everyone started crying.
Even the cake was in tiers. - I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go. If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.
- I should have suspected my husband was lazy; on our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
- It was mine and my wife's 25th wedding anniversary the other day and she said to me "Did you know i wore this on our first date and it still fits me"... I said "Its a scarf"...
- I bought a ticket to world cup finals without realizing it's also my wedding day! Does anyone want to go in my place? The church is St Antony's and the brides' name is Joanna..
- It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days and in a rare tender moment, he described the first time he ever laid eyes on Melania... ..and clicked 'add to cart'
- I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.
- What do you call a single tear on your face the day of your wedding? Eye dew.
- I came home one day. My wife was watching a movie, she kept on screaming at the TV, don't do it, don't do it.. I asked her what movie she was watching?
She said, a video of our wedding day. - Dad: Son, congratulations. Im sure you will remeber today as the happiest day of your life. Son: Thanks dad! But wedding is tomorrow.
Dad: I know.
Wedding Anniversary Jokes
Here is a list of funny wedding anniversary jokes and even better wedding anniversary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife was giving a speech at her parents' wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it. Now I'll never hear the end of it.
- My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016. He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.
- Save money instantly by turning your sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.
- Today is my parents 44th wedding anniversary! And all I can think it is… Why did they get married so many times?
- I set my alarm clock password to me and my wife's wedding anniversary Needless to say, I haven't slept in weeks.
- An old friend recently had his 62nd wedding anniversary... He told me it didn't last long enough. "Only 60 seconds", he said.
- My wife and I just celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary My wife says it's the best 10 years of her life...
- I just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today... Does this mean I'm eligible for parole now??
- Today my wife and I marked our twenty year wedding anniversary. If I would have killed her I would be out of jail by now.
- Ronald's wife wets the bed every day since their first wedding anniversary. This information has been leaked.
Wedding Cake Jokes
Here is a list of funny wedding cake jokes and even better wedding cake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Doctors say they found a food that causes years of pain and suffering after its eaten... It's called wedding cake
- Food Coma…. A health forum speaker asks, Which food causes extreme suffering for years after eating it.
After a long silence, an old man answered,
Wedding Cake ……. - Last night I dreamt that I was a wedding cake. I woke up in tiers.
- Scientists have determined that 39% of couples, suffer pain after eating this one food. Wedding Cake.
Put-the-fork-down and walk away... - My wedding was so beautiful Even the cake was in tiers
- Why did Helen of troy hate her wedding cake It was to Menilayas
- My fiancee keeps complaining our wedding cake isn't high enough. I just know it'll end in tiers.
- I expected more people to cry at my wedding But turns out only the cake was in tiers.
- Why are wedding cakes the saddest cakes? Because of all the tiers.
- Why don't you see too many short jokes about wedding cakes? There are too many layers to it.
Wedding Speech Jokes
Here is a list of funny wedding speech jokes and even better wedding speech puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I met my new wife while vacationing in France Her father gave a heartfelt speech at the wedding.
Needless to say, that was the best french toast I've ever had. - Mon, Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun. That might sound weird, but it's just a bit of everyday speech.
- Leading up to the wedding (NAME) has been on a whiskey diet. His lost three days already.
Giggle-Inducing Wedding Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about wedding you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bride jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wedding pranks.
I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?
whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
There is one less drunk at the wake
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat...
He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, Here, try these on.''
She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'
I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'
Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.
'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
So....On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!
She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'
Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Karen took off her p**... and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine !
Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your p**....'
Karen said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-a**... attitude, you never will.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The wedding night
A young women marries a very rich very old man. On the wedding night they have adjoining suites. The young woman tells her husband that she loves him for his mind and that he should feel no performance pressure. If he feels up to s**... to just knock on her door.
She goes to bed expecting a restful and undisturbed night but about 5 minutes later there is a knock and in comes the old man. They proceed to have fairly rambunctious s**... after which the old man returns to his room. The bride settles back to go to sleep. 10 min later there is another knock at the door and in he comes again, and another round of s**.... Afterward he again leaves. The young bride is very tired by now and is looking forward to a good night's sleep. 10 minutes later there is another knock at the door. She bursts out incredulously, "Again?". The old man opens the door and replies, "What? Have I been here before?"
A man watches TV
Α man watches TV and start shouting :
Dont go, Dont do it...Dont do it...NOOOOOOO
His wife comes in and says : What are you watching there ?
And the man says : I was just watching our wedding on DVD
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Foot And A Half
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a v**.... So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.
Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!
Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!
Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.
This is a job for Mama.
A little girl is attending her first wedding...
And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
Importance of Planning
Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right
I was the photographer at a vegan wedding this weekend
They kept getting mad when I told them to say cheese.
My wife wasn't happy.
True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."
Wife finds her husband watching tv
Man yells, 'No don't do it!'
Man yells louder, 'Don't do it, you idiot!'
Wife asks, 'What are you watching?'
Man says 'Our wedding tape.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hi, how much for this t**... device?
Sir, that's a wedding ring.
A man is sitting at the doctor's office
As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".
At an Irish wedding...
...the bride stood to make a toast. She asked, "Would all the married men here stand next to the person that has made your life worth living..."
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
Toast at a Wedding
"May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." That's an Irish toast.
"Cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup." That's a French toast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
a new last name
I was in a tailor.
I said to the guy, "I need something for a wedding."
"What's that?" he queried.
"A woman that really loves me." I wept, leaving the shop.
I got uninvited from a friend's wedding
Perhaps RSVPing "Maybe Next Time" wasn't the appropriate response.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why wasn't Kanye allowed to have a p**... at his bachelor party?
Because you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding
Euro 2016
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
So, a stutterer was a wedding
He stand's up and says:
-hip, hip
And then everyone on the wedding party said with their glasses raised:
-HURRAY
The stutterer, tried again, but louder
-HIP!! HIP!!
Everyone raised their glasses again and shouted out of their lungs!
-HUURRAAAAY!!!!!
The stutterer, again, yelled with both arms raised!!
-HIIPPPP !! HIPPP!!!
Everyone on the party became one, all the happiness expressed with one single shout!
-HURRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
But then, everyone was killed by a herd of ~~hippopotamus~~ Hippopotamuses
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you tell the difference between a Pakistani wedding and an ISIS training camp?
I don't know, I just fly the drone
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents always warned me about having s**... before marriage...
But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.
Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.
They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"
Happy Valentine's, everyone!
Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron?
So the wedding would be free of charge
Bob had forgotten his wedding anniversary and was in trouble.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday
Wedding RSVP
Apparently it's not acceptable to RSVP a wedding invitation with 'sorry, maybe next time'.
A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!"
The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
Husband: our wedding video
How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding?
"Sorry, not Sari."
I saw on the news that the CEOs of T-mobile and Sprint got married last weekend. Great wedding,
terrible reception.
I watched the video of my wedding backwards.
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
What's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?
The reason the parents are crying.
I stole this off of Late Night w/Seth Meyers
A taxi driver was being interrogated after an accident.
Police Officer: So, how did you kill 59 people?
Taxi Driver: I was driving at 80km/h, when I saw two men crossing the road. On the other side, a wedding was taking place. I hit the brakes, but they failed.
Police Officer: And?
Taxi Driver: So, I had to make the choice of either hitting the two men, or the wedding party.
Police Officer: You hit the two men, of course!
Taxi Driver: Exactly! We think alike! Problem was, after hitting one of the men, the other escaped to the wedding party, so I went after him.
My friends just got engaged, so I asked if they've picked a date for the wedding
They said, 'Yeah, we're taking each other.'
My buddy said, "It's me and my wife's tenth wedding anniversary next weekend, so I thought we could go somewhere really nice together."
I replied, "Sounds good to me! What're you going to tell your wife though!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you feed a woman to stop her from having s**...?
Wedding cake
What does a Polish man give his wife on their wedding night that's long and hard?
His last name
I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
They toasted the bride and groom...
My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!
Two little boys are at a wedding when one leans over to other and asks:
"How many wives are we allowed to have?"
His friend answered "Sixteen. Four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer!"
I looked longingly into my beloved's eyes and whispered, "A, E, I, O, U...and sometimes, Y."
The priest then turned to her. "And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman had three daughters getting married the same day. Naturally she was worried about their s**... life. It was agreed that they would send a discrete message.
Two weeks after the triple wedding the first message arrives. An ad for Maxwell House with the slogan "Good till the last drop." She's happy for her girl.
A month passes and a second message arrives with a Marlboro ad. "Marlboro: Extra long, extra strong." She's a little embarrassed, but happy.
Three months pass. She's really worried about her youngest when finally a message arrives. It's addressed in shaky handwriting and contains an ad for British Airways. "London to Paris: Seven days a week, three times a day, both ways."
She fainted.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...
Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the h**... is wrong with you?
Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; either hit the 2 men or run into the wedding party.
Policeman: You could have hit the 2 men!
Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other one ran towards the wedding party. So I followed him. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A little boy was in a relative's wedding.
As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: Don't go in there! Don't go in the church, you m**...."
She was watching our wedding video again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Him: Sorry I got drunk and acted like an a**... at your wedding.
Her: IT WAS YOUR WEDDING TOO!
Today I gave a homeless man everything I had, my identity, wallet, car, house, even my wedding ring. We basically switched places.
You can't imagine how good it felt to be free of debt for the first time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Should've been more specific
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p**....
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Bob was in trouble
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
I received a wedding invitation.
It read, "Your presence itself is a present. We don't want any presents at the wedding."
After re-reading it repeatedly, I concluded that I was not invited. So I decided not to attend.
I walked my daughter down the aisle for her third wedding.
I whispered in her ear, I keep giving you away... and they keep giving you back!
